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Well SI friends I am sitting here in my house exhausted and afraid. I came home after a walk in the nick of time to stop my daughter from killing herself. Caught her with knife in hand attempting to kill herself. Ran after her to her bedroom and confronted her . I got it out of her that she had been planning it for awhile. I called the suicide hotline and spoke with someone who also spoke with my daughter. Took her to a lock down unit and dropped her off tonight. Stayed with her for as long as I could. Held her tight and wanted so badly to take her home with me and it took everything in me to let her go. I felt things tearing me up inside when I left her there. Thought about counting her ten fingers and then toes when she was born. Thought about how I always wanted to protect her and give her the world but couldn't. Thought about holding her as a baby thinking this is the most valuable treasure in the world. I feel like blaming myself right now and it just hurts so bad. Love that girl more than my own life. Shit...crying buckets right now. Am alone in this. Husband is out of town and she didn't want her dad or stepmom there. When I spoke to her biological father about being home tomorrow his response was "Well I am going camping". I reached my now husband and he said he will be here tomorrow morning. Will contact his job and come right home. He is a ways away. God this hurts. Just needed to reach out to someone now.

Thank goodness you came in when you did. I am so sorry you and your precious daughter are going through this. You did the right thing to keep her safe and get her help.

(((((Bonetired and DD)))))

I'm so sorry.

Right now she's where she needs to be to get the best of care.

Sending a virtual prayer and hug for both of you.

I'm so sorry.

Right now she's where she needs to be to get the best of care.

Sending a virtual prayer and hug for both of you.

repeat.

[This message edited by annb at 5:28 AM, June 16th (Wednesday)]

(((bonetired)))

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this alone right now. Thank God you got home in time and took her to a place where she will get help and will be safe.

Easier said than done, but try to rest when you can. This is a lot. Take extra vitamins, breathe, stretch, and rest some more.

You are going through so much right now. Your body is going to let you know. Self-care self-care self-care.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 6:24 AM, June 16th (Wednesday)]

I'm sorry. I know its a lot to worry about and go through. But you were there when she needed you most and she is in a place where she can get help.

Sending big hugs, good vibes and lots of prayers.

You acted heroically Bonetired. You saved your sweet daughter.

(((Bonetired))))

She is where she needs to be right now, getting the professional help she needs. I know it is hard to let go of your baby, and trust someone else to keep her safe, but this is a level of care, and help that you are not able to give.

So lucky that you found her when you did. Self care is important right now. Make sure you take some time to make her space safe when she returns.

(((bonetired)))

Thank you everyone for the responses. It was so quiet this morning. Just woke up. Feel like I've been hit by a truck. Sort of feels like karma came back to knock on my door. I had attempted to commit suicide myself when I was younger. I have a lot to do today. Have to speak with the Doctor and the councilor today and see what they have to say. Can only call her at this time and only at certain times.tushnurse thank you for reminding me about making sure this home is safe when she comes back. Will have to go through her room and look through everything. From what I was able to gather her multiple attempts after admitting it to me involved pills as well as knives. I know it's out of my hands right now and I have to trust the process while she is there. It's just so hard. I keep ruminating over and over how could I have missed this. What could I have done to stop it before it got to this point. Just when a person thinks life can't kick you any harder. I keep praying she finds what she needs there. Keep hoping she can find her peace. She must have been hurting so much.

((((BT))))

I am so sorry about your daughter Bonetired

Covid 19 has been an epidemics of sadness and despair on top of everything else. Two of my daughter's friends attempted suicide this year, an handful of others have been found to self-harm, and my own daughter has been severely depressed and needed counselling. Obviously, I completely understand that there must have been other factors that prompted your daughter to do what she did, but the hopelessness, uncertainty and isolation of the pandemic cannot have helped.

I know it must be excruciating for you to be away from her, but she is in a good place and receiving the care and the attention that she needs. But please please please do not blame yourself. As mothers, guilt feels like a second skin sometimes, and when something bad happens, it's on us. But we should cut ourselves some slack! We will never be perfect, because life itself is not perfect. And our job is not to shield our children for ever, our job is to be there when they fall.

(((Bonetired)))

[This message edited by Karmafan at 8:51 AM, June 16th (Wednesday)]

Bonetired

This is serious stuff and you should definitely use each and every opening for professional help that you can.

I want to (reluctantly) point one thing out. I say reluctantly because not everyone agrees with this and I personally am not so sure, but this is what I have been told:

Those that want to kill themselves do so.

Others are sending a request for help.

Why was your daughter trying just when you came home? Why a knife?

I am NOT IN ANY WAY MINIMIZING her actions! A call for help is something to be taken deadly seriously. But it might give you an indication that you are not in as bad a place as you possibly could be.

It’s like when people take pills but leave the boxes clearly visible, and leave ways to be rescued.

Or when someone leaves a note that will be found before they pull the trigger or reach their intended site.

It’s a call for help.

Those that contemplate and plan… they generally chose “less messy” or quicker ways than a knife, and simply do it. They might leave a note, but it’s beside them to be found after the act.

I know this might sound like bad news all-around, but honestly – there is a very small sliver of light if I’m correct. If she’s sending a message rather than actually planning on suicide. But take that message VERY seriously because you do not want her to give up.

This is serious stuff.

You are in my prayers.

And finally: As with everything health-related (mental or physical) read whatever tushnurse posts!

God y'all my cptsd is kicking in bad. Walked into the bathroom where I caught her to take a shower and broke down. All I could see was her with that knife.

She is in the safest place now. How do I know? Bc I went to a 2 week outpatient program at a treatment center after day. Those who were in the lockdown unit transitioned into the 2 week outpatient. They were helped so much in the inpatient program. Your daughter will be getting a years worth of therapy in a very short time. (Awesome). Please do not try to involve her father further. Let her have this time to 100% focus on herself, and learn the tools to deal with him when she’s able.

Try to sleep every time you are able to. You need your rest to help you recover from this, too.

Thankfully you took her to this place and didn’t rugsweep, and that you and her stepdad will be there for her.

((((Bonetired)))) you did good <3

I was in this situation with my son 2 years ago. He has been getting the proper help and he's been making positive strides.

This pandemic has made the strongest person crack, and I have a lot of sympathy for you both. I also have a silver lining for you - YOU were your daughter when you were younger and you survived. You are still here. Share that with your daughter - it will make her feel less shame and that she is understood and loved. I deal with crippling anxiety at times, and my poor son has inherited that from me. I've found that him and I have an amazing bond because he knows I understand where he's coming from. It was a shitty way to have a better relationship but I am closer with my son than ever.

Love and light your way. Take care of yourself too. Breaking down doesn't mean you are weak - the grief has to come out so you can be strong for your daughter.

<3

My heart truly goes out to you. I have been so close to being in your shoes twice. I have taken 2 trips to the ER…both for intrusive thoughts about suicide. My eldest son after he found out about my WH infidelity and my daughter from bullying a few year before.

They both got help, therapy and meds. They are doing so well now. There is hope. You daughter is lucky to have you.

Sending you a hug and a prayer 🙏

I'm so glad you got home when you did. I hope this is a call for help from your daughter, and I hope she's in a place that gives her the help she needs.

I can't imagine any other reaction to a child's suicide attempt than what you describe you're going through. Her bio dad ... I have no words.

I wish you and your daughter the best.

(((Bonetired)))