SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Really? I have never made any promise to protect that @hole from losing his job. I never made any promises not to avenge him. I never made any promises not to burn everything around me like you phrase it.

I never made a promise to you that I wouldn't come and crap in your bed, pee in your morning coffee and replace your toilet paper with jalapeño peppers. Since you'd obviously be okay with that (you know, because I didn't promise you I wouldn't), I'll be there Saturday. Let me know if that date doesn't work for you.

Why are you asking me what I would do if I received such a card? Because I'm a SAHM? I'm not answering your question because honestly I think if I write about what I would do and how I would feel you somehow would enjoy that.

HFSSC.

That was beautiful!!!!

I'm sorry but if the OBS in my sitch had done this I would have filed charges long ago. She has suffered enough! All you are proving is how cruel you really are.

Page number five now and I don't think anything any of us says will change his mind to stop the horror he's putting this BW through. Sad.

It is just I see no other way to make him pay enough for the damage he caused...

So you're now judge and jury on how much he must suffer to make you feel better.

The problem is, you're using his hurting BS as your weapon. You're making hardships for his children as your weapon.

In short, you're using people and their emotions.

In my situation, I deal with this on an ONGOING basis. Let me tell you, it is nearly unbearable in some ways.

My now-ex (of multiple affairs) lies and manipulates our children into acting out against me.

Sound familiar? OK, the lying part of it isn't yours, but you are MANIPULATING this woman to use her as a WEAPON to hurt a man who engaged in a consensual affair with your now ex-wife.

Just like my malignant ex uses his children (who will likely need a lot of therapy down the road once they have more adult perspective on what has happened), IGNORING their feelings, IGNORING the fact that they don't have a dog in this fight (as my late father would say) and IGNORING that these kids have every right to love BOTH their parents.

This woman has EVERY right to stay with her WS, no matter what you think of the reasons. She didn't hurt you, your ex wife and her husband did.

Stop manipulating this woman's feelings for your own personal gain.

And as others have said, perhaps take some of that new-found larger earnings and get into therapy.

Personally, as a woman, if I knew that a man I was interested in did this, he'd be out the door so fast he'd leave skid marks.

Living well REALLY is the best revenge.

Cat

As tearsoflove stated there's a good chance that your yearly Christmas card is in a police file.

If I were this OBS I would also take your wonderful card to your employer to show them what type of person they're employing.

How could you do such a despicable thing to this woman and her children (you stated that there were multiple children, not just the one)? Regardless of what her spouse did, I cannot see how you can justify continuing to torture and harass an innocent mother and children. Don't you think she's been through enough? You are worse than her spouse. I have a special needs child and I believe what you have done is inhumane and extremely unethical. I hope she is saving those annual cards to build a harassment case against you.

I'm going to add this woman and her children to my Bible study group's prayer list...asking for her to have peace of mind despite your attempts to harm her and for her life and heart to be enveloped in love as well as her children.

Feels like we are getting away from the core message here...hpv50- let’s be honest he’s not going to report himself for unethical behavior..don’t think most people would screw themselves intentionally... and as far as the ethics of denying his WW money if no kids are involved...well if it’s legally acceptable allowed I really have no problem with it. The core issue here is WHO he is hurting in his desire for retribution. I think the OP already took a beating on this thread so ill say that i understand and feel sorry for the hurt you have been dealt, and i don’t blame you for wanting to hurt the OM. If you could have done it legally without hurting an innocent victim in the process that would have been understandable in my eyes. OP- you have taken a lot of shrapnel here, but please understand that the obs doesn’t deservethe hurt an ounce more than you do. I’ve been trying to get you to understand that empathy for her position is in your best interest. You’re free to inflict pain on the OM, not pay your cheating ww a dime of money you earned, i don’t have a moral inclination against those actions. But if you are a good person, you will spare the poor OBS. That is where the line of your character gets drawn in the sand as good or bad. Just my 2cents

Did your M not make it and theirs has? Is this jealousy of the levels of fall out?

I do get being very angry. I have dealt with those feelings as well but please don't torture OBS. I'm sure the holidays are hard enough for her. If you mess with her, it messes with their kids too iof she is upset. This is just misplaced and wrong. I'm sure they just throw your card away at this point: I agree that they probably just unite against you now.

Everyone had said the same to you. I hope you can pull back and look at it. Do you want a card every year?

If a betrayed spouse acted toward me the way you are acting towards this family, I would be speaking with an attorney. And if I was forced to file charges to end the hostilities, I would make sure his employer received a copy of the paperwork.

And you would be okay with that, right? Because your continued employment or termination would simply be a business decision by your employer, right?

You have admitted that sending this card only brings you temporary relief. His losing his job and half his income has not brought you lasting relief. Increasing your income has not brought you lasting relief.

And so you ask yourself what more you can do to him.

But what if you are asking the wrong question?

Why have you not asked yourself why lashing out at him is not providing more than temporary happiness? What if you will never be able to hurt him enough?

If you are always judging yourself against him, you will never have relief. Because you will always have to focus on him.

You are a side character in your own life story.

It's sad enough when our spouses try to write us out of the script. To do it to yourself is just tragic.

[This message edited by Expect Delays at 9:39 AM, November 29th (Wednesday)]

Analyst - my only comment relates to hurting others. After what we have all been through, after all the pain and suffering at the discovery of our partner's infidelity, after learning that we are at the tail end of the whip our WS's foisted on us, then why would any of us want to harm those that are not complicit in this awfulness?

Ugh, Analyst !

Your behaviour and actions have hurt AP's wife and children ... just as his did.

Doesn't that make you every bit as bad as him?!

Doesn't that make you every bit as bad as him?!

I dont think it does. No obs or ap could ever hirt me as bad as my wife did.

Analyst, I don't practice law in New Jersey, but I'd hazard a guess that by now you're dancing back and forth over the legal line, or at least flirting with it.

This would likely constitute stalking, or harassment, or something of that nature. And I'm looking at it from the OBS' standpoint in saying that. I'm sure this is also true with respect to her WS, btw.

Civilly, might it constitute intentional infliction of emotional distress or something? Once again, on the OBS.

I'd imagine it is sufficient to obtain a restraining order for the OBS and probably her WH as well.

Edit: Why does everyone always feel compelled to explain their edits?

[This message edited by SilverLinings55 at 10:43 AM, November 29th (Wednesday)]

Edit: Why does everyone always feel compelled to explain their edits?

Because sometimes folks say stuff and then edit what they've said after someone has responded. If intentional, it can create false appearance of overreacting to a post.

Identifying your edits prevents that.

For example, if I call another poster a retard, and then they react negatively and then I edit it to look like a complement... well, then it appears THEY started it for no reason. Seems childish but it happens occasionally.

Not fair play. We've all had a heavy dose of unfairness already. Don't need more of it.... so we identify our edits.

He posts because he's proud of it, except this is the only place he CAN brag because he knows it's wrong, and he cares what other people think of him IRL.

I hope you buy cards and sleep with them in your bed. That's the only comfort you'll have at the end of the day, but that's what you want because you'll never have to risk being hurt again.

Being a coward is hard.

I'm a BS...this whole experience has been hell...ruined my life, by no choice of my own...

Cheating is on the cheater only...

I cant imagine someone tormenting me, about my cheating H....sending me abusive mail.

IT would be a double blow, for something I had no part in....again, no choice of my own...

I could however, provide time a date to find my cheating H....where the blame needs to be placed.. Put the blame on the cheater...deal with the cheater alone. Leave the the bS out of it...they have been hurt enough..

THey might be living looking over their shoulder, thinking some crazy revenge is coming at any time...that's no way to live...they did nothing.

I have no issue with you wanting to continue to hurt AP, I do take issue with you hurting the OBS. She was a victim like you. You willingly choosing to hurt her lowers you down to her POS H’s level. There are ways you can get to him WITHOUT involving her.

I see your previous post about getting the OM fired is being talked about again... my opinion on that is this: the OM is solely responsible for losing his job that provided good insurance for his sick kid. He would still be there if he had kept his dick out of another man’s wife.

Please think of OBS feelings & stop sending the cards to her.

Why don't you spare the OBS and just send that card to your wife every year?

(Also not convinced that we aren't being trolled)

As tearsoflove stated there's a good chance that your yearly Christmas card is in a police file.

To those who have suggested that I might be in legal troubles and/or OBS/WH should go to the police I could assure that nothing will happen. Here is a conversation that most likely will happen if they choose to do it:

OBS/WH: We would like to repot Mr. XXXX and file harassment charges.

Police: what did he do?

OBS/WH: He keeps sending us mean cards. Once a year: he sent two for Thanksgiving holidays and one year for X-mas and we feel he is harassing us.

Police: May I see these cards? OK, he just congratulates you for staying with this person and wishing you the best with POS, who is your husband, right? OK, I understand that it made you upset and affected your holidays.

Police: Did he ever threaten you anyhow?

OBS/WH: No, he did not. He just does not leave us alone for Christmas.

Police: Did he attempt to contact you in any other way?

OBS/WH: No, Sir

Police: To the best of your knowledge did he try to stalk you like driving in your neighborhood, contacting your kids or doing anything else?

OBS/WH: No he did not. Sir but he might escalate and we are afraid.

Police: OK, unfortunately, at this point there is nothing we can do. We cannot do anything based upon what a person might do in the future unless there is immediate threat. Otherwise, I should give you a ticket because you might speed on your way out.

OBS/WH: We want him to stop.

Police: You should ask him and if you want we can keep it in this file but ultimately at this moment we are going to do anything because there is no crime involved in sending a mean card.

Police (silently): One more idiot who coulnd't keep his **** inside his pants and now is coming because he is upset at the consequences.

My point: you do not need to be a genious in forecasting to figure out that I am OK within the laws. I did not make those laws. Those are the same stupid laws that make adultery (which is probably one of the worst emotional damage a person can inflict) absolutley legal...

Well, you don't need to be a "genious" (sic) to see that you're behaving in a nasty, ridiculous manner either.....but yet, here we are.