SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Any one else feeling a certain type of way about tomorrow being the day of love?
Huge trigger for me!

Yeah - of course. It was really hard on me the first few years, and she recognized that. Now coincidentally, I’m traveling for work for the third or fourth year in a row. I’ll get home late tomorrow night and we’ll acknowledge it but barely.

For me the feelings are how much I was let down during the marriage because he was the type of "oh it’s a corporate holiday" and wouldn’t do anything…and even though I truthfully wanted to celebrate I talked myself into accepted his feelings about it. So just how I accepted lower than bare minimum for so long.

I’m still too hurt!

Yeah, especially still being right in the thick of it all and having no idea what's true and what's a lie. I gotta come to work tomorrow night and wonder if she's off celebrating with ap. I won't ask. She stopped sharing location and all that when I did. And I told her I don't care what she does. So I won't ask. But I'll still wonder and hurt over it.

I don't acknowledge it [and WH is aware of this]. I wear black as a form of personal protest - I crack myself up.

In addition to it being a day of love and I am a LTA survivor - it is also LTAP's birthday

One big tech company had an article / advertisement for Valentine's Day last year, a kind of a native ad thing. In the article they claimed that Valentine’s is a day when men need to share love with all dear women in their life. They proceeded with the advice about perfect gifts for close, dear and special women in a man’s life:
grandma – flowers
female coworker – chocolate
female friends – personalized cards
mom – framed family photo
Finally, a wife / girlfriend should get something really special and innovative … (drum roll, please) … earphones!!!

I threw up a little when I saw that. I’ll be damned if I celebrate a day when my man is supposed to give gifts to anyone else but me. On top of that, I find it absolutely disgusting they recommended romantic gifts for other women, and totally non-romantic gift for wife. I refuse to live in a world where female coworkers and friends are considered to be "close, dear, and special someone". Needless to say, that company will never see my money.

It was also triggering for several reasons:
- during the first year of the betrayal, I didn’t get anything for Valentine’s day, and that made me sad. A week or two later I told him I’m hurt because he didn’t get me anything, not even a single rose. His reply: "What did you do to deserve flowers?"
- during the betrayal he bought chocolate and some other personal / meaningful / planned gifts to the OW (who was a coworker and a "friend"), while I got only flowers for our 10th and 11th anniversary, a single rose for the next Valentine’s days, and nothing for my birthdays and Christmases.
- in the months after DDay, I made it clear I want him to put in effort in gifts for special days. Then for my birthday I got earphones. They ended up in a trash can.

Perhaps he’s just not a good gift giver? Perhaps he doesn’t know what is a special, meaningful, romantic gift? Well, I got plenty of romantic and meaningful gifts from him during our relationship before the betrayal, so I call bullshit on that.

As for celebrating love, I’m a very romantic soul, and Valentine’s Day used to mean a lot to me. It was my second-favorite holiday. Now it’s just a reminder that dreams do not come true.

My Dday was Feb 13, 7 years ago.

We're going away to a hotel this year, ONLY because I scored some free comp points on one of my credit cards and its only valid during the weekdays.

I used to go all out, spend weekends away, massive bouquet of flowers, jewelry, hire babysitters, all that Hallmark crap. Now its just a card from the dollar store and some cheap flowers from Walmart.

Ironically, she's the cheater and I never receive anything. Why is that?

I'm in the same boat as mommabear1010. My STBXWH refused to celebrate Valentine's day during most of our dating life and throughout our marriage. He had the excuse that "I don't need one specific day to say I love you." He didn't actually do it though. It was me showing affection and appreciation for him and stbxwh getting upset if I forgot. The only person who made sure my sister and I had something on Valentine's day each year was my dad, but that's not happening this year as he died last July. So it's a double whammy of grief for me this holiday.

I didn't wait around this year for the inevitable - me not being acknowledged by stbxwh. I bought my own roses for me and my child to enjoy.

Happy singles awareness day everyone!

I hate this day. WH had always been cute about it. But he asked another woman to be his valentine. I'll never be that again to him.

My dog is my valentine now.

One (of many) of my STBX's physical affairs occurred on Valentine's day. That fact alone will always be a reason for me to feel a bit blue on V-Day. I lurk on these forums often, but today I really just felt like typing something out. I appreciate the fact that other people are willing to share their hurts and struggles, because it reminds me I am not alone in dealing with it all.

I may be able to one day give advice like some of these survivors. For now, though, I just wanted to add something to the chain. A comment to reassure myself, and anyone else feeling like me that this is not something that is forever. It's a dark night, but I've seen the stories posted here of a bright dawn. It gives me strength to keep walking forward, in solidarity with all those who bear the scars of unfaithful spouses. Much love to y'all.

The AP’s last name (well, last name from husband #3) is this holiday. I mean, that is irony.
I’m over 5 years out now and it no longer triggers me. But those first few years were rough.

Channel a little Miley Cyrus, buy yourself flowers and love yourself better than your WS did.

I don't even know how to articulate how I'm feeling today. I'm only 6 weeks out from DDay. I got the kids a little gift that we opened before they went to school/daycare. I told WH I was going to take myself out for my favorite coffee and work at the coffee shop this morning. He asked if he could come sit with me after his therapy appointment. I said yes and then a mandatory work meeting came up for him at that time (he showed me the calendar invite). I feel half bummed and half relieved.

I got him a card from the sympathy section because obviously none of the valentines ones are appropriate. Not sure if I'm going to give it to him. I probably will if he has one for me.

WH had a date with one of his many APs on Valentine's Day while we were in different cities, going to different universities during undergrad. Lying to me about it at the time of course. I'm sure there's many more special days that WH has ruined, but Valentine's Day is the one I missed the most. Just feel like it's mocking me now, lol, but I do wish others enjoy it!

In my discovery of my WW's "sanitized" timeline she had kept (redacted all the vulgar things he texted to her), I did see the text where AP was telling her that he confessed to his coworkers that he spent all day in bed with his Valentine (my wife!).

I used to get Valentine's, Anniversary, and Birthday cards usually themed about how I was so lucky and blessed to have her as my wife. Now? Fuck that shit! I get cards that are pretty benign. As soon as I start to read a card that says or refers to me being lucky, undeserving of her, or blessed, it goes right back on the shelf.

Yesterday I was in the store and there were about 6 other men sorting through the V-day cards. They probably thought that I just couldn't find the perfect card to give my wife as I was picking up and putting pretty much all of them back. Pretty much my mind was saying "nope, not true, not her, I don't really feel that way, she is not that wonderful, no i can't say she's had my back..."

[This message edited by Knitaknee at 6:27 PM, Tuesday, February 14th]

First one I put effort into since the A. Had it on the 11th though because today is kinda crappy timing.

H did a pretty darn good job with the gift giving this year. Especially since historically, he’s never been that good at it. He’s trying and I noticed the effort and it was appreciated.

This is the first one that hasn’t triggered me. Didn’t really think much about it. My W always does a steak dinner, I buy her and kid’s chocolates, she won’t eat it, so it goes to me 😀

I still can’t do mushy cards

It doesn't really bother me. Last year (a month before D-Day, WH gave me a flowers, a balloon and a t-shirt for Valentine's Day (feeling guilty about what he was doing, no doubt). After D-Day, I read an email in which the AP ranted about "not being acknowledged" by him for Valentine's Day. She complained that she was the one he was f****** at the time. She "deserved" a gift and a card. She didn't think he should get me anything. Yeah, she was a real prize. I know for a fact that he didn't get her a thing, as her rant was after Valentine's Day, there were no charges on our credit card and no extra money left our checking account. He said she was really ticked about it. Oh well. Poor thing.