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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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EllieKMAS ( Member #68900) posted at 3:13 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Sending you many hugs LH! There's nothing wrong with you that isn't wrong with me too. Le sigh. You are seeing reality now though and that is a big deal! Stay strong - the further you get away from it, the better it will be.

Seriously - you deserve so much better. So do I. So do all of us.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8453401
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Lostheart8 ( Member #71607) posted at 3:26 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Thanks Ellie. ❤️❤️❤️❤️👊❤️❤ 5039;❤️

We do deserve better.

Btw I love the camel comment. I don’t know how you think this stuff up.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8453405
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Member #64418) posted at 4:05 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Lostheart - I seriously can't believe he wants you to "understand" his "quandry" - my WH didn't want me to understand it - he just wanted me to stay, and continue to devalue me. When I pointed out to him that at one point he was irritated at me that I had not finished sanding trim (we have been remodeling this old house and making it "ours") after I felt too tired from work the night before and didn't get to it for 2 days and that during that time he was irritated with me, he sent her over 45 messages and called her for 20 minutes. The day before - same amount - all after d-day 2 during his self-imposed I will prove to you that this means something to me and we can R. I told him there were countless other examples of that...

His response, blank stare followed by getting up and walking outside.

You are lucky in a way that the cheating bastard in your life has decided to share his quandry with you - because you can see it for what it is and not have to wonder what the hell is going on. Mine would die before he admitted to anything going on right now, even though it's clear that it is. It's fucking crazy-town that I am jealous of your WS admitting that he is in the midst of an A. That's how f-ed up this situation is.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 10:06 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]

“Sometimes you're going to have to let one person go a thousand different times, a thousand different ways, and there’s nothing pathetic or abnormal about that. You are human.” - Heidi Priebe

posts: 1816   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8453415
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cocoplus5nuts ( Member #45796) posted at 5:12 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

They always affair down. It's impossible not to.

LH, ASSHOLE! Fuck him and the MOW he rode in on. He's the thing that's missing. Dumbass!

I'm in a mood tonight. Been posting like a banshee. I'm just so fed up with bullshit. I'm done being nice. I might get myself banned.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8453439
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 5:29 AM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Do it Coco!

I’m currently on another 30 day Facebook jail stint myself

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8453442
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Chaos ( Member #61031) posted at 12:50 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Lostheart8 - what a flaming fuckwad. How dare you not understand poor muffins wittle pweDICKament.

I hope you threw your head back and laughed maniacally.

Next time he says something equally as pathetic ask yourself WWRD [What Would Rashawnda Do]. And do it.

I say we all raise our coffee mugs and say FUCK YOU to Lostheart8 dumb ass WH.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8453494
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DaisyAnne ( Member #71434) posted at 1:16 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Oh, and DaisyAnne, I know this was from forever ago, but for your daughter dealing with bullying/harassment - have you considered self defense classes?

That is a good idea! I am on the other side of the country, but I can look into something like that around here. This is also something that they should offer at high schools.

I say we all raise our coffee mugs and say FUCK YOU to Lostheart8 dumb ass WH.

Done!!

Lostheart, you deserve so much more and if there is anything positive about what he told you, it is showing you that. What an asshole.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8453502
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cocoplus5nuts ( Member #45796) posted at 1:32 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

I’m currently on another 30 day Facebook jail stint myself.

I'm just going to step away from those threads. I know better than to get involved in them. I was doing really well ignoring them for a while, but I got sucked in again. I've said my piece. Now, it's time to walk away. I wish there were a way to block certain people on here like you can on Facebook. Ot would be so much better for me if I could just not see some memebers' posts.

WWRD! That's going to be my intention for yoga for the next few weeks. I don't like it when the instructor suggests to set an intention. I can never come up with anything. Now, I've got a fallback.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8453507
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Lostheart8 ( Member #71607) posted at 2:58 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Good morning ladies.

Thanks for all the support. Deeply appreciate it.

Thisisloney....he’s been stonewalling and gaslighting for weeks. So, I guess I’m lucky. This is my issue with his “honesty” ...... it doesn’t change what happened nor excuse what happened. Then on top of it....I’m not this therapist. He will never figure it out on his own and as a practitioner, it’s so clear ..... he’s lost a part of himself. That’s what he’s looking for and I’m not getting embroiled with that shit.

I did tell him on the phone to get therapy.

You’re missing out on nothing. Your douchebag is just as clueless as mine. Let’s abandoned them behind the dumpster behind Walmart. See if they can find their way home.

I’m raising my cup of tea ...with a big fuck you douchebag.

As far as I am concerned, he can go back to her and muck around more. Hell, I won’t be there to cause guilt. Now he can be guilt free. But somehow, I feel...I’ve put a pop in the romance bubble. I’m sure they are still in contact, but it ain’t so romantic out in the sun. Otherwise the fucker wouldnt be conflicted. MOW ain’t so charming .... or least some of the charm has rubbed off.

Yeah, gotta love this guy wants me to have empathy for his conflicted feelings. Fuck you douchebag. I need to take care of me. It’s not my job to care for you. Give Kimberly a call. I bet she will fly across the country for your sorry ass.

I still can’t believe he’s 57 yrs old. 🤔💩. It doesn’t seem to be the right age for him.

Gals, when I’m bummed and sad ..... remind me ....I’m better off in my little apartment cuddling with my dog, sitting in the quiet ..... rather than being a mess wondering what this joker is up too.

Ok on a side note ..... notice the ad for relationship rescue....dr Phil is wearing Halloween makeup. Creepy. Is my WBF watching me type through that ad?

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8453532
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EllieKMAS ( Member #68900) posted at 2:59 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Coco you can 'forget' people on SI - go to their profile and click on the 'Forget this user' link in the upper right. I just discovered last night! I hear ya - sometimes I have to kind of avoid SI altogether because it makes me feel all stabby-like.

Good morning lovelies. GFD HFTh!

WWRD.... omg I love it. I will add that to the dictionary.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8453535
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heartbroken83 ( Member #71395) posted at 3:08 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

ok so because all of this should have been posted yesterday it is going to be way late and I hope that is okay. Not sure what happened to my whole post but it literally disappeared. SMH

TISL, I wanted to apologize for my comment about the ow in my situation. I really didn't think that it would trigger any of you beautiful ladies on hear. If it helps at all, yes she is 50 but she looks to be in her 70s. She looks as if she was/or is on drugs or a drunk because she really beat herself up. I know plenty of women her age that look amazing but on the other hand I know people her age that look horrible. It really is all about how you care for yourself. My MIL is at least 15 years older than my mom but you cannot tell because my mom literally beat herself down with drugs and alcohol and my MIL did not. Aging is just a matter of how you care for yourself. I am sure you are doing great and have nothing to worry about when you find a man that truly loves you like you deserve. I don't remember if you are R, D, or S but it could be your ch or someone new. I believe if you love someone it doesn't matter how much their physical appearance changes you love them anyways.

Welcome to the best thread here on SI, Somber. I am a almost 36 year old who is trying to R with my husband. We have been married for 2 years and He has been a cheating ass hat for most of it. DDay was in August for us. We have a 17, 13, 11 year olds (he is the step dad). We are definitely making progress but then we have set backs. this Rollercoaster is awesome! NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, WELCOME we love it here.

I have been super busy at work. Most days I am waiting for you guys to post. Not yesterday tho, I logged on during the afternoon and you guys have already added 1 1/2 pages of new post. I was like...Holy crap. Can't offer feed back at this time but I hope everyone has an amazing day today!

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8453539
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DevastatedDee ( Member #59873) posted at 3:12 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Gals, when I’m bummed and sad ..... remind me ....I’m better off in my little apartment cuddling with my dog, sitting in the quiet ..... rather than being a mess wondering what this joker is up too.

Oh girl, that is my happy place. Chilling at home cuddling my doggies. True love and loyalty in your arms and control over your own life. That is bliss.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4462   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8453543
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DevastatedDee ( Member #59873) posted at 3:15 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

You know what that fucker said to me? “You don’t understand what it’s like to in this position of experiencing something new and wanting to figure it out. But at the same point feeling guilty. It’s was a mixed experience and I wasn’t happy all the time. You should really try to understand me.”

Bless his heart. I mean, if you hit someone with your car and put them in the hospital, you would totally expect that they have sympathy for how hard it is on you that you were not only late for work that day because of hitting them, but that you even have to feel guilty about hurting them and that totally wrecked your concentration for your afternoon meetings.

I hear you, sociopath. Geez.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4462   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8453547
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 3:47 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Ladies,

My Cheater despises SI. He thinks all is well until I come here and get fired up.

A very brief recap:

I was cheated on by two boyfriends prior to meeting WH

I informed him immediately that I don’t tolerate cheating. He PROMISED he wouldn’t, claiming a girlfriend dumped HIM for a Marine when he was in basic training for the Air Force

We attended pre marriage classes, and discussed adultery, where he reiterated that he would never do that to me

In 1991, he tells me he wants to fuck his supervisor, whose name he moaned in his sleep, says that she feels likewise, that he wants an open marriage, so I ask my best friend to fuck him, to get it out of his system. She agreed, but he chickened out. I also told him I didn’t want porn in our house, and he agreed.

After a big blow up by his supervisor’s husband, we were moved across country, away from his supervisor. WH told me he realized how his behavior hurt me, and promised never to do it again.

Five years later, I catch him cheating on me with a classmate, whose name he moaned in his sleep. I had a newborn. I saw an attorney, told everyone, contracted Trichomonas, the works. A coworker of WH telephoned me, and told me he saw WH behaving inappropriately in the hotel pool they stayed at in Oklahoma on a work trip. The pool bimbo was named Elizabeth. WH denied this, claiming his coworker was trying to harm our marriage.

This is how we remained until 2016!

Wh’s Youngest brother gets caught cheating, my SIL divorces his scrawny ass. SIL’s attorney asks ME when I am going to get closure from my husband because I am burying BIL with my leftover fury over my own relationship. So I go home, and start questioning WH.

Christmas 2016- we attend a work Christmas party, WH is behaving strangely. Turns out, he was hiding me from seeing a female coworker whose name he moaned in his sleep. Recognize the common denominator? I accuse him, he denies, so I find her email and ask her. She denies, and I Fall I’ll. WH has me confined to the hospital on a 72 hour psych hold. Turns out I have a bad UTI and wake up once antibiotics get into my system. So they released me early.

During this hospital stay, WH steals the money from our joint bank accounts, moving it all into one of his own. My parents and adult kids support him doing this.

Once I returned home, he transferred what was left into the remaining joint account, and apologized.

I paid for Retrouvaille, he did attend, but was still lying.

He promised a timeline, but it was inaccurate.

During all of this, I had two strokes, and can no longer bring in the big bucks I once did.

I found out the Oklahoma pool girl? He went to her room!

I found out in August 2018! Only 24 years after. And his supervisor? She blew his story wide open. She turned his offer of sex down! Twice! She had an abusive husband, four kids, and was in no way tempted by some loser subordinate offering to pork her.

She was horrified that I thought she was part of this for 25 years! This was 2016. WH denies, saying she must have wanted him too, because he doesn’t think he would have kept chasing her if she declined his offer.

So this is the impasse I am at.

I admit that I am bitter. I am 52, have had a lifetime of cheating, and am no longer financially solvent enough to leave. Even my health insurance is through his military retirement. Our son is 23, lives at home, won’t work, only completed his AA degree. Our daughter is away at college.

This was still very long, but my profile is much harder to read.

I was also molested as a child. I have never cheated, am a RN, and am too lazy to lie. I don’t want to have to keep track of the stories you have to tell to keep the lie going. The truth is easier.

I see both of our children behaving a lot like their father, and it worries me. As far as I know, neither is a cheater, but they both lie.

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8453568
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Member #64418) posted at 3:51 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

heartbroken83 - no worries. It was just a bad day for me in a string of bad days it seems.

I am D and was going to try to live in IHS to save money to leave next year when my job is done, but instead, I've been told that I need to move out now. The reason:

I seem unhappy and he is tired of being unhappy.

2+ year affair, with 1.5 years of false R, 3 d-days and all the begging that come with "give me another chance" etc, moving me all the way across the country, only for him to be "tired of being unhappy."

Oh, and I guess we've moved from "I will always love you I'm just not IN love with you" to "I'm sorry but I don't love you, but... I do care about you"

“Sometimes you're going to have to let one person go a thousand different times, a thousand different ways, and there’s nothing pathetic or abnormal about that. You are human.” - Heidi Priebe

posts: 1816   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8453569
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 4:49 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

ThisissoLonely,

I am fuming for yo!

What an asshole!

Wh re are the incredible streaks of good fortune for those of us who aren’t monsters?

You deserve to have amazing things happen to you!

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8453603
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Lostheart8 ( Member #71607) posted at 4:59 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

20yrsago. Big hugs. Come and join the dumpster dump for douchebags at Walmart.

You’ve been through so much. I hope you find your way to a new beginning...

Thisisloney....I got the same lines from my husband (who is now my ex). The same set of lines. From kinda love ya to I care about you. I look back and it wasn’t worth the energy to try to save. I busted my ass for him and he ate ego kibble. This site makes me realize he was cheating. I had no clue, but everything on this site .... ugh. Cheater.

Be cautious. This guy is going to stick you in limbo land forever. My ex had me in limbo land for a year. Then I finally gave up and got separated. When it came time to divorce, I had to force him to divorce me. He didn’t want to be with me (he was engaged to another woman) but didn’t want to divorce me. Just horrible. Watch out for you.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8453615
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heartbroken83 ( Member #71395) posted at 5:17 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

SI does give you a backbone to stand up for yourself. Cheaters do not like that at all. They can dish it out, ruin your life and expect you to happy go lucky all the time.

My husband actually said he wants me to just be mad and yell at him for what he's done. I am not a yeller or a fighter. Last Friday when I decided enough was enough and I started yelling, he did not like that at all either. I guess I'm supposed to yell at an appropriate level, no feet stomping or hand waiving because "I'm not that dude, that you can be slamming shit" So what do you want me to do? be mad and yell but don't be mad and yell...hmmmm I totally understand now. He just isn't use to me acting that way. I'm sorry that you stuck your dick somewhere it didn't belong and I'm no longer your sweet naive loving wife 24-7 anymore. It totally must be my fault right????

We are doing okay this week though. So far so good. Friday's seem to be the fighting days lately so we will see what tomorrow holds.

posts: 147   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2019   ·   location: CT
id 8453628
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Member #64418) posted at 5:27 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

Be cautious. This guy is going to stick you in limbo land forever.

Yeah, we already did that - 2 years of it. But the D is done - not a single bit of pushback from him. He wants to erase me as fast as possible now and I'm sure he will be relieved and completely unbothered as he sits in this house. It won't hold any memories of me for him - they will be gone too. He's very done.

“Sometimes you're going to have to let one person go a thousand different times, a thousand different ways, and there’s nothing pathetic or abnormal about that. You are human.” - Heidi Priebe

posts: 1816   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8453635
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EllieKMAS ( Member #68900) posted at 6:38 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2019

TISL - OMG yet more verbatim lines...

I got "I want to divorce because I so am tired of you being sad and angry all the time". Well fuckmerunnin, sorry you sticking your dick into a teenager upsets me sweetie.

I think we should all switch places with each other for a week. It is soooo much easier to see the crap behavior with someone else's WS than your own. Plus I'd love to battle this out with someone. KITMFD bitches!

20yobs... I am so sorry dear. Is there no way you can leave? I don't blame you for being bitter in the least!

HB83 - yeah, mine did that to. Wanted me to "open up" and then would get pissed at me for calling him on his bullshit and start arguing with me about how my feelings weren't "really how I was feeling"... WTFF. I am shocked I made it through this whole flaming shitshow without slapping the crap outta him. Was truly amazing how every time he opened his mouth, more stupid would dribble out of it...

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8453669
Topic is Sleeping.
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