Some info, some anger, and about that sauce.....
This needs a bit of explaining so I'm sorry if I ramble.
So this past weekend I was messaging a friend whose husband has been friends with my WH since they were around 12. This man knows the AP, and his mother and hers were friends years ago and is one of the few things WH told me aside from stonewalling me about pretty much everything. About 10 months past Dday I found some disgusting graphic selfies WH claimed he "forgot" were still on our FAMILY computer. In that moment I was full of rage and proceeded to send the most graphic to this friend of WH via FB Messenger. I was never sure if he saw it but when he began commenting on my FB posts that WH loves me and will always take care of me (right) I assumed he had indeed seen the skank in all her glory. Once I friended him and his wife the AP quickly unfriended him.
During the conversation with this friends wife I figured WTF and told her WH had a LTA with AP. She told me she had seen the message on her husband's phone and showed it to him.
I got around to one of the things I have wondered about, the AP's connection to a particular brand of sauce. I knew there was one based on the fact that some of their products were among items I had found in his car during discovery. The wife solved that mystery.
Turns out the AP has a relative married to someone who was an owner of the restaurant that sauce came from and which was sold to a corporation which lucky for me (insert sarcasm) now has their shitty products in grocery stores.
The relative is obviously wealthy. Seems this elderly relative is rounding up family for a feeding frenzy on possible inheritance and to live in their home. AP and her BS have moved out west at the request of this relative and of course to sniff around for some $$$$$. When I finished the conversation I Googled AP and found where she is living. In yet another piece of irony,and there have been many throughout this shitshow, her address is my WH's birthday. You can't make this shit up.
I looked at realtor sites that show pics of this home and it is a mansion. Expensive neighborhood. Luxury. Over the top. A home estimated to be $3 million.
Is it wrong I was pissed to see this? That no karma has come to the AP. That she's living the high life? That I've noticed on way too many occasions that the cheaters or abusers seem to wind up living large and the unfairness of it reeks to me.
Here I am wanting this bitch's life to blow up and it just seems like smooth sailing which makes me think of the phrase that "nice guys finish last" because apparently it's true.
No the wife of this friend does not speak to AP and she knows the info through her husband who speaks with AP's brother. The wife couldn't believe what my WH had done and though she herself is married to a narcissist she said he'd never put her through infidelity or treated her the way my WH has.
Is there no karmic justice? Is it something we hope for and tell ourselves will happen to make us feel better in the face of so much pain? I don't get it. Honestly I don't.
13 comments posted: Wednesday, April 12th, 2023
Its 7 years ago today
Boy, time flies doesn't it. This was the day he finally broke, finally admitted to what I had intuitively known for a long time and had been confronting him about for 3 months wanting an admission. None came. He'd sit in silence as I peppered him with things I was finding, absolutely stone cold.
It took figuring out her identity to crack him. It was more like he went into protection mode, protecting her it seemed more than him. After months of high emotions, lack of sleep, barely eating, and anxiety through the roof his admission was met with, crazy as this sounds I know, relief. Relief that he finally admitted it. Relief that I had him backed into a corner he couldn't get out of. Relief that I insanely felt he had genuine remorse and the LTA was finally over. I basically collapsed in his arms as he shed crocodile tears that I thought were genuine. Foolish woman that I was.
The moment he saw I wasn't throwing him out on his ass his whole demeanor changed. He actually expected me to be ok within hours, even asking why I was crying.
Looking back I could slap myself for my stupidity. For ever having loved him. For deciding way too fast to give him another chance. The only good thing to come out of our marriage is our son. My friends and especially my daughter were hoping I'd divorce him. With 20/20 hindsight I must admit they were right but a thing called finances kept me from doing that. He was, is and always will be an asshole.
I've gotten things I've wanted these past 7 years, his attempt at some sort of reparations I suppose. Our marriage is non existent though, roommates have closer relationships than we do. Not my fault, I tried when it should have been squarely on HIS shoulders to try. My conscience is clear and at this point I simply don't GAF, I am all out of F***s to give.
Did it really end then? Did they take it underground? Did they stop and resume contact? I don't know and have no energy or love for him to even attempt to find out. Judging by his attitude I believe once he realized I wasn't showing him the door he more than likely would've been willing to continue, she on the other hand seemed to freak out once I had her name and backed off. Poor little WH his happy little bubble was burst by me.
It sucks, it totally destroyed my belief in romantic love. My love interest is now myself and I am giving the time, effort and attention to me. He was too dumb and arrogant to see the person who truly loved him was his wife. His social life plummeted, he retired, and his family has nothing to do with him not that they're anything special themselves. Their contact ended years before the LTA and had nothing to do with them finding anything out. The asshole didn't fall far from the tree.
So here I am still healing, still learning, still growing but I am better and truer to myself. The anger will always be there, I can't see anything ever eradicating that. I just know the me that exists now should always have been there because I feel things would've played out differently and I wish I had the knowledge about narcissists that I do now. I would have been able to understand what was being done to me from gaslighting on, and known what I was really dealing with.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Thanks for letting me reflect and vent.
2 comments posted: Monday, March 13th, 2023
This one's for the ladies, sorry guys.
I'm not a fan of Miley Cyrus but my daughter is and sent me her new song Flowers. There are so many times songs are mentioned here that help us get through and this one is about the realization and value of loving yourself.
Miley was cheated on and filmed the video in the home he brought other women to, wears his suit that he had on when he corrected her behavior on the red carpet and she released it on his birthday. Nice.
I love the message of the song, we can buy ourselves flowers, hold our own hands and love ourselves better than someone else can. It's a crucial lesson many of us here learn and just wanted to mention it because it is uplifting.
"I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don't understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
I can love me better than you can"
7 comments posted: Monday, January 30th, 2023