Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014. Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 5 years) & DBF (dating 4 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

This is why y'all hate poly people

So I have an account on OKCupid because I'm always open to meeting new and interesting people. Yup, it says I'm poly and that I have partners.

Last night I got a message from a local in my city, 45m. His profile says he's looking for a FWB, and his message said he wanted to chat and bounce some ideas about polyamory.

I messaged back to say I'm not interested in FWB but I could chat for a bit. So he asks me some questions about how polyamory works for me, and then drops in a comment about his wife is very uptight about anything that violates the tenets of monogamy.

*record scratch* "... does she know you're here and having these conversations?"

"No, but I consider this just doing research."

"With a profile that says looking for FWB? Don't kid yourself. And anyone who would be giving you info for your "research" under these conditions probably isn't the person you should be getting info on polyamory from."

"Guess I'll have to get a divorce then. I should maybe just change it to looking for a FWB but trying to keep my marriage together."

Yup. Just a garden variety cheater masquerading as polyamorous. It's disgusting. The level of self deception is just incredible.

This is NOT what ethical non monogamy looks like!!! I blocked him right after that.

35 comments posted: Saturday, January 7th, 2023

Spinoff: "ask me anything"- Poly Relationships

I keep feeling compelled to reply to the other posts so I figured in the interests of reducing thread jacking, I'd make a new post here.

If I can help clear up some questions or offer a new perspective, please feel free to ask me about polyamory or open relationships.

10 comments posted: Monday, November 7th, 2022

Remembering Old Anniversaries

I am kind of surprised that I am affected as much this year, honestly. I don't think I've thought much of my xH in a long time, other than in the occasional conversation with Kiddo. (xH lives in another country and hasn't seen Kiddo in person for nearly two years now and rarely calls him).

A couple of days ago would have been my twentieth wedding anniversary with xH. I was so young and full of hope, sure that we were smart and going to beat the odds against young marriages. We had a lovely destination wedding and at-home reception.

I am happily remarried now and would not take my xH back for anything. I know that my love life is much better now and that I have partners with whom I can be myself wholly. But a little part of me is sad that I will never reach those big wedding milestones with DH, simply because of age if nothing else.

It's kind of silly. I know intellectually that time doesn't mean a stronger or deeper connection, but part of me wishes that I'd have a shot at 50 or 60 years with DH so we could grow together like that. But if I had met DH when I was the age I met xH, we wouldn't have been good for each other, I know that. Plus then I wouldn't have my Kiddo.

I have more knowledge of myself now than I did at 18 when I met xH. I know I will continue to grow, but I have a much better handle on who I am and what I want, and how to handle issues- which means that my relationships are in a better place and have less conflict and more connection. I do not think that even if xH hadn't cheated and walked out, that I would have the deep connection with xH that is so important to me. I do have a strong and solid connection with DH, and working at growing it with DBF.

I guess part of me is just wistful that I'll never have the opportunity to see how my connection with DH would grow over that much time. I know that I love and appreciate him more with every passing year. I really know this time, that this is death do us part- we fit together like a lock and key. I know it couldn't have been any other way... but I guess I'll have to take quality over quantity.

Am I the only one who thinks things like this? I guess I still miss the innocence and being that young and thinking my whole life was ahead of me, too.

[This message edited by PSTI at 1:30 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]

6 comments posted: Wednesday, March 10th, 2021