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Betrayed Womenz Thread

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gmc94 posted 10/19/2019 10:20 AM

Just want to share with the ladies that MsGMC is in a fucking MOOD

Been creeping in for a few days. But this am I woke up on the wrong side of the bed (and is it odd that I never sleep on “his” side of the bed, even since we S?)

Came on SI and every fucking post I read just pisses me the fuck off. I feel disgusted by all the liars and cheaters. A “you are scum so why am I wasting my time giving any of this space in my head” or “who the fuck are you and how dare you think it’s ok that your lying cheating ass deserves to take up air on this earth” kind of way.

All the poor pitiful me stories. All the yeah, I was a liar too, but you can be better, just like me bullshite. The idiots that can’t seem to figure out that cheating alone is a damn DEALBREAKER, and the best “hope” you asshats have is your BS’ willingness to cut you a new deal, despite your stupid ass, trauma inducing, emotional fuckedupness. Why is that so flipping hard for these douches to figure out?

And why are we so willing to put up with it? Like what the mother frack is wrong with me? I did not deserve this. No one does. Why in God’s name am I still married to someone who is capable of such fuckuppery? Who the fuck gives a shit if they can “heal” and “repair”? I wouldn’t hire a convicted rapist- “reformed” or not. So why the hell would I be willing to stay married to one?

I dunno what kicked this into gear. I gotta figure out how to purge some serious fucking judgmental lady RAGE (hey SFJLR could be added to the acronym list!).

“Date night” could be interesting......

EllieKMAS posted 10/19/2019 10:43 AM

(((gmc))) -- or awkward pats if hugs make you stabby

It's ok that you're feeling like that. I have had so many days of pure rage since all this shit started. Use it. Get something done that you've been putting off. Go for a run. Clean something. That's what I do when the rage overtakes me, and tbh, I prefer the rage days to the sad days. Or the indifferent days. But let me ask you this (and it is totally ok if you don't know the answer 100%), are you done? When I was still trying to work on things and I would get days like that I would try to put the rage away from myself. Looking back with clearer eyes, I think that rage was my gut instinct shouting obscenities at my stupid head and heart. Just my 0.02.

Trying to work up the energy to clean my house today. Not really having much success thus far.

LH, the more I read about your WD (wayward douchehole), just wow. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I'm with C+5N tho - go as NC as is possible. There is no use trying to reason with someone like him. And yeah, sounds to me like he is totally trying to keep you on as plan B. Lace on those bitch boots and give him a swift kick where it will do the most damage. What a shit.

Lostheart8 posted 10/19/2019 10:44 AM

GMC. Keeping raging girl! I’m enjoying your post.

Rage away!

crazyblindsided posted 10/19/2019 10:45 AM

Hells yes GMC you go girl I am in a MOOD myself since STBX sent me another "I really fucked up this time... and blah blah blah... I will give you what you need to feel at peace again."

I'm just like how about Peace Out Mother F**ker and I'll take the house kids and the animals

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 10:46 AM, October 19th (Saturday)]

EllieKMAS posted 10/19/2019 10:50 AM

CBS - how the fuck do these stupid fuckers think that saying "sorry" will do anything after what they have done?? Just.... I can't even.

I am not (unfortunately) in a ragey mood today. My current mood is more WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK about all of it. Mine, yours, everyone's. Like how the hell can there be so many shitty cheating assholes in the world?? I just don't get it.

DaisyAnne posted 10/19/2019 11:05 AM

Hey womenz, Another one here having a hard time at the moment. Last night we had a long talk all about his “whys” for the affair. Nothing that i didn’t know already. It just brought up a lot of feelings. I cried myself to sleep. But a harder cry than usual. Like my body was shaking. Apparently even in my sleep. During the night he woke me up and just held me to calm me.

Woke up this morning with the puffiest eyes and dark circles under my eyes. It hate that so much. I am feeling a little better now but my eyes still feel so heavy.

I just want off this fucking rollercoaster ride.

ThisIsSoLonely posted 10/19/2019 11:22 AM

It’s funny but just about the only thing my WH has said that has made sense is “why the hell would me saying I’m sorry change anything? I’m sorry is like trying to put a bandaid on Hoover dam and I feel like I’m insulting you by even trying to say that.” Yeah. He said it just like that. Of course at the time I wanted to hear it. Sometimes it is an impossible thing. Say I’m sorry and it seems meaningless. Don’t say I’m sorry and it’s like “why the fuck aren’t you saying sorry at least?!?”

One of my best friends is a former WS. She’s been downright indispensable to me in the last two years. She and her H have reconciled 12 years ago now and are still together and seem to be going strong. So sometimes I find myself hearing what she’s said and reading the wayward forum and thinking “it can be done”. Other times I find myself saying “fuck all of you.” Just another part of the coaster I suppose. And to think, the rollercoaster used to be my favorite ride.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 11:22 AM, October 19th (Saturday)]

gmc94 posted 10/19/2019 11:38 AM

TISL: I go through the same things-one minute it’s “R is possible” and the next it’s “fuck all of you”. Today, isclearly a fuck all of you day. A day of zero compassion for a human capable of such unimaginable destruction.

And Daisy- hang in there. You are at about seven months-right? At that point, there were nights I was literally sleeping on a chaise lounger in my backyard because my snot crying was so loud I feared I would keep my daughter awake (if course, WH was in bed, sleeping like the coward babyman he is). As awful as those times are, I think we just gotta ride ‘em out. Hugs.

damn! Looks like that 40 min, 300 calorie boot camp workout didn’t purge much!

20yrsagoBS posted 10/19/2019 13:33 PM

Today at 6 pm EST, WH and I are having our first SCHEDULED discussion about his behavior and my reaction to it

Any words of wisdom?

Chaos posted 10/19/2019 13:55 PM

20yrsagoBS. I have a few tidbits. They may not help overall but will hopefully give you a chuckle.

Have a cactus as a centerpiece on the table. You can always imagine yourself shoving it up his ass if things get to heavy.

Have a drink on standby. Use the pretty glass.

Always think WWRD and have your finger ready.

Wear battle armor to the discussion. Scented shower gel, bold lipstick, sexy undies, perfume and Bitch boots to the discussion.

Channel all our energy and support.

Scream FUCK at any point you need to. Repeat often.

cocoplus5nuts posted 10/19/2019 14:57 PM

Gmc, have you been reading the wayward forum?

Why do some of us stay with these assholes? I am convinced that, if my circumstances had been different, I would be divorced. Of course, idk that for sure. That's my fantasy, I guess. I did get laid, though, so there's that.

LH, my fch will go along with me for just about anything. He took me to a fiber festival a few weekends ago. It's just weird that he never suggests anything and doesn't seem even interested, much less excited, about anything. Why would you not want to try to have some fun?

Shit! I have major depression. I still want to get out and do things sometimes. Hm...maybe he's depressed.

I finally had coffee with my ladies again today. It's been weeks since I was able to go. We try to get together once a week. It was nice, but it always ends too soon for me.

Thanksgiving2016 posted 10/19/2019 14:57 PM

Omg GMC. I’m rolling. I hope you feel better before date night.

20yrsagoBS posted 10/19/2019 14:57 PM

I DO have a new pair of leather riding boots I could wear.

Scented shower gel- check

Pretty glass - check

Wine - need to run to store

Cactus - none, but I have some SPICE Hatch chilies I brought back from Albuquerque

HeHadADoubleLife posted 10/19/2019 15:10 PM

20yrsago, I don’t know enough about your particular story to give insight into specific questions to ask or topics to broach.

However my biggest piece of advice is to never back down from what you know to be true and factual.

I’m not talking about his feelings, as those are his to define and you can’t “know” them.

But facts, or thoughts about your own feelings. Don’t let him make you question those.

Stay calm. Don’t raise your voice if you can. And I don’t say that for his benefit, but for yours. When we allow ourselves to take anger to that level, we stop thinking as clearly as we do when we remain calm. Every time he says something that makes you want to punch him in the face, think about how empowered you are, and how much self control it takes for you to stay steadfast and resolute without shouting or getting physical.

This doesn’t mean that you might not say some biting things, things that might even cut him to his core. But saying them in a steady, matter-of-fact tone of voice sets the tone for the conversation - I am 20yrsagoBS, and I will not stand for your bullshit any longer!

Strength doesn’t have to be loud and overbearing. In fact the strongest people I know are calm and resolute. I often feel like men try to induce anger in order to be able to call us “crazy” afterward. If you remain calm, he has nothing on you. You’ve got this!

When he gets pissed that you are remaining so calm, just remind him that you are in fact seething with rage, but you know how to control your emotions like an adult. And that this is the type of self control you wish he had had back when he was using other women’s bodies to regulate his own feel-bads.

If he tries to gaslight you on anything, you can always fall back on my old standby:
I know this happened. You know this happened. I know, that you know, that I know this happened. Continuing to deny it is an insult to my intelligence. I don’t want to remain married to a man who thinks I’m stupid, because I’m brilliant, and I know it. So would you like to start telling the truth, or would you rather keep insulting me?

[This message edited by HeHadADoubleLife at 3:12 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]

Chaos posted 10/19/2019 15:12 PM

And for the record - I’m liking all riled up GMC 😎

Lostheart8 posted 10/19/2019 15:58 PM

Wow...I go off for kickboxing and a long nap and come back to good stuff.

Nothing profound to add. Just feeling the comfort of a bunch of awesome ladies. I read and say to myself....I’m not alone and definitely not going crazy.

Tonight is the meetup dinner....trying to meet some new people. Get out. It’s awful....I have no motivation to leave my couch. But I’m going to force myself.

Daisy .... big hugs. Crying like that either will help relieve the pressure inside of us. Or feels like a waste of ourselves. Depends on the outcome.

Thisissoloney. This ride is the meanest rollercoaster ever created. No seatbelts. No popcorn. No safety guides. Just a raw ride.

Coco ... I love getting out too. Especially fun stuff in the summer. I even go by myself. My exh was a dud.

What do you do at a fiber festival? Got constipation?

Hehad.... awesome advice. I’m writing it down because tomorrow is D day. Getting my boots out.

gmc94 posted 10/19/2019 16:18 PM

20Yrs: I think the best advice is to be calm. I remember right after dday reading somewhere that the BS should be detached and like a journalist when asking A-related questions. I posted on SI something like how it's easy as fuck to act like a reporter in the midst of being traumatized by your spouse fucking someone else. But, despite my "mood" today, I'm much better at it these days.

And if it would make sense given the weather, I sure a shit would pull out them ridin' boots! Just the thought of wearing them might help me remain calm (cuz you can't be all scared & hysterical riding a horse - they will throw your ass if they sense that shit). And bonus! Imagine having a whip too!. Heck, I might go "all in" on the complete riding outfit, and imagine being a full blown, calm as shit, dominatrix!

And a few hours ago WH has cancelled our date night. Said "let's get together tomorrow" because tonight he has to pick up DD after her shift, so it "made more sense." I didn't say anything cuz I know I would have gone all crazy lady on him. He hangs up like everything is peachy. But I'm pissed off. First, bc just last night we talked about shit to do in the yard this weekend (and tomorow we are committed to something else from noon-4pm or so). Second bc we spoke earlier in the week about doing something on Saturday. So, this means that I find out around noon that I have nothing to do on a Saturday night. That ain't cool, bro. But I think I'm cooled off enough to be calm and ask him why he's fucking lying to me (ok, maybe not quite calm enough yet). It's just so fucking stupid. Maybe he's tired. Maybe he has other plans. Maybe he just needs a GMC break. I don't give fuck. I do give very much fucks that he'd just lie to me AND cancel last minute. This is a man who is SUPPOSED to be "sharing his feelings" as part of his "work" to "regain trust" after spending a decade blowing his wad with some side piece. And on the "practical" side of his "explanation", our house is actually closer to DD's job than his apt, and it's not been a big deal to leave our house and get her then go to his place (something he did last nite bc it was convenient for him to "hang out" here for an hour or so while waiting for her to get cut from work). So, it's a bullshit reason and I do not appreciate being bullshitted by a cheater.

Well fuckmerunnin. Maybe I won't be calm enough to call Lord Asshat after all.

And coco+5: Yes.

[This message edited by gmc94 at 4:20 PM, October 19th, 2019 (Saturday)]

AmIAnIdiot15 posted 10/19/2019 16:52 PM

Hold up, a WH, who is trying to R, canceled a date the day of? That would make me cranky. Try harder jerkface. I'm cranky for you. We should find a way to give Rashawanda his number.

Lostheart8 posted 10/19/2019 17:01 PM

GMC ... have you thought about setting limits. Like 24 hours cancellation required, otherwise date is on?

Can say something like...Going forward I need 24hours notice if you are going to cancel our date night. This way it provides me with enough time to get together with my girlfriends.

Then you can set limits....if you are unable to give me 24 hours notice, moving forward let’s keep our dates to Sunday.

Give him your limits and then plan fun saturdays.

[This message edited by Lostheart8 at 5:02 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 10/19/2019 17:04 PM

GMC, asshat CH needs a KITD! That does sound like bullshit. What do you think is really going on?

Love the Simpson gif, or whatever you call those things. You get a slap on the wrist!

20years, I just saw a tshirt for you. It says, "I'm not mean. I'm just too old to pretend I like you." 🤣

The only tip I can think of for talking with your CH is to make a list of what you want to ask, discuss, and tell him. Maybe a list of what you need for R.

Oh, shit! I'm late. Well, hell!

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