SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Chaos,

Exactly 👏

However we do have a lot of pigsty’s local to us,

Btw I am only joking...well just a little bit lol

Plausible deniability!

Chiming in to say gators and swamps and snakes and sharks - all natural occurrences

No alibi or bail needed with Mother Nature

Truth, ha ha ha.

@D Dee I understand why and how it happened that he left her. I understand the shock of what the WGF did and not thinking straight. I wasn't bashing him. Just pointing out that she was left in a dangerous situation. And, I get how some feel that is what one deserves when doing such awful things. People can disagree with me. They can be civil and not take up pages to analyze the shit out of my comment. JMFHO

Yeah, I totally saw your point and it's not that you're wrong at all. On my part, I don't think it's "deserve" so much as that I wouldn't see myself as entitled to the guy giving the slightest of fucks about my safety at that moment. I wouldn't expect him to be capable of it after that mindfuck. I wouldn't deserve his help, in other words. I would be responsible for figuring out how to get myself out of that situation that I'd just put myself in, as I would have just ensured that I was no longer his problem.

But talking civilly about this is just nowhere near as entertaining as taking up pages and pages to complain about it, lol. You know how it goes. Somehow magically you and I get along just fine though I lean towards "fuck these assholes, everybody leave" and you lean toward reconciliation when there's a chance of it. Neither of us is wrong, so that helps, but mostly it's the pure magic of being able to respect people who don't have the same opinions in every case.

I love you Dee! Exactly. I actually felt you were a kindred spirit as we have a lot of the same attitudes about sex. Not all, but some. And we say fuck a lot, too. Not many women feel as you and I do about sex. Or, at least the ones I know and who will be honest and forthcoming about the subject.

Fuck is the best word ever, lol. We've bonded over fucking.

mostly it's the pure magic of being able to respect people who don't have the same opinions in every case

That. The only people I feel rage at are my WH and his cOW. If they were on here I'd have a hard time being civil all of the time. Everyone else I may not like but I treat with respect. I think there is a lot of pain around here that makes kind people act crazy. I think that's all over the internet and social media though. (Hence why I am off FB, look at Twitter for politics and news, and follow mostly Enneagram, Sports figures/teams and food blogs on Instagram!)

And I think Florida is magical with all of gators and swamps. In Texas we don't have anything like that. Treeless ranch land doesn't hide jack.

Haven't read the SMS thread thing, so no comment on that front.

Anywho, reading some of the comments the last few days and I wanted to say I do take some exception to the AP name calling. I kind of got into this about a year ago with another BW. Maybe it makes no sense, but I'm ok with whore (used it myself before I settled on POSOW), as I feel it accurately describes someone sleeping with a married man. What I do NOT like is the body shaming and other shaming that many BW's seem to use. My WH's POSOW was blonde. I don't think using that in a derogatory manner - even if she's a POSOW AP - is OK. These woman are scum to me, but it's because of their ACTIONS and not because of their looks. So, I COULD refer to her as the blonde bimbo, blonde bitch, blonde whore, blonde idiot, etc, but I don't think it's appropriate. Some of my best friends are blonde - and they actually have integrity and morals and would never have an A or be an OW. Some of my friends are morbidly obese (like in the 250-350+ lb range), and I love them. Some are skinny - and i love them too. Some have acne, or saggy boobs, or are pretty far from what we culturally call "beautiful" . But I love these women for WHO they are, and not what they LOOK like. So, when BWs use names that are descriptive of the OW's physical appearance, my dander gets up. Because even if the physical descriptors are accurate, I think we all know that had nothing (or very little) to do with our WH's decisions to cheat. My WH's AP could have been Kathy Ireland the model or Kathy Bates the actress. I doubt it would have mattered one bit to him - so long as she was willing to spread her legs for him knowing he was married. To me, it's that willingness that makes his POSOW a vile degenerate, NOT her blonde hair OR her cellulite.

I suspect another reason I'm sensitive to this is I have a daughter. She is a beautiful petite woman. She also has bad acne. Others have made fun of that, and it breaks my heart. I don't want my kid to EVER be judged by her looks - esp by another woman. The world in general already does quite enough of that to last any woman a lifetime. I also have a son, and I would give him quite the talking to if I EVER heard him belittle a woman based on her looks. So, for me, to use the POSOW's looks or physical characteristics in a derogatory fashion would make me a hypocrite - and I think my family's allotment of hypocrisy has been fully expended by my WH - I don't want to go into deficit hypocricy. I don't mean to get all PC about this - it's just one opinion. I write in hope that other BWs could think about how that language perpetuates some of the negative stereotypes about women generally - that all of us are already dealing with every day.

OK. Stepping off the soapbox and back into regularly scheduled programming.

I just wanted to say FUCK

And point out that Texas does have rattlesnakes

@gmc I have cringed many times when some used those kinds of descriptors of the AP's. I actually always have tried to only name call the unrepentant, serial cheating, jr. bunny boiler stalking, cumdumpster in my personal sitch.

I shared somethings she wrote here at SI. OW can't spell. I know many aren't good spellers and that really isn't a reflection on intelligence. OW is really stupid, though, besides being a poor speller. I actually didn't feel all that good about myself sharing that as I did have a fleeting thought I might hurt others here. I mean, it was funny as the comments other members made were pretty hilarious. And, because OW was trying to be salty and came off stupid. OTOH, it felt empowering at the time and did soothe my very bruised ego by venting and being validated and supported in my disdain for all things "our" OW. And, the worst I said about Its appearance is that It had a stuck in the '80's do. My FWH apparently digs that. He has a crush on Mrs. Goldberg on the sitcom "The Goldbergs". Go figure. But, you can fix a hairstyle, that isn't a physical attribute. So don't feel bad about that, really. And, if anyone of you dear womenz reading this has an '80's do that you love, you just do you, girl. I am sure you are rocking it. I am really one of those kind of people that isn't very observant about people's appearances and not judgmental at all. MisterSister always was very critical. I would tell him that he was being unkind. He has really made a big improvement in that department. I would make a horrible witness in any crime in relation to the description of the person doing the crime.

And, then I also totally get the BS's needing to vent and pick out every vulnerable point of the AP. Still, makes me cringe. And, have been guilty to some degree.

ETA: @Chaos Fuck, yeah!

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 6:35 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

@GMC

I think descriptive words about behaviour or moral standing (lack there of) are appropriate when the AP works to "keep" your man, hurt your family and turn on a sister. I fondly call the AP Bitch Whore. Both appropriate - she is cruel and was a prostitute - a well earned title.

I agree, physical bashing is not of value. the whore title comes out of the unique pain they contribute to your life, though they are not our spouses, they loved their role.

Some days, I wish she got him, they would both get what they deserve.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 8:44 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

TallGirl:

Some days, I wish she got him, they would both get what they deserve

Me too. Even though the A ended by her telling me, she may be the 1st person I call if I file for D. Strange as it sounds, I would not be one bit surprised if they were to hook up again, despite her betrayal of him (by telling me out of the blue - at least that's his story and he's sticking to it) and all the post dday bullshit.

Here's a funny thought about the body shaming. When I click on this thread, I get the 1st page, and the posts I see are concerns about body image and feeling "past our prime". Huh. Women writing about body image issues, whodathunkit?

[This message edited by gmc94 at 7:15 PM, August 21st, 2019 (Wednesday)]

I admire you gals who can refrain from name calling. I freely admit I am not there yet and might not ever be, but reading your examples gives me something to strive for.

Not to change the subject, but has anyone heard from CatsNTats recently?? I know she was planning on going back to get her stuff and there was some concern re safety about her WH... I responded a couple days ago on the last thread of hers I read (in D/S) asking her to let us know she's ok and haven't seen a response yet.

Her profile just says Missouri, and I did some googling and saw a news article in the kansas city star about a lady getting shot and the witnesses said she was arguing with a guy right before it happened. Not trying to have very bad thoughts, but concerning me that I haven't seen her post anything since last week.

Ellie- it's not all name calling, just the body shaming (or at least for me). I think POSOW is still probably name calling... I think I may have to add a "D" to it for "Degenerate"... so DPOSOW. Or the "D" could mean disgusting. Both are apt IMO.

Sorry, but I've not seen anything from Cats - and I do think she's in KC (one of her posts references "truman" which is a KC area hospital).

Shit shit shit shit,

I think my shitty STBXH has found this site!!!!!!

I know I covered all my tracks, I delete all history straight away.

I only sign in through my iPhone, or my Apple Laptop, both password protected

Fuk I have to go to work soon feeling like my world is exploding!!!

Scooby what is the worst that can happen? He looks in the mirror? Sees the agony he inflicted? Reads how others see this behaviour?

Are you worried about what he could do?

I admit I hope my wh doesn’t find this site. But if he does and finds me, maybe he will finally see what he did my way.

Maybe he is just looking for help....

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 4:05 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

He’s been on my laptop this morning while I was in the shower 🤮

I know logically you’re right, but this is my space for myself & my sanity, he’s taken away so much from me, he can’t have this too,

Arrrrggggg I don’t want to share it with him!!!

So...Scooby Dum found us.

1st of all FUCK!!!!!

2nd of all read what you wrote about the local pigsty's. Then let nature take it's course...

Scooby, I get that this is your safe place. I feel the same. And it still is.

We are here for you honey!!!

Scooby-dum has treated his beautiful wife and family callously, and if he didn’t know already, he will if he is reading here.

I thought you separated, am I wrong? Why is he on your computer when you are in the shower?