deeplysad ( member #16590) posted at 7:05 PM on Sunday, August 28th, 2016
You are so incredibly brave, but I hate 
that you are having to go through this. 
((((((DS)))))
((((((MH)))))
Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 7:14 PM on Sunday, August 28th, 2016
((((((DS & MH)))))) All my love to you two.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
minusone ( member #50175) posted at 7:32 PM on Sunday, August 28th, 2016
Sending prayers and all good thoughts to both of you.
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:56 PM on Sunday, August 28th, 2016
Forget the guilt, DS.
Decent people just make allowances when needed for this sort of trial. You've probably done it for your colleagues in the past, and you'll do it again.
I'm so sorry you're going through this pain. My thoughts are with you.
(((DS))) (((MH)))
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 8:11 PM on Sunday, August 28th, 2016
I hate that you or anybody has to go through this. 
Praying for you and MH.
"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."
D-day April 2010
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 8:50 PM on Sunday, August 28th, 2016
((((DS and MH)))) You will get through this. You will.
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
Cally60 ( member #23437) posted at 10:35 PM on Sunday, August 28th, 2016
Oh, DeeplyScared. This is awful. The illness itself is enough to deal with, without the treatment making you feel still worse. I am so sorry. I wish you not only that perfect Christmas, but a less ghastly reaction to any treatment and a more bearable path towards the holiday celebration, too.
There's an old rhyme that says: "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride." Well, if even a small proportion of the SI good wishes were all fulfilled, I know that you would currently be sitting and feeling on the very top of the world. I hope that you soon will be.
sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 10:46 PM on Sunday, August 28th, 2016
Sending you and MH much mojo and positive energy. I'll pray for you both! ❤️
My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor
Deeply Scared (original poster administrator #2) posted at 11:13 AM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
Awesome...thank you everyone!!!
It's funny...we were headed out yesterday morning to go have breakfast with MH's mom and our neighbor down the street was taking a walk and she leaned in my car door and asked how I was doing...I said "I'm doing pretty good!" and she said "Well, hell...YOU'RE DRIVING!" and I suddenly realized that yeah...I'm not doing so bad after all!!! 
I've been so lucky my whole life to have been isolated from cancer...I don't know what to gauge anything on...so I just kind of assume that people go about their regular business and still look good through chemo.
Well, apparently I'm not the norm...go figure 
Thank you again!!
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Hope24 ( member #9344) posted at 11:22 AM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.
Deeply Scared (original poster administrator #2) posted at 11:46 AM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
(((((Hope)))))
Love you too 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 11:59 AM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
Huge hugs to you and MH. Having a good support system is paramount to healing...and you have an awesome support system!
You got this...
Hugs!
Me-58 FWH-60 Married 40 years 9/2/2023 grown daughters-40&36.14yo GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); 12yo GD & 7yo GD(DD36). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
WalkinOnEggshelz ( member #29447) posted at 11:59 AM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
Both you and MH have both proven to amazing and strong several times over. This is just another one of those times. When you get through this, you will both be able to say "yep, we survived that too!"
((((MH and DS))) 
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.
cantaccept ( member #37451) posted at 12:21 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
(((DS & MH))))
Thinking of you both and sending positive thoughts.
"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie
metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 12:38 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
I can't wait for you and I to get stupid excited about Christmas again this year DS. It WILL be the best Christmas ever.
((((((((((DS and MH)))))))))))))
Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:22 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
(((DS))))
You are doing great, don't know if anyone has mentioned transitional depression, but it's real and difficult to deal with during treatment of things like cancer, and recovery from major medical events.
It's when you hit the point, WTF, shouldn't this be over by now, I want to feel better. This alone can impact your ability to heal and fight. If you recognize this, please talk to your treatment team about it. Pain is exhausting, getting physically ill daily is exhausting, you are fighting a great fight. There is no shame in feeling down, but if you are struggling to find some positive self talk, then let your team know.
You got this we know you do.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 2:28 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
Sending hugs and mojo and prayers for both you and MH!!! You've been an inspiration.
Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.
JanetS ( member #2766) posted at 3:15 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
Thank you DS for the update. Not a happy update, you are in pain, and that makes me so sad.
Sadly pain is inevitable while aggressively fighting this "pain-in-the-ass-illness" that invaded your body. The army (medical treatments) is stomping all over you, and it must do that to get to the end of this war. :( Still, sucks big time, really big time.
You rarely pull the cancer card...you ARE strong. But pull it more often if you need to, without guilt. This is one time you don't have to be a rock.
Eyes forward, till November, when this God-awful treatment will take a break. Mind positive, that this crap will do what it's meant to do.
And Christmas, oh yeah, once you're up to it plan the most delightful Christmas you can. A wonderful way to celebrate the end of these many months of pain.
My thoughts daily go to both of you. I wish you the strength to fight this battle you did not sign up for, and that this time next year, and future years, you'll be saying "I smashed the crap outta cancer" and you'll be running marathons to support cancer research.
Cancer treatment has come a long long way. Many survivors around as a testament to that. Focus on that thought. But cry your heart out when it feels too much to handle, you've earned the right to meltdown.
Best wishes everyday.
Edited to add: I noticed your earlier post, but missed the one where you stated you were driving, and were sounding positive. Glad to read that.
Janet
[This message edited by JanetS at 12:13 PM, August 29th (Monday)]
knutz ( member #28877) posted at 3:36 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
You are a BADASS rockstar!!!
Close your eyes and picture those ugly, mean and WEAK cancer cells dying inside you as the chemo does its job.
You are going to have a GREAT Christmas this year!
Together 23 years
Married 20 Years
BW (me) 48
FWH: 49 (rSA)
2 children, 9 & 12
DDay: December 27, 2009
"Life is not what it is supposed to be. It is what it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference". Virginia Satir
Pentup ( member #20563) posted at 3:55 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2016
DS,
Sending you light (Christmas tree light, which is the BESt kind of light!) prayers and mojo.
Lord,
Thank you for this beautiful couple. Thank you for the glory of your days and the kindness and love of family, friends and strangers.
tPlease lift MH up, give him strength and peace and courage. This is a trial and scary for both DS and MH. Let them feel your love and support though the words and actions of others. Give them hope and pain free days. Give the Drs wisdom and kindness. Lord, we ask that you fully heal and restore DS. We ask that you give DS respite during treatment . Lord help them prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus with full remission, no pain and joy in your goodness. We ask this in your most precious name. Amen
Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)
