SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Nicenomore, you again hit the nail on the head.

Marchmadness, I am not very pro-R but if you do R, there are issues to deal with. Some positive, some negative.

Maybe you don't understand this, then shame on you.

This OM and his xw destroyed his marriage.

If that was you, would you let it go that easily ???

I doubt it.

But let me explain something about my history here. I am not very pro-R because of issues like this and the issues on the R board here which looks often times like a graveyard of marriages.

Rather than attacking me, maybe you should be over there helping some of those folks who need it.

One final point. I am not 100% against R. But most of the time I am because people can move on and do better in many cases and some can't get over it but try and live in misery for years afterwards.

It is what it is

Maybe that's over your head

I also agree with Seward and Stayedforthekids.

Seward

Do you mean sewardak? Yeah, I don't think you do agree with her.

He's trying to reach him through her. I don't agree with that method but I do agree that he has to make this asshat feel pain. She never have taken this scumbag back

Is there any other way? If I send it to him then he would just throw it away without telling his spouse? I just do not see any other way. I do not think I would send send anything to his children. For once, I would not know how to do it 10 years from now because chances are I would not know how to find them.

He's trying to reach him through her. I don't agree with that method but I do agree that he has to make this asshat feel pain. She never have taken this scumbag back

Is there any other way? If I send it to him then he would just throw it away without telling his spouse? I just do not see any other way. I do not think I would send send anything to his children. For once, I would not know how to do it 10 years from now because chances are I would not know how to find them.

Troll away, Analyst. No reasonable person could be as obtuse as you.

This is why I started disregarding Western's posts a long time ago:

I also agree with Seward and Stayedforthekids.

He doesn't seem to have an original thought unless it's to be insulting. I agree with this person, I agree with that person, as if somehow his agreement is validating.

If you don't agree with his agreement, the insults come out. In my case, because I reconciled after the first affair and there was a second it was "How'd that work out for you?" On this post it's calling the reconciliation forum the graveyard of marriages and implying that wives who take their husbands back deserve misery and there's nothing wrong with the OPs behavior.

The fact is that one who exacts vengeance by harassing the innocent is a bad person. Period. The OBS is not responsible for the actions of her husband. And while her husband may be responsible for what he brought into her life, the OP is also responsible for his actions to harass the innocent. Each individual person is responsible for his actions and the fallout from it. The only person responsible for cheating with the OPs wife is the OM. His wife did nothing to this man and does not deserve this continued contact anymore than the family of someone who commits murder deserves to be harassed for the perpetrator's actions. It's the reason we don't put family members in jail for the actions of criminals. She does not deserve to be punished for staying with her husband and her children do not deserve to be punished for their parents attempt at keeping a family intact. And if you think they do, there is something mentally wrong with you.

Analyst, the only thing you are doing is making yourself look more and more pathetic. You will never exact enough revenge to fix what is wrong with you by doing this. You need therapy. I feel very sorry for you that this is where you are 3 years after the fact and that your justification for tormenting the innocent is that someone else deserves it. Enjoy the rest of your life being consumed by the actions of someone else. They say the best revenge is a life well lived. I'm sad for you that you will never get that because the hatred consuming you will never bring you peace and you will never fully enjoy your prosperity. I also pity anyone who gets close to you who isn't perfect because someone who thinks he gets to decide when someone else has suffered enough is too full of himself to recognize his own flaws and is unlikely to ever think there's been enough suffering in others. You need to seriously look at who you are because punishing the innocent sure does make you look like a bad person no matter how you justify it.

Wow this thread has developed in the past few days.

Analyst: Your position is unchanged and will likely remain so. You realize that now with your actions that you are losing respect, yes? This is because you are choosing to act like less of a man that you could be. This is up to you to fix.

Western I have a pointed question for you: Do you believe that the horrific wrong inflicted upon Analyst by the OM justifies the continued harm he has inflicted upon OBS and her children?

T/j

Yeah. Western I’m a little shocked at your posts here.

Analyst explained that he sent his cards to the OBS and that he knew she stayed with him for financial reasons and their child.

Well maybe you have never been in the position of being financially dependent upon someone, because you had babies and stayed home to raise them, perhaps for your self or your children.

Maybe, you’ve never had to eat that shit sandwich with an extra helping of “I’ll do what i have to and protect my child.”

Maybe, you have no idea what the OBS is going through but you feel all super judgy as a betrayed that you want to take your hurt and anger out on them, instead of the two people who actually betrayed you.

Maybe, you don’t want to recognize that betrayeds do not get a pass on morality in all aspects of life because their SO cheated on them.

Maybe, you also want retribution from those who have not wronged you, but didn’t do as you did, which makes them lesser to you, because they chose to reconcile, whatever their reasons.

End t/j

Analyst,

Everyone has posted in the beginning as helpful as possible. You’ve doubled down.

Truly just know there Is no peace on this road. This woman did not hurt you, and she made decisions based on her and her children’s needs.

Hurting her, again and again, is beneath any moral person.

If I send it to him then he would just throw it away without telling his spouse?

But that is the point most people on this thread are making. That quote is an admission that you are trying to DO it TO his spouse. That's what people don't understand/think is shitty.

I understand there is a cultural barrier here, but do you not see this?

Analyst you're full of shit!!!!

In your very first post you say, "I do not consider myself to be a mean person"?

WELL LET ME TELL YOU WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO THIS WOMAN

IS DEFINITELY MEAN BUT TRYING TO MAKE YOU SEE THIS IS AN

EXERCISE IN FUTILITY!!

In your second post you said "I 100% agree that she is collateral damage. Her children are collateral damage too".

A WOMAN AND CHILDREN WHO DID NOTHING TO YOU ARE IN YOUR FUCKED UP MIND "COLLATERAL DAMAGE"!!!

In your next post you said, "there is NO way she could afford to divorce him. She pretty much has to stay home".

SO YOU FLAT OUT KNOW SHE HAD NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO

STAY WITH THIS LOSER AND TO EAT THE SHIT SANDWICH HE

DISHED OUT TO HER AND HIS KIDS AND YET DESPITE HER BEING INNOCENT OF ANY WRONG DOING TO YOU YOU THINK

IT'S OK TO TORMENT HER!!!

"My goal is not to torment her"?

I CALL BS ON THIS BECAUSE WITH YOUR FUCKED UP LOGIC IF SHE'S UNHAPPY IT WILL BE PAYBACK TO OM!!

For anyone on here who has a problem with anything I've stated that is your choice, HOWEVER I stand by EVERY SINGLE DAMN WORD I've said to analyst.

Her husband is a cheater (NOT HER NOR HER CHILDREN) and going after them to try and even the scales of justice IN MY OPINION makes analyst one screwed up SOB.

Referring to an INNOCENT woman & her children as "COLLATERAl DAMAGE" tells me all I need to know about who and what analyst is.

Everyone. Please re-read the Guidelines, especially this one:

Thank you

Wifehad5 you should just lock down this thread.

Going after OBSs? That's being advocated for now?

Pretty sure somewhere in the guidelines that's prohibited. If not, it's at least not in the spirit of the site.

Booyah,

Why are you so rude? I was not rude with you. Ok, plain and simple: I want him to have a bad time. I do believe that all he lost was money tgough no doubt it was probably quite a substantial amount of money. After all, Home Depot flooring department pays less to their sales staff than what he earned as the medical device sales manager.

WornDown,

Going after OBSs? That's being advocated for now?

I do not advocate the violence against either WS or BS (though sometimes I believe that a WS deserves it).

I advocate the justice. Look, if her WS disregarded my marriage and disregarded her happiness then why do you call upon me to have higher standards than him? Meaning, he was OK to hurt her and his marriage and I should not be OK hurting him and his marriage.

I just hate what he has done and that he got away with it. He still has a job albeit less paying. He still got to keep his wife because there is nowhere she could go. I had to get rid off mine because the folks around will laugh at me had I choose to stay with my spouse...

At the risk of just perpetuating this whole thread, Analyst what more are you hoping to achieve here?

Analyst-

I’ve been direct and maybe even harsh on you, I’m sense of humanity tells me what you did to the OBS is wrong for all the reasons I listed. I pity her, but i also feel bad for you man. You are still in the place of internal torment... all bs know that place. Im sorry your still there. I’ve realized attacking you while you’re down as well is also wrong. Ive said my peace and i sincerely find yours. Go out with your new paycheck, get yourself a few new tailored suits and a nice new car (what I did) and go meet some beautiful women. Show everyone, including yourself, that your better than how you are now. Send the OM a card next year with you and a new better woman than your wife was, thank him for cleaning up your garbage and soiling his life with it so you could have better, and tell him you forgive him for being weak, and in your moment of pain, being as weak as he is. Do that. But please, don’t target the OBS anymore. If you need to, send the card from a different return address, so he doesn’t know it’s from you until he opens it.

[This message edited by nicenomore at 10:49 PM, November 30th (Thursday)]

I do not advocate the violence against either WS or BS (though sometimes I believe that a WS deserves it).

Oh, you don't advocate violence. Just mental cruelty and harassment. I guess That's makes it ok then.

I advocate the justice. Look, if her WS disregarded my marriage and disregarded her happiness then why do you call upon me to have higher standards than him? Meaning, he was OK to hurt her and his marriage and I should not be OK hurting him and his marriage.

I just hate what he has done and that he got away with it. He still has a job albeit less paying. He still got to keep his wife because there is nowhere she could go. I had to get rid off mine because the folks around will laugh at me had I choose to stay with my spouse...

A) What "punishment" is acceptable to you? Death?

B) Keep justifying inflicting pain in the OBS.

C) You're just bitter that he's still married and you're not. Grow up. You made your choice (because you were afraid of being laughed at? Really?).

I normally support the BS but I guess you're the exception that proves the rule.

Immoral, unethical behavior is always that, regardless of who does it; regardless of the justifications.

Analyst, are you angry that even though OM was a scumbag cheater he still has a wife who is considered "honorable" in your culture? Are you angry at OBS that she got to keep her WS because it's more acceptable in your culture? Are you angry at them both because reconciliation was acceptable for them but not for you?

Hardtimesinlife,

Look even here in the US a female BS receives more sympathy than a male BS...

Russian mentality os full of cliches and myth. If a man sleeps around then it is "Oh, it is his nature, hormones etc." If a woman cheats then she is a whore... it makes is much harder for a man to forgive his WW.

Here are some more: "a woman will never stray if a husband is good: works, earns money and does not drink and if a woman strays then either something is wrong with her husband sexually or she is just a whore. If so, why do you need a whore?" Even here if you live with Russians folks will still believe it. Now Russian traditions are not as crazy as some other one: Russians do not stone WW, they do not practice female genital circumsition etc. However, they are still behind even among those who live in the US. My other point is that my family would have never accepted that "you live with some slut while there are other good women (i.e. cook well, do not cheat, have children, do laundry etc.) around"

[This message edited by Analyst at 1:28 AM, December 1st (Friday)]