Newest Member: UnsureAgain

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 3

Topic is Sleeping.
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 1:05 AM on Sunday, May 17th, 2020

LadyG

Is it possible that cheaters are afflicted with a mental defect/delay of some kind?

How could your son NOT be affected by the disastrous choices his father makes?

(((Hugs)))

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2113   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8543132
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 3:51 PM on Sunday, May 17th, 2020

Hello womenz. I hope you are all doing well, considering everything.

I’m doing good, but need to talk something out and you womenz are the only ones who would understand.

Occasionally I still check the OW’s FB account. Not as much as before because the psycho finally sold the house she flipped in my hometown and moved back to her state (400+ miles away). Anyway, I checked yesterday and she posted about how her boyfriend of maybe 2 months cheated on her with his ex. Now she’s getting all the pity, people telling her she’s an angel and deserves the best.

All I want to do is say karma is a bitch!! If she feels bad that a boyfriend of a month did this, imagine how I feel that she knowingly slept with a my husband, a married man of almost 20 years, with children. It bothers me that she’s getting so much pity and that no one knows who she truly is. A whore that tried in every way she can to ruin my marriage.

Of course I’m not going to ever say anything because I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she still exists on my mind. Also, because the police told her not to contact us in any way. So I am not going to stoop to that level.

How do you deal with this? It I know I need to move on and not let it/her bother me. She is a piece of shit and doesn’t deserve a place in my brain. My marriage is better than it has been in years and I am healing more each day. I just need to get her out of my head. I think it doesn’t help that DDay was a year ago this week.

Thanks for listening!

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8543257
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 4:42 PM on Sunday, May 17th, 2020

I know I need to move on and not let it/her bother me. She is a piece of shit and doesn’t deserve a place in my brain.

That's about the best one can do, IMHO.

It's super frustrating/hurtful when the OW gets a "poor pitiful me" for the same shit she did with our husbands. I do think that time helps.

I dunno. Time helps me, but hasn't eradicated it. I still sometimes wish bad things for his POSOW.... things I think she deserves. But it's never consuming anymore. I guess I have these thoughts and then kind of move on to the next thing.

During Covid, I must admit the fantasy of writing the truth on her obituary or dumping a bottle of urine on her grave has crossed my mind.... I tell myself this is somehow less offensive than earlier ideas, like renting a trailer billboard and parking it in front of her house, with her photo and the truth written in foot-high letters! So, maybe progress but not perfection on this front :)

At the end of the day, Karma is a bitch and we will never know if/how these POSOW are impacted by their breaking the girl code. So, I put my energies into helping myself feel better about and love myself. I remind myself that pissing on her grave says more about me than about her -and that deep down I know that is not the person I want to be - for me.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3441   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8543270
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northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 8:46 PM on Sunday, May 17th, 2020

I am much further out than you and I still check. OW has gotten married and had more children. Her now husband knows who and what she is.

Girls code doesn't exist.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8543332
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 1:13 AM on Monday, May 18th, 2020

Hi, just catching up on more reading.

I was surprised that the indentation of my wedding rings faded within a month of me removing them this time round. I saw this as a sign. Even WH noticed. I told him that it just won’t fit anymore. Not that he’s ever worn his. He wears other rings tho.

I did catch up with my DS and I will make an effort to do some traditional baking with him. Going back to the old house will be a test. But it may just be the motivation he needs. We’re bonded over the care of my dog. We share care. I hope that doing some baking with him will help and give him some sense of achievement. He’s picked a very difficult sweet yeast bread dough that my mother was expert at 🙏🏼

Really no update on WH. We are in Limbo. He feels we are making progress on the way to reconciliation. I feel nothing has changed. He bought me a loaf of bread which was kind. I thanked him. He does all my shopping so I will cook us a meal and make the effort of spending a little time together. We still cannot talk about anything concerning his A’s as this sends him into a rage. He wants it rug swept. I do not.

Have a glorious week ladies 🤞🌏

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 940   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8543393
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 3:50 PM on Monday, May 18th, 2020

gmc and northeasternarea, thank you! It helps knowing I am not the only one feeling this way and also checking on OW. I know time will help. The fact that she sold that house was a huge weight lifted off my shoulder. It helps knowing she maybe has moved on and finally given up on trying to break us up.

I just wish there was a way I could expose her for who she really is, without her knowing I did it. I am not sure why that matters so much to me. I think it is because I feel like she has "gotten away with it", in a way.

During Covid, I must admit the fantasy of writing the truth on her obituary or dumping a bottle of urine on her grave has crossed my mind

I have to admit, I do love this idea. I am a very sweet, loving person and I never wish bad on anyway. However, I would happily spit (or dump urine) on her grave.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8543499
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betrayedafter20 ( member #72875) posted at 3:37 AM on Tuesday, May 19th, 2020

Hi ladies. I think I may want to belong to this group if I am welcome :) I was in JFO in February/March, have been in Divorce/Separation afterward and continue to be - but it seems like there is a bit of camaraderie here in this spot that I would like to be part of..for routine check ins. Info in profile..

Tomorrow is my 20th anniversary and WH just moved out Thursday.

To self medicate, I have been drinking a bottle of red a night and today wasted an ENTIRE DAY creating a profile on Bumble and have been aimlessly texting stupid strangers to save my sanity. No sexual anything, totally not interested and WAYYYY too soon to even consider dating. I feeling like I'm just flailing around trying to figure out what is going on!

Still cooking for the kids, accountability for schoolwork during Cov19, doing the bare minimum to be considered "working" from home and being civil to WH even though just yesterday he went to Costco with FAP (they're "just friends" now) to buy a TV for his new apartment because she had a membership card and he didn't -trickle truthed until I dragged it out of him.

How am I doing?? How are you all doing? pretty sure I'm nuts but at the same time ok. LOL

Me: BW, 52, BC survivor x2
Married 20 yrs, together 25
14 yo boy Autism spectrum
16 yo typical functioning
DD#1 2/6/13 PA, False R 4+ yrs
DD#2 2/20/20 EA(mutual friend) learned of another PA same day - serial
DD#3 2 weeks later W/PA AP
Separated 5/

posts: 293   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2020   ·   location: IL
id 8543719
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:58 AM on Tuesday, May 19th, 2020

Hugs to you all

Daisy Anne I know how you feel. My stbxh’s ap was a prostitute. She now thinks she should save the world and all the animals. She gets so much kudos from her friends. She is utterly undeserving of anything good. I hope karma gives her one up the wazzoo.

But really, she is not part of my life. Live your life well. That is really the best you can do. Big hugs.

BA20, welcome to the womenz corner. I just had my 26 anniversary by myself. One bottle of wine and I made it thru. You can too. Big hugs.

Gmc, hope you are doing ok? How are you doing these days?

LadyG, welcome to the corner.... two weeks now without the rings. Indents still prominent.

Everyone. I miss this place. Stay safe and healthy.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8543726
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 7:11 AM on Tuesday, May 19th, 2020

betrayedafter20

Hi and welcome🙏🏼

When I need to ask a question relating to Reconciliation, as I am not there... I may just ask right here.

I am Separated and looking at Divorce for my own emotional well being.

I am really very concerned that if I do not get a Divorce, my children will lose all respect for me. They are still very confused by the marriage part of it all...

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 940   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8543764
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Accidentaldiva ( member #74183) posted at 12:11 PM on Tuesday, May 19th, 2020

Hi DaisyAnne, I just saw your post on the exercise thread. It sounds like you are doing really well in general with R and with getting stronger and more confident.

Just an idea-and maybe you already do this-

Have your H. post a gorgeous photo of you on his Facebook with some kind of note about how lucky he his to have you in his life. Then watch the positive comments and “likes/loves” pour in.

My H recently did this for me and it really helped.

Also, the world may not know what a piece of shit your H.’s OW is but WE do!! Blessedly, my H.'s AP is not on Facebook. I hate her so much but I feel better when I can let go of some of that poison by realizing that she is beneath my notice. I am not very far into this process and I may be back asking for YOUR advice in the near future.

[This message edited by Accidentaldiva at 6:40 AM, May 19th (Tuesday)]

posts: 115   ·   registered: Apr. 10th, 2020   ·   location: Minneapolis
id 8543789
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 5:16 PM on Tuesday, May 19th, 2020

Accidentaldiva, thank you! That’s really sweet about the Facebook post. Unfortunately (or fortunately? lol) my husband doesn’t do Facebook. He hates social media and gave up on it years ago. He does have Instagram but it is only for him to check on breweries. He only follows breweries and a few family members. He doesn’t post photos at all. But... right after DDay he did make his profile photo of the two of us together. Before that, it was a picture of the back of his head and our dog. He changed it to us to say something to OW without even saying anything. You know? That felt so good. I’m sure she saw it because she is an insane psycho and literally mailed me printed pictures of my Facebook profile and his Instagram profile.

My Facebook profile is always us and we get sweet comments. But this little thing meant more to me than any other comment: A few weeks ago I put a picture of our dog and out of nowhere he replied on Instagram “I love you”. It was so random and took 2 seconds but meant so much to me.

Anyway, thanks for the support! I’ll be happy to help and offer whatever support I can for you as well. Hugs!!

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8543866
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 6:34 PM on Tuesday, May 19th, 2020

I'm in a grumpy mood these days, so take it with a grain of salt.

But forget social media. It's all lies and bullshit on sm. Cus guess what - my exdouche was posting 'I love you's' on my fb while he was fucking the pos slut in my house while I was out of town. Just saying.

And while I totally understand the compulsion to look up the ow, resist it. it will not do anything positive for your healing or state of mind no matter what you see. Just know that no matter what they may have going on in their life, they still have to be themself. That is punishment enough imho - to know that you are piece of human refuse with no redeeming qualities and that no matter what you say or do, you are still a piece of shit. Must be plumb awful.

Hope all my girls are hanging in there!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3181   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8543897
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 7:51 PM on Tuesday, May 19th, 2020

But forget social media. It's all lies and bullshit on sm. Cus guess what - my exdouche was posting 'I love you's' on my fb while he was fucking the pos slut in my house while I was out of town. Just saying

.

Yes, I totally agree. I personally think those that gush about their love allllll the time on social media are usually just fake. Trying to hide something or make believe all is good. They don’t fool me anymore. Even though I never gushed about our love, we look like the perfect couple in all of our photos together during the affair time. People would be completely shocked if they knew what was really going on.

But i do understand Accidentaldiva’s idea. When I feel bad about myself it does feel good to read good things about how others see you.

I forgot to reply to you, Tallgirl. Yes Karma is gonna get these whores. You are right, she’s not a part of my life anymore. She’s not my future. I know i need to leave her in the past. Hopefully time will help with that. Thanks!

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8543909
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 7:37 AM on Wednesday, May 20th, 2020

Tough Love or More Abuse?

You are down a hole... he pours wet cement on you... his rationale... if that doesn’t get you scrambling out of that hole, than you deserve to stay down there.

How I feel STBX WH deals with my distress and pain.

WH sent me an Angry, Drunken message at 4am, some of it painfully true. Mostly focused on his own perceived pain.

I never praised him for the good things he did.

Having balanced this up... no amount of good things will make up the the marital rape and sexual violence.

This message just came several years too late to fix anything or stop further abuse being perpetrated.

He has always refused any sort of professional counseling.

It’s depressing 🙏🏼

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 940   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8544084
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:27 AM on Thursday, May 21st, 2020

LadyG.

I am grateful you are out of that abuse. Ignore his text.

Focus on being healthy

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8544369
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 2:22 AM on Thursday, May 21st, 2020

1996 OW pretends to be religious on Facebook. It is so disgusting.

I stopped looking because it is so ludicrous

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2113   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8544387
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:11 PM on Thursday, May 21st, 2020

It is 7 am and I am exhausted.

No sleep. My brain feels like cotton batten, and I wake up while dreaming of him.

I have been alone for so long.

Weak moment - but I wish asshat loved me.

Looking forward to the day I wake up and feel glorious.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8544489
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 11:58 PM on Thursday, May 21st, 2020

1996 OW pretends to be religious on Facebook. It is so disgusting.

20yrsagoBS

WH last AP was also “RELIGIOUS” (his words)

I am disgusted by this.

Just because he attend AP’s Church to celebrate Christmas and Easter etc. means that they both are going to HELL!

So they may as well go there together.

He so regrets offending HER God and telling me all about it.

Now when I tell him to go to HELL, he is actually terrified of the inevitable 🙏🏼

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 940   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8544705
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 4:01 AM on Friday, May 22nd, 2020

LadyG,

I have suspected that Cheaters don’t actually believe in God. If they did, how could they cheat?

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2113   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8544742
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 1:54 PM on Friday, May 22nd, 2020

TG, so many hugs for you!! Hang in there

It’s been one year since my life got turned upside down. One year ago today I found out about OW and her now stalking him. Tomorrow will be one year since more details came out, checked her social media ( where she was taunting me by adding public photos of them together) and we went to the police. One year of hell that I survived. We survived. We are closer than we have been in a long time and I’m trying to focus on that. Exactly what H said when I mentioned how hard this weekend will be for me.

I just want to get through the next few days without too much anxiety/triggers. Wish me luck.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8544829
Topic is Sleeping.
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