40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.
Coparent young adults with an Npd
Some of you might remember me from the class of 2013. My XH was a prolific cheater with affairs and flings from cheating websites. He is textbook NPD, which made everything so much harder. We had two teens at the time, but several years after the divorce our son passed. XH remarried to someone clueless about his sex addiction but a few weeks after they were married she caught him cheating, and ended up staying with him. My surviving child is now in her 20’s and has a poor relationship with her father. He is critical and judgemental and is a bully to her. His wife is no better. If my daughter spends time with them she always ends up in tears.
My purpose in this post is part vent but also seeking validation and advise if I am getting this wrong. My daughter was very traumatized by her brothers death and damaged by the way her dad still bullies her. He seems to think she should be a stock broker or physician by now, with sharp attire and professional hair. She is a hippie but has completed her education and can support herself once she finds a job. It’s just a challenging time to start a new job in a new community most likely in a new state. She’s motivated and is working on it. But her dad and step mom bully her about it to the point she cries every time she sees them. She no longer wants to see them. She considers their advice to be crap but also she has no respect for either of them because he’s a lying cheater and the wife took him back knowing this. So she feels they don’t have the moral character to cast aspersions on her choices. I’m just trying to keep guardrails on her until she can get on her own two feet, supporting her emotionally and a little bit financially while she figures it out. She is not a bad kid, she’s a hard worker and responsible with money.
I want to tell her dad to get lost. To tell him he just makes everything worse. That he sucks as a father. I posted this is general because of the issue of kids losing respect for the wayward parent who is unrepentant. With an NPD twist.
As for me, I’m still here, still fighting to heal from all that happened. Going through the infidelity and divorce in some ways prepared
me for my sons death. The loss of something so intrinsic and important, and the loss of the illusion that we have control over our lives.
9 comments posted: Monday, December 19th, 2022
Has anyone here published a book?
I am thinking of writing a book, as I expect to have the time coming up. This is something I have wanted to do for decades and finally feel I have a story to tell worth reading. I have no idea where to begin. Has anyone here done this and what was the process like?
1 comment posted: Tuesday, October 4th, 2022
Once a narcissist, always a narcissist
I was SI class of 2013 and it’s been awhile since I’ve been on SI. More than two years ago my XH remarried and was caught cheating by his new wife almost immediately. She reached out to find out why we divorced and I was honest to the letter. He told her it was lies. Lol. I cut all contact I was so mad.
Fast forward to a week ago. I needed to put my kiddo first and talk to him about some things going on. He is as or more obnoxious as ever. Hearing his voice I was physically sickened. It all came back. The emotional abuse, the lying, the gaslighting, the manipulation. All those years of cruelty. I could only feel pity for his new wife who took him back. Mostly I felt so sad that my daughter is stuck with him as her father. He is a miserable human in every way.
For all of you pondering divorce from an NPD, let me tell you they are not going to change. Get out of the abuse. It is not about you. It is about what a deeply damaged and self absorbed person they are. You can get to peace.
18 comments posted: Thursday, June 9th, 2022
Hey fam - checking in
It has been awhile. One of the things that is interesting about SI is that the wisdom one gains here applies to many areas of life and continues to benefit me long after I've survived infidelity and divorce.
It has been over seven years since my divorce. It has been over a year since my son died. In the time since then I have had other losses, including other lost loved ones and COVID related financial devastation.
I'm still here. I'm still fighting. I'm trying so hard to make sense of all the loss and chaos of the last seven - going on eight - years. If you still have everyone you love - give thanks and let the rest go.
My ex is still a monster. If you are wondering if you made or are making the right decision by leaving an NPD, you are. I have gone completely NO CONTACT with my ex because of the way he continues to devastate the people he loves, including his surviving child and new wife. It's sickening to me to think of the years and tears I threw away on this terrible person. He is still cheating and will never have a fraction of the character I have. I am profoundly relieved to be rid of him. Thank you again SI for being a lantern in the dark.
I wish you all a kinder and gentler 2021.
3 comments posted: Sunday, January 3rd, 2021
Sometimes Karma rolls up in a tank
My disgusting XH remarried last fall. He had dated this woman for several years, but I did not know her well. I wanted to warn her, but couldn't figure out how to do it without coming off as the crazy ex, and he is a very gifted and convincing liar. Well friends, Karma showed up and drove a tank over him. Only a few months into the marriage, she intercepted a text from his girlfriend and the shit hit the fan. He had just sold his house and all of its contents, bringing nothing but the clothes on his back when they got married. He had sold of all his furniture and home goods. And she kicked him out. He is quarantining alone in an apartment. Where he has no one to spend time with and tons of time to think about how badly he has fucked up his life. Oh and here's another fun detail. His AP turned out to be whackadoodle and they had to call the police because she was stalking them both. And did I mention my XH is a major money grabber? His wife is quite wealthy and he is extremely cheap, so he is also watching her big fat bank account slam shut to him.
I'm calling it Karma, but it's really just some brutal and predictable consequences. About damn time.
17 comments posted: Friday, April 17th, 2020
Need help finding an account
Can anyone please help me locate an OLD account. Please PM for details for reasons of discretion. I will update when I have gotten the help I need so no one needs duplicate effort. Thank you SI peeps!
0 comment posted: Tuesday, August 13th, 2019
Has anyone read "Tis" the sequel to Angela's Ashes?
Is it good? I can't imagine it's as riveting as that childhood.
6 comments posted: Tuesday, March 29th, 2016
please change the title on the Atlanta G2G to:
Helen, GA Oktoberfest GTG Sept 19
2 comments posted: Friday, July 10th, 2015
Helen, GA Oktoberfest GTG Sept 19 (Pictures Start on Page 4)
It's been a while, any interest?
87 comments posted: Tuesday, April 21st, 2015