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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 3

Topic is Sleeping.
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 7:59 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2020

(((BH)))

Sending hugs your way. Just breathe. I feel ya though - I have gotten to the point I am just kinda laughing at my life. Been dealing with some health issues and have just hit the metaphorical and emotional wall. Hoping once I'm feeling better that stuck feeling dissipates.

Happy Friday lovelies! Hope your weekends are as beautiful as y'all are!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8503866
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 8:07 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2020

This is the first time I stopped by this forum in a few days but Ellie - that had me LOL.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8503872
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:12 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2020

Life is hard. It sure does like to throw shit at us when we're down. First, breathe deeply and slowly several times. That will activate your vegas nerve and get your parasympathetic nervous system working.

You gotta manifest what you want. If you want peace, imagine that you have it. If you want money, imagine that you have it.

I was talking to my therapist about our money problems. Our savings was down to $40. We always go over our monthly income in spending. Our credit cards are maxed. She reminded me of manifestitaion. She told me to focus on abundance. I came home and told everyone else they needed to manifest abundance. I started saying to myself every night, "My life is abundant."

The next week I got 3 checks in the mail totaling about $350. My 12yo motivated me to look for a work at home job and I found transcription. I got my inherited IRA disbursement, which filled our savings back up. And, I'm starting teaching a new yoga class 9n Tuesday night. It's twice a month and pays $50 a class.

I am not exaggerating. That shit works! Maybe I'll tell you about my angel numbers. I don't want y'all to think I'm too crazy.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8504016
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susieque2 ( member #49694) posted at 1:20 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2020

Works every time!

What you throw out to the universe comes back to you X 2 --

So true and I've seen it work over and over again!

So looking forward to the Karma that is on it's way!

We are all spiritual beings having a human experience!

posts: 450   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2015   ·   location: The World
id 8504017
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:46 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2020

Ah, suzieq, you get it. My family still thinks I'm nuts, but they can't deny the money in the bank.

Why wouldn't you at least try it? It certainly won't hurt anyone.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8504038
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CallingSpades ( member #71287) posted at 3:26 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2020

Coco! Great news!

Don't apologize for your spiritual beliefs. Apparently they're as valid as any prayer can we manifest for others or mainly our own lives? For Ellie? BlackHeart?

And I know you're not a narcissist, but weren't you so nervous to find out? Nevermind that a covert narc would either refuse to take the test, or lie on the answers.

Per your earlier question, OBS will not confront immediately. They are separated already, and he's the one that wanted to keep things together. I think he's just starting to understand his sitch in terms of infidelity, so his initial decision to delay the A reveal until she tried to shame him again in front of family... well, he'll probably come up with a better plan once the shock wears off, as he seems like a reasonable guy and otherwise not vindictive.

Me BS/40
WH 40 EA/PA, DDay 5/19
M 12 years, 2 kids.
Filed for D 1/2020

posts: 234   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8504048
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 4:05 AM on Saturday, February 1st, 2020

As the daughter of career military, then wife of career military. I have some unpopular views of military life.

The military supports the cheaters. Oh, every so often, they actually punish one, like the Uniform Code of Military Justice outlines. This is normally done to active duty females.

Sexist much?

The military segregated enlisted and commissioned.

It’s not supportive of the spouse’s career. Many military are not maintaining physical fitness. They’re lazily doing barely enough to appear decent in uniform.

Cheater said he wasn’t court martialed to “preserve troop morale”

Like I said, BULLSHIT

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8504055
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 SI Staff (original poster moderator #10) posted at 3:22 PM on Saturday, February 1st, 2020

WARNING

Ladies!!!

Discussing other members and calling them names is strictly against guidelines. If you have an issue with any members, bring it to moderator.

This is not the first time this warning has been given. It will not be tolerated.

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
id 8504124
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:33 AM on Sunday, February 2nd, 2020

CS, you can absolutely manifest for others. I think gmc does it a lot.

I was very nervous about taking that test. As I was answering the questions, I was thinking to myself, “This doesn’t look good for me.” I was very pleasantly surprised to find I had scored so low.

I think I gained 10 lbs. today. We went out to eat to celebrate me getting the other yoga job. There were 5 of us. I ordered 3 desserts for all of us share. Of course, I had to try them all.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8504271
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CallingSpades ( member #71287) posted at 3:02 AM on Sunday, February 2nd, 2020

20yrs, I agree with you but... Part of the problem is that things are not brought out in the open. Even if everybody knows, it's all whispers and open secrets. If someone has the courage to face possible retaliation, things are taken care of properly. Otherwise, leadership just wants to rock the boat as little as possible. Just very mission focused.

I had a Soldier under me, enlisted, who was SEVERELY mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused and harassed by a married NCO who was not mine. She simply refused to make a statement - she was so afraid what would happen to her. We had to just resort to throwing the NCO out of our offices any time he tried to engage with her. She basically hid in the office. MANY people knew, but I understood that they would do nothing unless she was willing to speak. That guy suffered no consequences.

Even when punishment is meted out, it is minimal.

I actually felt bad for WH's married military AP. She stands to suffer much more in terms of her reputation than he does. WH might get some minimal punishment, but behind closed doors he'd be getting congratulated on his conquest. Not her, even though I'm 90% sure she initiated. But, she knows the culture and went there anyways, so my sympathy really is on behalf of all professional women.

I think it is getting better. Slowly. Truth is, the military couldn't do what it does without the women who volunteer, and they know it.

Me BS/40
WH 40 EA/PA, DDay 5/19
M 12 years, 2 kids.
Filed for D 1/2020

posts: 234   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8504290
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 5:18 PM on Sunday, February 2nd, 2020

I hoped Cheater would be sent to hard labor in Leavenworth, but nothing.

I think his annual performance appraisal fell by a point.

But, ultimately, Cheaters are liars. I do not believe they only compartmentalizations adultery. I think they lie about everything. As a manager, I wouldn’t want a subordinate who cheats. How could I possibly trust them to have integrity?

So much for honor

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8504395
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 12:20 AM on Monday, February 3rd, 2020

Sometimes it seems so overwhelming. I love my kids and know if I died it would destroy them. But I really feel like my quality of life is just shit and I’d like to be put out of my misery.

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8504528
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CallingSpades ( member #71287) posted at 4:21 AM on Monday, February 3rd, 2020

TX, I do not have words that can make this OK, just that you are not alone. I know it doesn't make the pain go away, but you should know that you are LOVED.

I've felt what you describe, but I was lucky and it passed. I hope you're feeling better already since you posted, but if not, please, please don't hesitate to call someone, even if it has to be a hotline. You're worth it.

Is there any way you can see your situation as temporary? Do you want to talk about what's making you feel this way today?

Me BS/40
WH 40 EA/PA, DDay 5/19
M 12 years, 2 kids.
Filed for D 1/2020

posts: 234   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8504589
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northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 2:26 PM on Monday, February 3rd, 2020

TX1995, hope you are feeling better today.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8504713
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:12 PM on Monday, February 3rd, 2020

(((TX)))

You are amazing. Even if all you did was put on pants and breathe today, you are amazing.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8504738
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 3:26 PM on Monday, February 3rd, 2020

Hey TX, how are you feeling today?

I've been through several periods of feeling like you post. I hope you are able to find some joy today. I know I harp on it all the damn time, but Rick Hanson's "resilience" has really helped me learn strategies to deal with those "put me out of my misery" times.

Huge hugs to you and your amazing self. Sending the positive vibes your way.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3369   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8504746
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CallingSpades ( member #71287) posted at 5:42 PM on Monday, February 3rd, 2020

Even if all you did was put on pants and breathe today, you are amazing.

I'm gonna go ahead and say, if you are wearing real pants on a weekend, that's bonus points

I wanted to be grumpy (again) last night, but my kids found some glow sticks left over from Halloween, and made me join their light show/dance party. I couldn't not smile.

Wishing a little moment of joy for everybody today.

Me BS/40
WH 40 EA/PA, DDay 5/19
M 12 years, 2 kids.
Filed for D 1/2020

posts: 234   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8504853
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 10:50 PM on Monday, February 3rd, 2020

Thanks Womenz for your words and for caring. You are all awesome.

(Ellie, I did put on pants, so I will count today as a win!)

Going back to therapy has really dredged up thinking about everything again. I had some stressful kid days at the end of the week with my son. My daughter was learning about sex for a class and I couldn't bring myself to participate as her parent so I had to send WH to cover it. (Y'all, I can't even discuss se with my own kids because it triggers me so much.) Yesterday, WH and I worked out together and his grunting sounds on the boxing bag triggered me, which sent me into a spiral of "I am not good enough" thoughts. I really think I hate myself for staying with him. That the message to myself is that I've let him get away with this if I stay. That I am telling him that I'm not worth being faithful to. Ugh. I'm just stuck in this loop of negativity and hopeless thinking.

gmc - I haven't read it, but I know you've mentioned it before, so I am going to go get that book now. I need some better tools to get through that darkness. Thanks for sharing what you learn as you go along this shitty journey. It's tremendously helpful to hear the books and resources you've liked.

CS - I'm so glad you lived in the joyful moment with your kids. I hear that whole mindfulness thing is a key part to getting your life back.

You ladies are the best. ((WOMENZ)) Happy Fucking Monday, I hope yours was better than mine (and I set a pretty fucking low bar so it better be every one of you!!).

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8505080
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 11:01 PM on Monday, February 3rd, 2020

Go TX - PANTS! Woooooo HOOOOOOOO!!!

I am so sorry you are having a hard time right now. Just 4 words. Lather rinse repeat - This Too Shall Pass. And it always does. Whatever you are feeling is not forever. Stuck isn't forever. And one day, you are gonna wake up and you will just know what you want to do about your current limbo. I promise, you really will. In the meantime, just breathe.

Also, go youtube 'Kyle Attack Chicken' - look at the first result and make sure the sound is on. I promise you won't regret.

Monday, but first day since Dec 29 that my neck has not been agony to me and I haven't had a massive migraine for part of the day, so I am fucking #winning today!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8505085
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 6:08 AM on Tuesday, February 4th, 2020

Hey TX - get the book on audio if you can - i got it electronically (hoopla) via my library... I think it's easier to do the exercises via audio.

Hope you are feeling better. And I understand when that nasty unworthiness rears its head. Whodathunk we'd need to find a way to forgive ourselves for this shit sandwich?

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3369   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8505202
Topic is Sleeping.
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