Newest Member: MamaTo7

Scattercushion

Songs - how the words can match exactly how you feel

Sometimes you hear a song and just connect with the lyrics….

I heard this the other day on UK radio, the lyrics that summed up how I was feeling. I know the pain will pass but I wish it would bloody hurry up and go.

Sam Ryder - All the way over

Still got your number, but I don't call it
I'm still in pieces and it would be worse if we were talking
'Cause it feels like you're still stuck inside my heart
So how are you completely so together
While I completely fall apart?
I know you're doing okay 'cause I still talk to all your friends
I wish I was doing okay, but there's no way I can pretend
'Cause I'm not all the way over you yet
God knows I try, but you're hard to forget
They say there will come a day when this pain will leave my chest
But I'm not all the way over you yet
Time heals, but it'll feel like slow motion
It's like I'm tryna move on but I'm frozen
Oh, it's just some kind of mystery I'll never get to the bottom of
How do you keep moving forward while I'm grinding to a stop?
'Cause I'm not all the way over you yet
God knows I try, but you're hard to forget
They say there will come a day when this pain will leave my chest
But I'm not all the way over you yet
I keep on crying over you
And I keep on trying to get over you
Are you all the way over me yet?
Just say you are, and I'll try to forget
They say there will come a day when this pain will leave my chest
But I'm not all the way over you yet

Hopefully at some point in 2023 I’ll be listening to a new song that I connect with again and it will be upbeat dancing around the house song.

Any upbeat suggestions?

19 comments posted: Friday, December 30th, 2022

This is about to get more real and I’m scared

I’ve had NC from WS since he told me Tuesday he was choosing her and their 8 weeks over me and our 15 years. Tuesdays messages were all about how he was feeling, devastated he was hurting me, confused, worried for me. I ignored them.

I fly to the UK Monday to see him. I need to hear everything once, not just that he fell in love and doesn’t understand why. I know I’m tormenting myself by doing it.

I’ve started to tell more friends about his affair and that he has left me, everyone is completely shocked, telling me that if ever there was a couple this wouldn’t happen to it was us.

In my head I’m being strong. I’ve not messaged him on a stupid pretence. I’ve taken my wedding off, I’m moving all his clothes out of our wardrobe today. Things of his lying around the house are being put away but yesterday was awful.

I woke up yesterday with their "secret " song going around in my head and I couldn’t stop it. The tears came and oh boy they didn’t stop. When I finally calmed down and went out I put the car through a car wash but forgot to press the button to turn the engine off and the wipers were still on. I had a blind panic but luckily the lady behind me was English too and she got the wash stopped and I sorted things out. She looked at me and asked "are you having a bad day" and I burst into tears on her. She was so kind to me, god she must have thought what a lunatic!

The thing is I know that what he did was wrong and that I deserve a whole heap more respect than he has shown me and our marriage. Why didn’t he stop and back away when he his feelings started to change towards her at the beginning, god it wasn’t that long ago! Why did he come to Spain and torture me by telling me everything and say at the same time he wanted nothing to change between us BUT I love him and still can’t see my "new" life here without him. I don’t want him not in my life. If he was to say on Monday he’s sorry, remorseful, wants to work on himself and us I know I’d say yes please. Id be willing to give it a try even though right now I don’t know if I could ever forget how cruel he’s been or if I could ever fully trust him again but I’d still say yes please. Does that make me pathetic or just human?

This is where i am scared. Telling his mum on Tuesday face to face feels like putting the final nail in the coffin (although I’m not sure he will actually come with me to see her). He’s currently living with AP having no contact with his friends or family and not going to work. He’s in hiding, which is typical him to bury his head in the sand. His best friend has told him again he is making a huge mistake. Once the news goes round the family (they are all very close) will he feel isolated and feel he can’t realise /rectify his error. Will I have backed him into a corner?

He’s blocked me on FB but liked a post I wrote about some work being finished on our home.

I don’t believe he will change his mind on her so I’m trying to build walls to protect myself but at the same time hoping things will be different. Reading this post back I see how confused I am, how I read it and think "this woman needs to wake up" he’s not coming back.

In one of his messages he said he loved our life together and that moving to Spain was a dream and that giving it and me up is the most difficult thing he has ever done but shows how he feels (towards her) to do it. I want to shout "doesn’t seem like it was very difficult" and "don’t give it up then", what a contradiction.

I’m such a mess. I hate feeling like this.

56 comments posted: Thursday, October 13th, 2022

How can he love 2 people and how do I deal with it?

Sorry but this will be long. I have never posted online before but just need to get everything out as I’m being torn apart
Me 48
Husband 50
Married 15 years

History: We met at the end of unhappy 1st marriages, we both divorced, we stayed together got married and had a fantastic 15 years. 2019 I suffered serious illness but got through it. 2020 during COVID we spent 8 months and all our time together and loved it. 2021 we decided to relocate from the uk to Spain. We sold our house etc and moved Jan 2022. As he was not yet old enough he could not retire so we agreed that he would commute between Spain and the UK for work. Time apart varied from 5 days to 2 weeks. We knew it would be tough but he was retiring Nov 22 so there was a date to aim for.

He doesn’t enjoy being on his own a lot so over the months I’ve told him to do something he hasn’t done before, visit museums, new areas, old areas etc.
About 6 weeks ago he told me he had tracked an old school friend down, told me all about her, her life, her family, her marriage breakup early in 2022. At the time he said that it was like 35 years didn’t exist and they hit it off really well. I was so pleased. Pleased he had found something to fill his days, pleased he had reconnected with an old friend. I took no notice of the fact they had been a couple at 14, that was 35 years ago. Over the next few weeks he spent a few days with her and her child and I found myself getting a bit jealous. Why I asked myself, he worships me and the foundation of my world is that I know just how much he loves me. He told me after a while that he really cared about her, shes just like me in many ways, they were great friends blah blah. Again I was pleased for him I never gave it a second thought.

On a recent home visit to me he started talking in his sleep, called me by her name and said some inappropriate things. The following day I tackled him about it and he confessed that he was in love with her and that he was really messed up and he didn’t know how he could be in love with 2 people. They had talked about it and she felt the same. No sex but they could talk about everything and anything and wondered why they’d split up at 15ish. He wanted to be completely honest with so over the last 2 weeks while with me has told me absolutely everything. Obviously in shock I have tried to understand, tried to talk, cried and shouted a bit too. He keeps telling me there are things I want to hear and things I don’t. His emotions have gone from I’m in love with someone else then to I can’t be without you then to I don’t know if we are over and finally to I have to spend the next 6 weeks with OW to fit in a lifetime of friendship before I say goodbye to her (I’m due back to the Uk in 6 weeks). For the 2 weeks he was with me he told me when he was texting her, told me when he was going out to call her insisting that she didn’t know he was telling me his feelings and if she didn’t hear from him she would worry. He has said more things in his sleep that have been heartbreaking.

All this time telling me how I would never know how much he loved me and always would and that he was destroyed. He didn’t want to break 3 peoples hearts and that he would be the biggest loser. I have struggled with how he can break her heart when they have only been in contact 6 weeks. It was possibly the worst 2 weeks I’ve been through, my emotions are shot.

So as it now stands he left me in Spain a week ago. He’s gone to work his head out as only he can do it in his own way but day after he arrived he went straight to her, telling me obviously first. He is "happy" there and doesn’t want to go back to his bed sit and be on his own. He didn’t want things to change between us and for the first few days we exchanged texts and calls but I had to put a stop to it. I’ve told him I have to take a step back, I can’t pretend everything is ok while he thinks about leaving me.

I told him I thought he was having a crisis of some kind. New country, early retirement, his own ill health. I even send him an article on an EA all the way along saying I love him and want to get through this together. I can’t just throw 15 years away without a bloody good fight. He just tells me nothing he reads will help he has to work it out and he’s broken and wants to be better.

I’ve done a week of tears, shouting at myself. How could he do it, what have I done, he’s a complete idiot, she’s as messed up as he is and everything in between. I can’t believe I’m in this situation. In my heart deep down I know I’ve lost him,I just don’t think he has the courage to say it but I am finding it far too difficult to just throw it all away that easily. I’ll do whatever it takes to help him but he’s not open to counselling he just in his own head, living with her and talking to her about everything. What kind of a fool am I to know my husband is with a woman he "loves" while I’m in a different country with few friends on my own and say I need to step back and have no contact. Am I giving him an easy option out? I told him the door wasn’t shut but he needs to sort himself out and I need to process.

Everything happens for a reason I say and usually we never know. This is one I’d really like to understand. How long do I wait for his "decision", I’m scared of prompting it as I think I know what it will be. I miss him so very much, miss out texts or daily numerous chats. I’m trying to be strong and tell myself I’ve done nothing wrong and I’m not a bad person and I will be ok but sometimes I just don’t believe myself. I wish the tears would stop.

35 comments posted: Thursday, September 29th, 2022

How can he love 2 people and how do I deal with it? (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

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