Mod please!
Thank you!
1 comment posted: Tuesday, April 22nd, 2025
The glorious satisfaction of confronting a wannabe AP
I learned a hilarious new word last night: Hobosexual. A hobosexual is someone who sleeps with people in exchange for a place to stay. 
More on that in a minute.
We hang out a lot at our local American Legion. My H used to be the commander, so it's our second home. Our third space, if you will. Everyone knows him, most know me. When we're there, sometimes we hang out together, but more often, he's milling about doing stuff and I'm hanging out with friends.
A few weeks ago, my H told me that there's a woman who's very flirty and that she had taken his hat. It was a ratty old lawn-mowing hat, so he didn't bother trying to get it back. She bought a round of shots for the people around her, and my H was one of them.
She was there again last night. She was bragging about how much she could drink (what a flex, eh?) and challenged my H to see who could drink the other under the table. My H jokingly said that he was down, and a friend of ours told the girl, "You don't want to challenge him! He's a Marine!" He came over to the table where I was sitting immediately after that, and she followed him. She started in again, detailing how much she could drink, and we were all like "Uh, okay". I was super surprised when she mentioned that she was 21. I thought she was much older. Anyway, my H sort of dumped her with us and got away. (THANKS FOR THAT. lol)
About an hour later, my H left to run to the gas station for cigars. She was there buying cigarettes, and she propositioned him. "I'm down if you're down." H immediately told me when he returned. He said that he responded with, "No, absolutely not. I've been married for 37 years and I am not interested."
I've never been in a fight. I never confronted the AP. I'm not conflict-avoidant, I just think there's a lot of power in starving the riff-raff of the attention they crave. Honestly, this is terrific policy, for me at least, but it leaves me slightly craving the release of a good telling-off. I decided that I was going to scratch that itch last night.
I approached her and said, "That guy you propositioned at the gas station? That's my husband. Try that shit again and we're going to have a problem." She, of course, loudly denied it. And I loudly responded.
When I went back to my friends and told them about it, they said, "Oh, that bitch is a total hobosexual. She's all over any man who might give her a place to stay because she's tired of sleeping on an air mattress in her mother's living room."
It felt really, really good to confront that bitch. My H was worried that I'd be upset, but I told him that it felt like delayed gratification. He said, "Good for you." 
"Hobosexual"
9 comments posted: Wednesday, March 12th, 2025
Did you know that it's federal crime to go through your spouse's phone, email, and private messages?!
I follow an attorney on TikTok called lauren_thelawyer. She's a family law attorney in Dallas. She posted a video yesterday about crazy laws.
One of them is that, per the Federal Wire Tap Act, it's unlawful to intercept any wire, oral, or electronic communication. It's unlawful to disclose the content of those communications, meaning don't take a screenshot and share them with anyone. Even if your spouse gives you the passcode, it's illegal to go beyond what your spouse would reasonably expect you to be doing with their phone.
Snoop with caution.
18 comments posted: Wednesday, October 16th, 2024
Curious
When you click on the Members tab, at the bottom of the page there's a list of members who have been online in the last five minutes. Some of the names weren't familiar, so I clicked on their name and looked at their profiles. A couple of them had 2023 start dates, but zero posts. Some had old start dates and low post totals with nothing new enough to appear under "recent posts".
I know some people stop posting on the forums and only use the PM feature to connect with friends whom they've met here, but what about the ones with a zero or super low post count? Why log in? Are they using SI as a private messaging system? Maybe for the journal? I'm so curious!
6 comments posted: Tuesday, September 10th, 2024
What would SI do?
My BFF and her H have taken three sisters from their son's friends group under their wing, and now consider them adopted daughters. The girls' family is a mess, and their mother is emotionally checked out because she's in the middle of divorcing their abusive father.
The two older girls (25,26) now live out of state, and BFF and her H visit them a couple of times a year, spend holidays together, and vacation with them. There's no issue with them. The problem is with their younger sister, 16. Let's call her Julie. The older sisters push the "father/daughter" relationship between Julie and H.
BFF doesn't like Julie and never has. Julie's dramatic and manipulative and BFF's gut just doesn't like her.
H relishes being the beloved dad to Julie, and has agreed to allow Julie to be dropped off at their house every morning so that he can take her to school. (Julie could ride the bus, but doesn't want to.) Julie also wants to come over often and hang out. BFF set a boundary: Julie cannot come over unless BFF is home, which is a Catch .22, because BFF doesn't like Julie. Julie now has a license and a car, but is "scared" to drive, and doesn't want to give up her time with her "Daddy-O". She has one friend her own age.
When Julie comes through the front door in the morning before school, she used to call out, "Honey, I'm home!" to which H would reply, "Good morning, honey!" BFF told H to knock it off; he wasn't happy about it and said that BFF was overreacting, but he quit; and Julie questioned why he stopped responding the way she wants him to. Now H calls her Princess or Queen and fixes her coffee for her every morning.
She's overly familiar. She asked him to help her scrub period blood of out her swimsuit. Things like that.
The physical boundaries are fuzzy:
While watching a movie on the couch, Julie threw her legs over H. BFF and H fought over that.
Julie has some sort of schtick where she holds her hand up to H's face and he's supposed to kiss it. He does.
They were in our pool over the weekend and H grabbed Julie's foot, examined it, and asked why she didn't have on toenail polish like her sister.
People have asked BFF, "What's the deal with them?" so there's a vibe to it. BFF is not imagining it.
BFF and H fought all weekend about this - about how he needs to create and enforce some boundaries. He agreed at one point and said that there were times that he was uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. And then BFF came out of the bedroom last night to find them sitting on the couch with Julie's arm around H's shoulders. (Her sisters were there, too.) BFF stood and stared at H for a while, and he finally got up and moved. They had JUST fought about it and he couldn't muster up the courage to tell this child, to whom he professes to be a father figure, that it wasn't appropriate. Or, at the very least, move immediately. He just sat there like a frightened schmuck, unsure of what to do. Which absolutely proves that he can't be trusted to do the right thing. I don't think he'd let it advance to overtly sexual stuff, but it's a slippery slope without clearly defined lines, so who knows?
A few minutes after he moved, Julie came over, draped herself around his shoulders for a hug, scratched his back, and patted him. I think she's figuring out the powers of her feminine wiles, and I think she's subconsciously competing with BFF, who I'm sure she senses doesn't like her.
BFF wants to have a talk with Julie's sisters and explain that she thinks that Julie and H are too familiar, she's uncomfortable, and they need to set some boundaries. My worry is that BFF could be planting a seed. The sisters will stick by their little sister and, if you know at all how sisters operate, could amp each other up into accusing H of all sorts of things. And then what if their mother overhears, starts feeling guilty about dumping her kid off with H, and accuses him of something?
H has no friends and never has. He was fine hanging out at our house this weekend and talking with my H until another man showed up and he got uncomfortable, so they left. It's almost like arrested development. He likes to argue on semantics and has noooo emotional IQ.
It's a sticky situation. I think it's damn near an EA between H and Julie, which is gross because he's 60+ and she's 16. And I don't know how they get out of it and salvage the relationship with the two older girls, which is what BFF is hoping for. I don't know if that's possible.
Any advice or input, SI hive mind?
63 comments posted: Friday, July 12th, 2024
I lost my engagement ring; Security in a marriage
I managed to keep from losing it for 37 years, and now it's very likely gone. I thought I was okay with it and even said yesterday on hikingout's thread that I didn't care all that much because it's not my style, but I was wrong. I'm now deeply sad about it. I went on a big crying jag last night. The big emotions came out of nowhere and completely overwhelmed me. I was so surprised.
I stuck it on a straw on my tumbler when we were camping, which is unlike me. I'm good at securing things and knowing where they are, so there might be a bit of a subconscious dismissive factor to it. I remember looking at it and thinking "I should put that away" and feeling sort of rebellious about leaving it on the straw. There's no telling where it is. It could be at the campsite, or it could have been dropped anywhere in between. We'll check our camper the next time we get it out of storage.
While I was keyed up about my ring, I relayed to my H that I saw a meme or a TikTok yesterday about women needing to feel secure in a marriage and that I do not feel secure. I don't think I've ever felt secure. And the kicker is that I married him for security. He had been crushing on me since high school. I was 20 and feeling a bit at sea because I had dropped out of college and was working a dead-end, low paying job. He was a Marine. We had to marry to be together because of the military, and marrying him meant that I'd have guaranteed housing and healthcare. And someone to "take care of me."
He jokingly warned me before we got married that he was into hot rods, and that it wasn't going to change. There had been a lot of financial infidelity surrounding the cars before DDay, but I thought we were well past that. Then, about two years ago, he bought an old truck and dumped about $25k into it that we didn't have. He maxed out a credit card building a ridiculous motor. I paid it off using our savings. He did it AGAIN, and paid it off using a 401k loan. Then he did it AGAIN and I lost my god damn mind. (This financial infidelity is what brought me back to SI after all these years.) His solution was to do a cash-out refi on the house. So we went from a 3.2% interest rate to 6.75%, and our payment went up by $1500/mo, because I also got talked into taking out the max equity we could before PMI kicked in - by him and by our mortgage guy. My gut was screaming the whole time, but those assholes talked me into it. Oh, and the motor in the truck also blew up less than six weeks later so now we have to spend MORE MONEY to get it fixed. (Not his fault that it blew up; long story, but it doesn't fucking matter.)
And then his industry took a downturn and he's now getting about $1000 less each month in commission. So, essentially, we have about $2500 less each month than we did before he fucked everything up. We have a good chunk of the equity money in savings, and we're having to draw on it each month to make it. It's driving me MAD. He also just HAD to have the truck that he wanted, which he leased right before we did the refi, which affected our interest rate. I drive a 13 year old Miata.
It hit me like a ton of bricks that he's always just done what he wants, with very little mind to how it will affect me. He professes to love me and takes care of me in the ways that HE thinks are valuable, but stressing me out for literally decades with his irresponsible spending habits is not loving. It's bullshit.
I've had diagnosed hypertension for 15 years. Lately, I've been dealing with an average BP of about 165/90. I'm like "What is going on?!" not taking into account that I am STRESSED THE FUCK OUT. I've added another medication and it's come down to about 140/75, which is better, but not good.
We're going to sell the house, because he now hates taking care of the yard and the pool, and because we can't fucking afford it anymore. He used to love it. And this is MY heart house, after living in the house that he wanted for 18 years and hating it. There's a freaking tree swing in the front yard that my grandsons love, and it's breaking my heart that I'm taking it away from them. They've even cried about it. After unloading on him last night, he came home early from work and is working on the pool and other things that need attention before we can list the house.
It's time for a big change, one way or another. The stress could literally kill me. Sometimes I dream about running away to a cottage in the woods with my best friend, whose husband is a "bill paying motherfucker" but who stresses her out in other big ways. She traded security for fun and passion. I bet she'd go for it. She already owns said cottage. lol
Anyway. Thank you for reading, if you got this far. I needed to barf that up.
8 comments posted: Tuesday, May 21st, 2024
Mixed up medical chart; need advice from medical professionals
Healthcare professionals, I need your advice.
My doctor has another patient with the same name and birthday as me (but different year.) It's a really weird coincidence, because my name is not that common. I've known about the other woman for a while because of things that the receptionist has said when she confirms addresses, etc.
When their office converted from paper to digital, someone must have thought that there were two charts for one patient, and they combined them. This other woman's stuff is all over my chart, and I assume some of my stuff is in her chart. I don't know.
I figured this out when I kept calling for refills and they kept saying that they had called it in, but the pharmacy was like "we haven't heard from them". And then I couldn't sign up for the patient portal because my "birthdate was incorrect." When I went in for a recent appointment, the health care provider started reading things that were on my chart aloud, but they weren't mine. She read it all and asked if it was correct. I know that this woman has heart disease, diabetes, her dad died of a twisted gut, she has two brothers, etc.
They say they're in process of correcting my chart, but it's still not right.
This is a huge HIPAA violation, yes?
I'm very concerned that her health history being in any way connected to my records could cause trouble for me in the future if I need to apply for life insurance or something, or that her conditions are being reported to my insurance or vice versa.
In order to protect myself, I need to report the HIPAA violation, right? I want it on record that the charts are messed up. Is this going to make my dcotor hate me? Aren't they supposed to report the violation, too?
5 comments posted: Wednesday, April 3rd, 2024
Eclipse!
Who else is starting to get excited about the eclipse?
I live north of Dallas, which is supposed to be absolutely inundated with eclipse viewers on Monday, to the point where my county issued a warning to avoid I-35 at all costs, fill up our gas tanks before the visitors arrive, and expect cell phone outages.
My house is baaaaarely inside the path of totality. Like, barely. 200 yards behind my house is outside the boundary line. I'm supposed to be able to see about 25 seconds of totality. My daughter, whose house is not inside the path, is taking her kids out of school that day and coming to my house, then we're taking the back roads about five miles southeast. Doing that gains us about a minute and a half more of totality viewing.
I looked it up today, and this area hasn't seen a total eclipse since 1878. We won't see another one anywhere in the US until 2044, and we won't see one near DFW for another 300 years.
Thankfully, I ordered glasses a month ago, and I have those ready to go. I just hope it doesn't rain!
0 comment posted: Tuesday, April 2nd, 2024
Jolene - Beyonce
Have y'all heard it yet?
She's warning Jolene, not begging her.
It's also a terrific R anthem.
50 comments posted: Sunday, March 31st, 2024
Does SI look weird today, or is it just me?
The screen is all white instead of the usual purple. Links aren't showing, but I can hover my mouse where they should be and find them.
Anyone else?
7 comments posted: Friday, March 22nd, 2024
Believing that the WS has good intentions
After DDay, I believed that my FWH had good intentions. I believed - and still believe - that he won't cheat again. I believe that he told/tells me the truth. I think his confession really helped with that belief, and I never experienced TT. It was like he finally found relief from the stress of deception and was so relieved to be in integrity with himself. He often says that he won't betray HIMSELF ever again, much less me.
To me, R with someone that you don't believe will tell you the truth or who you don't believe won't cheat on you again does not compute, but I see comments to that effect from folks who have been attempting R for a year or more. I don't get it. If you don't believe in them, and you aren't just sticking around for practical reasons, what are you doing? Why are you there?
Newbies, I get. You're still trying to keep your head above water and figure out who the heck your WS even is. But those who have been in R for a while, what gives?
19 comments posted: Thursday, November 16th, 2023
Time Blindness, lack of clear communication, and the ensuing butthurt
Yesterday, my H messaged me on his way home from work and said that he was "stopping by" the veterans organization that he runs. Okay, cool. I'm thinking he'll be home in a couple of hours.
I called him about 6:30 and asked him to bring me something yummy for dinner. He said he was planning on having two drinks and then heading home, and he was already almost finished with the first one. He'll call me when he leaves and we can discuss what's for dinner.
At 7:40, he sent me a text: "Delayed. Talking with Tony." No worries. I figure I'll see him about 8:30.
At 9, I start sending funny gifs about starving to death. Nothin'. They were sent in Messenger, so I can tell he hadn't looked at them.
I called him at 9:20 and he said that he had gotten sidetracked and hadn't thought about his agreement to bring me dinner at all. I'm hurt and pissed and I tell him so. I had a bowl of cereal and watched Big Brother.
At 10:30, I could see on the iPhone map that he was still at the post and I called him. "Look, I'm getting madder by the minute and I don't want to, so I called you." He appreciated that and stepped outside so we could talk.
He says that he got engrossed in a conversation with an older lady whose husband just died last week and forgot all about me, and intimated that I was being insensitive and selfish by expecting him to put me first (aka think about me at all) when he's having this deep heartfelt conversation with someone. I said, "Nope. Uh uh. Look, all you had to do from the git go is say 'I'm going to the post to hang out. I don't know how late I'll be so I can't bring you dinner. I'll let you know when I'm headed home.' Don't fucking lead me on with verbiage like 'stopping by' and 'delayed.' And if you do get sidetracked, all you have to do is take 30 seconds to shoot me a text to let me know that plans have changed." 30 friggin' seconds is not a lot to ask, but the problem is even getting to the point where he remembers that he made a commitment to me. He doesn't remember at all - until I call and am upset with him. And then he feels guilty and gets defensive.
He tried to say that the "Delayed" message should have registered with me to get my own dinner. Uh, no. You said "DELAYED" not "Can't bring dinner." Clear communication, man. CLEAR. COMMUNICATION.
The he started hollering about being a good man, and all the good work he does at the post, and how he deserves for me to cut him some slack and I said, "NOPE. STOP. THAT'S NOT THE TOPIC RIGHT NOW. We're talking about your actions not matching your words today."
Time management has been an ongoing problem since day one. One time when we were very early in our relationship, he was home on leave and borrowed my car when I was at work. I stood outside waiting for him when I got off and was HOT when he finally showed up half an hour late and said, "I'm sorry. I got lost." He meant he lost track of time, but I heard "I'm trying to play it off like I'm late because I got lost in the town I grew up in." I essentially told him not to ever pull that shit in MY CAR ever again or I will cut you. We were in a brand new relationship where he was scorching hot to trot to be with me after chasing me for three years, and he still forgot about me.
Anyway, I think he truly has ADHD, a one-track mind, and time blindness, so I'm not sure how reasonable it is to expect him to remember me when he's engrossed in something else. And I don't know what the solution is. Is it yet another thing that has to rest on my shoulders so as not to be a constant sore spot? Because look, bitch, I have ADHD too and I don't let your ass down like that.
What I need to ascertain is whether or not he'd forget SOMEONE ELSE if they had asked him to bring dinner or whatever, because right now I'm thinking he wouldn't, but that could just be my butthurt talking. I think that another person would be in the back of his mind the whole time he was engrossed in conversation. He's good about keeping commitments to other people. So there's something in him that maybe views me as an extension of him? Or something?
Input appreciated.
Pertinent info: Infidelity is not a current concern. We're in the best shape we've ever been in, with deep, meaningful connection and growth. I'm trying to remind myself that perfection is not attainable, and there will be incidents like this because we're human.
5 comments posted: Friday, November 3rd, 2023
Question for those with adult children
I hung out with a group of friends this weekend and the topic of contact with our adult children came up. Most of them speak to their kids about once a week, and some about once a month. I was shocked - and then filled with gratitude.
I chat with my two girls (28 and 34) via Messenger every day, off and on, all day long. We have a family chat that includes the husbands. And we have another one that includes extended family. I see them both at least once a week, usually more. They came over last night to watch the Rangers and eat our food.
When I was their age, pre-internet, I spoke with my mom every few weeks, I guess. I’m wondering if that’s more the norm.
14 comments posted: Monday, October 30th, 2023
How much do you pay to get your hair colored?
I love my stylist; she's a dear friend, she does beautiful work, and I've been seeing her for at least ten years, but I had to break up with her today. I had an appointment scheduled for tomorrow, but had to cancel it when she sent me a flier noting her new prices.
About three years ago, I was paying her under $200, including a 25% tip, to get partial highlights, root touch-ups, and a cut. And sometimes I got vivids, which were a little more. Her prices slowly crept up to about $250 with tip. I've never paid more than $300, even when I got vivids.
Her new prices are $300 MINIMUM for traditional hair color. 
$600 minimum for vivids or balayage. $100 minimum for cut and style.
I called my BFF's stylist and made an appointment with him for next week. I asked how much it would be and the receptionist said "About $120 for partial and root touch-up." Hallelujah! My BFF's hair is great, so I have high hopes.
Last time I got my hair done, I told her that I wanted to try growing it out to see what's under there. I was considering sucking it up and going through the grow-out process because I couldn't stomach the thought of paying $250 every six weeks. Now I don't have to! Hell, I may ask the new guy how much it'd be to get full highlights. 
35 comments posted: Sunday, October 15th, 2023
Betting on the Come
My 35th anniversary is coming up next week. It's been 19 years since DDay. Over the last few months, our relationship has become happier and more peaceful than it's ever been.
Every night, H and I have the same routine: We hang out in the garage for a bit, talking and watching music videos. We're both insomniacs, so we smoke a little weed to relax for bedtime, which also allows us to really get into topics authentically and intricately. Sometimes we look up conversation-starter questions on Google and see where that takes us. We both really enjoy this, even when the topic turns to infidelity.
During our conversation last night, one of the questions was about whether we thought we were a good spouse. He said that I've always been a good wife and he's never been unhappy with me; that his unhappiness was all his stuff. I said that I always felt like he liked me as a person, but he hasn't always been happy with my actions like how I kept house or how often I wanted sex. About 15 years ago, I got fully fed up with his criticism and told him to lay off, that this is who I am and I'm not changing, so accept it or leave me, but that the shit that caused me to feel less-than was going to stop one way or another. I was DONE with it. He said last night that it was probably the best thing that ever happened to strengthen our relationship. He really likes our more relaxed life now, and I do too.
He recognizes that I've always believed in him, wanted him, and supported him, now and right after DDay, and he tearfully thanked me. He says often that he wouldn't be the man he is today without me. I told him "I was betting on the come" which is something he used to say about me. I've struggled on and off over the years with my life's path and taking action. Now we know that's largely about anxiety and ADHD, thanks to IC and introspection. He's learned a lot in IC, too, and we both understand what makes the other tick so much better now. We're happy and relaxed.
We've been betting on the come for a long time, and we've finally hit the big payout.
He's the commander at a veteran's organization and the officers were fussing at him a bit for not being there enough. One of them said, "I'm worried about you. I know you really need to be social and you haven't been here much. Are you getting that need met?" H told him about our evenings and how he prioritizes that over everything else, which was not the case not that long ago. He made that place the priority for a couple of years, which really hurt us, but his dedication literally saved the place from dying due to Covid and caused it to come back better than ever. Then he prioritized us, which got us to the best place ever, but which leaves the post lacking. I remarked that now it's time to find the balance. We decided that he would stop by there on his way home from work a few days a week and be home by 8:00 or so for our nightly ritual. It's a win/win because he really likes running the post and seeing lots of people, and I really enjoy my alone time. We'll both be getting our needs met without neglecting the other.
I'm looking forward to the next stage of our life. I think we've done the majority of our recovery work, though we're both continuing with IC, and now we get to enjoy the marriage we always believed we'd have. It only took us 35 years to get here!
5 comments posted: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023
Songs about recovery
I don't see a recent post about music, so I thought I'd start one for anyone who'd like to share what's been speaking to them.
H and I drive four hours each way to our MC's office. Last Thursday, after a particularly great session, I got behind the wheel and blasted one of my favorite artists, Frank Turner. As I was belting it out through cleansing tears, it occurred to me to share him with y'all. Lots of his songs are about anxiety and recovery and might be helpful for both BS and WS.
Here are a couple:
Get Better
I got me a shovel
And I'm digging a ditch
And I'm going to fight for this four square feet of land like a mean old son of a bitch
I got me a future
I'm not stuck on the past
I got no new tricks, yeah I'm up on bricks but me, I'm a machine and I was built to last
I'm trying to get better because I haven't been my best
She took a plain black marker, started writing on my chest
She drew a line across the middle of my broken heart,
And said: "Come on now, let's fix this mess"
We could get better
Because we're not dead yet
They threw me a whirlwind
And I spat back the sea
I took a battering but I've got thicker skin and the best people I know looking out for me
So I'm taking the high road
My engines running high and fine
May I always see the road rising up to meet me and my enemies defeated in the mirror behind
I'm trying to get better because I haven't been my best
She took a plain black marker, started writing on my chest
She drew a line across the middle of my broken heart,
And said: "Come on now, let's fix this mess"
We could get better
Because we're not dead yet
It's just a knot in the small of your back
You could work it out with your fingers
It's just a tune that got stuck in your head
You could work it out with your fingers
It's just some numbers tangled up in your sums
You could work it out with your fingers
It's just a simple braille mission from the person you miss, a reminder you could always be
A little bit better than this
So try and get better and don't ever accept less
Take a plain black marker and write this on your chest
Draw a line underneath all of this unhappiness
Come on now, let's fix this mess
We could get better
Because we're not dead yet
We could get better
Because we're not dead yet
If Ever I Stray
Forgive me someone, for I have sinned
And I know not where I should begin
And some days it feels like you just can't win
No matter what you do or say.
Things didn't kill me but I don't feel stronger
Life is short but it feels much longer
When you've lost the fight yeah you've lost that hunger
To pull yourself through the day.
But if ever I stray from the path I follow
Take me down to the English Channel
Throw me in where the water is shallow
And then drag me out back to shore!
'Cos love is free and life is cheap
As long as I've got me a place to sleep
Clothes on my back and some food to eat
Then I can't ask for anything more
So come on everybody sing it 1, 2, 3, 4
So we all have secrets that we hold inside
Yeah the worst little things that you never confide
The worst one of all that you just can't hide
Is that you're never quite as strong as you sound
So I'm sorry baby, for the times I've hurt you
Sorry friends, for the times I desert you
Most days it feels like I don't deserve you
And I wonder that you're all still around
So if ever I stray from the path I follow
Take me down to the English Channel
Throw me in where the water is shallow
And then drag me out back to shore!
'Cos love is free and life is cheap
But as long as I've got me a place to sleep
Clothes on my back and some food to eat
I can't ask for anything more
Come on everybody sing it 1, 2, 3, 4
Come on and join me in the water
We'll swim for hope
Sometimes it's hard to remember
I couldn't do this on my own
So if ever I stray from the path I follow
Take me down to the English Channel
Throw me in where the water is shallow
And then drag me out back to shore!
'Cos love is free and life is cheap
As long as I've got me a place to sleep
Clothes on my back and some food to eat
I can't ask for anything more
I can't ask for anything more
The path I chose isn't straight and narrow
It wanders 'round like a drunken fellow
Some days it's hard for me to follow
But if you've got my back I'll go on.
If you've got my back I'll go on
2 comments posted: Sunday, August 13th, 2023
A sex breakthrough after 35 years
Deleted because I don't feel safe being vulnerable without acknowledgment/support.*
*Edited to re-add the content of the original post. I had an anxiety attack before I deleted it.
Oh, god. Where to begin? Like my H says, all the threads of this topic are woven like a pot of unbuttered spaghetti that's been sitting on the stove for a couple of hours and is all twisted and stuck together. It's going to take some time to sort it all out, but we're workin' on it!
My H's sexual appetite has always been bigger than mine. Like, way bigger. Until back issues caught up with him, a typical romp in the sack lasted for about an hour and required a shower afterwards. He'd have liked a frequency of about 3X/week. Well, when you're working full time and raising kids, the thought of that is just daunting on a Tuesday night. I'd tell him that I was definitely up for a quickie, but he wasn't interested in that because he "needed me to be into it as much as he was." Needless to say, it was frustrating for both of us. I felt pressured and guilty, he felt rejected, and it tumbled downhill like a snowball picking up more and more emotional debris until it seemed too big to fix. I truly thought we were on the road to a completely sexless marriage, especially since we're getting older; he has ED and I'm in menopause. The mechanics are more difficult now and frequency has been about once a month.
We both have started IC recently, and I'm coming to the realization that I probably have mild inattentive ADHD. I also have hypersensitivity to touch. I don't like to be caressed. It doesn't feel good and can even cause my skin to hurt if the same area is stroked for too long. Sometimes, when starting to get romantic, I'll get super frustrated with foreplay and say, "I can't. It's too much" and pull away. To H, that was more rejection, which I 100% get. I even bought into it partially being an emotional aversion instead of a physiological response, due to infidelity.
I've always been this way, though. I'm tender-headed. Hot water over about 100 degrees hurts. I have food texture aversions. I have misophonia; I can't STAND mouth noises like smacking or gum cracking or tooth-sucking. I yell at the dogs when they lick themselves because it drives me insane. My nose is bionic. Over the last couple of years, I've started using cannabis to sleep at night, and when I'm high, all of the sensitivity calms way down. I actually like being caressed when I'm high. I had an epiphany that how I feel when I'm high must be how most people feel all the time. It's really relaxing to feel "normal."
Last night, I told H that I thought that the first thing a sex therapist might tell us is that I need to initiate and take the reins to avoid the "too much" factor. I also said that sometimes I just want to get fucked without having to walk through the minefield of foreplay and the pressure to get as amped up as he wants me to be. I've said that a thousand times over the years, but because the puzzle pieces are now coming together, H understands that I've always wanted him, I wanted to have sex with him, but my brain and body just work differently than his. I'm excited to see where this revelation leads us.
Sex has always been our Achilles heel. Our marriage is pretty solid in every other regard. I'm also sad that, had we had this realization earlier, we may never have had to deal with infidelity.
My hope in sharing this is that it sparks a lightbulb moment for someone else.
8 comments posted: Tuesday, August 8th, 2023
Semaglutide/Wegovy/Ozempic for weight loss
I could stand to lose about 40 pounds. At my request, my doctor prescribed Wegovy, but it's on backorder so I was offered semaglutide from a compounding pharmacy. I've taken two doses so far; I really don't feel much of a difference yet. It kind of seems like I might feel something in the day or two after the shot. Maybe.
Does anyone here have much experience with semaglutide? Is it normal for it to take a while to ramp up?
74 comments posted: Saturday, July 22nd, 2023
Ninja Creami
How am I just now hearing about this? I saw a TikTok last night where someone made "ice cream" in their Creami with a Premier Protein shake and now I really want one. They're on backorder everywhere so I'll have to be patient.
Does anyone have one? Do you love it?
3 comments posted: Thursday, July 20th, 2023
