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I would see if the OW had an arrest record, particularly for drugs or abused substances. If she does, that is solid, third-party proof that there is a problem.

I'm sure your attorney is on this, but thought it was worth a mention.

Cat

Just letting you know I'm receiving all your advice, support, and ideas. Thank you. I am so touched by this amazing support system we offer to one another.

To answer a few of your questions . . .

We have done a background search on OW3 and her serious run-ins with the law were during her high school years, which wasn't so long ago for her. She has several cases that are sealed, so I was going to ask my attorney if there is some way to at least find out if the nature of the sealed cases may be pertinent to our situation. Most of what I know about OW3 are detailed in public blogs she kept for several years -- which include a wide array of wild, reprehensible behavior. See my profile for details on that.

One thing I learned today that surprised me and is also very satisfying: We are going to ask that xWH not only reimburse me for my attorney fees at the end of the case, but that he actually pay my attorney fees while the case is being tried. I think that's awesome. I love the idea of him writing checks to two attorneys every month. My attorney thinks this scenario is not only possible in our case, but likely, given that xWH makes so much money and his misbehavior is at the heart of this situation.

I don't yet have any court dates. We are purposely delaying our response until after the New Year holiday. This is reason #148 that I love my attorney -- he instinctively knew I wouldn't want to file our counter-suit, which will be full of inflammatory information sure to upset xWH, until my children are home safely with me. My girls have a one-week holiday visit with their dad after Christmas. (Yes, he's traveling with them again. Yes, this causes me severe anxiety and stress. No, I cannot prevent it. My attorney suggests I get my girls an emergency cell phone and simply hope xWH will be on his best behavior, given the current scrutiny on his parenting. Gulp. This is not going to be easy.) My girls get home on January 2, so we'll file everything and serve him on January 3.

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 3:25 PM, December 15th (Thursday)]

My brother had a similar situation where his XW was nuts. He bought his son a watch through Verizon I think. It can only call 3 numbers and he can call it. He can also track where his kid is at anytime. I would suggest looking into that....the monthly fees are pretty low and it is worth the peace of mind.

My girls get home on January 2, so we'll file everything and serve him on January 3.

Happy New Year ASSWIPE FUCKER!!!!!!!!

ZMarley -- That's exactly what my attorney recommended. The watch that has 3-4 emergency numbers and has GPS tracking.

One other suggestion: I don't know if you'd be able to or not, but can you get an extra inhaler for your DD that has asthma, pack it in your older child's stuff & let her know it is an emergency supply? I know telling the kids not to tell their dad something is not a good thing, but is there any way to have your older DD take an extra one and not let your X know she has it so that if a situation arises like last time, your younger DD will have an inhaler?

I will admit, that is the situation that still really bothers me a lot. I still don't understand your X "sharing" an inhaler with your DD. If he needs one, what does he do for one when she isn't around? And if he doesn't need one, then WTF is he using/keeping hers for?

[This message edited by osxgirl at 5:41 PM, December 15th (Thursday)]

The sealed cases are likely juvenile cases, and probably won't be opened under the premise that people are supposed to grow up and become responsible and their childish behavior shouldn't be held against them forever.

Unless her behavior (i.e. drinking and driving, drug use while your children are there) truly puts your children in danger, it's unlikely that you can make a whole lot out of her behavior. Additionally, if these are some years ago, they can argue (likely successfully) that she has turned over a new leaf and is a grownup now. I would focus on recent behavior for both of them and her past indicating that her recent behavior isn't terribly different from said past (if that is indeed the case).

I agree with your attorney--get your kids back under your care and serve the idiot. No holding back and no indication it's coming.

Boom.

Cat

One other suggestion: I don't know if you'd be able to or not, but can you get an extra inhaler for your DD that has asthma, pack it in your older child's stuff & let her know it is an emergency supply?

I'm on it. I have an appointment with DD8's doctor next week and I'll explain why I need additional inhalers. Her doctor has been very supportive and is well aware that DD8's daddy is troubled.

I still don't understand your X "sharing" an inhaler with your DD. If he needs one, what does he do for one when she isn't around? And if he doesn't need one, then WTF is he using/keeping hers for?

The deal with the shared inhaler is that xWH has asthma as well. xWH has assured me on numerous occasions that he "always keeps DD8's rescue inhaler with him"; however, it's now clear that what he really means is he always keeps *HIS* rescue inhaler with him at all times and he lets DD8 use it when necessary. Obviously, there are several serious issues with that -- not the least of which is the fact that, when forced to choose between DD8 having a rescue inhaler or him having a rescue inhaler, he chose himself.

Additionally, if these are some years ago, they can argue (likely successfully) that she has turned over a new leaf and is a grownup now. I would focus on recent behavior for both of them and her past indicating that her recent behavior isn't terribly different from said past (if that is indeed the case).

I agree. I'm not interested in digging into her high school criminal record, per se, and I know for a fact that "turning over a new leaf" is their running defense. However, her blogs, which contain truly offensive content that would disturb even the hardest among us (sleeping with two of her stepbrothers), are from 3-4 years ago. On top of that, she ended her affair with her last married boss 2 years ago and immediately began having an affair with my xWH thereafter. During our separation, xWH told me OW3 was "a complete pothead." I have no real issue with pot, but I'd prefer my childrens' caregivers are not heavy users and the real point is this: When, exactly, did she turn over a new leaf? That seems like a consistent sequence of irresponsible choices to me. We'll see what my attorney and the judge says.

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 11:43 PM, December 15th (Thursday)]

Just wanted to throw another hat in your ring. You're my hero.

The deal with the shared inhaler is that xWH has asthma as well. xWH has assured me on numerous occasions that he "always keeps DD8's rescue inhaler with him"; however, it's now clear that what he really means is he always keeps *HIS* rescue inhaler with him at all times and he lets DD8 use it when necessary.

Ugh! Not to beat this into the ground, because the REAL answer is obviously that your X is just one of the hugest a$$holish dumba$$es in the entire universe, but.... your DDs were on the way home. Her "stuff" should have been with her.... including her rescue inhaler. Even if he finds it too taxing to carry two inhalers around... I mean, sheesh, they are awfully huge and heavy, right? (lots of sarcasm there), when she's on her way home, she should have all of her "go home" stuff with her, and I would think her inhaler would be on the list, even if it isn't carried on a normal basis.

And that doesn't even get into the whole "are their prescriptions even the same" thing. I don't know much about asthma inhalers, but I would imagine given their differences in size, they would at least likely be on a different dosage, which might make the inhalers different. I could be wrong on that one, but.... Either way, what a freakin idiot.

Glad to see you had that idea on this already though. For this trip, will they be on a plane? If not, then this is easy. Stashed in an inside pocket in older DDs backpack or something like that would probably work nicely.

If they are traveling by plane, it's not nearly as easy, since it all has to go through security. It's medical, so they shouldn't give them a problem about taking it, but keeping it away from your X could be a lot harder.

And I can't believe you have to worry about how to hide your child's life-saving medicine from your X.

You probably know this, but inhalers are medicine and can go through security in an airport in your carryon. No need to drag it out to be shown.

Most inhalers are dosed by # of puffs. I just think it's gross that he's huffing it and having her huff off the same one. I don't share my inhaler unless in an emergency and then I clean it or give it up.

Your ex is a special snowflake that needs to melt away

Thank you for the update. I agree with you and your lawyer get your children back and then give him a New Year's gift of the ages. I am crossing everything I can cross that you get him to pay for your lawyer as you go ... geeze, I'd be saying Ch CHING in my mind, every time I saw a legal document/email/filing etc happen!

Correct me if I'm wrong, I may have you confused with another BW here...

But isn't this OW a nurse? Didn't she give one of your children medication prescribed to one of her teenaged sons?

Imo...that shows an incredible lack of judgement..is illegal...And certainly put your daughter at risk.

Did you ever report that to anyone? If so, perhaps you can use that to show she is a danger to your children.

Glad to hear he's forcing you to go to court. Hopefully the judge understands the importance of the inhaler situation.

To me that should be enough to give you full custody. He put himself first over his own daughter. A good parent puts their kids needs first before before their own.

You probably know this, but inhalers are medicine and can go through security in an airport in your carryon. No need to drag it out to be shown.

Very true I keep mine in my purse and just goes through x-ray along with my purse.

I don't think they would say anything about it if you pack one in your other dd's backpack. They are easily identifiable of what it is.

Can't your attorney do/bring up about him keeping her prescribed rescue inhaler. I'm assuming it is prescribed to your dd.

Why isn't he getting his own inhaler and what does he do when he doesn't have the girls?

This I don't understand since you never know when you will have an attack. What, he only has problems when he has the girls and never has an attack any other time so he doesn't need an inhaler of his own.

I've never heard of people sharing one except in an emergency.

And hopefully he will be made to pay for all your attorney fees through this.

[This message edited by HearMe at 2:19 PM, December 16th (Friday)]

Hi there -- I have today off work and I'm working on my legal documents. I keep checking into SI and reading your words of support and wisdom. I cannot say it enough: thank you, thank you, thank you.

Here are some answers to your questions, but before I dive in, I have to acknowledge how surreal all of this feels. I have to stop myself every once in awhile and say -- even aloud sometimes -- this is *actually* my life. It's not a movie I saw last night or a book I'm reading, this is really happening...to someone I know...to me (gasp)!?!? You guys, it's truly crazy the ways in which people who once deeply loved each other can turn into mortal enemies. I am focused on the task at hand, for sure, but every once in awhile I come up for air and almost cannot believe any of this is happening.

Okay, questions.

But isn't this OW a nurse? Didn't she give one of your children medication prescribed to one of her teenaged sons?

Nope, that's not my situation.

Can't your attorney do/bring up about him keeping her prescribed rescue inhaler. I'm assuming it is prescribed to your dd. Why isn't he getting his own inhaler and what does he do when he doesn't have the girls?

Yes, my attorney can and will. DD8 has her own RX and I have no idea why xWH did not have it with her while they were on vacation. All I know is this: DD8 told me her daddy wouldn't let her bring her rescue inhaler on the plane because he said he needed to keep it for the rest of his vacation.

I have many questions myself...

Was it her inhaler and he kept it for himself? Did he even have her inhaler with them on the vacation? Did he purposely leave it at home or did he forget it? Does he routinely give her *his* inhaler when she has asthma attacks? I don't know the answer to any of these questions, but I do know that all scenarios are bad news.

Immediately following my discovery of the inhaler issue, I asked xWH about it. We had the following exchange via text, so it's all in writing (yay!):

Did you have DD8's rescue inhaler with you while you were on vacation?

Of course I did.

Then why didn't you pack it with her on her flight home?

Because I knew she wouldn't need it.

How on earth could you know she wouldn't need it?

I guess I can't. Fine, you got me, can't we just stop fighting? Why can't you just be nice and say, 'Hey, I think it's best for us to keep DD8's inhaler with her at all times.'

Because we already had that 'nice' conversation four months ago when DD8's asthma became far more severe and she began having attacks at school and waking up in the middle of the night with attacks. If you actually had her rescue inhaler with you during your vacation and just didn't let her bring it on the plane, then send me a picture of it right now with her prescription information visible. (Mind you, he was still in Maui at the time we were having this conversation, because he extended his vacation for one week after he sent our daughters home on the plane alone.)

I'm not talking to you anymore until I talk to my attorney.

And that doesn't even get into the whole "are their prescriptions even the same" thing. I don't know much about asthma inhalers, but I would imagine given their differences in size, they would at least likely be on a different dosage, which might make the inhalers different.

Exactly. I'm no expert, but a quick search taught me that the strength of asthma inhaler RXs vary for several reasons, including severity of condition and size/weight of the patient. I know DD8's RX, of course, but I don't know xWH's RX, but we'll be able to request and receive that info in litigation. Either way, when DD8 is in his care, he should have her rescue inhaler with her at all times.

You and your team will get everything nailed and locked down tight, ready to KICK THAT FUCKER'S ASS come new year time!

Keep hanging in there, yes it's surreal, but you are doing such a great job. How easy it is to kick into action when it's our CHILDREN's lives at stake. And how completely INCOMPREHENSIBLE that moron X's only concern is his dick.

You've got this. Take a water break, pat yourself on the back and have a HIGH FIVE!!!

((((IDE & DDs))))

Please have someone lined up who could be the supervisor of supervised visitation. I'm just saying that bc after my friends xh kidnapped their son, at the court hearing the judge asked my friend who did she have to supervise visitstion. Luckily she had already talked to a friend about doing this.

Mind you, he was still in Maui at the time we were having this conversation, because he extended his vacation for one week after he sent our daughters home on the plane alone.

Definitely make note of this. I guess it didn't bother him to keep her inhaler an extra week when she has an attack every couple days.

I'm only allowed one prescription a month by the insurance company which is why I have a nebulizer and liquid solution for when it gets bad.

WOW great father!

Nail his a$$ when you can. I'd be worrying the whole time he has her.

Sorry you are going through this!

You are doing great, and are clearly on top of this so I don't have any advice for you. Just saying, "well done!"

Plus there is a satisfying revenge component I cannot deny.

And just to recap on your earlier update, I hope that you do get some revenge in this after what these assholes have put you and your kids through. Sheesh.

Since your attorney is asking el douchecanoe to pay for both legal fees I'd look into everyone getting psychological evaluations to a psychologist who specializes in pathology/personality disorders. Your ex is not bipolar he's a bat shit crazy personality disordered waste of human life.