Newest Member: MissKitty

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 4:31 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

It's CWs upset at the idea of being called whores. I can understand that. It's a sexist, misogynistic, derogatory term. But, I also think, "Too fucking bad!"

Rolling my eyes so hard at this.....

Soooooo yeah. You act like a whore by doing what you did, and blew a hole through your BS's mind/heart/emotional center in the cruelest way imaginable, and now we are supposed to respect your frickin feelings?? I am not really understanding that logic.

Is it me? Am I dense?

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8424568
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 5:16 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

My father had a saying. It is crude but accurate.

IF YOU LAY IN FRONT OF A DOOR WITH WELCOME TATTOOED ACROSS YOUR ASS - DON'T GET UPSET WHEN PEOPLE WIPE THEIR FEET ON YOU.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8424595
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Scoobydoo ( member #70007) posted at 5:18 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Hahahahaha,

sorry never heard that before,

It’s brilliant

😂😂😂

Toooo many Dday's over 27 yrs,
Separated from Scooby 'Dum' 19/08/2019

Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self esteem,
First make sure you are not surrounded by an Asshole/s.

posts: 269   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019
id 8424597
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 5:24 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Oh my goodness. If you have time womenz, maybe go read a thread in JFO I posted on "Before my very eyes.". It is getting long. Although probably 2 pages of it is people bashing me for something I posted. Thoughts?

@EllieKMAS No, you are not dense. It isn't you, it is them. I do understand coco's assessment of the word, too. The feminist in me totally agrees with that. However, I feel that these women, these OW's, are traitors to the sisterhood, so, like coco, too fucking bad!

eta: for clarity

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:25 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8424601
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 5:33 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

I'd agree in a general sense that name calling isn't nice. But getting all riled up about people calling cheaters any names on a message board shouldn't be on the radar of a CS. I mean, part of the problem with most, if not all waywards, is that they care so much about how the world perceives them and they need validation. They shouldn't give a crap about what a stranger on the internet calls them! A little self-esteem work is what is needed in that case.

I'll go check out the thread SMS. I never look at JFO because it's so triggery...

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8424605
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 5:40 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Thanks, TX1995. I totally understand about not reading in JFO. I couldn't for a couple of years, also, because of the triggers.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8424608
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 6:14 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

SMS, you did get jumped on. It was one of those "telephone" threads. Perspective shifts from the original post. Then people become fact fighting hounds - so little value in this, I get upset when I see this happening. I get we are all upset about infidelity but to jump on people when intent is positive is unnecessary ... jets should be cooled. It's not supportive.

You raised a fair point and the value here at SI is to consider different perspectives.

If I had SI 10 years ago I would have seen the cheating - my single pair of eyes couldn't or wouldn't see what was obvious to others.

Sorry that happened SMS.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 12:15 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8424623
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 6:14 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Yeah Sister - you're getting it pretty harsh.

Ignore it. Take the best/leave the rest goes for us that are commenting as well I suppose.

I can say that shortly after DDay3 WH had too much to drink one night [we like an occasional drink or 2 but neither of us are big drinkers]. I was driving so no worries there. But let me tell you I turned a corner coming home and his stomach turned.

Sub freezing weather, middle of no where and he's puking on the side of the road. And I was there. Kept the heater running - got my emergency blanket and water bottles - put on my hazards - plugged phone into the charger - made sure he didn't fall or pass out. When we got home (2 hours later), I made sure he was changed, warmed and comfortable. I put a water bottle and bucket by the bed.

The next morning he couldn't believe it. He said "I'm surprised I'm not still on the side of the road in a pool of my own filth with 2 black eyes"

Tempting sure - but no. I couldn't do that.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8424624
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 6:33 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Thanks, Tallgirl and Chaos. Yep, not wading in to that shitstorm.

I am a little sensitive to the circumstance that the WGF was left in. In the city I live in we have had a series of disappearances of college students/college age people disappear with no trace. One was found murdered a few days later, but the others...no trace. They all were very drunk. They left bars or parties, alone, and were never seen or heard from again. Young people that had no history of just disappearing. Not drug users. As I said, the majority were attending college and maybe, in fact, all were. Fine young people. Just gone.

I totally understand the shock we as BS's go into when we are confronted with the betrayal. Many have done things they wouldn't normally do. I am not blaming the OP. I was just a little surprised that he would leave, in his words, a very drunk incoherent women on the streets of a strange city late at night. And, despite what others have said "C" was not standing there. I didn't have the impression he was, anyway. The OP said apparently "C" found her again, meaning he wasn't there when he left his WGF.

@Chaos, you are a good person. I am sure that isn't what you wanted to do, but it was the right thing to do. We can't let this infidelity crap change who we are.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8424633
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 6:57 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Okay so I didn't read the whole dang thing (man some threads get big fast apparently since you said 3 pg and it's on 5!). I do see why you had the thought you did, I think without the betrayal everyone would have had the same question about that story.

Yes, he probably should have been more cautious about leaving an extremely intoxicated person (especially a woman) but I think we can all agree that on DDay we don't think clearly. I was literally out of my mind and felt like I was disassociated from my body and half catatonic after the yelling. I'm guessing he was drunk too on top of that. I honestly might have done the same thing on DDay, but wouldn't do it on any other day. As much as I'm angry at WH, I can't help but want to make sure he's safe. On Day I wouldn't have had the capacity to consider any consequences. At this point, it's kind of a moot point and will probably just serve to ignite defensiveness in BSes (as it did). I think especially in JFO the emotions run high, the people who post there are quite often D and have very strong opinions, so that kind of comment was bound to get some reaction. Especially after you didn't advise him to run. :) I'd let that one just run its course. You said your piece and perhaps someone reading will be more conscious of situations like that in their futures.

[This message edited by TX1995 at 1:00 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8424643
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Scoobydoo ( member #70007) posted at 6:58 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Damn that thread went sideways fast 🤔

Just a simple observation in my eyes,

Sorry SMS,

I definitely think you got a raw deal in that thread

Toooo many Dday's over 27 yrs,
Separated from Scooby 'Dum' 19/08/2019

Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self esteem,
First make sure you are not surrounded by an Asshole/s.

posts: 269   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019
id 8424644
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Scoobydoo ( member #70007) posted at 7:03 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

It’s hard sometimes to know what to say in some threads, is it bad I actually look to see who’s investing there time & wisdom in the first place?

I don’t want to say the wrong thing...I’m seeing whiplash in a lot of posts recently 🤷‍♀️

Toooo many Dday's over 27 yrs,
Separated from Scooby 'Dum' 19/08/2019

Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self esteem,
First make sure you are not surrounded by an Asshole/s.

posts: 269   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019
id 8424652
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 7:11 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Thank you, TX1995 and Scoobydoo.

I know it was difficult to read the whole thing TX1195 and I am grateful you got as far as you did.

@Scoobydoo

is it bad I actually look to see who’s investing there time & wisdom in the first place?

No, it isn't. I do that at times, too. If I see that many vets (or not even vets, but someone's posts I have read) with a balanced perspective are posting on the thread, I feel they are in good hands and I move on to another thread that may need my input.

There is a "group" (I use this word loosely) that have in it for me. They will parse every comment I make to see where they can jump my shit. They can't stand a strong woman with strong opinions that don't match theirs. They try to bait me into arguing with them.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8424661
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Scoobydoo ( member #70007) posted at 7:26 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Ah things make sense now 🙄

Toooo many Dday's over 27 yrs,
Separated from Scooby 'Dum' 19/08/2019

Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self esteem,
First make sure you are not surrounded by an Asshole/s.

posts: 269   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019
id 8424671
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 7:54 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

SMS,

When I was in university, Paul Bernardo was killing young women my age. It was before cell phones, happened on the highway and around bars. So terrible and it something you can never forget or should.

Life is scary.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8424692
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emergent8 ( member #58189) posted at 7:55 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Poor Sister! There does seem to be a group that is always at the ready to read the worst into your posts.

Person X says something - no one reacts.

Sister says the same something only differently- "Woah woah WOAH!!! How dare you!"

Person X something else agreeing with Sister - "good point man."

Me: BS, Him: WS. Mid-late 30s.
Together 15 years, married 5 (11 m at D-Day).
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Currently 4 years (and two kids) into R and optimistic.

posts: 615   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8424693
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 7:56 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

In fairness, SMS, if I did that to a guy, I would anticipate being left alone drunk in the middle of FL swampland surrounded by gators and wouldn't have the nerve to complain about it. I would TOTALLY leave a man in all manner of dangerous situations after he did me like that.

I think we have already established that you're a nicer person than I am, though, lol.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 1:56 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4462   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8424694
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Scoobydoo ( member #70007) posted at 8:04 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Haha DD

I do like your style

Glad we don’t have swamps & gators here, I may of been tempted 🤪

Toooo many Dday's over 27 yrs,
Separated from Scooby 'Dum' 19/08/2019

Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self esteem,
First make sure you are not surrounded by an Asshole/s.

posts: 269   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019
id 8424700
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 8:07 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

@emergent8 Exactly, emergent. They are pathetic, really.

@D Dee I understand why and how it happened that he left her. I understand the shock of what the WGF did and not thinking straight. I wasn't bashing him. Just pointing out that she was left in a dangerous situation. And, I get how some feel that is what one deserves when doing such awful things. People can disagree with me. They can be civil and not take up pages to analyze the shit out of my comment. JMFHO

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8424701
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 8:25 PM on Wednesday, August 21st, 2019

Chiming in to say gators and swamps and snakes and sharks - all natural occurrences

No alibi or bail needed with Mother Nature

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8424714
Topic is Sleeping.
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