Newest Member: nailofthe9

Catwoman

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Long term SO's ex

I've been with my SO for nearly 12.5 years now. We don't live together. His adult children all live overseas, so visits are quite rare and I have little interaction with them. I've met them, of course, but now that he and his ex are living 12 or so hours driving distance away, we see little of them.

His ex has, from time to time, in ALL of these years, stalked me on LinkedIn. She's doing it again now. For what reason I don't know. I am not an OP--he was separated more than 2 years and divorced 1.5 years when we met.

I've not told him, but I'm not sure how to deal with this. He never speaks ill of her, but he doesn't laud her either.

This just gripes me after all of this time.

Thoughts?

Cat

6 comments posted: Saturday, November 19th, 2022

Wedding Drama

I'm putting this here because there is somewhat of an infidelity tinge to this. Mods, feel free to move if you deem necessary.

WS and I do not speak at his request. In 2016 we ended our fifth complaint for contempt with a settlement and he told me he never wanted to speak with me ever again. Fine. WS is remarried (not to any of the OW he auditioned, however--at least as far as I know).

So obviously there is wedding stuff, but I stay away from him. I did have a superficial and relatively pleasant conversation with the woman he married at the most recent bridal shower. She's a bit on the tacky side (doesn't know how to dress for occasions and has a ginormous tattoo), but I don't have an issue with her.

My daughter invited this woman's children to her wedding. OK, fine. No problem there. Appropriate.

ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING, the woman's child TEXTED my child telling her she couldn't come because her child had broken his collarbone. She insinuated that it was a recent event (as in just happened).

It had happened two weeks prior to the wedding.

My daughter was upset. Not because she has a relationship with this woman, but because her father requires her to be kind and respectful to his wife's children and his wife doesn't require the same from her children. In fact, she said (I was there) "My Mom and Dad raised me to be respectful and to have standards. Why doesn't she require the same from her kids?"

The wench hurt my baby on what should be one of the most happy and exciting days of her life. That conversation should have happened a MINIMUM of 10 days ago, and it should have been a phone call and not a text. The bridesmaids and my oldest daughter were all up in arms (one bridesmaid asked if I would look the other way while she pushed my ex's wife down the stairs--naturally the answer is yes). You see, this wench has a wedding reception coming up (about 2 years too late, if you get my drift) and my daughters are expected to attend.

I guess I'm just venting. No one with a modicum of manners would pull that stunt on the day of someone's wedding.

I will say this--I stole a march on the ex's wife the day before the wedding. The invite for the rehearsal dinner said "cocktail attire." OK, I bought a very flattering Maggie London dress in my favorite red and paired it with nice stockings, black shoes and a matching black satin evening bag. Oh, and pearls: earrings, bracelet and necklace. The dress was very flattering where it needed to be and very forgiving where it needed to be. I call for the elevator and step on . . . with my ex and his wife coming down from an upper floor. She's dressed head-to-toe in Target (not that there is anything wrong with Target, but it's definitely not cocktail attire), tattoo front and center and looks more like she's ready for a backyard barbecue than a nice reception and dinner in honor of her stepdaughter.

We exchange pleasantries and walk out to the front. As we walk through the lobby, several people stopped and complimented me on my dress. People on the apron in front of the hotel said something nice about the dress. I respond with my classiest comeback: "What a nice thing to say--thank you!"

Game. Set. Match. No one outclasses Catwoman. I'm proud I didn't say a word during the next day's drama, but it definitely showed me that there are serious chinks in the armor. My girls are hurt, their friends are hurt for them, and they won't soon forget this. Nor should they.

Cat

12 comments posted: Monday, June 27th, 2022

The Mother of all New Beginnings

This has been brewing for quite some time now, but I can now safely let the cat out of the bag.

I'm leaving New England and going to start a new life in central Ohio. I'm originally from the Midwest and attended school in Ohio, so I will have a network of old friends and alumni. Garage Door Man retired and will be about 30 minutes away from me. I'll be closer to the family cottage and to my family in general (although right now I'm questioning the wisdom of that for other reasons--I'll post about that later). But most importantly, I can be remote and keep my really great job. I'm so excited. My expenses will be pared significantly, which will allow me to do some things I really want to do.

My current house has sold and I have purchased another one (sight unseen--this is a strange market). Movers have been hired and I am ready to go.

Cat

20 comments posted: Monday, June 6th, 2022

Family Issues

I'm having yet again more issues with my sister, so I thought I would ask for some collective wisdom.

The three of us more or less co-own a summer home. Since I have been living in New England, my involvement has been nominal but that should be changing with my relocation.

I have yet to see my new home (closing the first half of July, hopefully). It has a newer washer and dryer, which I am considering replacing with a stackable unit to free up some space. However, I'm not making a decision until I get out there.

So I sent a message to my sisters saying that depending on what I decide, if I do replace the laundry equipment, maybe we should take these units to the cottage.

I get an email over the weekend from one of my sisters pretty much demanding that I let her know when I'm going to arrange to bring the equipment to the cottage.

WTH?

I haven't even MOVED yet, let alone seen my new place to make a decision! And there will have to be some significant arrangements made because the place is an access nightmare, and there's no way I can transport anything of this nature myself.

I'm beyond angry at this point. I mean, it's so rude to be demanding like this. I understand that the laundry equipment on site is failing, but that doesn't mean I have to schedule my life around it.

Thoughts?

Cat

4 comments posted: Monday, June 6th, 2022

Terms of the Marital Separation Agreement

I'm long divorced, but one of the terms of our MSA was that my ex's grandmother's dining room furniture go to CatKid2. I had no problem with this at all. It was his grandmother's and it should stay with his family. At the time, he was pretty transient (moved 5 times in 8 years that I am aware).

CatKid2 lives out here and is being married in June. They're saving for a house, so I thought the dining room would be ideal to go to them now. Also, I'm relocating and don't want to move something when I can purchase where I end up.

CatKid2 doesn't want the dining room. Since her father told me in 2016 that he never wants to have anything to do with me ever again, I'm not going to deal with him directly. I've asked her to let him know that she doesn't want the furniture and to let me know how he would like to deal with it. Time is short at this point, but she is also conflict avoidant.

I have no problem taking the furniture with me, but I need to make that decision within a few days. I have no problem letting him have it, either. What I do NOT want to happen is for him to get a burr under his saddle blanket and decide to file a contempt claim because I didn't dispose of the furniture per the MSA. Do I think he will do that? Absolutely he would.

I feel guilty (but shouldn't) because I had offered CatKid2 to pay for a storage unit for 6 months (hopefully by that time they will have a house). If she doesn't want the furniture, she shouldn't be forced to have it. But I do feel that she needs to talk to her dad about her decision and let him know that I am amenable to whatever he wants to do with it. He has blocked me from contacting him, and he will not pick up a registered or certified letter from the post office if he knows it's from me. Even if he did pick it up, he probably wouldn't open it. He's very, very angry and bitter, still.

The one possibly course of action I could take on my own is to speak with his wife (not the OW) and have her approach it with him. We had a perfectly pleasant chat at one of CatKid2's bridal showers.

Would you do this? CatKid is 30 and should be capable of navigating this. But I'm afraid she won't. And I know he will do anything, still, to make my life difficult.

Cat

7 comments posted: Wednesday, June 1st, 2022

Online auctions

Has anyone used an online auction service like MaxSold to get rid of a bunch of unwanted household items that still have value? I've seen so many mixed reviews regarding MaxSold, and before I pull the trigger, I thought I would get some opinions. I haven't been successful at purchasing from them (but have bid in several auctions and didn't see anything wrong with how they managed things. A little pricey as far as commission, though.

Cat

8 comments posted: Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

How to find an out-of-state realtor

I'm ready to do it--put my home on the market and relocate back closer to where I am from. This will allow me to enjoy a lower cost of living and be closer to my family's summer cottage. I've identified where I would like to be, but I am having trouble finding a realtor that I can trust.

Any good realtor tips would be appreciated.

Cat

3 comments posted: Monday, April 4th, 2022

Air Fryer--yea or nay?

After hearing several of my friends absolutely RAVE about air fryers, I'm interested in other people's experiences, particularly since I live alone.

Worth the investment? What is a reasonable amount to pay? What do you make in it? Any buyer's remorse?

Thanks!

Cat

13 comments posted: Thursday, January 27th, 2022

The Boys in the Boat--great read!

I try and read non-fiction as well as my favorite "fluffy" fiction and beach reads. This was absolutely riveting: it deals with the 1936 Olympics and the Washington University team that was selected to represent the US. GREAT background on the Great Depression and Hitler's 1936 Olympics. The author does a great job discussing rowing: the various positions in an 8-man boat, the kinetics of rowing, the physical toll, etc.

Probably one of the best non-fiction books I've read since Laura Hillenbrand's Unbroken (which I also recommend).

OK--anyone else read it or have something in the non-fiction genre to recommend?

Cat

4 comments posted: Wednesday, September 15th, 2021

Not really sure how to feel

I have been with my SO 10 years this July. We don't co-habitate (mutual choice) but we spend a lot of time together, vacation together, etc. We really enjoy being together.

The pandemic has meant we haven't seen each other for a month, but we speak on the phone at least once daily and send emails during the day.

He is 69; I am 58. We discussed the age difference early on and it doesn't matter. He is very healthy and active, as am I. He had 4 children with his former spouse; I have 2 with mine. His two youngest and my two are close in age.

He asked me tonight to be his executor, take his dog and administrate his estate should he die. He had redone his will because he is concerned about the pandemic. I understand his concern. I will be more than willing to fulfill this responsibility, but I am concerned about dealing with his family issues. None of his children live in the area (hence the request), but his former spouse does and I would go through her to inform his children of any issue with their father. I think that is only respectful, although I have never met her or had any contact with her. They do not communicate.

Any thoughts on how to deal with this should it be an issue? I am flying by the seat of my pants here.

Cat

15 comments posted: Monday, April 6th, 2020

Best gps tracking device for a car

This is not infidelity related. My mother has mild dementia and until we can take the car away, my sisters and I are thinking about a GPS tracker, preferably one with an alarm that would alert us if she travels beyond a certain radius.

My parents have a summer home which is an access nightmare (think 70-plus steps up a cliff for two people who are 80--just very, very dangerous). They cannot be up there any longer--it's just too dangerous. However, my mother has told all who will listen that this is exactly what they are going to do. Don't know if she'll actually do it, but she's talking about it.

Thanks for any help!

Cat

0 comment posted: Thursday, January 26th, 2017

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