I was going to post on a previous post of mine but I've been off of SI for awhile because of the D craziness. It's literally costing me every penny and every spare moment fighting this mess.
So my STBXH has taken my DS14 for the last 3 months and even with police intervention I have not being able to see him and communication is limited on the flip side mt DD15 was told by my STBXH that he wouldn't be picking her up for any more visitation. My kids haven't seen each other in months as well. The attorneys have mandated counseling with a therapist that can testify in court to whats best for the kids. We have all seen the therapist except for my DS14 as the therapist was out of town and could only do a remote session which I flatly refused due to STBXH being present.
Mediation was a huge mess,no aggreance on anything and STBXH's attorney has said he is going to challenge the post-nutial agreement giving me 75% of everything and has even vowed to appeal any unfavorable outcome and will keep appealling it. Depositions are scheduled for next month.
On the additonal point we have a court order stating that no paramores be around our children and STBXH has my DS14 at the girlfriends house and also at his place weekly--hence the info from her XH whom I've helped in the past.I'm gettingy solid proof from my PI verify shortly.
I've wanted my attorneys to file a motion for contempt on the custody but they are hoping having the therapist making the determination and testifying in court will give me full custody...I am just not sure at this point. The wheels of justice turn slowly here.
My narc STBXH will not play by the rules, I shouldv'e known what to expect.I know this is going to be the long game, he's saddled paying rent, mortgage, all the bills etc. and legal fees.
I'm just so tired already of all this mess.
14 comments posted: Tuesday, July 18th, 2023
Soon to be ex is already wrecking new peoples lives new girlfriends former husband reaches out to me for help
Well that didn't take long-in the middle of this mess of a divorce with my crazy STBXH I should've known there was going to be more surprises
Just yesterday I get a FB request from a guy in my town, seemed legit, maybe someone in my business so I accepted the request.
Later on I received a message from this man. It basically said "your ex-husband is dating my ex-wife and I'm seeing lots of red flags"--duh, do you think?
He proceeded to tell me that my STBXH has been dating his XW and that he wanted to know if he was a con man
Anyone who follows me might know my STBXH is sociopath, con man, cheated with countless women, lies about everything, says he has cancer, he's a pilot, he divorced, has done so many crazy & dangerous things to me over the M.
This man says he had a amicable divorce, he had been co-parenting well with the XW and now there's nothing but issues since STBXH came on the scene. He and my STBXH had a physical altercation the other day at her house, this guy threw him over his car and into some trash cans and THIS is how STBXH hurt his knee (he told DS it was something at work).
Then STBXH told the girlfriend to file an Order of Protection against this XH--which she did
So he wanted to know everything about my STBXH so I spilled out all the his craziness, cheating, buliemia, abuse towards me and my kids--this poor guy was shocked but kind about it all. Asked if I could help him, his XW got set up pretty well in the divorce so he's worried about my STBXH taking her financially and if he could be trusted around HIS kids. I said I don't trust him around my own kids for that matter.
My question is this, besides filing him in on the STBXH what else can I do? I mean with my STBXH he's going to wreck her life but I doubt she's believe me as he's already told her I'm the crazy one as narcs do
55 comments posted: Monday, April 17th, 2023
Getting kids full time--questions & concerns
So-currently divorcing my Narc STBXH, it's going to be long and drawn out event for sure.
Before the temp parenting plan, STBXH took my son for 7 weeks and refused to let me see or talk to him--when finally ordered to bring me my son initially STBXH told DS to act bad and throw things around which after speaking with my attorney he suggested to call the police--which did result in a police visit as well as the STBXH showing up--since we had no plan in place the police suggested STBXH just take my DS. Later that night STBXH filed a restraining order against me on behalf of my DS. His attorney was furious. 10 days later it was dismissed by STBXH.
Once the plan was in place, STBXH called and asked if I was going to "demand" DS come visit, I said YES. He said DS didn't love me and why would I call the police on him to traumatize him, I said I don;t need to call the police because if YOU don't comply you'll end up in contempt of court and possibly serve a few days of time.
When I FINALLY saw my DS he said to me "DAD told me to act bad that night--he said you would call him to get me & you wouldn't make me come back" I was literally heartbroken and furious! Also that night STBXH pulled DS into his room after I dropped him off to dinner and came out crying telling my DD who was there that "he was going to die"--I have no earthly idea what the hell is going on?!?! I do know that DS has witnessed tons of STBXH's cheating and STBXH knows I have the proof for our post-nuptial with infidelity clause so what the hell is he needing to keep my son under lock and key for? I'm sure that's why he moved out while I was out of town with my DD and took him.
Needless to say STBXH begrudgingly caved and we have been doing the 50/50 successfully for 6 weeks.
Here's my new concern (amoung many), we are currently on a temp parenting plan that's 50/50.My attorneys have advised due to the kids age that by next year they can chose to not 50/50 likely before the D is over BUT I have come to realize my STBXH is using my son as his "flying monkey" after listening to a conversation the other night.
STBXH said the following to my DS 14:
Did anyone talk about me at Easter? DS replied NO-STBXH said, "I'm sure you wouldn't tell me anyways"
Did you tell your mom you wanted grilled chicken haha (STBXH knew my grill flew into my pool the other day) DS said NO.
Did they wait for you kids to come over before they ate Easter dinner? DS said YES--STBXH said "well I'm surprised"
Are you going to play football this year? DS said NO-he wanted to play soccer--STBXH said he wanted a DNA test since a son of his would want to play football.
The conversation before that included this gem "I saw your mom's Facebook photos of you both on Spring Break--you looked like you had fun..DS said nothing--STBXH says "well that's really great for you now isn't it" an proceeded to hang up on my DS 14.
Please keep in mind that there is ZERO co-parenting happening here--STBXH and I do not speak and although I've sen t many emails concerning the kids I have received ZERO response EVER.
AND my DS is very peppery towards me on a lot of occasions with I rebuff and tell him I will not tolerate any disrespect.
He is with a therapist through school about to go to a better therapist shortly but DS is not really talking about what STBXH is telling him.
I'm going to try and tape any conversations I can but this is beyond insane--my DS is very fearful of my STBXH and if my DS would speak up I'm sure I would get full custody. My attorneys think since 50/50 is so favored right now in the courts and the kids ages 14 & 15 it's worthless without a huge issue.
Ideas-insight--much needed and appreciated. CT
4 comments posted: Friday, April 14th, 2023
Midst of a divorce but might have meet a unicorn of a man
STBXH searching SI
26 comments posted: Monday, April 3rd, 2023
Navigating my divorce with the post-nuptial with infidelity clause
I've been lacking on the site recently as my divorce is proving to be a full time job. We are currently doing 50/50 time which is proving to be hell for my kids, they are so stressed and unhinged. My DS (almost 14) who my STBXH took when he moved out is doing horrible in school, is angry and its breaking my heart into pieces. My STBXH told him basically to hate me, when he saw me to act badly as to which I wouldn't want to take him anymore, so I'm trying to undo that psychological damage the crazy narc shithead has ingrained in my DS's head during the 7 weeks he had him.
I am so grateful to have DS back and on visitation with my DD 15 but the switching back and forth is taking its toll on them.
My attorney has said there's not that much that can be done currently to obtain full custody since there isn't that smoking gun of evidence to take STBXH's custody. They did say by this time next year they will be able to chose at 15 and 16 a full time place to stay--so I am hoping I get them full time then as they said the court will not make them do 50/50 at that age if they chose not to do so. So its going to be a rough one year.
So divorce related, discovery has been traded and I clearly have all the cheating proof I need to use my post-nuptial but both STBXH and I are about $20,000 a piece in payments to our attorneys with no end in sight. STBXH is paying both his rent and my mortgage as both are in his name, he has double of all bills so he's stressed money wise. He had already taken $160,000 in cash from our safe and took another $40,000 from a joint savings in cash. So i refuse to contribute to the bills until that money is turned back in and held by the attorneys.
SO--my attorneys proposed a scenario which I was hoping you could help with.
They did a 55/45% split 55 to me--he gets all the crap, vehicles I dont want, RV.s , mowers etc. I keep my business and properties which have not been appraised and held solely by me. He keeps his business which is impossible to value since he really doesn't keep any real sort of books.
They want me to give him $180,000 cash and refinance the houses's mortgage of $270,000 and we all ride off on our merry way. They WAY they have encouraged me to think about it as is this--the value they gave our home is $1,200,000 without an appraisal I likely can get possibly between $1,400,000 and upwards to $1,800,000 but that depends on the market which is great here at the present (and I'm in real estate) so they think if they can get him to take it I can net another $200,000 upwards to $600,000 and sell once he quitclaims it to me. SO I can get 75% in a round about way just not as it looks on paper with STBXH. He'll see the 55/45 and maybe take it.
But I also have to liquidate a investment property and be a little stressed with a mortgage and the possibility of what the house will really sell for.
Attorneys have said it will be well over a year before we see the judge and the outcome may be the same as present with this deal--not likely worse though. Also I can't get him to help with college for the kids and have already defined the insurance, extra curriculars etc.
IF the judge does hold up my post-nuptial which is solid--although he wont admit to the proof I have, has already lied about the cash hes holding ( I have that proof too) and is already a huge liar and the attorneys have said the judge assigned will hate him and his lies BUT there is always the remote chance things could not end up exactly as it's stated in the post-nuptial.
ALSO----STBH has told my kids he plans to remarry as SOON as we are divorced so I know he's motivated to get this done.
I need your insight and help---I am so stressed and between the sleepless nights and my poor sweet children I am a wreck.
For anyone who doesn't know my saga, STBXH cheated with 13 women before caught in 2016 which lead to the post-nuptial with infidelity clause and was caught again in August 2022 with 4 more women, is a narc, likely a sociopath and who else knows. He's tracked me unknowingly and done some crazy revengeful shit to me. Although we no longer speak and only communicate through email which he reads but NEVER replies so NO co-parenting.
Thanks in advance CT101
20 comments posted: Thursday, March 30th, 2023
Preparing for battle in the strange calm in my house
Hi everyone, my fisrt D-Day was in 2015, mutiple AP's (over 13 ) I filed for D and with the WH andchose R of my youngest stayed married but only a post-nuptial infidelity agreement. Now here again D-Day 2 weeks ago. We have just started the D.
I have a great attorney, have created an email with loads of infidelity evidence, nudes of himself, hotel receipts...blah..blah..you get my point. Undeniable proof that I'm still sure my WH will deny. I have two AP's willing to come testify about the affair.
I met with my attorney to go over everything, yes the post-nuptial will hold up. He's required to pay on the house until my youngest is 18 (5 years), attorney fees, alimony, a lot of financially devastating stuff. I'm planning on building the best case for me to have primary custody and him visitation and have lots to prove that I am the best option.
My WH hasn't been told as of yet, my cheating WH told his attorney I was having an affair (the 75/25 split also goes against me if were to have cheated). I included that so the post-nuptial was fair.
Things are strangely quiet at the house since I haven't been able to get him out, we don't speak to each other but very weird. A few backhanded remarks by him but overall quiet.
My WH is very money orientated, and unstable and I firmly believe this is the calm before the storm approaching. My kids start IC today so I'm hoping they can start to heal through this.
Has anyone experienced this before a fall out? Things are just too stangely calm for me to believe this is going to continue for an extended amount of time.
114 comments posted: Wednesday, September 28th, 2022
Apparently my son knew of my WH's cheating for 4 months
Hi again everyone,
So a slight revelation since my d-day about 8 days ago, my son (14) said I quote "Dad's been getting away with it for 4 months"...heartbreaking for him.
I've noticed a lot of anger from my son and he was being disrespectful to me out of the blue, has anyone had expereince in navigating a situation in which a young teen had to keep his WH/WW's secrets?
He does start therapy Wednesday but I wonder what else I can do, his heart is so broken. We are divorcing and althoguh my WH wants full custody (completly crazy since he really does zero parenting) BUT since the divorce is proceeding (i'll be using my post-nuptial with fidelity clause for sure) he's literally been MIA.
He's out ALL the time, not interested in taking the kids to their sports, to school, basically has dumped their care 100% in my lap (minus the little he did before).
I'm at a loss, If I were trying to get custody or even care for my kids like I do in this situation I would be showing them I can be a good parent.
I have to believe WH is not out patrolling new women with the post-nuptial on the table--I mean I'm sure we will have a hearing, proof will be brought to court and the proponderance of it all settled on--why risk getting anymore of his hands dirty. I know I'm trying to figure out a sociopath at this point, so maybe this is more of a vent but I just don't know what gives with my WH?
10 comments posted: Sunday, September 25th, 2022
Found out 6 years ago he was a serial cheater--reconciled, now back again
This forum was my lifesaver in 2015. I randomly found out about 1 supposed OP with my WH and prior to the polygraph (THANK YOU SI) it was 13 OW . Some craigslist, some ex-girlfriends, some he used his business to predatorize (he's a contractor)
Well, I had 2 young kids, was a stay at home mom and just decided after him begging to reconcile. He promised therapy, full transparency, tracking, basically the much needed open book policy.
I would not reconcile unless we had a post-nuptial agreement since I filed for divorce immediately. I spent days upon days here on SI and researching and basically helped my attorney draft up the best we could do. I had him consulkt his attorney, included in the PN that he was advised, his attorney said not to sign, he signed anyways.It gives me 75% of everything--minus his business. I get to stay in the primary residence until my youngest turns 18--he pays the mortgage.THe PN (post-nuptial) included everything from having a burner phone, being alon in a house with a woman alone, you name it--AND not exclusive for me to have a in person woman testify to him cheating--the proof could be anything really.It basically just needs to be solid.
He signed, I signed life somewhat got back to normal, I stayed home a few more years, started a flexible business and have been successful for the last t3 years.
Then 3 years ago, (3 years in to reconciling) he comes home with a sports car--saying he needed it to not cheat on me. Or should I say he needed the distraction from white knuckling his sick addiction. I was blown away--started backing off and watching. His buliema which was always an issue always picks up heavy when he's trying to court a new OP. NEed to slim right?!?!?
Lots of red flags, but he's a master cheater! My daughter sees him with a burner phone and he gaslights her and says she's crazy and didn't see anything.
I'm not initmate with him for sure at this pointout of safety. I see my attorney plan to file for a divorce but he beats me to it. We talked one more time and decided he would go back to full transparency, go to counseling and he would pull the divorce. I know stupid me!
Well 3 days ago a woman reaches out of a social media platform to inform me my WH has been cheating through the site with MULTIPLE woman. They all banded together and contacted me, sent me 70 screen shots of text exchanges of I love yous, sex stuff, telling them he's sterile, one thought she was pregnant, how he was divorced---naked pictures of himself--the list goes on. They were SO nice and I of course do not blame them so they have become incredible allies.
So here I am AGAIN.
Barely eating, sleepless and planning on this divorce hopefully under the steep terms of the post-nuptial with infidelity clause.
It is beyond me that he would even try to cheat again with having this in place, there;s a lot to lose and he loves his money more then women for sure.
Please excuse my ramblings and bad grammer as I am mentally a wreck, planning a battle with a sociopath and stressed beyond belief. My kids know some and are so angry he messed their family up, 12 and 13 years old.
53 comments posted: Tuesday, September 20th, 2022
I have an instant checkmate subscription and can help
Hi all, just wanted to extend a invitation to anyone who needs numbers and names checked, I have a instant checkmate subscription that gives numbers, addresses and emails and relatives.
So since I have it we might as well get my monies worth.☺️
Just pm me!
[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 10:21 AM, July 14th (Thursday)]
5 comments posted: Thursday, July 14th, 2016
A little helpful info for iPhone users 😇
Hi all, I seem to be posting this for a few other BS's needing some help with their WS's iPhones so I thought it would be helpful to share here.
If you have access to the WS's iPhone in about less then 3 minutes you can set it up threw its own settings so that apps can't be added and deleted (a common thing for cheaters to do) also you can block porn, adult websites, even stops removing, modifying accounts in mail and contacts as well as disabling private browsing mode.
Here's how you can do it, go into general, settings, scroll down to restrictions, you'll have to enter a pin only YOU know of 4 digits.
Then you can access a screen that has a ton of choices, if you scroll mid way down that screen you'll be able to see installing new apps, and deleting new apps, slide both those bars over.
Also while stil, there you can go into the "allowed content" section and disallow anything explicit being spoke into Siri, and if you go to the websites bar you can click it and check "limit adult content" this disallows any porn, or adult websites from even being accessed and also disallows the private browsing feature.
The last thing that I suggest is to go on the same restrictions page and under "allow changes"click on accounts and and check "don't allow changes" this keeps adding, removing, or modifying accounts in mail, contacts and calendars.
Lastly I'd go to google like you were searching something and scroll WAY down to the sign in at the very bottom which in most cases is the search engine and sign in the phone with either a gmail account you have or your WS's account (might be less noticeable if they ever really paid attention to it.
Now you can search google history and log in wth the gmail and password and see everything that the phone has searched EVEN if it's been deleted on the iPhone or iPad.
Maybe this will help some people!
4 comments posted: Wednesday, June 15th, 2016
Google maps location??
Hi everyone, does anyone know why I can see what location my WH visited but not the date? It doesn't give me anything but location.
Much appreciate it!
6 comments posted: Thursday, May 19th, 2016
Hi all, I'm probably late to the game with this but just posting for anyone new. In an iPhone in general then scroll down to restrictions you can disengage the private browsing option! Also you can enter a restriction for no adult websites.
You can also block apps from being added and deleted as well. Common cheaters game as they add the app and delete it.
Also you can stop multi player games.
So in a nut shell you can stop the private browsing, stop access of porn websites and other things pretty much unknowingly. I've told my kiddos and WH that I used an online program to do it so hopefully they won't try to figure out that it's simply on their phones so they don't try and think they can undo it.
[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 1:10 PM, May 16th (Monday)]
6 comments posted: Monday, May 16th, 2016
Found deleted photos that had names in blue boxes?
Hi all, I did Dr. Phone on WH's old android and 2 pictures came up with the women's names in an odd blue box on each. One appeared to be a full name, the other a nickname.
Is it from a dating site or hook up site that anyone knows of?
5 comments posted: Wednesday, April 6th, 2016
Anyone purchase a cell phone finder?
Hi, has anyone purchased a cell phone finder? Ive looked on some jail sites that uses them for detecting cell phones on or off. I'm looking for an easier way to find a spare phone or tracker.
Looking for anyone who has one of these and their reliability?
0 comment posted: Saturday, August 1st, 2015
Any tips for using FlexSpy on an iphone
Hi all, anyone currently using FlexSpy extreme on their WS's phone?
I'm curious how the remote photo taking and microphone work? My WH uses a otterbox holster on his phone.
0 comment posted: Friday, July 24th, 2015
If you want to read Verizon texts
Hi everyone. If you have verizon I've got a new way we can do it discreetly.
Go to the App Store and download the Verizon messenger app.
Step 2 put the number in when it asks you but BE SURE you have the target phone for at least 2 minutes time.
Step 3 enter the number and wait for the security code, enter the security code.
Step 4 if it's an iPhone turn off their iMessage, you don't have to do this but it interferes with what you can receive.
Step 5- delete the Verizon text with the code...duh!
Step 6- make sure you download the app on a device you don't use as much or they'll notice like an iPad or your main device just hide it over where you need to swipe it to see.
And it's all FREE the best part! If your non-iPhone users even better. You can read every message in real time.
The only thing that I haven't figured out is if we'll be able to see the detailed message if the OTHER person texting using iMessage has it on. If that's the case at least we can see what the target phone says, hopefully. Let me know if turning off iMessage is too conspicuous, I'm afraid it might be though.
4 comments posted: Monday, July 20th, 2015