I'm going to share a few observations with you. Take what you like, dump the rest.
I'm so much like you and the hardest part of my journey is the lack of control over what other people think and the almost obsessive need I have to set them straight, tell them the truth. I've been in counseling, I do my AlAnon readings (no meetings these days but I did go before the pandemic). I've been NC with my XWH since he walked out but our kids were already grown and on their own and he moved 1000 miles away. And it's still damn hard. The need for things to be right, for the truth to be told, my righteous indignation, indeed, the whole foundation of my life and my core beliefs has been upended and, well, you can tell by this run on sentence that I still have work to do. The second my mind isn't occupied with something, it goes right back to thinking about everything and how the truth has left the building. I take sleeping pills because without them, I wake up in the middle of the night and my mind races with it all. Over and over and over again. One of my recent AlAnon reading talked about having reliving the same thought 40,000 times or having 40,000 new thoughts.
I do believe that once you are away from your STBXWW, the sooner you'll begin to heal. The sooner you stop talking to her, the sooner you'll heal. We all tell you this from experience. We all thought we were the exception to the rule when we same to S.I. It's the same way in AA and AlAnon. We dive deep into the "Yes, but" syndrome and it really, really works hard to keep it's hold on us.
But let me proposition you with an idea: How about you learn to trust US, the experienced friends you've made here at S.I. and try what we know works. Make no mistake - we've all had to learn it the hard way and the reason we share our knowledge is trying to save you learning it the hard way. Try it for a week. Go NC with your STBXXWW. You do not have to respond to her texts, her emails, her anything. You are not beholden in any way to do so. If it's important, her lawyer can call your lawyer. If there's something about your daughters, she can send an email.
This is no time for you to discuss a car with her. She's just trying to pull you in, trying to engage you in family life. Why? Who knows and who cares? The things she has said and done to you have our spidey senses tingling big time. Since your spidey senses have been dulled as of late, trust ours for now.
Now, we mean no communication. Nothing. Nada. Not a response in any way. As tempting as it is, no response in any way. She wanted to be with someone else, let her talk to him about whatever it is she wants to talk about.
As for your daughters, try to keep your conversations with them about your new house and decorating and maybe plan a party and if they bring up anything else, you can honestly tell them that you don't think you should talk to them about anything right now while you're in pain. You can honestly tell them that you're going to be OK, you're made of strong stuff and you will heal. It's so hard for kids because they watch the person who loves them more than anything else in the world hurt the only other person in the world who loves them more than anything else in the world. It's hard on them. Let them sort out their feelings. Don't feed into any of it. They'll sort it out. Just love them.
OK, sorry to go on for so long but I'm so proud of what you've accomplished and just hate to see you get so down on yourself now that you're so close to the end of the nightmare. In that regard, what are your plans for the new house? Have you spent any time thinking about that? Now might be a good time to start visualizing your life in the new house. Will you sit on the front porch and have a beer at the end of the day? Will you put in a garden? Will you decorate a game room with your alma mater colors? Bobbleheads, etc.? What was something you always wanted to collect but never did because "she" wasn't onboard? Now would be a good time to regain "you."
Hang in there - you're so close. And I for one am really pulling for you. Your story touched my heart and I send you wishes for continued strength. It's very hard when a good man encounters evil so close to home because he doesn't know what to do because it's just not something he ever imagined he'd have to deal with.