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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 2:37 AM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
(((IDE))) We are with you... will keep you in my prayers.
He is such a fuckup ....just keep documenting everything.
Sending you strength and peace.
FTG
"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou
HeBrokeVows ( member #43252) posted at 2:42 AM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
The judge has to see right through that one. Kids come home alone on a red eye flight without inhaler and you find out about it, you text him, and HE files sole custody? I can just see your lawyer saying this story in court and one week later your honor she gets served with sole custody paperwork? I actually think Mr. ex-husband is delusional and please judge order some psych eval.
OMG, I seriously think this does nothing but show that your ex is one sick pup.
Dday March 11, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.
Divorced 2/2016
undertherug ( member #41580) posted at 2:59 AM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
It appears he is taking the tactic that the best defense is a good offense. He is hoping he scares you into backing down. He knows he messed up really bad. This is a ploy. Let your attorney handle and try not to worry (but I know you will anyway). He WILL NOT get your kids.
Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 4:06 AM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
Don't flinch. Let your attorney explain the strategy and hopefully your documentation will prove your XH inability to parent adequately.
BREATH.
MadOldBat ( member #44146) posted at 4:13 AM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
Hugs to you and your kids IDE,
I'm so glad that your Lawyer seems to be right on top of the situation.
My STBX is also bipolar.
He also does some crazy, arsehole things.
Feeling for you so much.
Stay strong, MOB x
Keeping my chin(s) up whilst getting divorced.
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 4:51 AM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
What a fucking nightmare. I know your lawyer is right that this will very probably work out wholly in your favor but I cannot imagine what that it would feel like to see that in writing. HUGE hugs
[This message edited by JanaGreen at 12:11 AM, December 9th (Friday)]
SallyShrink81 ( member #50219) posted at 6:03 AM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
Things are about to get incredibly ugly get your DDs in therapy ASAP. Also who's starting the go find me page. I'm appalled XWH did those things then filed for sole custody?!?! WTF?!?! NPD much???
FBS now surviving and thriving
2 kiddos born 2011 & 2014
"If a woman steals your husband, she might as well steal your shoes too, because one day she'll be walking in them." #karma
CheaterMagnet ( member #33581) posted at 6:31 AM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
OMG!!' I'm here with you. You're not alone!! Lean on us.
If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5
trying to smile ( member #9683) posted at 7:55 AM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
Stay calm honey, you and your lawyer have this.
You were going to try for sole custody anyway, he has simply pre-empted a logical outcome. You will have custody of your girls.
Don't be scared, we're right here.
You got this.
tts
[This message edited by trying to smile at 6:37 PM, December 10th (Saturday)]
Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".
Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 12:06 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
When the facts are on your side, pound the facts. When the law is on your side, pound the law. When neither is on you side, pound the table.
This is a case of the ex-asshole pounding the table.
You've go this. Please breathe, self-care, self-soothe. Scaring yourself shitless today makes you lose today. Nothing will be decided today. Don't let that jerk steal any more of your days.
Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver
Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie
earthangel ( member #44357) posted at 12:16 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
(((IDE)))
Sounds like your ex has finally found a lawyer who's happy to take his money and tell him what he wants to hear... hope he charges him lots for the pleasure of looking stupid in court when the truth comes out !!!
You have the facts and evidence , now you just need the strength not to be cowed by this bully ... you have 50000+ good people shoring you up x
Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it’s bad - it's experience.
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 12:19 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
((((IDE))))
Breathe......... Breathe in......... Breathe out.......
And again.
You've got this. Your L saw this coming a mile away, he's got your back.
What a FUCKING FUCKER NPD FUCKING JERKWAD DOUCHEBAGE ASSWIPE!!!!!! 
You've got so much evidence against him. Unless he's bought up every judge in town, it is hard to see how he has even a snowball's chance in hell that he can get full custody.
I hope this plays out in your favor, and that you walk away with full legal and physical custody and only supervised (at most) for the FOTY asshole.
((((IDE & DDs))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
lilies21 ( member #35833) posted at 3:29 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
(((IDE)))
You got this. Your attorney sounds confident and he is right. You have the facts on your side. You have done nothing to warrant losing your children. If your state is anything like mine, the judge is not even going to consider taking away a mother's rights unless you have done something significant to endanger your children. You haven't. He has.
I hope this plays out in your favor, and that you walk away with full legal and physical custody and only supervised (at most) for the FOTY asshole.
Couldn't have said it better. Sending you strength!
Me: BS, 30s.
One son.
Many D-Days for excessive porn, Craigslist ads, and EAs/PAs.
Happily divorced since September 2015.
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 4:34 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
Sometimes the universe sends a sign. Now you know what you have to do. No more worrying about poking that bear. He poked you. Go get him. Put on the bitch boots. Kick ass, take names and then burn the list of names in a celebratory bonfire. Not only would I go after him for full custody, I'd try and make him pay your attorney's fees. It's not your fault he's a moron and it's come to this.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
StrongHeart ( member #45092) posted at 5:09 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
Sometimes the universe sends a sign. Now you know what you have to do. No more worrying about poking that bear. He poked you. Go get him. Put on the bitch boots. Kick ass, take names and then burn the list of names in a celebratory bonfire. Not only would I go after him for full custody, I'd try and make him pay your attorney's fees. It's not your fault he's a moron and it's come to this.
I second this! He may as well have just written you a big check while handing the kids (and his balls) back to you on a silver platter. What a crazy- psychotic idiot!
[This message edited by StrongHeart at 11:09 AM, December 9th (Friday)]
BS: 32; XWH: 34; DS: 3
DDay: 3/8/2014; D: 8/31/2015
"There is little growing in comfort and little comfort in growing"-unknown
"Don't take your emotional temperature in the ass of a psychopath."-unknown
neverdidithink ( member #40568) posted at 5:32 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
(((IDE))) everything is going to be OK. I too have walked this path. My X fought a hard and very nasty fight and quite honestly, I could never have dreamed up ways to damage him as much as he damaged himself.
Trust in your lawyer. Be brutally honest with the GAL that gets appointed. Continue to be the Mom you have always been. Assure the kids that telling the whole truth is important, even if they think it might hurt your feelings. Don't involve them in any details.
Let your X spout all his crazy to anyone who will listen while you proceed with grace and dignity despite being completely freaked out. Judges see this stuff all the time. Mine said "Sir, your fight is not about the best interest of the children, it's about winning. Sole legal and physical custody to Mom." And just like on tv, the gavel hit the desk.
Everything is going to be fine.
BS, 57
M 13 years
second marriage, second WH
4 kids in their 20s
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:43 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
(((I Do Exist))) Wishing you strength and perseverance today. Your ex truly is an NPD douche and I hope your lawyer literally pummels him into the ground.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/2024
IrishGirlVA ( member #39694) posted at 5:43 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
It's people like your xWH that will keep shows like "Snapped" and "The First 48" on the air for a very, very, very long time without needing to show repeat episodes.
I thought I heard it all until I read this post.
And to think -- I got upset with my cat sitter for allowing 36 hours to go by without a visit to my house as opposed to 24. What the fuck was I thinking? 
I_Do_Exist (original poster member #24196) posted at 7:43 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
This morning I'm feeling more clear-headed.
My attorney is in trial, so we were only able to talk briefly on the phone. We are meeting next Monday. Before he hung up, he said three things: "You have nothing to worry about. Trust me. Enjoy your weekend with your girls."
So, I am revisiting my documentation and summarizing his behavior into categories (like "putting our children in danger" and "abusive and irresponsible behavior" and "breaching the terms of our decree"). In short, I'm getting all my ducks in a row, which is a lovely way of saying I'm preparing for the fight of my life.
I'm trying to think through everything -- like all the forms of evidence I have of each issue. There are no bounds to his lying. Someone said, "He would never lie under oath, so he'll have to admit these things if you go to court." I laughed. Wow. If you've never dealt with this kind of person, I suppose it's hard to imagine how many lies they can tell without flinching. However, I know he would lie under oath in a heartbeat. He doesn't even know what is true anymore.
This feels overwhelming, but I feel good that I have documented everything well and our position is strong, both legally and ethically.
But wow -- all the preparation in the world cannot prepare you for having those papers handed to you.
Me: BW 46 determined & healing
Him: xWH 48 bipolar & NPD
Ours: 20-year marriage and 2 beautiful school-age daughters
2007-2013: 2 d-days; 2 secretaries in their 20s; 2 attempts at R
2015: D-day 3 w/secretary 3; game over; divorce final Oct 2015
Brave30 ( member #41124) posted at 8:00 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2016
IDE,
I don't have much insight or better advice than you've already gotten. I just wanted to reach out and say that I'm sending you tons of positive thoughts as you start on this journey.
Stay Strong!!! You've got this!!
(((hugs)))
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