SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Get one of these. No battery required.

Look up the "Banana Slicer" on Amazon and read the reviews too.

I want one of those HOP. My kids eat bananas much better when sliced. Also it's cute.

Is there really no way to stop men (in general) from sexualizing us as we simply live our lives?

Unfortunately there isn't. As someone pointed out above, it's about how our brains are wired. We can't control our thoughts but we can (and many do) control whether to act on them inappropriately or not. Most decent guys will suppress them, turn their eyes away and casually go about their business. Those less socially apt will keep leering, blurt out an earthy joke or try to pay you a misguided "compliment", etc.

It's all a question of manners - and it's generally a good idea to keep away from people with bad manners or at least not to encourage them :-)

OwningitNow -

Its not about you most likely, and I agree with Neanderthal, its just childish behavior. If it is affecting you, you should feel safe going to HR about it.

I'll give you another example about men, and a lot of women too. YOu see shapes in things, like maybe a cheeto, or a cloud. How many times in life have we all seen a phallus shaped object and giggled. Maybe its a cactus, or a cucumber. Shit, even the emoji that is an egg plant is used for a penis. Do you or know people who use the egg plant to represent a dick? I'm pretty sure we've all seen it, and it is kinda funny no?

This doesn't give your coworker the right to leer at you, or make unwelcomed comments, but I want to stress, its probably not that they want you. Its just a funny act, childish, but your coworker probably thought it was funny.

[This message edited by HalfTime2017 at 9:54 AM, April 9th (Friday)]

My coworker actually smiled and said, "How's the banana?"

The best defense is a good offense. Next time

- give him the stare of doom and tell him, "I'm just eating a banana, you freak."

- Or ask him, what do you mean? Why do you never ask when I'm eating a sandwich? WTF is wrong with you?

What!!!!

I‘m beginning to question over half a century of having identified as a man – a male. I always thought I was and identified as being both proper and decent, yet don’t recall getting a stiffie seeing a woman handle a banana, cucumber or any other elongated fruit or vegetable or generally connecting women and edibles as sexual triggers in general.

Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Inventions have a song about conversing with vegetables, but even Mr. Zappa seems to draw a line on vegetable sex.

No – it is not normal for men to automatically see banana consumption as sexual. Not any more than it is normal for the OP to worry about her banana-eating habits at work. Nor is it healthy to think any and all interaction between two people needs to be sexually fueled.

Stop eating the banana in one bite OIN. Joke, just kidding, lighten the fuck up, etc.

As a straight man, I almost never eat bananas in front of other men. Ever. For this very reason. You can count on some asshole moaning, or saying swallow while chewing - or some other juvenile shit. And it’s almost always funny, even when it’s happening to you.

Honestly, it’s a standing joke and I’m shocked that some of the white knights here have never experienced any of this.

Honestly, it’s a standing joke and I’m shocked that some of the white knights here have never experienced any of this

Jokes about bananas are one thing. Leering at a woman eating a banana is another thing.

Who hasn't rearranged the 2 remaining apples and single banana left in the fruit bowl and giggled to themselves? lol

For myself, I assume that every woman eating a banana around me is doing so as a not-so-subtle way of hitting on me. I can't tell you how many times I've

snorted disgust because some lady at work just had to top her banana with whip cream and slowly lick it off. I mean, as a way of flirting, I got it the first time it happened way back in middleschool. That all these random banana eating women are using something a high school student has grown out of is just... ya know? I can't help but sigh and think 'will they ever learn?'

Recommend you bring a banana, cleaver, and chopping block to work. You know what to do from there...

As a male, who eats a banana as part of my breakfast pretty much every day (sometimes we forget to buy more) I haven't even thought of this at all. Eating food is eating food, maybe I'm wired differently, but watching my wife or other females eat a banana doesn't connect to anything remotely sexual. I had a nice chuckle at this thread, because I had never considered the notion that the fruit was anything more than a fruit.

Popsicles make me feel this way.

Popsicles make me feel this way.

For me it's an ice cream cone.

I don't think I've ever felt self-conscious eating a banana before, but I don't pay attention to a lot of that kind of stuff. But really, if watching me eat a banana, bite by bite, gets someone turned on... well, that says more about them than it does about me.

OIN, you should not care what they think.

It's your breakfast and you deserve to eat without having to care if someone is thinking about you sexually. And if they say something or make you uncomfortable, talk to HR. It's unacceptable that you even have to worry about this!

It's really no concern of mine if some idiot man wants to sexualize me for eating a piece of fruit. However, the comment was complete inappropriate. Im pretty direct, so I would have just called him disgusting and asked him if he was still in junior high. If I were really feeling my Wheaties, I would have warned him that anymore inappropriate sexual innuendo would be met with a sexual harassment charge with HR. If I was just tired, I would have given him one of my withering stares and kept it on him until he finally left or apologized.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 1:09 PM, April 10th (Saturday)]

Sexual harassment at the work place is a way to diminish you and make you give up space . That is probably why you are angry . Its hard to distinguish intentional harassment from juvenile jokes sometimes but in either case both are worth responding to unless its a one off event .

if you think there is serial disrespect from any given individual you should let them know you are not comfortable , they are being inappropriate and if it happens again that you will notify Hr

If you travel to different offices and meet new people all the time then here is my honest suggestion - you are better off slicing the banana because it will probably set up irritating dynamics from time to time .

Just speaking for myself , back in the day i did find that some men looked incredibly sexy when they ate and others didnt , i think no matter how its intended some actions will be sexy to some people . That part i think is no one's fault . However if a man or woman cant control their thoughts or words specially at work thats truly pathetic.

Absolutely None of this is on you .

[This message edited by siracha at 6:17 PM, April 11th (Sunday)]

I resolved the banana issue by breaking it into sections then popping them into my mouth instead of the whole banana method.

Unfortunately from a males perspective there is a shape relationship between a banana and a mans sexual organ that will never go away & a BJ is pretty much a normal topic on most TV shows, movies & series, as such the Neanderthals that are still out there in the workforce will always find away to make themselves disgusting, most of the time without even trying.

So it's interesting that some men have an issue eating a banana unless it's broken up. I read that online also. As to breaking it apart, I have some weird food hang ups and don't like to actually touch the banana. (I'm laughing as I type that because it feels like the banana is a euphemism. It's not! Lol.) I prefer to peel it and eat it, never touching it at all. No clue. Just don't like to touch food. Slice it on a plate and eat it with a fork? I could. But...sigh. I love the neat, simple efficiency of a banana. No dirty dishes or plate required!

So I work in a toxic environment. Short of suing, nothing will change. And if I do sue, it's very possible I'll disappear Jimmy Hoffa style in a pair of cement shoes. No joke. Many an employee has been scared away, and a couple locals are currently in federal prison for pipe bombs and racketeering. There is a lot of corruption and nepotism, along with a bunch of politically well connected folks at the top. The town and company are intimately connected for over 100 years. Nobody else will hire me and pay me what I make now, so there is no place for me to go. I try to stay away from the toxic types and stick with the other amazing people that I work with (many great employees doing great work which covers up the crime), but it doesn't always happen that way.

I am honestly new to the idea that a banana is sexual, although I sensed it all along. I just wanted it to be food. I want to live in a world where I control who sees me in a sexual way and who doesn't, but I know that I can't. And being here on SI all this time raised an awareness of my workplace boundaries that I didn't have before. I don't want to be complicit in anything. My solution is to put down any banana being eaten if someone comes in. Period. Even if it turns brown. I resent like hell that this is my world, but it is. I've always been a bit of a prude, I think because people have been inappropriate with me all my life. I hate it.

I only recently realized that several people at work have once or twice hugged me a little longer than they should have due to my kind of large breasts (which I hate, but f-ck surgery). We are in the social service business and many of us are close, empathic, sharing kind of people. I really did not know that hugging a woman to cop a feel was a thing, and a year ago while having a hug goodbye, I saw my friend smirk. My other female friend said, "I don't know, OIN. I have no breasts, so it's never happened to me. But you're probably right that they do it sometimes." Idk. I just thought my bra and clothing protected me from getting anyone off. I only trust women now, and even some of them don't feel safe. I do think that many women I work with probably feel the same way. My closest girlfriend is not bothered by sexual harassment. She finds it validating but won't admit that.

What is the saying, when you're a hammer, everything is a nail? That's how it feels. I just want boundaries! I've always had men as friends and my H is fine with it. Many are friends of the M, etc. But then the banana comment and the too long squeezes make me rethink things.

If you read this far, do you think that a man who is friends with a woman he finds attractive will always cross a boundary (or try to) eventually? Many male friends and coworkers have been great, but they have these occasional moments. Maybe I'm rethinking my position on these friendships. The banana guy was a coworker friend, or so I kind of thought. 99 great interactions and one boundary cross? What to do with that? Rhetorical. Just thinking out loud.

Thanks for entertaining a very uncomfortable subject (for me). Triggery all my life but especially these days.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 7:49 PM, April 11th (Sunday)]

I am really just venting. Nobody needs to answer. I always felt that men and women working together was fine, but now I feel after being here on SI that men and women as friends in the workplace is more problematic than I realized. And my acute awareness (and responsibility) of the need for clear boundaries has been important to me. I don't feel responsible for men's behavior, but I honestly felt I was doing my part (avoiding personal conversations, staying away from me who felt unsafe, always being professional).

So the hugging a year ago and the banana thing threw me and made me angry. Almost like it's impossible to keep the idea of sex out of the workplace. And I feel disillusioned. I guess I was naive and thought I had more control than I did, but to sexualize hugs goodbye and eating a banana when I am trying to have solid boundaries angers me.

Mods, you can please lock this. It's my own personal struggle and feels too triggery. A banana is a dumb trigger, but it's just part of a larger issue for me that I've struggled with related to boundaries and responsibility.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts.