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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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Lostheart8 ( Member #71607) posted at 12:45 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

I enjoy reading the asshole WW. Makes me realize WBF is not special .... they are just repeats of each other. They all think their situation is different....nope just another douchebag. Then I can say to myself...my douchebag is just one of the gang. Yeah, asshole you’re just asshole in a group of assholes. I can’t believe how canned their responses are ... how much they are all the same. Yet they think they are the unicorn of WW. 🙄

Yes, BM keep my hopes up to find a good guy. Before I went exclusively with WBF ... I dated two briefly. They were traumatized from the affair. One had no clue and only found out after being served papers. One received an anonymous letter about his wife’s affair. Both were very kind.

Did I think their marriages probably had glitches ...yes. But they were two of the best guys I dated (out of 35 guys).

One in particular treated me like a queen but he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. I wanted to try to develop something with him but not emotionally ready for anything truthfully.

I would gladly grab a BM off the market. So asshole WW ... dump your nice guy for me please. I’ll treat him like a king.

Daisy hope all goes well with your friend. We need that support.

Hope scooby will be ok.

Ellie ... congrats. you got your garage back. Say good bye to ex junk. I recently got rid of the couch I had when married to exh. It felt so good to say goodbye to last memories .... create my own.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8453909
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Chaos ( Member #61031) posted at 1:02 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

That MF tried to run down our Scooby?!??

Fuck a ruck fuck!

Yesterday I reached out to her so she k ew she was on my mind. Now I know why.

Fuck that MF.

I won’t call him Boxer. That’s his chosen name. I’m sticking with Scooby Dum. Or NeedleDickFuckWad. Or “hey dude did you drop the soap or is that a cactus sticking out of your ass?”

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8453914
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Lostheart8 ( Member #71607) posted at 2:44 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Don’t hold the punches Choas

Between you and Ellie - we’ve got the male anatomy “nailed” down.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8453937
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Tallgirl ( Member #64088) posted at 2:48 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Why can’t people just be decent caring human beings. Stop hurting each other. Stop manipulating. If you are unhappy tell your spouse. Truly think about the impact of your actions.

Stop hurting people you claim to love. Respect each other. And get over themselves. No one owns their wife.

I am feeling disgusted by the garbage we do to each other.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8453939
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HeHadADoubleLife ( Member #68944) posted at 5:06 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Unfortunately there really are no guarantees... my XH was a BH in his first marriage. And it was a double betrayal because she cheated with his brother!

I had been cheated on in previous relationships as well, it's actually something we connected about very early on. We both agreed that cheating was the coward's way out, and we didn't understand why anyone would do that. I thought for sure I would never have to worry about him cheating because of that.

Well, we all know how that turned out...

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8453978
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EllieKMAS ( Member #68900) posted at 6:39 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Chaos I messaged her yesterday too. OMG

Sending all the good juju and prayers to Scoobs tonight.

Thanks for the update TG!!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8453989
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AmIAnIdiot15 ( Member #71023) posted at 8:22 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Oh poor Scooby! Hoping for a good update.

I agree with Tallgirl. Why are we so terrible to each other? I don't understand.

posts: 81   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2019   ·   location: CO
id 8454000
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cocoplus5nuts ( Member #45796) posted at 1:01 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Oh, fucking shit! I'm glad Scooby is ok and under protection. Holy shit! I just don't even, and I've been reading the Chris Watts thread.

Ellie, do you have a paid membership? I don't have that "forget" button. Maybe it's only a paid membership option?

[This message edited by cocoplus5nuts at 8:58 AM, October 18th (Friday)]

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8454046
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Lostheart8 ( Member #71607) posted at 2:52 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Hehad- oh well, there goes my assumption out the window.

I won’t lie. Now that I’ve had this experience....I’m so gun shy.

Oh, well Day is happy fucking Friday. At least I don’t want want to sit and cry. The numbness is back.

How are you ladies?

Any word on scooby?

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8454103
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Chaos ( Member #61031) posted at 3:28 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Meh. It Friday.

I'm fast approaching the Antiversary of DDay3 and [finally] telling OBS.

I also know that my DDay3 and OBS DDay1 is a few weeks from my wedding anniversary and just single digit days from his. So...if I'm being honest...it has me meh. I don't care enough to care or react strongly. I guess I care just enough to be curious.

But - if I get to that point where I need a strong reaction - I'll just verbally beat up on Scooby Dum. I think his Karma will be driving a Sherman Tank.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8454116
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Chaos ( Member #61031) posted at 3:32 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

WOMENZ...

Please go to General Forum and check the For Scooby's Friends thread.

And - this weekend we all know the toast. Let's make it a double.

[This message edited by Chaos at 9:33 AM, October 18th (Friday)]

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8454121
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DaisyAnne ( Member #71434) posted at 4:04 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Oh how scary!! Glad she’s ok and under protection now.

My friend just left and we had a really good talk. Felt good to talk about everything with her and just get it out. She also wishes she can just go beat up the psycho for me.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8454149
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Tallgirl ( Member #64088) posted at 4:11 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Scoobs update. WH is in custody. Investigation is underway. Scoobs is still in hospital.

She has her sassy spunk ON...

An incredible woman deserving of a double toast!

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8454156
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Chaos ( Member #61031) posted at 4:16 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Excellent update Tallgirl

I hope like Hell he's all black and blue and "slipped and fell" while being detained. And that damn soap keeps a slippin'

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8454162
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Member #64418) posted at 4:20 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Trying to work today - took yesterday off as I was just too demolished. This is about the worst I've been since before d-day1 in a way to be honest, and it's weird because it's not the "this is done and over" as I have been reeling with that acceptance for a long time. I think it's the total lack of closure that my WH is just unable to give. He's on whatsapp talking with the AP still - I know this - and he knows I know it yet he won't admit this is the real reason why he didn't try with us. It just amazes me, that at this juncture, even now, he keeps to this "I tried and I just wasn't fully into it and so I just lost my love for you" mantra (he doesn't really say that much - but he has before - and I'd imagine that is what he is telling himself). What is the point of that when it's not the truth at all? Maybe he cannot admit to himself that with her in the picture he wasn't really trying with us? Who knows.

I know that I have decided that due to the family situation with my current employer, that I am not going to stay here through my contract, but I will wait until my boss's medical situation ends and then ask if he is okay with finding a replacement sooner and letting me leave. This may take a few months to accomplish and if I'm realistic it will likely not be earlier than the new year, and he may not agree to it. If he does, I will leave. (The reasons I cannot just ask now are personal to him and for privacy reasons I cannot disclose it on here - but be assured that I have talked to a LOT of people about just asking right now and everyone says, when they understand what is happening in his life, that it would not only not be taken well by him, but actually a bit cruel and selfish of me).

It's just not worth it to me to stay and finish out this job, even though I know my resume will suffer for it, and I may cost myself my "dream job" (which I thought this one was - sigh) in the future. What it will likely mean for me is that I go right back where I came from when I moved here, and find a job similar to what I had before, and sort of delete this whole experience from my life (not literally - but it will be weirdly like it "never happened" in a was if I'm back in the same place with the same/similar job - hopefully).

After talking with a good friend for several hours about my quandry, and him agreeing that there are no good solutions (actually his comment was "your options all are fucking awful") he asked me, are there any of them that would make you feel better at all: spending the money renting somewhere for 11 months, WHs plan to "help" me financially which involves buying a house I don't want for me to move into and me taking it over once I'm done with my job, or just breaking the contract and leaving and letting my resume take the hit? I don't want to suffer the emotional loss and the financial loss and the career damage but as my former co-worker and friends said to me last night "If you think you are going to get a shitty recommendation anyway (I truly do - I have not been good at this job due to his infidelity and the aftermath), then why delay the inevitable?" And that, just the idea of being able to leave here sooner than a year from now, brought a huge wave of relief like I haven't had in a long time.

I am really looking forward to leaving here (and I have been since April - d-day3 changed me - wanting to leave and waiting it out was my only solace). I haven't been holding onto R - instead I was just holding onto holding onto my sanity until I could leave. So, I when WH mentioned the move last night I told him - told him that I planned on asking to get out early when things were better personally for my boss...and you guys were right, kind of. WH looked stunned when I told him that - that I would stay here for a month or so and see what happened with my boss, and if the time was right I would ask then and stay on as long as needed to find a replacement and then leave. I think he didn't expect that I would "be gone" - forever. He thought that maybe when I left here that things would simmer down and he could contact me at his whim or that because I was nearby, that if somehow he changed his mind and felt my leaving was another bad decision in a series of bad decisions that he has been caught in for years, that he could try to reel me back in. I have told him that my leaving - moving away - would always be the end. No looking back. I would be gone from his life, and I think last night it hit him...and he followed me around - not saying much but staring at me a lot like he hasn't in AGES - brought me a glass of water (I did not ask for one) - and generally looking at me in a way that indicated that for him, I think, it was the first time it really hit him that I was about to become a ghost to him - a phantom of a life that didn't really exist at all, nevertheless anymore. He looked sad and introspective in a way that I simply have not seen at all, during any of the last 2 years of hell.

Ultimately I fell asleep on the couch reading with my phone in my hand hanging off the side - more peacefully than I have in a long time - I didn't intend it. And I woke up at about 1am, with him sleeping on the couch that is kitty-corner to where I was lying, holding my hand, the hand my phone had been in, in his.

It means nothing. It does not bring me any kind of hope. It just, in that moment, made me sad, as had he been this way towards me when I was trying to R with him - it could have been different, instead of a total demise.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 11:18 AM, October 18th (Friday)]

“Sometimes you're going to have to let one person go a thousand different times, a thousand different ways, and there’s nothing pathetic or abnormal about that. You are human.” - Heidi Priebe

posts: 1816   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8454164
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northeasternarea ( Member #43214) posted at 4:57 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

my XH was a BH in his first marriage

My WH was a BH in his first marriage.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8454186
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crazyblindsided ( Member #35215) posted at 5:39 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

(((ThisIsSoLonely))) I'm in the throes with you dear lady and now finally getting out. I think this is going to be a process it's like I'm examining my whole 22 years with him constantly. Instead of intrusive thoughts about the A it is now replaced with how could i have not known this man for 22 years

fBS/fWS (me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:50 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 24 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8038   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8454202
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Lostheart8 ( Member #71607) posted at 6:21 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

Thisissoloney.

I wish I could help. I’m so clueless at all of this.

Your post greatly touched me. I completely understand most of what your typing....I’m out of touch with work world as I work for myself.

I feel your words. Sending you big hugs.

I wish we were close....we could cry a tissue box away.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8454220
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HeHadADoubleLife ( Member #68944) posted at 6:35 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

She also wishes she can just go beat up the psycho for me.

I know my XH's new address (the girls gave it to me, they wanted me to know where they are should they need anything in an emergency), he does not know mine. I have deliberately not told any family members where his new address is. My mom in particular has a vindictive streak, and she has mentioned wanting to go "full Carrie Underwood" on his ass.

The last thing we need is to get into legal trouble over this shit. BUT if we had a BS vigilante group I wouldn't be mad at it. Kind of like Inglorious Basterds, but for giving WSs a dose of their own medicine. Even if we didn't actually do anything to them at all - just follow them sometimes, make sure we bump into them every so often in unexpected places, insure they're always looking over their shoulder, thinking that we might do something. Who's that woman that I keep seeing around every corner? Oh shit, that's a BAGSU and she has her bitch boots on!

As we've all learned from experience, psychological warfare can do far worse damage than anything literal. *rubs hands together and does an evil laugh* Muahaha. I'm also sure that's considered harassment and I would never actually be able to go through with it, but it's a nice fantasy.

But Scooby dum is enemy #1, and he deserves absolutely everything that's coming to him, psychological and otherwise. Glad to hear Scooby is safe. I wonder how air tight that "alibi" is.

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8454226
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Chaos ( Member #61031) posted at 6:48 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019

HeHadADoubleLife I'm all about that. I'm lacing up my BASGU boots as I type.

Yes - Scooby Dum is Public Enemy #1 and shall be shown no mercy.

Jail is a far better place for him than if we get hold of him. And yes...I have a very evil grin on my bold lipsticked smile right now.

PS - bonus points for whoever comes up with the secret handshake for us.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8454229
Topic is Sleeping.
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