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Can I say it? What a twat waffle,mother f$&_wr he is.

Yes you can! What an absolute piece of shit! The me me me's shouldn't have any contact with your daughter. It's definitely a trigger for her and in my opinion a root cause of her suicidal ideation and attempt. The years of talking down to her while praising others around them.

One good thing, your daughter is opening up to you about these things. That's very good as she's not bottling it all up. I went to IC also following my daughter's attempt.

How old is your daughter? She may be of age to decide where she wants to live without a lawyer or CPS involved. Just a thought. Sounds like you have to go that route though. Hang in there, take it one day at a time. Your daughter knows you are there for her.

Thanks J707 yeah it feels really good letting out how much of an a$$ he is.I have been consulting lawyers and just trying to find the right one. According to what I have learned the courts will take her wishes into consideration however the decision still has to be in court. She is 14. So far I have gotten the ugly. She is refusing at this point to go back however according to some the fact that we are keeping her (sane,physically and mentally healthy) may backfire. So far I have managed to convince her dad to let Abi stay here until she is more stable. However I got a bad feeling that he and especially stepmom could change their minds on that. They are quite aggressive especially stepmom. He will listen to anything she says and do it.

I’m in Sc, so it might be different… about your xh getting her on visitation: one night xh wouldn’t bring son back to me. I called the police. They met me and told me they would go to xh house to get him, but since he was 12 they couldn’t force him, that I’d have to get an atty to settle this. So maybe since she is over 12, she would gave a day if she sees her dad or not…So, maybe that will work for you in your favor if xh pushes the issue.

Also, my Xh and ow/now wifetress don’t want to look at their own issues, so they try to create drama everywhere. So, just try to be a grey rock (you can read about it online), and maybe they will focus their attention elsewhere.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 6:40 AM, July 12th (Monday)]

Have taken a proactive approach and hired an Attorney. Decided after hearing from many people at work the dangers of leaving this unattended could backfire. My XWH is already attempting to paint a narrative in his texts to me that I am violating his rights and keeping things from him even though he knows it's what our daughter wants and he agreed to it. I send all documentation and appointments via text and encourage my daughter to communicate with him so this isn't true. The only thing is the fact she wants a different living schedule that's more stable for her at age 14 and that Dad's house too stressful for her. She is the one refusing to go I am not holding her back or painting a negative picture of him. It will be interesting how he will react when he is contacted by my attorney on this matter. Sad it had to come to this but life gets tough sometimes. She has her good days and bad days if you know what I mean.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with your so-and-so of an XH at the same time that you want to support your daughter. At the same time, kudos on engaging an attorney. That's a strong step on your daughter's behalf and for yourself.

Thank you sisoon. I always value what you have to say. Often times it's an unfavorable opinion but you are honest. I deeply respect you for voicing what you truly believe and feel. Sometimes it helps keep me open minded and neutral. Often times you are right and grounded when the rest of us are emotionally charged. My daughter is doing so well in therapy. I hope with professional help she can mend her relationship with her father. However it takes two. All parties (including myself) have to acknowledge their part and work on it. Unfortunately her other family isn't there yet however I have hope they will. Thank you SI for being here. It has helped me through some pretty rough patches.

Glad you hired an attorney. You have been an amazing support for your daughter. Your deep level of unselfish love for her shines through in your posts.

Oyvey SI friends. XWS never change. My daughter is doing well. She still refuses to speak or see her dad. He is now reverting to angry texts and attempting DARVO. I am the bad guy.I am keeping his daughter from him..I am not informing him of anything (Despite the fact I have texted pictures of all of her appointments medical and such to him) of what is going on. I let her know every day that he loves her and hopes she is doing well despite the fact that is not what he is saying. It's all about him and how unfair this is. God they never change do they.

Sorry repeat post

[This message edited by Bonetired at 10:24 AM, July 27th (Tuesday)]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Don't know if anyone will see this but I am in the thick of it. To call CPS or not to call. That's my question. My daughter's father keeps villainizing me and making accusations that I am keeping her from him. Here is what is really going on. The 2 times he has come over to pick her up. One unannounced she has not just refused but ended up inconsolable,rocking back and forth on her bed. Screaming,crying, unresponsive verbally or otherwise for about 20 to 30 minutes. If I touch her she jumps back terrified. My husband and I have witnessed this each time and are at a loss. We are baffled and have had to contact the mental institution after hours line to help us walk through it. When I relay to her father what is happening he keeps using legal jargon about his rights being violated and that it isn't fair. So now I am at wits end. He has pretty much said he will keep trying to come over to pick her up despite the fact she has said no. Each time he comes it's trauma city all over again and it hurts to watch. It may get to the point she may have to go back to the hospital is what I am afraid of. I feel like my hands are tied. Because we have legal documents stating that this is his right we cannot infringe on his rights to attempt to pick her up. However each time he does I fear for the worst. I have tried to reason with him . Telling him let's start with family counseling , visitation , then move into overnights at her pace but he refused to listen. It's like we are having two different conversations when we text. He accuses me of completely shutting him out and not keeping him informed . Despite the fact I have texted all her appointments to him and updates . I have told him we are willing to work on him seeing her but it will take time and therapy but he keeps insisting it's the opposite. She is 14 years old not 3 having a temper tantrum. We found out she has made a total of 4 suicide attempts from her therapist. So... I don't want to do the cps thing but her reaction is extreme and I am concerned. When asked about what is going on she says "I don't want to hurt my father." She won't be specific about what. She has just started therapy and it will take time for her to open up .

[This message edited by Bonetired at 10:54 AM, July 27th (Tuesday)]

I think you need to contact your lawyer to see what emergency amendments can be made to the custody arrangement. And yes call CPS. Also maybe going back to the hospital for inpatient treatment isn't such a bad idea for her.

The reaction she is having could lead to another suicide attempt or worse.

Im sorry your ex isnt handling this with his daughter in mind. I am angry for both of you. Make sure there is a paper trail of everything going on.

Also video her reaction. Get it documented so her mental health team and the court can see what us happening.

Thanks Dragnheart. I am going to record it with my phone. My husband is leaving work early to be here when her dad arrived and will discuss the video taping with him. I purchased a home security camera awhile back. Might need to set it up now while I have the chance.

inconsolable,rocking back and forth on her bed. Screaming,crying, unresponsive verbally or otherwise for about 20 to 30 minutes. If I touch her she jumps back terrified.

Does this only happen when her Dad shows up? It's very telling and something is triggered in my opinion.

Because this

"I don't want to hurt my father."

Since she does seem to be opening up in therapy maybe you can speak to her IC about what happens when her Dad shows up. Perhaps something her IC can work with her on. A call to CPS wouldn't hurt. They may say that there is no threat or they may be able to help or guide you. Just explain the situation, like I said it wouldn't hurt. I don't really have much recommendations but hang in there!

Her not wanting to hurt her Father could be emotional hurt or physical hurt. The therapist is the best one to discuss it. This is a nightmare. Walking on eggshells so they don’t trigger and hurt themselves and other people’s not having care,

I am glad you got an attorney.

The therapist is the best one to discuss it.

Yes, therapists are mandated reporters. If the therapist thought there was some sort of abuse going on, she/he would have to report it.

In the meantime, document, document, document. It may seem redundant right now, but two weeks from now, if you're in a crisis, it will be difficult to remember details if you need to file a report of any kind. I would hope your attorney would be telling you to do this.

Bonetired,

I'm sorry for you and your daughter. It sounds like a horrible situation.

I am going to record it with my phone. My husband is leaving work early to be here when her dad arrived and will discuss the video taping with him. I purchased a home security camera awhile back. Might need to set it up now while I have the chance.

Would you consider discussing this with your daughter to get her consent or at least her therapist first? It feels to me like a violation of her trust and privacy if your daughter doesn't know you are recording her. Right now, you are one of the few safe people she can trust.

I dont understand why there is a problem with video recording her episode to better explain what she is going through instead of just verbally?

When my dd was young she would have physical and behavioral episodes that none of our doctors believed. It wasnt until they SAW it happen with their own eyes that they finally got it.

Isnt her DD still a minor? Its up to Bonetired to do whatever she must to protect and care for her child.

Well. Her dad came to the door to pick her up. I asked her again if she wanted to go and she said no. Asked her if she wanted to talk with him and said no. Her father heard me asking. I was at the door had it opened while she hid behind the corner. I turned back to my ex and said I'm sorry. She said no. He reminded me that I was interfering with his parenting time. I told him I can't force her to go. She didn't have an episode this time which was good. She was still highly anxious though. At one point she went to the backyard while her father and I spoke. Thought if he insisted on trying to force her to go she would bolt. Once he left she came back into the house. I did set up my home camera though. CPS will have to follow up. I don't have anything concrete how ever her behavior has been highly suspect of something greater than just a temper tantrum.