Newest Member: Papi


BH D-Day 2.19.17 Divorced 12.10.18 This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

Food Processors and Boundaries

(posting here because I guess this isn't quite a New Beginnings matter)

Yesterday I finally got around to addressing the garlic powder that had hardened into a nearly single rock inside its bottle due to an improperly closed lid and humidity. I began looking inside my pantry for the smaller of our two food processors which was the perfect size for the amount of garlic that I needed to grind back into powder form. But when I looked on the shelf where I always knew it to be, it wasn't there. I looked all over the rest of the pantry, behind other smaller appliances. I looked all over the rest of the kitchen with mounting frustration.

Then a thought crossed my mind. I turned to my youngest son and asked, "Did mom take the little food processor?" He thought a moment and said, "Yeah, the last time she was here." This would have been a couple of weeks ago when she dropped him off after he stayed at her place for a few days over his spring break.

I'm frustrated by this. The lack of decorum really pissed me off and still does.

A few months after she moved out of the house after our divorce and a couple of weeks before she moved an hour away without telling me she was moving, there was a previous incident. She replaced my kitchen trash can with her old one and put my old one in the garage without telling me. With no explanation. I mean, how weird is that? Who does that?

I never brought up the trash can incident. But after this recent one, I had to text her and tell her to not take anything from the house without first asking and/or telling me. (BECAUSE MAYBE THAT'S THE CONSIDERATE THING TO DO)

mad mad

{{End Vent}}

4 comments posted: Sunday, April 10th, 2022

Which is more of a slap in the face??

Hello, SI Fam.

It's been a while since I've posted anything. And I haven't found myself visiting the forums much either. In fact, even though I did drop by a couple weeks ago, I still find the new layout quite off-putting.

The title of this post is in regards to this - I haven't had a raise in over 5 years. Today, my boss emailed me to let me know that they are raising my base compensation by 1%. He didn't phrase it like that. Instead, he gave me a figure that my salary was being "adjusted" to, and I did the math myself.

So, what's the bigger slap to the face?

Not getting a raise in forever, or your boss notifying you that after over 17 years with the company and for the first time in over 5 years you're getting a 1% raise.

I know this is just a big pity party. But I can't vent really vent this on my socials because I'm "friends" with my boss on most of them. My team members are practically in the same boat as me. We talk about a mutiny almost every day.

At least he thanked me for my service. mad

Anyhoo, vent over.

8 comments posted: Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

xww Moved...

I thought things were a bit off a few weeks ago.

Contrary to our custody agreement, XWW wanted to take DS14 for an entire week sort of randomly instead of the one-night-a-week-every-other-week arrangement that was stipulated in our divorce agreement.

Then the weird trash can incident which I last posted about...

A couple days DS14 mentioned how he didn't like the idea of going to XWW's place for an entire week. Which I agreed was unusual especially now that school is about to start. The last time he went, he was supposed to stay for an entire week but asked to come back early.

Today I learned XWW moved away to a town that's about 60 miles away. I had no clue. Her previous place was less than 5 miles away from our house. She made zero mention.

I'm struggling with this. Lately, I thought that we might be one of those D'd couples that finds our way back to each other. I don't know why. I know there are many obvious reasons why this could never work out. But there it is.

I'm struggling with not going down the rabbit hole, searching for AP on social media to see if he moved back. Pain shopping. All the feelings of inadequacy have returned.


15 comments posted: Saturday, August 1st, 2020

Trash Can

D happened December 2018.

XWW and I have been very basic communicado save for just kids.

I have been ok with her coming over to my (marital) house and hang with DS1 and DS2, just so long as I am not there.

I know this may not be ideal. Whatever. I am trying to find some sort of "normalcy" this close out after D.

In our divorce agreement, she would take DS15 go to her place every other week for one night. When lock down began, that pretty much went away.

A few days ago, she let me know that she wanted DS15 to be with her for a week. Whatever. That's fine. I can be agreeable just so that she could have time with her kids.

So today, while I was at work, she came and got DS15 for a week.

I noticed there was a new trash can in our house.

I asked DS15 what that was about and he told me XWW bought it.


....And scene.

Thoughts? I am ready for the lambasting.

19 comments posted: Friday, July 10th, 2020

Happy Birthday, Cattlefarmer!

He may never see this. But we grew close in my early days here on SI. We have since crossed the 4th wall and have connected outside of SI. He's a bloody legend!! And a true national hero fighting on the front lines (along with his kids) of his country's recent natural disasters.

Make some noise!!!!

5 comments posted: Wednesday, April 22nd, 2020

Still Coming Out

A friend of my XWW sent us a Christmas card a couple weeks ago. I just discovered it amongst a pile of unopened mail. It was addressed to the two us, as if we are still married.

This is a friend of my XWW from where she grew up. I'm tempted to reply that we're no longer together. The last time she and my XWW saw each other, my XWW dragged my kids to see her when she vacationed near us. It was about 6 months post Dday and my XWW moved out of our house for a few months just a few days later. So we were in the middle of the shit at that point. But my XWW never mentioned anything about it to her and acted like everything was hunky-dory.

Should I reply to her keeping it short and sweet? Or do I just let it lie?

7 comments posted: Sunday, January 5th, 2020

One Year

A year ago today, at about this same time, I walked out of a courthouse in a smallish rural town with 2 copies of my final divorce judgement in hand. XWW didn't even attend.

Good times.

14 comments posted: Tuesday, December 10th, 2019

Holding pattern (vent)

In a couple weeks I'll be a year out from divorced. It's been kind of a rough year. Just still been feeling stuck. Lost my dad a month ago.

Then ohforanewme's passing was big hit.

I've been trying to get back to finding myself, reading books, etc. Part of that also includes revisiting old hobbies and finding new ones.

One of my bucketlist experiences is to renovate an old RV or 4wd van into a something I could live in full time while I fish my way across the country visiting every major US state park. Even tried to figure out a way I could bring DS along, with the possibility of homeschooling him for a year.

You know who else was into van-life? XW's AP. They even spent time together fixing up his van. You know where they had sex? In his camper van. Sometime before we were divorced I stumbled upon his blog where he chronicled his van build and some of his travels. Yup, I got to see the scene of the crime. I got to see the van and the bed inside. Talk about pain shopping. Mind movies galore still.

And part of this hobby has me watching Youtube videos on van-life and conversions. Every time I see a thumbnail of another video of "guy converts old van into amazing campervan" I seriously get triggered that it might be of the AP.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Just that I can't get my head away from the affair. Still get mind movies. I'm so ready to move on with my life but my head and even my heart won't let me. I had a dream the other night that XW already had a new BF. I'm still hardcore NC with her so I have no idea what's happening with her. But it's in my head somewhere.

I hate to drone on like this. I guess I'm waiting for the "onward and upward" mantra to fully manifest itself.

I'm going to add that it hurts my heart knowing that ohforanewme isn't going to be chiming in on this thread. I miss you, friend.

13 comments posted: Saturday, November 23rd, 2019

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