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Your detailed documentation is going to bury him in court, whether he tries to lie or not. He has no idea what kind of legal ass whooping he has brought upon himself. Of course, if you ask him he will say just the opposite because that is what NPD assholes do. They live in the Land of Denial, after all!

I hope your attorney is counter filing for sole custody???

Phoenix -- yes, and yes.

I haven't been able to sit down with my attorney yet, but I know from prior conversations that he will counter-sue for sole custody and supervised visitation. (He predicted this situation early on.) He said we'll begin with psychological evaluations and drug tests for both xWH and OW3 -- and that's just step one. My attorney is ready to rumble.

It feels good to have a strong advocate, yes. But it's overwhelming too. I'm not cut out for battle, but it's clear I need to begin welding my armor.

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 4:10 PM, December 9th (Friday)]

OMG...I actually cried for your girls...never allow your POS ex to EVER have anotherday with those lovely little ladies...God bless you ... tis His season....

OK, this is now officially war. From this point on, trust your attorney, document, document document, and keep the end goal in sight full custody of your children with as limiting of a supervised visitation as you can get. If he asks for the children when it's not his allotted time, NO is a complete answer. When you do talk to your lawyer, see if you can get a temp order on an emergency basis to only have supervised visitation between your children and your X. Channel that inner bitch Momma Bear and don't yield, don't discuss any options with him, and stay as NC as possible. (((hugs)))

Praying for you, I_Do_Exist, and a positive outcome. Praying for strength and focus for you. This may be a gift from your X. It sounds like you have a very good and thoughtful lawyer. As you have been warned - prepare for ugly. I think going for costs as part of the decision has merit.

I wonder if you gaining sole custody with supervised visitation for him would eventually get boring and he would quit. However, I wonder if no visitation is an option. I wonder at psychological damage for your girls from being exposed to him even under supervision. But, I'm no lawyer and it sounds like you have a good one.

Like I said, I'm praying for you, your daughters and a positive outcome.

I was the 14yo child in a divorce case..my father was a POS like your husband...I was court ordered to have supervised visitation with him and his lawyer..after the third court ordered visitation, the POS gave up. The court required me to physically set with him..the court could not order me to speak or observe his presence. I would afix my sight on an object and tune out all hearing..I would literally say 'nothing', hear nothing for 35 minutes...after the third required visitation..i never heard anything from him for 12 years..he died in 1972..after the divorce in 1960....

Since he's suing and you will be counter suing, can you ask him to pay your attorney fees? I mean....why not?

So, does he live in Hawaii now?

Does this mean he won't be seeing them regularly for the time being?

One thing I learned from my atty. is that they deal with the same judges every day. They know how each one of them rules on a regular basis on a variety of issues. Your atty is confident for a reason!

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:41 PM, December 11th (Sunday)]

Hello IDE, I just wanted to send you a virtual hug, as I was also sued for full custody by XH. I remember getting a notice in the mail of a registered letter more than 20 years ago, and my life spiraled after that. I am so sorry you are going through this!

I have a couple of observations I wanted to share.

Suing for full custody means putting on an emotional coat of armour that I may have never had to have before. My attorney said it is the most difficult, ruthless process I'll ever go through.

Very true. My XH had both my parents and all of my sibs testify against me at trial. Don't get me started. It was brutal. But I stood strong in the storm and retained custody of my kids.

Suing for full custody usually means an onslaught of emotional warfare on my children from xWH.

Again, sadly true. My children were told things like, "Don't you love your father?" "What about our FAMILY?" "Your mother is....." Fill in the blank. Did my kids believe it? Never. He and his attorney tried to convince the judge that I am a "nut." Unsuccessful, but the whole process was emotionally devastating for all of us.

I have one thought after reading this thread, and I am wondering if your eldest child has a "voice" in your state? A guardian ad litem may be helpful for your children at this point.

And lastly, I remember what my attorney's receptionist said to me all those many years ago, "Any doofus can sue for custody." Very true.

Strength and prayers to you and your children. Take care.

E.

[This message edited by Edith at 3:11 PM, December 12th (Monday)]

The issue with suing for full custody after the divorce is final.

YOU both agreed the other parent was a capable parent. Judges have to ask "what caused a change of heart to sue for full custody?"

In his situation (like my xh's) he doesn't want to deal with you putting the needs of the kids before him.

It's not enough to win full custody.

He will have to prove you're an unfit mother - be prepared for every little bad thing you have ever done to be blown out of proportion exponentionally. That's where it gets ugly.

Then realize that he AGREED to the girls staying with you 90% of the time. If he had reservations of your competence - why did he do that?

With that one ^^^^ question my attorney blew my xh away. His own answer (shrugged shoulders) lost him his case.

You ARE THE ONLY FIT PARENT your girls have. You know it. Your girls know it. Your attorney knows it. The judge is about to know it.

Hugs,

K

Hello to my SI family/friends. I'm checking in with an update. My heart has stopped beating out of my chest and I am feeling much better about things.

I met with both my counselor and my attorney. They both are urging me to be calm and confident.

We are taking the following steps:

1. Counter-suing for sole custody.

2. Requesting xWH pay for all of my attorney fees, which my attorney thinks is highly likely because xWH makes 6X my annual income and he initiated this suit.

3. Motioning the court to appoint a counselor for my children, so xWH can no longer obstruct my efforts to get them in counseling. He has terminated and/or sabotaged three different counselors so far.

4. Motioning the court for a complete psychological evaluation and drug screening for xWH. I expect him to insist on the same for me, which I welcome.

5. Motioning the court for a complete psychological evaluation and drug screening for OW3. Although my attorney thinks this may be a long shot, we're still going for it because (a) she lives with xWH and (b) her history of mental illness and drug abuse is loaded. Plus there is a satisfying revenge component I cannot deny. This OW3 has written me several vitriolic texts accusing my children of being dumb and me of being a bad mother and wife. I have never responded to her messages -- until now. This seems like a logical, fitting response. :)

As everyone has been saying, you've got this!! So glad your mind has been put at ease, because you really do!

(I especially like the part about OW3!! Maybe xWH will drop it to avoid going through all of that and paying all of that.)

You , my dear, are our hero!!

Yep, you got this!

Seems like a best case scenario is coming soon. Be confident and don't let either of them see you flinch, you are now in a more powerful position.

i believe that your court fees and such can be recooped if you win. and you MUST ask for it in the court hearing.

2. what a absolute selfish f#ck.

make sure you have called CPS. you need that on record and also because it shows concern vs calling a month later.

I think you will be fine too. you will NOT lose custody. no way. but you may not get 100% either. at best you will be awarded that he cannot fly with kids or take them out of the city. flight risk now and hes careless with 2 humans.

this made my skin crawl reading how incredibly horrible he is. mentally and physically.

Woot woot!!! Glad you've got a team who's got your back and your children's best interests at heart.

Plus you've got the whole SI army backing you.

Calm and confident. Embrace it!!

((((IDE & DDs))))

I am so, so glad you are feeling better. I think we all knew from the start that you had this, but it's good to see that you are starting to feel it too...you know, cause you're the one that matters in your life

I can't wait to read about this smackdown in court! Do you have any dates set yet?

Hurrah!

I've got everything crossed, and I'm really looking forward to his humiliating demise.

Looking in court like the maddo-saddo-baddo-crappo POS that he so obviously is.

I_D_E - strength and peace to you and your DDs.

MOB xx