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I am throwing the BS flag at your response Malibu, especially with your posts in another thread about revenge.

His sending cards may be triggering OBS. Fine I get it. However, equating his sending cards once a year, even though he is the victim of an affair and was damaged by it, to cheaters themselves is over the top and your defending those comments are over the top too.

I don't agree with his sending the card though it is his way of healing. However to equate him to cheaters themselves is bull !!

OM owns this and if his OBS triggers so easily, maybe she should have dumped his sorry ass. She is a victim too but R is a process. She needs to place the blame on her foul assed husband. That's where it belongs.

BTW, I agree with Prissy and thanks JPN. You understood where I was coming from. It is the posts equating him to waywards that didn't sit well with me. His exw and the OM are the main culprits here. They don't fuck around, two happy go lucky families are living normal lives.

[This message edited by Western at 12:17 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

I also agree with Tigersrule and JPN. Analyst needs help.

Equating him to cheaters is not helping him.

Wrong for sending the card ? Sure although I get the temptation to do it. But some of these responses ? Wow

I do feel badly for the other victim, the OBS

[This message edited by Western at 12:07 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

He was asking for help, not attacks.

First page I suggested he seek IC for his unhealthy lashing out and knowing full well how unkind it was but still feeling good about it. That is, imo, sociopathic. These quotes are from an article on Psychopaths that helped me understand the motivations of the OW in my situation who stalked both my FWH and I for 8 years. I feel Analyst fits these quotes.

They don’t view “winning” in the positive sense of achieving success–be it successful long-term relationships or professional endeavors–but rather as causing others to lose.

However, looking at these prominent examples helps us understand better the distorted logic of sociopathy. It’s an “I win if you lose” mentality.

I don't feel anyone has been classless. We are appalled that a BS feels no responsibility in causing others to suffer from the collateral damage that they are now having a hand in. Yes, the WS's started the domino effect, Analyst didn't need to continue the domino effect. He did and not only that he exacerbated it. He is not absolved of anything. If you believe in God and judgment day, Analyst, think of the time you will have to explain to Him how justified you were in possibly causing a child irreparable harm because you "needed" revenge.

P.S. I don't believe Analyst really wants "help". He wants validation and wants to boast, imo. Because...sociopath.

eta: short sentence

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:40 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

Good grief!

This is three years out and some of you are acting like (excusing) this is a BS lashing out right after D-day.

Analyst isn't sending the cards to OM - he's sending them to the OBS (or at least so that she will get them).

THREE YEARS OUT.

At some point the shitty behavior of a BS needs to be owned by that BS.

Get some IC help Analyst, and get over yourself (you might also want to see an orthopedic Dr to fix that broken arm you got patting yourself on the back.)

So analyst since you have no problem going after an innocent woman who has done NOTHING to you why stop there?

Why don't you send his children a card as well?

Spell it out to his kids what their father did, and based upon what you've been doing with this woman you should have NO PROBLEM going after his kids as well.

I am throwing the BS flag at your response Malibu, especially with your posts in another thread about revenge.

Really? My post about revenge is directed at the bitch that had an A with my husband, not her spouse. So if you think I'm full of shit so be it. I want the jugular of the person who was in the A not the spouse. He is as innocent as I am. The last thing I would do is inflict pain on him.

I have been vocal in my opposition to how analyst conducted himself, but as a fellow betrayed, I feel bad for him. We all should. Pointing out he is acting in a shitty manner should be exclusive of isakong him feel bad too. We are after all, hitting him now too. Analyst: you’re right to feel pain and hatred for OM. I empathize there. If you could legally punish him indefinitely I’d say go for it. You’re not as bad as a cheater etc etc not scum of the earth, but in your time of pain you need to decide the person this is will turn you into. That’s all. For your own sake. I agree the bashinbhas gotten excessive, myself included. I apologize. Please though, treat the obs like you would want to be treated. Treat the OM however you want

Edit: we betrayeds know what it feels like to be powerless and humiliated. It’s ok to take back your power, assert yourself in the world, redefine yourself as someone who got knocked down and came back swinging stronger like rocky. I encourage that. Just don’t step on innocents to do it.

[This message edited by nicenomore at 12:57 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

Plus, I still have feelings towards my xWW.

Just something to ponder, your WW made those vows to you and broke them. That is usually where a large percentage of our anger goes too, with secondary anger to the AP. If you are lashing out this way to the OM - what are your dealings and feelings at his point towards your xWW? Or are you directing all these feelings towards the AP because of your current feelings towards your ex?

I just don't feel this is healthy for you. My ex has APs all around my little town but I had put the majority of my angry feelings on him because he is the one that broke those vows.

Regardless, as the years pass you get to a point where you are just glad you are beyond that and have gone through the stages of healing. Sending some hurt card would not provide me any satisfaction because I am so far from that stage. Do you see yourself progressing in the stages? It feels like you are stuck in a very early level of the hurt.

Please stop these actions so you can progress to a better place within you.

I don't have an OBS to worry about because the OW is a single never married who needed a sperm donor and responsible father so she could reproduce on someone else's dime. I'll admit that I wanted revenge and had some great fantasies that were shared here on SI. But I ultimately waited for life to catch up with her and it has been enjoyable to watch. First a tree fell on her house on a sunny, windless day. I'll take that. Now, a lawsuit has been filed against her by a large group of people because she stepped over the legal line in her lifelong need to be on top. I'll take that.

I'm a BS who has stayed with my H. I have also been a stay at home mom most of my marriage. I take offense that you seem to feel some type of superiority over the OBS because she stayed. You know nothing about their life. You don't know if she stayed for convenience, money, love, or the child. Maybe she was able to give her H some bit of mercy. Maybe they live a miserable life with pain and suffering everyday. And a heads up, the A has affected her ability to be the best mother she could be. Why are you so bullish that you cannot see that you are contributing to the pain of this woman?

I will say that your attempt to drive a wedge may have backfired. You may have provided them a common enemy that will bind them together, not split them. The AP goes into protection mode and the OBS gets to feel a bit of the protection that the A stripped.

T/J @Lovedyoumore

Now, a lawsuit has been filed against her by a large group of people because she stepped over the legal line in her lifelong need to be on top. I'll take that.

Woot Woot! That is great. Now, when you have to see its ugly mug on tv or the newspaper it will be because she is in trouble. Some solace there. end T/J

The card thing doesn't really bother me. She chose to reconcile with a person that set fire to another person's marriage. There is a price in marriage, you are connected to each other's shitty deeds. If once a year she receives a card, so be it, as long as its directs at the POSOM.

That said, I don't really think this action is healthy. At some point you just got to let it go and move on with your life. Too much time wasted on the past leaves you stuck their.

But I'm not going to ridicule him for this, her Wayward brought this all upon himself and so long as he isn't breaking any laws then so be it. If she gets this card and WS gets some shit for a couple days, I'm not too upset. I imagine she knows the card by now and it gets tossed in the trash.

She chose to reconcile with a person that set fire to another person's marriage.

I agree 100% with Randy. What the OW is to me I know full well my WH is in their marriage. I can hardly blame the OBS for feeling this way.

I never said i agree with how he is handling it but yes, I am absolutely calling out the classless posts here and the equating him to waywards. That to me is the definition of insanity. He is trying to get back at AP. While I feel his tactic is a wrong one to use, I see people in these forums cheering people on when they expose AP to their workplace, jeopardizing their jobs and causing greater damage to OBS than any fucking card is going to do. Yes, OP got this guy fired too. I get that. Good. H owever, there is an issue of perspective here. He is essentially crying out for help here in his own odd way and all some of you can do is label him deranged. NICENOMORE has the right approacch in his posts. Maybe you all should learn from him. Regarding OBS if a single card is going to trigger her so badly, then maybe she should reconsider R. After all, it sounds like AP made out. He gets to keep his wife and gets to stay at home all day while the wife he abused works to support him. That is the tragedy here. Moreso than a card.

ANALYST, maybe get into IC . The situation you are in is unfair however you need to move on and rebuild, not mess with someone who was in your shoes but chose a different path. The OBS is still losing. You are better off. Act like it

This is become less and less a place to help each other

and more and more about if you don't do things the "right" way you are brow beaten and ridiculed until you turn away from SI.

Whether its this, revenge affairs, revenge period, contacting the AP, once a cheater always a cheater, etc. its becoming this mentality that there is only "one way" to process, one way to behave, one way to express how you feel.

Respectfully challenging each other in our thinking is what makes this place a way of healing but when we get caught up in being holier than thou attitude we do a disservice to each other.

[This message edited by prissy4lyfe at 1:57 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

I completely agree with Randy. 100%. Said it better than i could. I also agree with Evenkeel.

Besides Malibu, I support getting even. Some people do it in different ways. OBS took on some of the collateral damage when she took back her man-whore husband. I feel badly for her but it was her choice. The card may bee wrong but it is to me a very minor issue un comparison to what was done tyo Analyst

To all those who suggested seeing a psychologist or some sort of IC, I can honestly say that it is not going to work. I do not want to offend anyone here. Believe me it is not my purpose. I actually love this country for all the money I could earn here. Seriously! However, the suggestion sounds so American and so not Rusian culturally. Folks will look have a reaction: "Are you pshycho or something? Man up. Be a man, dump this b***, get into a couple of weeka of drinking spree and then start f*** for a year or two various women because all women are w*** and all men need only one thing".

I know it sounds barbaric but the Russian mentality still is very strong in the US. If you do not believe me then just Google Russia outlawed propaganda of homosexuality and you will see the majority of people strongly support this barbaric measure, i.e. two consenting adults could be put in jail or fined for demonstrating publicly gay relationship. I still have to live with these people. I still have friends in Brooklyn where the best Russian made food is made by the way.

Western -

He's sending them TO THE OBS.

I do send cards to OBS every Thanksgiving Holiday congratulating her on staying with her POS

To say, well, he's getting back at the AP by tormenting the OBS is a ridiculous bank shot.

Want to send a Fuck You card to the AP? no problem. Not exactly healthy, but sure.

Attacking the OBS and taking delight in it? Yeah...that's "deranged"

And it wasn't a single card. It's been three. three years.

To all those who suggested seeing a psychologist or some sort of IC, I can honestly say that it is not going to work. I do not want to offend anyone here. Believe me it is not my purpose. I actually love this country for all the money I could earn here. Seriously! However, the suggestion sounds so American and so not Rusian culturally. Folks will look have a reaction: "Are you pshycho or something? Man up. Be a man, dump this b***, get into a couple of weeka of drinking spree and then start f*** for a year or two various women because all women are w*** and all men need only one thing".

I know it sounds barbaric but the Russian mentality still is very strong in the US. If you do not believe me then just Google Russia outlawed propaganda of homosexuality and you will see the majority of people strongly support this barbaric measure, i.e. two consenting adults could be put in jail or fined for demonstrating publicly gay relationship. I still have to live with these people. I still have friends in Brooklyn where the best Russian made food is made by the way.

Keep justifying your shitty behavior.

Culture is no excuse for bad behavior actually. The "n" word comes from southern american culture and while it's not used like that now while raising kids, many people were raised using that word it's STILL wrong.

You've had MANY suggestions which you choose to ignore, so again for like the third time now, WHY are you posting this? What is your goal?

i can't because I'm Russian.

well, that's a first for me.