Newest Member: TotallyShatteredandlost


A man or woman telling the truth doesn't mind being questioned.

A liar does.

It's WH's birthday and I need to vent

I can't take it, the endless birthday allocades for "a great guy". It's making me sick to my stomach. Most haven't a clue who or what he really is, even those who've known him for decades. You only get to see him without the narcissistic mask if you're family I suppose.

I made the Fuckbook post, wished him a happy birthday to his face which is more than I got and just finished baking a marble pound cake from scratch that he likes. I'm done, it's more than I got which was nothing, wished me a HB on Fuckbook (gotta look like a normal husband ya know) and will likely be the case again on my birthday in January. He had actually posted it a day early this year and I had friends messaging me like WTF, your birthday isn't today. Guess it's better than the year during the LTA that he completely forgot what day it was, and I believe was reminded of by his AP.

Of course being the narcissist he is he LOVES a day like today because he's getting attention and has his phone glued to him to thank people. What shocks me are the ones who know what he did to me and still wish him well. What. The. Actual. Fuck.

I recently had a message from a friend who thinks my marriage was saved based upon appearances on FB. Far from it. Nothing was or can be saved after a LTA, and knowing that the married c**t he had it with is likely thinking of him today sends me spiraling. We're "married" but there isn't a thing about our relationship that could be considered a marriage other than what's on paper.

I almost want to scream "He's a cheating asshole and none of you idiots really know him" but I can't do that so I came here because you guys get it.

Ugh. Rant over and thanks, I needed to get that out.

Oh and P.S. he ruined yet another birthday for my son 2 weeks ago throwing a narcissistic fit on the streets of a city we'd never been in but that's ok, as long as he gets worshipped on his. barf

17 comments posted: Wednesday, October 5th, 2022

Who writes this shit?

Lord help me but I just can't with some of the random articles that pop up about infidelity. A gem that appeared tonight was titled "Affair Proofing Your Marriage". Really? Well damn, had we known that wouldn't we all have followed these following pearls of wisdom....

"Be yourself and do the best you can to be loving in a way that works for you."

LMFAO at that one.

"Acknowledge that neither you nor your partner ever stopped being sexual beings. (You’re both still sexually attractive—and attracted to others.)"

So the whole forsaking others when marrying is pure BS then?

"Make it OK to talk about temptation before it becomes real temptation."

Oh by the way there's an old GF/BF/Coworker/Neighbor/Friend that I'm getting the feels for. You're good with that, right?

Who writes this garbage because it can't possibly be by anyone that has really suffered the intense and polarizing pain of infidelity.

At the same time with a broad brush stroke, the claim that cheating is as common as fidelity is made. Excuse me, what side of the rainbow are we working tonight because this is just insanity and contradicts the purpose of the article to begin with.

I actually laughed out loud as I read this BS and honestly felt more of a connection to a level of understanding when recently watching Sharon Osbourne talk about Ozzy's infidelity. I may not have a damn thing in common with her other than being a BS but let me tell you what she said I felt. She talked about being broken, about needing therapy, about false R after being told the A was over only to find 6 months later not only was it still going on but she discovered other AP's as well. She emphasized, heart breakingly so, that for her nothing compares to the pain of infidelity.

So all these articles, podcasts, books, videos and whatnot by those who haven't experienced it first hand are to me worth nothing. If you know, you KNOW, otherwise shut it.

Rant, brought to you by the much needed chocolate martinis I've had tonight, over.

9 comments posted: Friday, July 1st, 2022

A sad example of how dangerous infidelity can be

I feel compelled to post about this because it is a very stark reminder about just how much of a risk infidelity is.

There is a news story that has made headlines across the country and internationally this week that some of you may have heard about. It is a murder case in NYC and it's not just the location that hits close to home for me.

A very attractive 51 year old SAHM living in a beautiful home, in a beautiful neighborhood, mother of 2 teenaged boys and married 20 years was brutally killed in her home last Friday night. No sign of a break in making the PD believe she knew her attacker. She was placed in a hockey bag and removed from the home and the bag left at a nearby park.

Her husband and eldest son were out of town. Her 13 year old son home upstairs. She had gone out for the evening and was attacked shortly after arriving home. Hate to say it but one of my first thoughts was infidelity. Turns out it was a handyman she had been having an affair with for 2 years. She had been messaging other men as well it was reported. Maybe she was ending the affair, maybe he knew she was contacting others but whatever the cause he flew into a rage and killed her.

So many times BS after BS talks about how their WS barely knew their AP's before launching into an affair. Some claiming true love and soul mates after mere weeks or months. It has always seemed insane, reckless and dangerous to me. You can know a person for years and not really know them, but months or weeks is a fantasy bubble and it can be a dangerous one.

Did she deserve this? No, but her affair cost her her life and put her 13 year old son who was home but unaware of what was happening, in danger. A beautiful home, beautiful family, being well off, having many nice family vacations based on all the photos released weren't enough. I can't help but keep thinking had she been faithful to her husband of 20 years, she would be alive today. Her 13 year old was initially handcuffed and brought in for interrogation and released and so many were quick to insist he was the killer. Can you even imagine what that child is going through? His mother is gone, he was home, it's horrific.

Then there's her husband of 20 years who obviously provided her with a very comfortable life who now has to deal with this horror as well as finding out about an affair. He has had a DDay from hell.

The point is that infidelity is treated as no big deal in this world. Consequences as drastic as this aren't common but it does invite trouble to say the least and maybe those looking to cheat should think about that. I doubt she ever imagined in her worst nightmare what would happen or that it was even possible. A life was ended, 2 sons will now go on without a mother, one child will likely need years of therapy and a husband is left to pick up the pieces of his shattered world.

All because of an affair.

25 comments posted: Saturday, April 23rd, 2022

A name, a birthday and a jar of sauce

Hello all, it's been a while but I need to vent a bit. Dday was 6 years ago, incredible how time flies even when your heart is broken. Triggers were one of the most brutal aspects of being hit with infidelity and their randomness and unexpected appearances make them equivalent of little trolls hiding in the shadows. Dates in particular are hard to get around either because of their significance or memories created by them.

At this point some have lost their sting and been reduced to just an annoyance which I can quickly dismiss with a simultaneous eye roll. Others though remain steadfast. I must admit 3 of my top triggers, in no particular order, focus on the MOWhore. Rao's products are one. For those in the NE you may see them in your pasta/sauce aisle at the grocery store and for those familiar with NY, it is a restaurant. The MOWore has a tie to it though to this day I am not sure how. Every time I see it on display I fight an incredible urge not to smash every last jar to the ground. Clean up in aisle 5!!!

Second would be her name. Makes my skin crawl and in 6 years it has never once come out of my lying WH's mouth. This past Saturday night as I was playing a video game for distraction he was rambling about a friend of a friend who has the same name, and no it is not the AP. The fact it came out of his mouth without any hesitation, just as easily as he throws the word cheat around in every capacity of its meaning, shows how much of a remorseless asshole he still is. Being the night before Easter I chose not to jump down his throat about it. I recently lost my mom in February and this was my first Easter without her, the first holiday or significant day and I just let his insensitivity go despite wanting to throat punch him.

The other is today, which is her birthday. Every year since DDay I wonder what he did for and to her to celebrate the birthday of a waste of space. For the past couple of years I wasn't even wished happy birthday to my face, he texted me and posted on FB. This year he even fucked up the date, posting the day before and friends messaged me throughout the day asking WTF, isn't it tomorrow. I tried to make light of it and he claims due to needing reading glasses that he misread the date. Sure asshole, whatever.

Hearing that name, her name, spoken the other night got to me. I swear it made me wish I had been the one to have the affair which isn't something I've ever felt or considered. Then I could have just gone on, pain free, business as usual and told him that yeah I cheated for years but he needs to move forward. Yes that was actually recently said to me. I could have lived in a fantasy bubble, been on an ego kibble high, had amazing sex, laughs, a secret relationship whose details were only known by me and my AP, gifts exchanged, fun memories created, and responsibilities shirked for my own selfishness.

Why. The fuck. Not.

Because it's not who I am, lying and deceitfulness are not part of my make up. I've been told I'm too honest by more than one person. For me to have carried on a LTA would not have been possible, as lying doesn't come naturally to me as it does to him.

Will these things always be triggers to me? Who knows. Time will tell I guess. The only thing that seems certain is he will always be an asshole.

Vent over.

16 comments posted: Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

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