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Divorce/Separation :
Fear vs. reality


robinbird12 ( member #80235) posted at 3:41 PM on Friday, July 8th, 2022

Well, I have an update!

Fear- my wealthy WH will screw me in our settlement. I will be poor and my ex will be incredibly rich, and I will be jealous for life in addition to struggling and miserable

Reality - Well, I am not screwed completely... from a monitary perspective, my ex will maintain a much higher quality of life than me. However all of that belonged to his parents and was gifted to him as thus was divorce proof.

HOWEVER! I got a great job in the USA and they will have a fine upbringing. Their schooling and university and young adult costs will be taken care of. All costs growing up will be split by half. Because things are a lot cheaper in the US I can actual provide them with a similar quality of life.

I know I could have gotten more money if I had agreed to stay in this country and fought him, but actual quality of life wise and ability to make my own money... USA wins big time.

Fear- my ex won’t let me take me out kids to my home country, even though he never took care of them. I will either have to abandon my children or be a poor single mother in a foreign country with no support system

Reality - WE ARE GOING HOME! My home culture, my wonderful family, my life-long friends and their children... I AM THRILLED- I still can't believe he let me. I know this is the number one thing people fight about in a divorce and it is the reason I basically had no cards in the settlement, but that's okay. I got what mattered.

Fear- I was the problem in our relationship (he was an alcoholic narcissist so probably not) and I will never be in a healthy relationship. I will be alone forever.

Reality - Still single, haven't remotely dated or wanted to.

Betrayed Wife, 39

2 preschool age children

Year long affair, he left me for the OW in Feb 2022

Divorcing, no contact, separated by an ocean thank god

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8743852

Pregnantand3kids ( new member #80437) posted at 3:40 AM on Monday, July 18th, 2022

I am 5 months pregnant and found out my husband was having an affair with a younger girl that works at his restaurant, I don’t think this is the first time according to what the other coworkers have told me about his behavior but he denies anything, this affair alone is enough to break me, he wants to make it right but there was so many emotions felt and said throughout this affair too that bothers me, he wants to make things right we have three other young children who are very confused and I am not really at a good emotional state right now. I just think he might do it again as he was such a good liar and manipulator before when I trusted him so much and I don’t want to live always on the edge. He is a great guy and I know he does care about us but I think he has a problem with craving attention from something new, I want him to get out of this restaurant but he won’t because he says we wouldn’t survive financially. Some days are good some days are bad but I have no clue what to do right now and everyday I struggle. I broke down one day and asked him for money for a divorce he gave it to me and then never answered my phone calls after or tried to talk me out of it so I put the retainer fee $3500. Now I don’t know if I want a divorce but I am just so torn.

posts: 1   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2022
id 8745216

BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:31 AM on Monday, July 18th, 2022

Hey there- I think starting a separate post will get you more responses- your post may get lost in this thread. (And keep reading here and in the healing library and the jFO forum).

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5114   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8745226

Crazytrain101 ( member #48200) posted at 8:27 PM on Wednesday, October 5th, 2022

Oh my, thank you for this post! I am just now headed into the D process, likely will be a long one.

All I have is fear right now but hopefully I can come back and read this post aand reflect on the realties:

FEAR--STBX will find someone to love and actually be happy.

LIKELY REALITY-STBX will cheat on this wife as he's a narcissistic serial cheater.

FEAR-STBX will father more children and put them through a mess of a life.

FEAR-I'll be labeled that "single" friend and all my married friends will think I'm after their husbands.

FEAR-my kids will suffer and be harmed through the whole divorce process.

FEAR-my post-nuptial with infidelity clause will not hold up in court and I have to give STBX 50/50 of my hard earned business I just started 3 years ago.

FEAR-I will be too old to find someone that I can actually trust after the mess I've lived for 15 years with his crazy ass.

FEAR-I'll look like a failure that I'm divorced and people will think I'm the messed up one.

FEAR-I'll not be able to financially have the life that I've grown accustomed to.

FEAR-my STBX will continue to play mind games with the kids and alienate them from me with his lies.

FEAR--the IHS will take its toll on my emotional health.

[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 8:27 PM, Wednesday, October 5th]

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8758330
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