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Your ex is not bipolar he's a bat shit crazy personality disordered waste of human life.

I'm a shrink as well and I couldn't have said it better myself (off the proper diagnostic way of course)

Just keep remembering that ur atty goes before the same judges every week. He knows them. He knows how they generally rule in these cases. Be strong, cool, collected, centered and follow his lead.

I'm so glad you have a handle on this.

I know the terror your DDs felt at being on the flight alone was horrible, and that was the most immediate thing and the thing you feel the worst about, most likely.

But I keep going back to the issue of the inhaler because I can't help but think that is the one that is going to nail his sorry a$$ in court. It is breaking federal laws (using someone else's prescription is against federal laws) and it is endangering your DD's life by denying her a lifesaving medication that is prescribed to her.

It sucks that the emotional stuff is not often taken into more consideration than it is. But these are some hard facts that are going to be difficult to argue against - breaking laws about abusing prescriptions, and endangering a child's life by withholding medication (and not for religious reasons, but to keep the medication for himself).

I don't think any judge would look very kindly on any of that.

Now, the bad side of that - look for him/his lawyer to start explaining it away as your DD "forgot" her inhaler, he didn't know she didn't have it, that they were only sharing because she kept forgetting it, etc. He'll put all the blame on her, saying that she forgot it and that he shared his because it was better than her having none. And that he had no idea she went on the plane without, that she must have forgotten to pack it. Or that she lost it, and they didn't have time to replace it. Or something equally full of $H!t.

He probably will try to say she forgot the inhaler.

The problem with that is..she's an eight year old little girl. She shouldn't be, and can't be,responsible for that. As her father, as the adult in charge, he should have made sure..checked,double checked and triple checked that she had her life saving medication with her before boarding that flight. And, I would think, he should have told the airline she was asthmatic,would have her inhaler, and what to do in case of emergency.

So the excuse of "she forgot it"....blaming the child..Will bite hmm in the ass. It will only show the judge how irresponsible he is with his child's life.

Now, the bad side of that - look for him/his lawyer to start explaining it away as your DD "forgot" her inhaler, he didn't know she didn't have it, that they were only sharing because she kept forgetting it, etc. He'll put all the blame on her, saying that she forgot it and that he shared his because it was better than her having none. And that he had no idea she went on the plane without, that she must have forgotten to pack it. Or that she lost it, and they didn't have time to replace it. Or something equally full of $H!t.

osxgirl -- You're right. The inhaler is the smoking gun, so to speak. If he tries to say she forgot, he'll find himself in deep trouble. First, DD8 said she asked daddy to bring her inhaler on the plane and he wouldn't let her. Shortly after all this happened, I asked xWH about this via text. xWH responded DD8 did ask for her inhaler, but he didn't give it to her for the flight because "he knew she wouldn't need it." That's how the "magic pill" came about, which was his explanation to her for why she didn't really need her inhaler. He claims the magic pill was a dose of Benadryl he gave her before boarding the plane. Who knows though. At least this is all in writing.

Of course, that won't stop him from changing his story. He wrote me an email a few weeks ago that he "should have told me he was having them fly alone, but he thought the airlines would take care of that." Then a few nights ago, he texted me that he tried to call and tell me the girls were flying alone, but I didn't answer my phone and my voicemail was full, so it's my own fault that I didn't know. So...liars gonna lie. But, again, this is all in writing. So we'll be able to weave a full picture for the judge that xWH says one thing, and then another, and then another, and then another -- and he becomes more and more adamant with each new iteration.

You're also right that what my daughters are most hurt by is the flying alone. The asthma issue was a potential disaster, but it didn't happen. So the *possibility* of that disaster doesn't weigh on them nearly as much as what did happen. My girls have an upcoming visit with their dad and they are both scared. I asked them what we could do to make them feel better (because I cannot prevent them from going with him). I offered to pack a separate inhaler for DD8 and a separate cell phone for DD12 (so their dad cannot disable it ad hoc, as he often does). But DD8 said, "None of that stuff will keep daddy from sending us home with someone else."

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 8:28 PM, December 20th (Tuesday)]

IDE, it's so sad that your girls have to think of possible eventualities of seeing their father who should be the one thinking - thinking in preparation of everything needed to protect them.

In addition to not giving her the inhaler there's the unknown drug he gave your daughter before boarding. If it was not an age and medically appropriate one approved for her; if he did not consult her doctor about administering it (as if... ), THAT seems to me a large issue the court should hit him on.

One more thought . . . before I try to quiet my mind for the night.

I pride myself on being someone who has my shit together. That feeling has increased since my divorce. I feel a heightened sense of needing to be composed, organized, together, and on point.

With this latest episode with the flights and the medication, my anxiety is at all-time high. I feel like I truly have to think of *everything* at all times. I am determined to enjoy this week with my children while they're out of school and I'm off work, but I'm overwhelmed by the task of pulling off every last detail of a magical Christmas alone. I'm also anxious and, despite our fun plans, I feel lethargic, tired, and am having a hard time getting out of bed.

I say all of this because I feel compelled to be honest about the underbelly of this experience.

Yes, I'm marching forward and have a great attorney and a solid game plan. Yet, I am crawling through my days emotionally.

Yes, I have documented everything for the last 18 months. Yet, there is no satisfaction in having copious records detailing the implosion of my family and the downward spiral of my children's father.

Yes, I am confident I will have full legal and physical custody when this nightmare is finally over. Yet, what I really want is a responsible, loving, compassionate father for my children.

So, while I hold everything together the best I can, the truth is . . . I'm carrying gallons of grief and mountains of mourning.

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 8:51 PM, December 20th (Tuesday)]

He said he tried to call you and TELL you they were flying home alone. ASK would be better.

But anyway, pull up your cell phone records for your atty.

look and see if any calls were received by your phone carrier for the day or two preceding them being sent home.

Bc your xh said he tried to call you and it went to vm, then ur atty can subpoena xh phone records to see if he really tried to call you.

So, while I hold everything together the best I can, the truth is . . . I'm carrying gallons of grief and mountains of mourning.

I guess that's the worst part...all of the proof, karma, winning etc...doesn't change the fact that he failed as a parent and the last thing most of us want is seeing our kids hurt by either of their parent. The two people they are supposed to be able to count on for anything and everything. One of them has failed them in a big way And you feel like there is no coming back from that and nothing you can do to change it. It's a terrible feeling and I understand your feelings. Sorry you and your kids have been put in this situation. I pray he turns it around somehow and if he doesn't I know your kids will always have a constant in their life. You. So thank the Lord for that.

I'm carrying gallons of grief and mountains of mourning.

((((()))))

I'm sure you are. And God knows the holidays are hard work in the best of times, but you'll get through that too. We're here for you.

It is understandable that your girls are scared about going to their Dad's. I love that you asked them what they needed from you to make them feel better about it.

All you can do is acknowledge that they are scared and remind them that you will see them again on this date and at this time. They will be able to cope with this (even though they shouldn't have to) because they know they are coming back to you and you will keep them safe.

I am so sorry you are having to hold it all together right now I_Do_Exist. I know how heavy that can be. To want so badly to be the strength for them, but having no one to be it for you. I pray that you can find some time to let it out privately. We're all here to support you emotionally in any way we can.

Also, can you let your girls know that they have the authority to ask for help? Tell them that if something similar happens, they can find a police officer or employee wherever they are and tell them that they are being coerced to do something against their wishes and that they need to call their mom. Tell them that other adults (specify police officers, employees, etc.) will help them and encourage them to tell their dad no, that they need to talk to you first.

I really don't know if that's reasonable or safe, but I am thinking it may help them take some control of their situation and perhaps prevent something else from happening until you can get custody.

You mentioned that he made six times what you make. Any chance of requesting more child support while you are in court?

((((((IDE)))))))

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this waste of humanity. You need to let it out, or it will eat away at you.

Hugs to you and your babies. A curse on him!

I can hardly believe I'm about to type this. I am frozen and I feel like there is a gaping hole in my chest.

That asshole did it again. xWH's sister picked up our children at 12 noon 12/26 for his holiday visitation. I just found out his sister then put our children on an airplane alone to fly to xWH and his girlfriend, who were on a ski vacation in the mountains.

On top of that, DD8 was sick. She woke up vomiting on Christmas morning and was sick all day. She knew she may be traveling during her visit with her daddy, and she was very anxious about having to travel while she was sick (which I told xWH) -- but none of us had any idea xWH was having them travel alone.

My girls found out they were flying alone shortly after his sister (their aunt) picked them up. I found out this morning when DD12 texted me.

My heart is beating out of my chest. I feel like I can't breathe. My babies are a million miles away, in the mountains, out of cell range. On Christmas night, when DD8 was lying next to me and crying that she didn't want to have to travel with daddy when she felt so sick, I tried to comfort her by saying it would be okay and her daddy would take good care of her. I should have never said that. He made me a liar.

I don't suppose this changes much, legally speaking. There's nothing we can do today. It just goes on top of the pile of all of the other truly awful things he has done to me and our children. But my God, my heart hurts and my arms ache to hold my girls.

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 1:47 PM, December 27th (Tuesday)]

(((IDE & DD's)))

I have NO words .... I am SO sorry he has done this to you again...

That his sister would aide him in this .... unbelievable! !!

((((IDE & DDs))))

Breathe. Just breathe. You are in the final stretch of his bullshit antics.

You know the drill - document the crap out of this, get in touch with your L to add yet another piece of FOTY material and count down the days till your DDs are safe at home in your arms. Then you pull the trigger.

We're all here with you. You can do this. I'm so sorry that he just keeps messing with his own children. He obviously has no shits to give about them. I think he's just shot himself in the foot for the last time.

((((IDE & DDs))))

I am so sorry - apparently they are a whole family of fuckwits.

I look forward to you kicking his ass in court and would gladly donate for the cause.

I am so grateful my son is an adult.

(((Hugs to you and your girls)))

Is his sister allowed to pick them up for his visitation? Could you have refused to allow them to go?

Stupid,selfish man. His kids will remember this forever. It will change their relationship with him. And he doesn't care. He knows they were scared last time..And he did it to them again.

He's a horrible father..a horrible man.