Newest Member: GotLynched


1st D-Day: Nov 2015 Many more D-Days. nth D-Day: Jan 2021

Cell Phones for kids

My wife and I decided that we want the girls to have some cell phones.

Could someone share their experience with the parental control software: what they use? How is it? Can you share the controls with another parent?

I'm a bit overwhelmed at looking at these plans. I have an android and she has an iphone. (incidently, did you know that iphone imessages are untraceable and don't show up on the bill? )

7 comments posted: Tuesday, June 8th, 2021

Book Recommendations for helping kids cope with this

Exactly what the title says. I usually go through a book or two every month and I think one of the books I read this month should teach me to help the kids through this moment (Dissolution, I'm moving out, 50/50, two girls 8yo and 10yo)

Any recommendations? I do prefer research based books.

3 comments posted: Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021

Told kids... Does it get easier?

Well, today we told the kids. It went as horribly as you would imagine.

I feel like asking for the dissolution and telling the kids is the part that I most dreaded of all of this and now those two things are behind me.

In general, do others fear these parts the most? Does it get better from here on out or are there other things I need to be prepared for?

32 comments posted: Saturday, May 22nd, 2021

Negotiations for Dissolution

Some of you know that I've planned on moving back with my parents who live about 20 minutes away in the next town. It's an easy drive and so I haven't really thought of it as a burden.

For my WW, it is a mortal sin. She keeps using it as a reason to bring up shared custody schemes that are not 50/50. Because it is going to be hell for the kids to spend an extra 15 minutes in the car on the way to school.

I'm about to say "fine, you move out."

What I want to say is "It's your bad behavior that has made it so I only get to see my kids 50% of the time anyway. It's unfair for you to ask anymore of me."

She keeps saying it is because the kids will suffer more. Is there any research that shows spending an extra 30 min (2 trips)in the car 2-3 times a week turns them into deviants?

How do you deal with it when a spouse unfairly latches onto something and won't let go?

[This message edited by dogcopter at 12:46 PM, May 21st (Friday)]

5 comments posted: Friday, May 21st, 2021

Dear Bil, from Bs whose leaving

I am sure similar questions have been asked. I really did want specific answers though.

Problem: I want to write my brother in law an email. I need help deciding if to do it, and what general guidelines should I follow.

Background: My WS cheated... A lot. I asked for divorce like three weeks ago. Her brother is awesome and I'm going to miss him dearly. In the absence of her father, I asked him before proposing. We are good but not super close friends.

Details: My WS is showing that she is probably being nasty about me to her friends and family. It burns me up but really I don't care other than with him.

What I want to do is let him know that I did everything I could... And that in the end I couldn't accept all that infidelity. I'm sorry it came to this, but I did my best.

Has anyone done this? Any advice?

13 comments posted: Sunday, May 9th, 2021

Living arrangements / overbearing mother / not enough friends

I started a new post after the last one about landlords. I was angry when I made it because it is very difficult to find apartments with a large dog. I wanted to update you guys. And thank you for your comments.

I made plans to move in my with my parents. They have a large farmhouse with a vacant 2nd floor. They have a dog that gets along famously with my dog and they also have a huge fenced in yard. Logistically, it works out enough that I can slip them some rent and begin working on a downpayment so that I don't have to rent in the traditional sense.

This is perfect except that my mother immediately began trying to control my life again. Yes, I'm sure. Yes, I thought of the kids. Yes, she does seem very nice and it's a shame. My mother loves me and is coming from a good place. But my god, I need to save up quickly for the down-payment.

I'm also coming to the realization that I haven't gotten enough friends... and the friends I do have, I am not close enough to at this stage in my life. I am lonely and I know that comes with the territory... but some of the could be relieved with some good friendship.

26 comments posted: Saturday, May 1st, 2021

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