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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 3:32 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

So...Scooby Dum cheated on his wife and family and had the audacity to snoop on the laptop while you were in the shower:

Here piggy piggy - come get this nice Scooby Snack!

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8425179
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 3:34 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

Hey, fuck you, ScoobyDum. Don't be an asshole and snoop on Scooby's therapy. She wouldn't need this if not for you.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4479   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8425181
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:48 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

Yep, SMS, the OWs betray the sisterhood. They shouldn't be surprised if they aren't invited back into the fold.

Going to read more on that thread. I read in the beginning, but stopped because I figured it had been handled.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8425191
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 4:59 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

Ok, lots to catch up on. I will probably forget something.

First, the abandonment thing. I can see both sides. It is very dangerous to leave a drunk woman alone on the street even if, or maybe especially since, another man is lurking somewhere. But, I don't think he completely abandoned her. He went back and looked for her and called her numerous times.

Second, wrt a CP finding this site, I told my fch about this site. I asked him to join. He did. He posted a few times, didn't get the responses he wanted (wasn't ready to face himself), and left. He told me he left because he decided this should be my safe place, and he's not an internet message board kind of person. So, it isn't always a bad thing. I know my sitch is different, though.

What really through me was that the MOW found me on here. I posted her info on one those cheater websites. She found that and traced me with the email I used. I thought I was anonymous enough, but apparently not

She read all my posts. She could still be reading for all know. She could've joined and be one of the active CWs in here.

Interestingly, she contacted me after reading on here and apologized. She said she didn't realize how much what she did had hurt me. She didn't think about that part of the whole thing.

What else is there? Dangerous animals? We have rattlesnakes and copperheads. I not afraid of snakes. DD, I know all about the gators in NC and FL. We own a house in eastern NC. I hope to move back there someday. My fch is very dismayed that I will not agree to sell it.

Edited to fix autocorrect

[This message edited by cocoplus5nuts at 1:35 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8425241
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 4:59 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

I knew I was going to forget something!

FUCK!

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8425242
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 5:28 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

I'm not afraid of snakes either, although I'm not a fan of the 2 legged variety.

Copperheads will just make someone say FUCK all the way to ER but they won't kill.

Now, an Eastern Diamondback, that's the money strike. And a baby one won't have the button on it, doesn't temper it's bite AND looks like a harmless baby corn snake. Yeah - some baby Eastern Diamondbacks.

Oh...was that a bit too emphatic???

Fucking Scooby Dum! Oh that's right. We are feeding him to pigs, I mean he'll fall in their sty.

Coco - don't sell that house! I want to retire to that area. We could be neighbors.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8425266
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 7:45 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

Coco - don't sell that house! I want to retire to that area. We could be neighbors.

That would be cool! But, I doubt you want to retire anywhere near where my house is. It's not the Outerbanks or anywhere like that.

There are a lot of pig farms there.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8425350
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 9:19 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

I lived way out in the boonies a long time ago. Our closest neighbors was the pig farm. There was the creamery and bar kind of across the street from us. That was downtown. That was it. We lived in downtown boonies. Anyhoo, on a hot summer day when the wind was blowing the wrong way, omg. No. Just nooooooooo!!!!!!! I mean...fuuuuuccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 8425409
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TX1995 ( member #58175) posted at 9:38 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

Scooby, your WH can suck it. If he's spying on you here, he's still acting douche-y. It's quite another thing if he says something to you and wants to discuss things. But spying is just cowardly.

My WH knows I'm on a forum. He knows it's about infidelity. I've never actually shared which one, but would if he asked. Usually I just reference stories or things I read here. I don't really WANT him to read here, because it's a safe place, but I have said everything to his face that I say here. No secrets on my end. He knows I think he was a lecherous asshole and fucked a whore to the detriment of our family, his integrity and our marriage. No surprises found on SI for him!

I am glad to see some of the positive reconciliation stories going up. I need those right now. My WH has decided to do a weeklong intensive inpatient program to get to the core of his needs for external validation, co-dependecy and sexual intimacy issues. I'm glad he's made that choice. I think it will also be good for me to be home and spend the week seeing what life would look like without him in it. He's always traveled for work, but I think I'm going to treat this like he's gone for good. Otherwise known as I'm going to mow and weed eat the lawn. (Seriously, that's pretty rough - I haven't mowed our 2 acre lawn ever and probably haven't mowed a lawn in 25 years...) I'm also really glad that this was a step he decided to make on his own with no thought to his work schedule and knowing it would be a week of vulnerability and discomfort of talking about feelings.

I'm the BS. WH had a 3 month EA/PA with a cOW. DDay was 4/17. Working on R. Married 15 years and together 20 at DDay.
DDay #2 and #3 6/19. Grew a conscience and admitted a full blown physical affair. Now in limbo.

posts: 983   ·   registered: Apr. 6th, 2017   ·   location: Texas
id 8425418
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 10:31 PM on Thursday, August 22nd, 2019

Tx- I’m glad to hear your WH has taken some proactive steps.

I love mowing the lawn (tho I’ve not got anything close to 2acres)!

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3373   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8425450
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 12:32 AM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

I want to ask you guys if I am the only one who has thought this. I have often wished that my husband would be more of a man, show up, know what he wants and find his balls to be brave enough to at least say what he wants. He is a conflict avoider.

He is a coward, but he is also an imperfect mostly human - I understand this even though he has been an ass.

I wonder if I am being unfair. Why I perceive it this way.

For years I dreamed for him to man up, reach out to me, sweep me off my feet. I got nothing.

At one point recently, I told him he had to find his balls. He felt emasculated by that comment.

Maybe I just want him to own his mistakes and the hurt he has done.

If he over did the man up behaviour I would likely shut that down fast.

I find my thinking odd? Am I the odd man out on this? Hehe.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8425518
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 1:13 AM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

TG - get outta my head woman! Yeah, I feel that exact same way about mine. Just as well we are D'ing at 38 yo so I don't give him more of my time waiting for him to be something he won't ever...

That is actually one of that last things I said to him as his wife, "You may be the army guy and went to war and all that, but I have more brave in me than you ever have." It's the damn truth too.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8425532
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 1:59 AM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Phew .... glad not to be alone on that one.

Went to the the eye doc. All good. The floaters and eye flashes are due to fluid change that happens around my age.

Just have to watch things for the next six weeks.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8425549
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 2:07 AM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

TX,I, too, am glad your CH is being proactive.

TH, I felt that way about my fch, too. He was (sometimes still is) a conflict avoider. I had a conversation with my dad about that right before our wedding. I told my dad that I didn't know if I could be married to a "yes" man.

If he over did the man up behaviour I would likely shut that down fast.

He did come home from Marine Corps officer's boot camp (OCS) and told me he was now a trained killer. Um, no! That shit don't fly.

Be careful what you wish for. Part of the work my fch has done is to learn to stand up for himself. I don't like it! I'm used to getting my way. He is also CoD. He was always doing things for me. He still does a lot, but not so many things just for me anymore. 🙁

I'm kind of joking. It's good that he's learning to speak up for himself and not take on everyone else's happiness as his responsibility. It has been a hard adjustment for me after so many years of being in charge. It's hard for me to not take advantage of his CoD.

My house isn't in the boonies. It's a growing city near a large military base. It's about 20 minutes from several beaches. It's just not fancy, schmancy Outerbanks. And, thank goodness we cannot smell the pig farms!

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8425552
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 8:36 AM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Hey ladies, it looks like Scooby's H did in fact find us here, he just posted over in Wayward... Normally that wouldn't bug me too much, but the language he used in his post re: not giving her up without a fight makes me nervous given his history with DV.

I know she's in the UK, anyone here also based there and maybe have more direct contact with her?

Scooby, I know you're freaked that your H found us, but if you don't want to post publicly, please PM one of us to let us know you're ok!

Also, I know you already know this, but if anything feels off please make sure to get yourself out of the house! Even if you have to just run and can't grab anything, everything can be replaced, your safety is more important!

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8425635
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:29 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Oh...I see...and yeah - I will speak my mind.

Scooby - check in with us. Get help if you need it. Don't be scared. Contact your local authorities.

ETA - the part about getting help.

[This message edited by Chaos at 6:42 AM, August 23rd (Friday)]

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8425705
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SpeedBump ( member #69198) posted at 12:46 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Hey Scooby - I'm sorry your asshat of a WH found this site and seems to be "threatening" you. He seems to think he owns you! I am in the UK often. I'm mostly in London but get to Midlands,too. I don't use salty language often but seriously, fuck that guy!!

posts: 159   ·   registered: Dec. 20th, 2018   ·   location: Europe
id 8425725
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 12:50 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

I didn't realize there was an element of danger to scooby's CH being on here. I'm sorry if I minimized the xoncern.

Please, scooby, keep yourself safe. Stay in touch with at least one of us. Call the police if needed.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8425727
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 12:54 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Scooby, I wouldn't be alone with him right now. Call the police. They see guys like this all the time.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4479   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8425728
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:56 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

I'm KICKING myself for not telling her to reach out to a Mod last night.

Scooby - if you are reading this - GET HELP. GET HELP now.

Get to safety. Figure out the details later.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8425729
Topic is Sleeping.
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