I've been separated for almost 20 months and in my own place for 8 months, so I feel like I finally have something to post in this forum.
Fear: I was terrified that I would not be able to afford a place, pay my bills, and feed my kids.
Reality: Growing up with a single mom who made very little has taught me amazing survival skills. What I used to mock my mom for, I now do religiously. I shop onlybdales, wash my Ziploc bags, make coffee to go rather than stop somewhere, pack a lunch if I'm going shopping,etc. I am amazed how much I save each month. Ad well, I lice and die with a day planner where I track my bills and all money coming out. I have saved enough each month to keep my legal bills down to a manageable amount.
Fear: I would be lonely going to bed alone every night.
Reality: Yup, I'm lonely every night, but it's not as bad as I thought. I know it's just till I fall asleep, and the morning is something that I take joy in, with the rituals I have developed. And it gets better as I start to enjoy living alone. I bought a used bed and a new matress with news pillows and sheets. There is no trace of my WW to be found, and it is liberating!
Fear: I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life, feelong like I was just a tired old man.
Reality: I'm a good guy, I have a career, I'm King, intelligent, healthy, open minded, and not completely unattractive. I never realized that those were atractive qualities and I have had interest. I had an on again off again relationship with an amazing woman. And even though it did not work out, it taught me that I can love and be loved again. It also taught me im okay alone. I can be happy with my own company and do most things alone now.
Fear: I was worried that my kids would prefer being with their mom.
Reality: that was just stupid. Their mother is a controlled crash. Chaos is the order of the day. Again, growing up has taught me to be an excellent single parent. I run a good household and take care of my kids. Most times, I need to remind my STBXWW to take care of things during her week. In fact, one of my kids said something to me that was quite telling. She said that mom was always glad to get rid of us at the end of her week, and I was always glad to get them. She's never been maternal.
I have my place, my soot on the couch, and my rituals. I make amazing meals on my alone weeks to give myself something to do. I walk, I run, I talk to friends and family. I keep busy. But most of all, I now have peace. It is a beautiful, wonderful word and I have it emblazoned on my favourite mug to enjoy every morning.