Newest Member: zurichtime


Me BS/40
WH 40 EA/PA, DDay 5/19
M 12 years, 2 kids.
Filed for D 1/2020

Gaming the child support system

If you think your STBX is trying to manipulate custody in order to pay less in child support, is there any legal consequence for them?

My lovely ex firstly was offended by the amount of required (temporary) CS/alimony, I think because he thought what he was paying voluntarily was above and beyond, but turned out to be about the same as the notoriously inadequate state requirement. He then drafted a proposed settlement agreement that had him taking the kids three weekends a month with preference for long weekends (he works in the next state, so no weekdays). And that he would pay child support for one year, then...nothing. Yes, he actually tried to write that into the divorce agreement. He makes 3x what I do, and I'm supposed to support myself while having the kids all week. I'm pretty sure actual smoke came out of my ears when I read that.

So I practically have evidence that he's trying to weasel out of CS, with part of that strategy presumably being taking more custody days. I don't expect to go before a judge, in which case I would hope said judge would not be pleased with these shenanigans. But clearly none of what STBX is trying to do is in the best interest of the children. Have one parent pushing them all week to get ready for school and do their homework, and the other having 75+% of the fun time? That's not good for anyone. Clearly he's only thinking of the custody days/month and his "rights as a father," in his words.

My question is, is there anything I can do with this information? I'm aware being a self-centered narc egomaniac is not illegal. I don't think anything he proposed will actually happen. Can I get a court order for public shaming?? But seriously, without a going before a judge, is there any point in thinking about this? What would a custody evaluator say, just regarding the fact that he thought this was a good idea?

I would ask my attorney but I still have 10 months before the divorce is final (shoot me), and she's really busy. So in the meantime, what are your experiences?

11 comments posted: Friday, November 6th, 2020

Can I laugh?

Hi all, I already posted a bit of this in response to ihatethis, but I had a downright silly week in the wonderful world of divorce.

I waited and waited on WH to write up a proposed settlement agreement, and finally a few days ago received the much-anticipated masterpiece.

My attorney forwarded it to me with a bland message that she had some issues with it. I opened the document. The love of my life proposed, above his attorney's signature, (1) that he give me a house I can't afford and don't want, and that I pay the transfer taxes (2) that our standing child/spousal support agreement be superseded by his commitment to pay 50% of the support I was awarded for one year and then terminate support (our kids are 5 and 8, so that's a far cry from 18) and (3) that I take custody on all weekdays and that he gets three weekends a month with preference for long weekends. That's just the highlights reel.

Was this a joke? Is he stupid? Does he think I'm stupid? Is he just giving a comically low initial bid expecting to negotiate up? Who knows!

I met with my attorney today not knowing what to expect. Would she support any of this agreement? Was I going to be stuck with some of these terms? Maybe he knows some legal trick and this is legitimate.

My attorney began by saying the entire document looked like some pro per self-represented thing downloaded from Legal Zoom. She then stated that she passed it around the office so everyone could have a laugh. I asked if they got a kick out of WH listing the "industrial push broom" as property he wanted from the marital estate. She said, not so much the broom as the fact that he included a separate line item for the dust pan.

So she's rewriting the whole thing. Now, whew, I can laugh. At least, aside from being offended that he put this in front of me, embarrassed that I married this person, and pissed that he derailed me emotionally for like a week. Not to mention the wasted time & money spent on this absurd document.

In other news, the principal of WH's law firm was arrested for courthouse funny business, which he does not know because he doesn't get local news where he is.

Y'all, I'm single parenting during a pandemic, my kids' supportive Grandpap/cyber learning assistant is gravely ill, I'm going through a contentious divorce, and I spend hours a day caring for my big dog who is dying. I was starting to think karma hates me. But today, I'm seeing that I'm not doing so badly, and I can still laugh. Keep going, brothers and sisters. Hope you had a good day too.

[This message edited by CallingSpades at 11:05 PM, August 21st, 2020 (Friday)]

12 comments posted: Friday, August 21st, 2020

Find military Servicemember overseas

I'm trying to get contact info for OBS. He's military, stationed overseas. Anybody have access to a database search? I have AP's unit, but not his.

I got one civilian email via Truthfinder, but no response after a few days. AP might well have access to it, which will have tipped her off that I'm contacting him.

I took a stab at guessing his military email based on AP's email address and if I'm right, he'll be seeing my message soon. But it's a fairly common name so his address might have a "1" after his name or something.

Any help is appreciated. Wanna do right by this betrayed American hero Thanks!

0 comment posted: Monday, January 13th, 2020

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