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Wow. Wow.

I am so happy you have an attorney that is telling you like it is. I have no advice just ((((hugs)))).

Did he suggest any alternatives you could take with this monster that would allow you to protect your girls?

k8la: No, not really. He said every legal intervention would require that we sue to amend the terms of our decree. So, that having been said, if we are going to the time and expense to sue, we should sue for full custody. Period. That way, I can make accommodations when/where it makes sense to do so, but I am in full control. In his opinion, that's the only real option to meaningfully protect my children from xWH's poor judgement and lack of responsibility.

I asked him about just requesting to modify the agreement so xWH couldn't travel with our children out of state.

He said: Forget that. That asshole shouldn't be able to travel with your children outside of the county. At this point, how can we trust he won't travel to the other side of our state and put your girls on a Greyhound bus in the middle of the night to come home?

(Did I mention my attorney was very angry with xWH putting my little girls on a plane in the middle of the night? )

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 9:12 PM, November 28th (Monday)]

He took your child's inhaler. He could have killed her. Sue for full custody before he actually does.

If I saw this on gofundme, I'd donate to your legal fees... just saying.

What did your lawyer say about the inhaler he kept?

In his opinion, that's the only real option to meaningfully protect my children from xWH's poor judgement and lack of responsibility.

If this is what you have to do, this is what you have to do. I totally get not having the stomach for the fight, I really, really do, but this is a situation that calls for action. Your Ex is beyond being inappropriate with the kids, he's abusive. That's the bottom line. The only way to stop this will be to fight for full custody. It's not what you want, but you can't make him act like a decent father and you need to put the girls best interest ahead of your own (which you are totally doing, btw, and doing a great job at).

He said: Forget that. That asshole shouldn't be able to travel with your children outside of the county. At this point, how can we trust he won't travel to the other side of our state and put your girls on a Greyhound bus in the middle of the night to come home?

Can I just say that I love your attorney, I would want him in my corner.

This is something you have to do to protect your daughters, your attorney is right.

Your EXH isn't qualified to parent a pet rock.

Hearme: My attorney didn't focus on the inhaler too much. He was focused on his outrage over putting the girls on a plane alone in the middle of the night, but he knows about it. We'll decide how to address it, once we decide our path forward.

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 4:01 PM, November 29th (Tuesday)]

My attorney didn't focus on the inhaler too much.

I think most of us here would want to push this point right along with the "not pre-arranged red eye flight".

You stated she used her inhaler about every second day (I think you said that). So, the chances of her requiring her inhaler was significant, and amplified by the fact that she was upset with being shipped without notice on the red eye.

I read some of your past stuff. It does seem that there is already a lot of documented stuff that is "way out there". I do hope that this all makes this difficult task a little easier.

How does the law work there...if you win this battle does he have to pay your court costs? or are you stuck with them. GoFundMe does sound like a good idea...but you'd have to put all your private crap on the site to garner interest, and legally that might not be the route to take...ask your lawyer if you are considering that.

I find myself thinking of this situation a few times/day, and I'm still in disbelief that he would do that. Thank goodness DD8 did not need her inhaler that night....I shiver at the thought.

just saw a news item about a mother who drugged her 4 year old child so she wouldn't wake up while she was having sex!!! It made me think of your WH and his OW. He handed her a pill (perhaps Benadryl, but who knows). And the OW gave her prescription med before, right? It is possible that meds are dispensed regularly to your girls, with or without their knowledge, to sedate them.

Don't know how you could find this out. Perhaps through their counselor?

My step-daughter and her mom were on the run from the mom's new husband because he was trying to kill them. Literally.

My husband and I decided to sue for full custody. As we were making the decision we had many difficult conversations with our attorney. I will never forget his words. "There will be blood in the courtroom and it won't just be hers. Every bad thing you have ever done in your life will come up. It will be the worst and most exhausting thing you will ever go through."

Blood in the courtroom. What a horrible analogy but that is exactly what it felt like. It took two years, talked to the attorney almost daily, consumed our lived. We moved through it, survived death threats where we had to have law enforcement protection during the four day trial. We had to send our son into hiding so he couldn't be a target of the step dad.

It was every bit as horrible and even worse than we imagined. Twenty-five years later...would I do it again. ABSOLUTELY.

My attorney didn't focus on the inhaler too much.

She was in an enclosed area with a lot of people around her and I'm sure a lot of fragrances/irritants.

I always end up using my inhaler or nebulizer on a plane.

Luckily it sounds like her asthma is pretty mild right now.

I don't know I thought that would be enough to try for sole custody.

What does it take to get anywhere?

I wish you good luck and hope it goes in your favor.

I just can't imagine sending my kid without one. My child would have it before I did.

I think attys zero in on what they think will win the case, which is maybe why he didn't seem concerned about the inhaler. It may be an extra nail for you in the coffin, however.

Ex: xh took me back to court recently trying to make us move since I missed house payments, and to get our boat. The judge was going to rule in his favor (told to my atty in chambers) until during questioning it came up that xh didn't help our son fix his truck and we had to call the police on my xh 7 times for his harassing.

So, everything that's happened to your kids may add up to sole custody or at least supervised visits, so be sure to have someone ready to commit to supervised visitation for you.

It's possible ur xh may not fight u in court, but his atty may recommend to him that he settle with you before court for supervised visitation or he may just give you custody, you never know. His atty might convince him he will look bad in court, and that sometimes stops a NPD person.

No matter how custody goes, I would consider supervised visitation a win for your kids.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 3:46 AM, November 30th (Wednesday)]

It's your job to protect your children; it's obvious your ex isn't going to. Everything turned out relatively ok this time but what will he do next time? If unchecked, these incidents of emotional/physical abuse will continue and will escalate. Your kids will be put through this emotional roller coaster for years. He doesn't care what happens to his kids. You are the only advocate they have. I still think Child Protective Service should get involved. Stealing your daughter's inhaler is physical abuse.

What a Dickhead!

HearMe --

My attorney *definitely* thinks we have enough to try for sole custody, he just wants me to take my time and think about it. And I really appreciate that approach. It's a huge decision and I like him giving me the confidence to take the time I need to make sure this is the right decision -- and that I'm ready for this fight right now. I do think it's the right thing to do, I just want to think through every avenue before I dive in. Because there's no going back.

Plus, the way our visitation is arranged, xWH won't see the kids until after Christmas anyway, so we have some time to get our ducks in a line before he'll be alone with them again.

Don't know how you could find this out. Perhaps through their counselor?

Pee/blood tests for drugs when they get home from dad's.

I_Do_Exist, God, that shitstorm you're in sounds horrendous. You seem to be doing the right things (but what do I know? ). Good luck.

Update . . .

I am trying to type, and breathe, and think, and stay upright.

I was just served with papers. xWH is suing me for sole legal custody. xWH hired a new attorney, his fourth in the last 18 months. I'm trying to see things clearly, yet I cannot right now. Nothing could prepare me for seeing those words in black and white.

I received the papers after 5 p.m. I will call my attorney in the morning. My attorney warned me this may happen. He called it the "ideal scenario" because they look like the aggressors, but we have facts and logic on our side.

Dear god, let him be right.

Let him be right.

Let him be right.

I've never felt so scared and alone in my entire life.

So here I am, again, asking you all to keep me in your thoughts tonight. It seems I am embarking on a long and painful road . . . again.

[This message edited by I_Do_Exist at 7:46 PM, December 8th (Thursday)]

You've got this, IDE.

Your lawyer sounds like an absolute shark and I hope he/she hands your idiot ex his ass in court.

((((((IDE)))))) Breathe, honey. We're with you.