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Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014. Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 4 years) & DBF (dating 3 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

Gotta gloat a bit

I just got an email from my xWH that he is getting separated from his second wife. She was the one he cheated on me with.

Guess I'm a terrible person because that kinda gave me a bit of a lift. It just makes me remember the times when he told me that he was enjoying hurting me after he walked out on us. Little bit of schadenfreude.

So now he's a two time loser at 40. I'm kind of curious what happened, but we don't talk except about Kiddo so I have no plans to ask.

Part of me wonders though, if he's done the work to become a better partner. With two divorces in less than ten years, probably not. But he did rush right into getting married again with his sidepiece when he left us so who knows. She was cheating on her boyfriend to be with him so maybe she cheated again, or maybe he did. Either way I think I'm a lot happier with how my life is going than he is.

18 comments posted: Tuesday, February 1st, 2022

Remembering Old Anniversaries

I am kind of surprised that I am affected as much this year, honestly. I don't think I've thought much of my xH in a long time, other than in the occasional conversation with Kiddo. (xH lives in another country and hasn't seen Kiddo in person for nearly two years now and rarely calls him).

A couple of days ago would have been my twentieth wedding anniversary with xH. I was so young and full of hope, sure that we were smart and going to beat the odds against young marriages. We had a lovely destination wedding and at-home reception.

I am happily remarried now and would not take my xH back for anything. I know that my love life is much better now and that I have partners with whom I can be myself wholly. But a little part of me is sad that I will never reach those big wedding milestones with DH, simply because of age if nothing else.

It's kind of silly. I know intellectually that time doesn't mean a stronger or deeper connection, but part of me wishes that I'd have a shot at 50 or 60 years with DH so we could grow together like that. But if I had met DH when I was the age I met xH, we wouldn't have been good for each other, I know that. Plus then I wouldn't have my Kiddo.

I have more knowledge of myself now than I did at 18 when I met xH. I know I will continue to grow, but I have a much better handle on who I am and what I want, and how to handle issues- which means that my relationships are in a better place and have less conflict and more connection. I do not think that even if xH hadn't cheated and walked out, that I would have the deep connection with xH that is so important to me. I do have a strong and solid connection with DH, and working at growing it with DBF.

I guess part of me is just wistful that I'll never have the opportunity to see how my connection with DH would grow over that much time. I know that I love and appreciate him more with every passing year. I really know this time, that this is death do us part- we fit together like a lock and key. I know it couldn't have been any other way... but I guess I'll have to take quality over quantity.

Am I the only one who thinks things like this? I guess I still miss the innocence and being that young and thinking my whole life was ahead of me, too.

[This message edited by PSTI at 1:30 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]

6 comments posted: Wednesday, March 10th, 2021

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