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This year has been one for the books. I went NC with my father on 3/14, which would’ve been my mom’s 70th birthday but also the day my 5yo dog got diagnosed with IMHA.

She was hospitalized for a blood transfusion and put on immunosuppressants. She was discharged only to eat a whole towel. Another hospitalization for towel removal surgery. Another hospitalization for when the surgical incision became infected and the internal sutures popped open.

She did well from May until October, when she ate something and became unable to eat or have a bowel movement. She was seen and diagnosed with an ileus (gut became paralyzed) and she was discharged once that was resolved. Ate something else, more nausea and vomiting. Another two hospitalizations for nausea control over 1.5 weeks.

30k we spent this year trying to care for my sweet girl.

We never could get to the bottom of what caused it, but we decided ultimately the kindest thing was to put her down. She couldn’t eat despite wanting to, which was her favorite thing to do.

I miss her so much. She was only 5. It’s not fair. She didn’t do anything wrong to deserve all this.

Her name was Olivia and we called her Olibb, big girl, sweet girl, love bug, and everything else but Olivia it seems.

I don’t know how to move forward just yet. I have my two older dogs for comfort and distraction. I’m showering them with as much love and attention as I can.

[This message edited by poopylala at 3:34 AM, Thursday, October 27th]

Oh sooo sorry for this loss, it is very hard to describe, but I got the picture. Was she a Lab? They want to eat everything. Were the vets along the journey your healthcare partners? I would think that would be a comfort, as you seem to have done Everything for Olivia.

I was absolutely lost my mind when I had to put my 7 year old cat, QT, down. She arrived in my life weeks before DDAY and become my one refuge, my one reason to keep going. My house burned down and she was the only thing of value I was able to save. And then I went away for 4 days to bury my dad and I boarded her. When I came home she was not herself— days later I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put her down for a 4cm growth on her adrenal gland. This was in 2019 and it still brings me to tears. I still have her ashes in a prominent place and I still talk to her, even though I have 2 new cats now. She was my special one.

What got me through that was treating it like the true grieving that it is. She WAS my family. I grieved her like family.
My friends respecting that grief— thankfully all my friends are also animal lovers, and they understood.
I went back into therapy b/c I thought even so that my reaction was extreme and indicated unresolved trauma ( I was correct with that).
Time. That $#&($*#)*$ 4-letter word.

It is so so hard. And, like my QT, too young. But you did do the right thing— the merciful thing, the thing that shows how much you truly loved her. You are a good dog mom. You put her first, even though it broke your heart to do so.

Please honor your pup - frame a photo. Create a scrap book. Write a eulogy. And treat yourself with the same loving kindness you would show anyone who lost a family member.

Sending you support - it does get better. But it hurts like hell. (((Hugs)))

She was a German Shepherd mix, but a big sweet girl. 90lbs normally but up to 114lbs from prednisone. Our regular vet has taken care of every pet of mine ever and has been such a solid source of support through everything. I live an hour away from her now and could call in her symptoms and she would send over prescriptions to my human pharmacy. That pharmacist actually created a GoodRX account for Olivia to help save on her meds. The internal medicine vet team was crucial in stabilizing her through every hospitalization.

I plan on getting a tattoo of the outline of her ears under my mom’s handwriting to keep her near and dear. I hate how much it hurts to lose someone we love. I have learned from my experiences years ago that brought me to SI and then again when I lost my mom to grieve and let it out. This just hurts so bad. Not only was she only 5, but we spent so much time and emotional energy getting her through everything since March. I can’t believe this is happening.

@BearlyBreathing, QT sounds wonderful and so lucky to have had you as a fur parent. I may copy you in how you honored your baby. Major hugs

I am so sorry.
Most of us here have been through this. You have such good memories and that will help you.

My big ole' boy Golden Retriever was my STRENGTH through so much including the death of my Mom. She lived with me and he loved her too and watched over her. I've posted in here before how he loved to see me get the riding mower out as he loved to watch me mow. He would move from shade tree to shade tree, to keep me in his sights. I miss him so much. He was an ambassador to the neighbors, checking on them too. They all loved him and mourned the loss with me. He's buried in a beautiful shady spot underneath a tree. I have a marker there and a lawn chair. When I mowed this summer, I'd take my water breaks there and talk to him. I always feel his presence there.

Take time to grieve. You have to.

I am sorry for your loss. My standard poodle ate things as well. We had Trupanion after the 4 th surgery it was to much on her. Our big specialty vet said she had pica. Humans get it as well. Our dogs very much apart of our family. I am sure your pup was to. Big hugs!

I'm so sorry for your loss

Just no words.

Give yourself time to grieve.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

You did all you could to help her. I'm so sorry you lost her so young.

It's never easy to lose a family member, and you are right you need to allow yourself to grieve.

(((((poopylala))))))

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. I love mine to pieces and can only imagine how difficult it is right now for you.

One of my friends had to put her dog down this summer. I can tell she's still in mourning for her pup- I can see it in the wistful way she looks at my dog. My dog still sniffs her like she's trying to catch the scent of her old buddy. I have a sensitive pup and she can tell when people are sad. She hangs around her when she comes to visit- I think she can tell my friend's hurting.

Another of my friends is in the process of losing her bestie of 14 years. I saw her and her Daisy today and the old gal has some pep in her step, but she's getting frailer and frailer.

It's hard letting go. I had to put down my childhood dog in HS- mom couldn't hack being in the room with her when they gave her the meds. I am not looking forward to the day I have to say goodbye to my sweet girl.

All this to say, you're in good company here.

Hugs to you. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself mourn. While they're not bio children, they're still our fur babies and the unconditional love they give is so pure, it aches when they're gone.

So very sorry for your loss.

((Virtual hugs))

((Hugs)) We lost Sophie to IMHA. Horrible timing as she came down with it when China Heparin recall had heparin limited to human consumption. That dog loved her toys.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend and companion.

HUGS

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! I suddenly lost my 8 year old beloved pit mix about 6 weeks ago (had to have her put down) and I understand the devastation. Our fur babies really are our family.

Hugs to you!

So sorry

As a dog-owner I once heard something on one of those programs on Discovery/History that showcast some person living remotely in Alaska. They were showing a guy hunting Caribou and they were questioning how he felt about hunting (and killing) animals. His reply was along the lines of:
In nature no animal dies from old age. If they ever get seriously ill or disabled they either die of hunger or are eaten by predators. Same with old-age. Once they can’t hunt or escape being hunted they die from starvation or being eaten.

This has sat with me for some years. As a dog-owner I realize my lab has a great life and, in many ways, an artificial life. He doesn’t have to forage or hunt, he’s twice had life-saving medical help and he still get’s his daily meals despite slowing down at 9 years. Definitely couldn’t catch rabbits regularly these days.
He pays us back every day. From the morning when he runs between our rooms to make sure we are awake, to the evenings when he often goes and knocks on my son’s door to crawl into bed with him. The unconditional love and joy he gives us is a key glue in our family.
It’s our obligation to ensure that this life we created for him is good. That includes knowing when its time to leave, and when that happens (hopefully years from now) I am certain we will all be there with him and bawling our eyes out once he slips away.

Doesn’t make it any easier. But the emotions you are feeling simply tell us you are a good person that did right.

((((propylaea))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss! It's so incredibly difficult to lose a beloved family member, especially when you have to make the difficult decision to put them down. You did the loving thing and I'm glad you have 5 years of sweet memories and the benefit of two other furry distractions.

I'm so sorry hun. (((poopylala)))

I'm sorry. That would be so painful for me.

I had a dog that I loved, a 90 lb dalmatian, that ate everything in a nervous state. It once ate curtains and threw them up 5 and 7 days later. I didn't even realize it ate them. Our vet was less than a block away and when I'd call, he'd say, "What has dog's name eaten now?" The worse was plumber's putty.

At the same time, we had the sweetest greyhound. We got her from the track vet when she was young, only 4 yrs old. They tell you that they retire them when they stop winning. She stopped being a track dog so young because she had health problems we later learned. We had to put her asleep when she was around 7 yrs old. It feels awful. It's hard to put a dog down, but it can be the kindest option.

Our lives just a little blink in time and then there we are free spirits in the realm of light surrounded by those we love. Loss is horrible. I don't know what's worse, loss or living in constant pain. If you sit quietly, perhaps you feel her presence. She knows you love her and wanted her to have the best life possible. Where she is, she feels no pain, only love and joy. I imagine they wait for us not feeling too worried for our sadness because they know it's only temporary and we're here to learn and make choices. They know our destiny is to return to love and light. I want so much to be with my cats again.

I'm happy that she came here and got to be a dog and enjoyed all the things that dogs can do. She loved and was loved. She gave you wisdom and patience and you grew in kindness and compassion. I know my cats helped me grow as a person.

Pets are keeping us grounded in a world of human madness. I know your other dogs feel her loss too. Thanks for giving them extra attention.