Analogy of a car and a marriage

I saw this today online posted by what I consider a very perceptive young woman. She is comparing her marriage to a car.

"Salvaging a wrecked car

Our relationship was like new car.

When we started it was fresh and new. We were still learning how to drive it. We figured out what each button would do and how to navigate through the streets together. We took turns driving and directing the relationship. We continued to fuel up, and service the car to make sure it stayed in good condition.

And as time went on, and we had done more drives and trips together; we became more confident and decided we wanted to do a long journey.

We made a plan, and had a destination. We’d both never done a long trip. I packed snacks and blankets, to try and make the trip easy. You brought nothing.

Though there were bumps, potholes and popped tires along the way, it didn’t stop us completely from getting where we wanted. It was normal wear and tear. We fixed the issues and kept going because we knew where we needed to go and we were looking forward to it.

Along the journey I started to notice you weren’t looking after the car the way you used to. I was the only one fueling, cleaning and tending the car. You always had excuses as to why you couldn’t do those things. And I took it all on, because I wanted to finish the journey with you.

Where I made the mistake, was trusting you to drive when I knew you weren’t invested anymore. You told me you were an experienced driver, you knew what you were doing and I chose to believe you.

I thought we were following the same directions. You said you still wanted to get to the same destination but you kept taking us off track. The trip was getting harder to enjoy. And even though we were inside the same car together, I felt a huge distance between us.

I kept asking you whether you needed a break. I kept asking if we needed to make a stop. I asked you whether you wanted to do the trip with someone else. But you kept saying everything was okay.

Eventually you stopped paying attention all together, more focused on others outside the car.

I was blindsided when suddenly you veered off the road and totalled the car.

We both crashed, and got hurt. And the whole car got destroyed. We were both left to deal with the damage.

I got out of the car and began my own journey to safety and health. I called for help to get you rescued. You rushed off by ambulance, and i walked in the dark all the way home. You were the reckless driver, but you seemed to think you were the casualty. We left the car where it was and took the time to get to the help we needed separately.

Since then theres been no car. We left it there.

I’ve been walking and finding my way around. Avoiding streets we used to drive down.

I’m so used to having the car, I forgot how different it was doing things by foot. I’m so envious and hurt when I see other people driving their cars around and making it through their journeys.

Everything’s suddenly harder.

I have sore blistered feet and cry a whole lot. But I know I’m not going to get anywhere if I don’t keep walking. I’m so devastated the car is smashed up. We had so many great stops coming up in our journey.

The car can be fixed. But even if it is fixed, it will never be the same. It will have some new parts, great parts, but other things just won’t work the way they used to. And I liked the car we had before.

And more importantly I won’t be able to trust you to drive me again. No seat belt will make me feel secure.

I know the crash changed things for you, it made you appreciate how well I drove us. I made the journey too smooth for you.

But It doesn’t matter how many driving lessons you go to, or what gps we use. I’m always going to worry you’ll get distracted again. And you’ll leave me to do all the fuelling and maintenance alone once we get back out on the road.

I want to look for a new car. One with the specifications I’m looking for, now that I know what I want and what works well. I know what features and air bags I need to keep me safe. And I’m going to find someone who I can trust behind the wheel."

7 comments posted: Monday, November 6th, 2023