SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Culture is no excuse for bad behavior actually. The "n" word comes from southern american culture and while it's not used like that now while raising kids, many people were raised using that word it's STILL wrong.

You must HATE rap music...

This is become less and less a place to help each other

and more and more about if you don't do things the "right" way you are brow beaten and ridiculed until you turn away from SI.

Whether its this, revenge affairs, revenge period, contacting the AP, once a cheater always a cheater, etc. its becoming this mentality that there is only "one way" to process, one way to behave, one way to express how you feel.

Respectfully challenging each other in our thinking is what makes this place a way of healing but when we get caught up in being holier than thou attitude we do a disservice to each other.

Hell yes to this! If you're not some sort of martyr to the marriage you're in the wrong here.

ha ha ha ha

He is stating fact though. I am russian. They are rather odd like that. I am a second generation american so I have not been, but due to things I've gone through, they are rather odd compared to americans.

I'm all for revenge. But feel it's misplaced in this situation.

I also don't believe the OP is asking for help so he can stop this. He admits it makes him feel good to know he's upsetting the OBS, that he's causing friction in her family,and that yes, the kids can probably feel it as well. He seems to be bragging, IMO.

OP.. something to consider...at this point, even if it does cause some tension with his wife(who probably just throws your cards away, unopened)..you have to know that the OM probably feel some satisfaction in the obvious fact that he has power over you. It's been years, yet you're still clearly not healing well. You pissed him off with the first card. But, by now, he probably just smirks when the card comes because he knows you're still hurting. All you're really accomplishing here is opening a window into your life for the OM. He knows you're hurting..and after you sent that card,and wrote what you did to his wife and caused her further pain, I would imagine that now he loves the fact that you're still hurting so much.

Something to think about.

I would have thought a Russian man would have beat the fuck out of the affair partner instead of harassing an innocent woman using the postal service. Perhaps this is the new Russia?

So those who have no problem with him sending a card every year to this woman should have no problem him sending a card to his kid every year as well.

His wife and child are just "collateral damage".

[This message edited by Booyah at 2:23 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

HellFire,

you have to know that the OM probably feel some satisfaction in the obvious fact that he has power over you.

Question: If "happy wife - leads to happy life" then is it completely incorrect to assume "unhappy wife - leads to ... what? Perhaps unhappy holiday season"

Now honestly, I just want him to pay the price and I do not feel he had paid enough.

Fuck yeah, I behave better than Analyst in this kind of situation. (not sending a card to OBS) You wanna call that holier than thou, go ahead.

There is nothing wrong in making judgments about people's behaviour. Life is about judgments. We make judgments everyday based on information and facts.

Yeah, Imma gonna judge Analyst's behaviour as unhealthy, unkind, and sociopathic.

eta: to fix word, clarity

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 3:46 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

PlanC:

I would have thought a Russian man would have beat the fuck out of the affair partner instead of harassing an innocent woman using the postal service.

Yeah, this is what I would probably do if we still loved back home: get together with my brother and taught him a lesson. Now, I live in the US so I hit where it hurts the most: his job. I wanted him to lose it because he also violated his employment code of conduct. If he is earning less now while I am making more then I feel good. It makes sense now.

Booyah,

So those who have no problem with him sending a card every year to this woman should have no problem him sending a card to his kid every year as well.

His wife and child are just "collateral damage".

Yes, they are collateral damage to his affair. None of it would have happened had he acted appropriately. The reason why I did not send anything to his children is because they are too young to understand. Plus, eventually they will know and remember it.

Worndown,

The OBS took this scumbag back. This scumbag destroyed Analyst's marriage.

Now she protects him or at least took him back.

Did she expect the problem to go away that easily ?

If he is in such pain, why does she think he'll let it go ?

He won't. He needs counseling.

But she now owns her own husband's shit. Because she kept him.

A card ?? No, that doesn't hurt as bad as everytime she sees him naked and thinks about OW, everytime she hears OW's name, everythime she leaves him home alone (which is everyday BTW) and thinking about what he is doing.........

By reconciling with him, she put herself in hell.

Analyst is already in hell. He's divorced because of these 2 scummy human beings who betrayed their spouses.

He's trying to reach him through her. I don't agree with that method but I do agree that he has to make this asshat feel pain. She never have taken this scumbag back.

That's all I am saying

and you know this as I respect you as a poster more than many here but I simply disagree

[This message edited by Western at 3:58 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

Analyst,

I know you are of a different culture.

I am disagreeing to the premise here that sending a card to the OBS is a bad thing when compared to other issues.

However, you must keep in mind that those posting here are usually Americans and Canadians and not from other cultures.

That's why you get such resistance.

Look, I can't stand the OM. POS. His wife was a fool to reconcile with such a scumbag.

However, this isn't Europe. Things are definitely different here where you will get more pushback and while the OBS decided to reconcile, she doesn't need additional crap on her plate. She has enough and it's him

So...... going back a little bit, someone made a tasteless post, and I wanna make sure that was me. Can I get some kinda confirmation?

EvenKeel,

If you are lashing out this way to the OM - what are your dealings and feelings at his point towards your xWW? Or are you directing all these feelings towards the AP because of your current feelings towards your ex?

The following reasons:

1) she was his subbordinate;

2) she has suffered enough because her culture puts way more extra weight on female fidelity than on male fidelity, i.e. Ukraine is not much different here;

3) she lost the house as we sold it and I got the money and a "best friend, a great guy who cared" (her words);

4) I stil am thinking off getting together with her once she proves she learnt her lesson;

5) she did not escape her punishment;

So, are you saying that any BS that chooses to attempt R with a WS somehow just deserves whatever anyone chooses to dish out to them? Because you have the inside scoop on what work the WS has done or is doing, etc?

If this is how you feel, exactly WHY are you here? Just to encourage everyone to D and take down as many people in the process as possible?

I'm really trying to understand what the end game is here.

And this is exactly why I didn't marry into My culture. Russian, Ukrainian...I witnessed the mistreatment if my aunt's by their husbands. It appears to me that you're going after the oBS, a woman because it's easier than continuing to harrass her husband. Low! Even for a BS.

Leave the poor woman alone.

And to think of any BS who chooses to reconcile with their wayward as beneath you is paramount to how messed up you are. How many here have successfully R'd? To many to count.

"The reason why I didn't send anything to his children is because they are too young to understand. Plus, eventually they will know and remember it".

I'm sure when his kids are old enough you'll be there to tell them all the shit their father did". Even if it's ten yrs from now.

Well, if no one is going to confirm that my post is tastless, I'll just gafta try harder.

^^^^yep!^^^^

eta: We cross posted, ntv, and my post was meant for Booyah's. But, it probably works with your post, too.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 4:31 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

Analyst- i come from German heritage. We were taught to be stoic, unemotional and strong. Pride is big, and conservatism is paramount, and forgiveness is not natural. I understand the context of your Upbringing. But you are right, his wife is collateral to his actions, why make her collateral to yours as well? I doubt she took him back out of sincere undying love, more than likely necessity. It will take years for her to feel close to the love she may have had for him before. Likely she is vulnerable, financially dependent, and constrained by a disabled child. She probably wasn’t strong enough or capable of leaving him. Im sure she thinks about it regularly. It may happen 10 years from now anyway! She may just be Biding her time. In fact for your sake, i hope When she is ready, she leaves him blindsided. Imagine that? 15 years after he thinks he is fine, she leaves him. Wouldn’t that be deserved punshment? But for now, she is weak. She is wounded like you. I see what you were trying to do with the cards, but my point is not to avoid seeking revenge, but that you couldnhave done it ina way that didn’t target her. As i have said before you would have been much better off being kind, caring and sweeet to her. Guarantee her husband would have suffered much worse that way. You can’t kill him (laws), you can’t sue him (no money, plus he has a sick child), you could have hit him where it hurts... just hope you see that. And I’m the end, of you get over all your justifiable anger, you will live well once they don’t matter to you.

The OBS took this scumbag back. This scumbag destroyed Analyst's marriage.

Now she protects him or at least took him back.

Did she expect the problem to go away that easily ?

Wow. That is quite the message to all the BSs in R.