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General :
Bigger trauma

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 Groot1988 (original poster member #84337) posted at 1:16 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

We have had a huge life event happen. One so much bigger than the A. I always said that the only thing worse than what he did would be for something to happen to one of our kids.
Our son last week lost his legs in a freak accident and we are three surgeries in and working on his 4th this week. We have cried and bonded and I still can’t help but throw up the A sometimes. Not in a mean way but in a way where how could he ever jeopardize time with him and not feel this massive amount of guilt now. Well I only asked once and when he fell to his knees and sobbed it’s clear he does. The amount this man has changed is astronomical but here I am still holding him to the fire while he’s already climbing to get out.

My emdr will be moving towards my son because we were present during the accident and we are stuggling with ptsd. I know that this situation will either make us or break us and so far, I don’t think we have loved each other more.
He hasn’t left us in the hospital and he has bent over backwards for our son to make sure he is comfortable and happy. (As happy as he can make him)

He sat me down yesterday and told me I was still allowed to be hurt by what he did and sad but asked me to see my counselor because now I have two traumas and I’m not doing well. I will post later on down the road about the abandonment I felt during my sons accident but clearly I’m not ready to yet but I could use some advice as time goes on. I’m hoping she can help that healing process so I can focus more on my son vs my feelings.

I won’t be here as much as I used to and we will be mainly focused on our son but I hope down the road as we watch our son heal and thrive and do amazing things , so will we and we will have a success story. Our family needs each other more than we ever have.

I have never felt so much pain in my life watching my son like he is but I know he will be amazing just like all of us once we heal. I guess we will all heal together.

If you’re the praying kind please keep us in them.

Married 5 years (together 11) Four children Me Bs 36Him WH 35- 4 month PA Dday Oct 6- lots of TT final disclosure Jan 16.

"If we walk through hell we might as well hold hands, we should make this a home"- citizen soldier

posts: 465   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2024   ·   location: Darker side of gray
id 8852346
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Dorothy123 ( member #53116) posted at 1:52 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

I'm so sorry.

Big hugs.

"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.

posts: 5543   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2016   ·   location: a happy place
id 8852348
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 2:08 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

Oh, Groot. I'm so unbelievably sorry. You're right, there is nothing worse than watching serious harm come to your child and being unable to stop it. My heart goes out to you in hope.

WW/BW

posts: 3672   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8852349
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InkHulk ( member #80400) posted at 2:43 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

The cruelty of life levels me sometimes. Like now. Prayers for your baby, for you, for all of you.

People are more important than the relationships they are in.

posts: 2440   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2022
id 8852354
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Beachgirl73 ( member #74764) posted at 2:43 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

Oh Groot,

You and your son are in my prayers. 🙏🏻❤️

posts: 140   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2020
id 8852355
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 3:02 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

((((Groot)))))
I'm so sorry this has happened.
Know that we are here for you.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20302   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8852356
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:06 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

So sorry, Groot.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3960   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8852357
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SadieMae ( member #42986) posted at 3:13 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

I am so sorry for everything that your family is going through, but so thankful that you and your H are able to be there for each other and for your children. I am also glad that your H has his head on straight and realizes what is most important. Sending prayers for you all.

Me: BW D-day 3/9/2014
TT until 6/2016
TT again Fall 2020
Yay! A new D-Day on 11/8/2023 WTAF

posts: 1449   ·   registered: Apr. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Sweet Tea in the Shade
id 8852359
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:50 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

I am so sorry. Sending mojo to your family and especially to your son.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30499   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8852361
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hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 4:09 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

There are no words. I am so horrified and sorry and sad reading this. I hope you will update us later when you are able. I will pray for you and your family.

7 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled

posts: 7617   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2017   ·   location: Arizona
id 8852363
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 Groot1988 (original poster member #84337) posted at 4:15 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

Is it wrong to be thankful my H grew and changed before this horrific event? Am I happy he cheated ? No. Do I think all things happen for a reason? Yes.

I can’t explain it but I just keep thinking what kind of shitty dad he would be in this instance if he wouldn’t have hit rock bottom? I can’t imagine getting the news my son lost his legs and my h was deep into an affair at the same time. I don’t think I would have ever bounced back.

I’m trying to think positively here without sounding morbid.

I am devastated about my son but I cope differently and I have to remain positive or I’ll fall into a big black hole and never get out of bed, my son needs me so, I can’t fail.

I am just thankful my son is still alive and at the moment laughing beside me watching tv and I hear my H sorting out details for his insurance on the phone.

Good lord we’ve all grown so much, I have to be thankful for that.

Married 5 years (together 11) Four children Me Bs 36Him WH 35- 4 month PA Dday Oct 6- lots of TT final disclosure Jan 16.

"If we walk through hell we might as well hold hands, we should make this a home"- citizen soldier

posts: 465   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2024   ·   location: Darker side of gray
id 8852366
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 4:27 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry that this happened to your precious child and for the trauma to your family. Sending love and hugs and sparkly good juju your way.

Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1548   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8852369
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 4:34 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

Oh Groot I'm so sorry crying keeping your family in my thoughts.

fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24

posts: 8917   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8852373
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Miserylikescompany ( member #83993) posted at 4:41 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

Oh Groot I am so, so sorry to hear this devastating news. You are in my thoughts <3

posts: 78   ·   registered: Oct. 12th, 2023
id 8852374
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hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 5:02 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

Groot- no it is not wrong to feel this way. Finding the silver linings is something I always strive for in crisis as well. That is the sort of thing that gets you and your family through things. I don’t think anything you feel at moments like these could be wrong. I too believe in divine timing. Take good care.

7 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled

posts: 7617   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2017   ·   location: Arizona
id 8852378
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:06 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

((((Hugs)))) to you and sending mojo to your son for his recovery.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6233   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8852379
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Heartbrokenwife23 ( member #84019) posted at 5:33 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

Groot

I am beyond devastated to hear the news about your sons accident, life can be so fuckin cruel (as you already know). I am so very sorry you and your family are having to undergo another devastating trauma. Lean on each other for support during this difficult time and update us when you are able. Sending prayers to your son as he undergoes his next surgery. You and your family are in my thoughts ❤️

At the time of the A:
Me: BW (34 turned 35) Him: WH (37)
Together 13 years; M for 7 ("celebrated" our 8th) DDay: Oct. 12, 2023
3 Month PA with Married COW

posts: 148   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2023   ·   location: Canada
id 8852381
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Stillconfused2022 ( member #82457) posted at 6:06 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

I am so sorry. Sending many prayers for you and your family.

posts: 471   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2022   ·   location: Northeast
id 8852384
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gray54 ( new member #85293) posted at 8:53 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

I am so sorry this happened, Groot. Big hugs to you and your family, and healing thoughts to everyone you love.

It could be worse, but it's bad enough.

posts: 36   ·   registered: Sep. 26th, 2024   ·   location: Ohio
id 8852400
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DobleTraicion ( member #78414) posted at 9:32 PM on Monday, October 28th, 2024

God have mercy. I am so very sorry. My thoughts went immediately to my own kids and grands and I cant imagine the massive amount grief and trauma.

Prayers for strength and healing for your boy and your entire family.

[This message edited by DobleTraicion at 10:07 PM, Monday, October 28th]

"You'd figure that in modern times, people wouldn't feel the need to get married if they didn't agree with the agenda"

~ lascarx

posts: 420   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: South
id 8852401
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