Newest Member: zurichtime

SisterMilkshake

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

Questions, New Site, Help?

Migration to the new website will begin soon. If you are not ready for change please bookmark https://legacy.survivinginfidelity.com/.

I just noticed the notice at the top of my homepage of SI about moving to a new site. I haven't been around much and don't know what is going on.

Can someone please help me as I don't want to lose SI. I don't know what I need to do to be ready for the change.

I also am permanently logged in and have no idea what my password is.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 3:09 PM, August 2nd (Monday)]

17 comments posted: Monday, August 2nd, 2021

Worse for Betrayed Husbands

I haven't posted much. I used to be prolific here, but not anymore.

I do read, but don't post much.

However, I was reading a thread and something came up that quite honestly irritates me. I didn't want to t/j the thread so I decided to make my own.

The comment that I read, and I have seen it from others, is something along the lines that BH take the physical affair harder than BW, and that more BH find that it is a dealbreaker than BW's do. This is often followed up by the trope that woman feel an emotional affair is worse than physical affair, and men feel physical affair is worse than emotional affair.

This has been debated before. Many times here. And I never have felt that it has helped me understand the point of it all. I do understand how emasculating it is for BH, but it is the same for BW's. Even though there isn't even an official word for it, but some have used defeminate. And even though there isn't an official word for it, BW's womanhood takes a hard hit.

Now, what I really want to understand is why does it matter? Why does it matter to you, as a BH, if it is truly harder (?) for BH to deal with the PA? Will it help you heal if the consensus is that it is much harder for BH to deal with PA's? Do you think it would help you heal if only BW's (and everyone) realized how much more painful/harder it is for BH's to heal from a PA or to consider R?

This is not snark. I realize I have a way of expressing myself that oftentimes sounds snarky, but this is truly not that. I want to try to understand why some (not all BH's) seem to want to make sure all understand how much harder and painful it is for BH's to deal with PA. Now, I know this is going to sound like snark, but it isn't. Do some men want us to believe that a man's ego is more fragile than a woman's? I don't think they want us (women) to believe that. What do these BH's want us to believe, though? I am puzzled.

Earlier in this post I said it irritates me. All these years later and it still irritates me. The reason it irritates me is because I feel it is invalidating of mine, and every BW's, feelings about how devastating it is for their WH to be fucking someone else. It isn't a contest and it doesn't matter, does it? It doesn't help you heal if there is an agreement that your betrayal was one of the worst any have seen, or does it? It certainly helps to be acknowledged that you were betrayed and the details are awful. But, does it help to be told that it was one of the worse betrayals ever? IDK. Help me understand why this is important for some BH's.

325 comments posted: Monday, July 5th, 2021

I Don't Know How You WS's Do It! A Tip of the Hat to You!

Let me clarify, I don't know how the truly remorseful and working hard to change WS's do it.

I am watching my dear FWH suffer in pain. It is heart wrenching. It breaks my heart. It is awful. Honestly, I want to run away, I don't want to watch this and be so helpless to stop his suffering.

To watch someone you love suffer is agonizing, but to be the one to have also caused the pain and choosing to stay and watch the pain and unable to stop the pain, well, that takes a lot, imo.

When I first came to SI, eight months past d-day, I didn't want anything to do with any WS. I stayed in JFO for a very long time so I didn't have to deal with WS. I never read in Wayward. I was in a love/hate relationship with my very remorseful WH and I had no room for other WS.

Finally, as I started healing, I ventured out and started reading the Wayward. They had some great insight. Helped me understand more how a WS may think. Many WS helped me. I had some really good friends that were FWS. I miss them.

There are many FWS posting now that have some great insight and perspective and even, I'll grant , wisdom to share.

Anyway, the Milkshake's are in a situation now that I can really appreciate the remorseful WS tenacity and strength to stay and try to fix what they broke when I feel it is probably the natural instinct to run from human suffering.

Wishing peace and serenity for all. ❤️

27 comments posted: Monday, June 7th, 2021

Sex, Sex and Sex...Help

****UPDATE****** (page 2)

Okay, now that I have your attention, yes this topic is about sex.

Ugh. Where to start. MisterSister has Advanced Stage 4 cancer. He is terminal, but is doing well and his death is not imminent, as long as he doesn't become ill with something else. COVID-19, anyone. This is why I get so angry about people not wearing masks and social distancing. Just stay the fuck away from me.

Anyway. The treatment and medications he is/has taken has totally destroyed his libido. Nothing. He has no sexual urges, and doesn't miss it, because the feelings just aren't there. And, it isn't even possible for him to get an erection.

The thing is, he wants to please me sexually. And, I am not comfortable with it. I don't know if I can even explain it. I feel guilty, I feel so sad, I feel ashamed and selfish. I can't get out of my own head. It makes MisterSister sad that I can't agree to it. We tried and I couldn't climax and he works so fucking hard.

Haha! I remember awhile ago I had a topic post about women faking it. I could fake it, I guess. But, I am hoping some might have some good ideas. I am sure some have been in this position, but not many. I don't want to call my counselor/therapist.

I love MisterSister so much. He is a good man. He is a wonderful man. He is a fighter and so brave. He has been through hell the past 10 months and he thinks of me always.

I know it is the weekend and I probably won't be around until Monday, but I will be able to respond on Monday. Maybe sooner.

Thanks for reading! Peace and serenity to all.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 7:28 PM, August 4th (Wednesday)]

25 comments posted: Friday, October 23rd, 2020

Church Bulletin's

I just found this in an old e-mail from a friend. I am going to delete it, but it made me laugh. Maybe you will find some laughs, too.

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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The sermon this morning:'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Fridayafternoon.

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This evening at 7 PMthere will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meetThursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basementFriday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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And this one just about sums them all up

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:

'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

12 comments posted: Tuesday, May 24th, 2016

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