Newest Member: woname


Ex-wGF getting married to AP (rant, but not quite so)

Hello, I haven't been around for quite some time and despite the title I haven't returned to rant. Indeed, the fact that I've been away somehow indicates that I'm on my healing journey. But, true to the title of the post, my ex-WGF has recently got married to the guy she'd been two-timing me with and who she finally left me for. I'm not going to lie - something stung me a little when I found out (which was, incidentally, from my own sister's text - there's something to be said for family support in this case, ain't there?), there was some of the usual feeling of inadequacy, low self-esteem, some of the "what does he have, that I don't" sort of thinking etc. But on the other hand, after a few days of emotional turmoil, I'm starting to feel surprisingly serene about it all. There is an air of finality to it - now she's someone else's problem and I need to put the vestiges of irrational expectation of some sort of regret on her part to rest.

I'm back for a while to report on where I am and to thank everyone here for their support when I needed it most. As I said, I think I'm getting along my healing journey (too slowly for my liking, but it is what it is :-) and there have been some positive changes in my life - I reorganised my professional life, which has allowed me to go back to university to study something I'd always wanted to pursue. At first, it was to fill the void inside me that the failed relationship had caused, but I also realised I'd let myself go intellectually and in some way I'm getting my old self back.

There is still quite a lot of work to do, though. In my case I've been out of infidelity only three years and while most of the stuff has slowly been getting back on track, I now realise there is one big issue I'll need to address both in therapy and in my everyday life - the lack of trust.

I have a question especially to those, who did manage to heal, meet another special person in their life and build a happy trusting relationship. How long did it take you to feel you can trust someone else in a romantic sense? I know it's different for everyone, but is it worrying that after 3 years I can't even imagine trusting anyone again or are my concerns unwarranted?

Cheers everyone.

16 comments posted: Thursday, May 4th, 2023

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