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Off Topic :
Need all the mojo and prayers i can get please

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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:18 PM on Thursday, March 21st, 2024

I'm so happy you had a great turn our. Shows how loved he and all of you are.
I agree on some self care, even if it's a long bath or a hot shower fully draining the hot water heater. Remember you ate showing those kids how to adult and model how you care for others and yourself.
((((And Strenth)))))

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20207   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8829933
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StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 4:14 AM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2024

I was thinking about you and the littles today. I'm so sorry for your loss, but grateful you have so much outpouring of love and support. Sending MOJO your way! You already had too much on your plate and juggling many balls in the air. I'm constantly amazed at your strength and resilience to keep getting back up. I pray the day comes when you can finally breathe and relax.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014

posts: 6099   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 8830393
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:02 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2024

You already had too much on your plate and juggling many balls in the air. I'm constantly amazed at your strength and resilience to keep getting back up.

I'm not being strong at all right now. Took big d to his IC appointment and was head bobbing in the session. His IC said I need to take care of myself too. It's hard though. I just can't sleep. Laid down yesterday and slept for a couple of hours. The kids just let me sleep. But once awake I was up all night.

All of this is to much.

Still haven't heard when the trial date is set for, still waiting for the FRO office to get on stbxwh for child support (they left a message during the funeral and when I called back as instructed on the message no one had a clue why I was called).

Big Ds bloodwork showed same issues as dd.

Still have to pay for brothers funeral service.

Need to get my house cleaned up and organized and officially appraised.

Got a dumping of snow so everything I had planned to get done this weekend is shot.

My shoulder and wrist are constantly hurting. Doc wants to see me but getting down there during the week is a pain. Office will call me when he has a weekend appointment available.

I fell last week and now my pastey white thigh is purple.

I'm hungry but I'm not and I feel like throwing up all the time. Black coffee is a staple but now my skin is so dry it's cracked and bleeding. I need more water I guess.

Bro M talked to me about selling mom's house and moving parents into a retirement community in town. He spoke to mom about it and when I called her to check in she told me she doesn't want to move. So there's that.

It's all just to much.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8830432
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 9:23 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2024

(((Dragn))) Please listen to the voices that are telling you to take care of YOU!
It sounds like you are missing some vitamins, especially D, Zinc and B vitamins (B12 especially). What do you do to provide your body with vitamins, since you don't have much appetite? (Many need to be taken with food or they can upset your stomach.)

My last remaining Uncle died a month ago today and my Aunt almost immediately was moved into senior apartment by my cousins, but she wanted to move, too. My cousins are all relieved, since at age 88 she was having accidents, just lost her driver's license, and was suffering falls with horrible bruising. It was a matter of time before she'd break something. Maybe your mother will change her mind after a while, it's too soon for her to face. I think my cousins had brought this up after researching the options and by the time my Uncle passed, she was accepting it as "for the best."

Back to you, I'd send you some chocolate chip cookies with walnuts and a gallon of milk to wash them down with!!

posts: 2073   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8830475
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dontsaylovely ( member #43688) posted at 9:34 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2024

Your brother's funeral should not be on you to pay for??? That's a huge unnecessary burden for you and not your problem. Kids can help you clean up house for appraisal. Break it all down, tiny steps and first and foremost is take care of you. Parents/elderly never want to move. Not being mean but don't enable them by taking care of them in their home, they probably do need assisted living at their age. Nightmare otherwise for your brother and you to keep up to. And I'd bet they'll be happier than they expected to lose a bunch of their home ownership responsibilities. YOU first.

DDay: March 15, 2014

posts: 194   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8830476
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 9:52 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2024

Despite feeling sick all thr time I am eating. Mom insisted I take some of the leftover food from the service. Lots of veggie, fruit and sandwich trays. I've been snacking on mainly the veggies. Oh and ya cookies. Not that my thighs need that.

I made up a ton of beef/pork burritos that i froze for DS to take to school so I'm having one for dinner for thr protein.

I do need to drink water and not coffee but water itself gets gross when that's all you drink.

I'm grumpy and not good company but if I could just get some decent rest I think I'd be better. On anti depressants, got the sleeping pills though I hate taking them cause they cause me to be so groggy I can't drive the next day.

It's just going to take time to grieve and get through this and maintain some sanity while dealing with everything else.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8830479
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 10:40 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2024

Dragn, I’m just now seeing this post. I’m so so very sorry about the tragic loss of your brother. Gone way too young. On top of everything else you are going through… I wish I could hug you in real life. ❤️

As recommended above, get back to basics, just like we all had to do when we first came to this site. Shakes, fluids, vitamins, rest. Your body is going through a lot and you are vulnerable. Fortify yourself as best you can, and just take it one minute at a time. Sending so much love your way.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4520   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8830482
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 2:54 AM on Sunday, March 24th, 2024

Prayers for your family.

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1678   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8830508
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:06 PM on Sunday, March 24th, 2024

I am sorry for your loss. Just reading your posts it feels like when it rains it pours. And certainly you have been through more than most could manage and you are still standing.

I pray for the day you are past all of this. Your life will be more peaceful and you will be able to just breathe.

Please take some comfort in putting your needs first at times. You cannot do everything— rely on others to help.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13978   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8830528
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 3:17 PM on Sunday, March 24th, 2024

I’m wanting to ask about your dad. How is he doing? So often our dad‘s try to be so strong that they don’t look after their own feelings.

I hope this doesn’t sound mean, but is your mother always so… Blunt… About things she is thinking/saying? I can’t imagine that in front of your dad she would say what she did. Or maybe that’s just her and he knows that and didn’t take any hard feelings from it.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re selling your house. I must’ve missed that post. I know that place means so much to you.

Sometimes it just feels like everything is too much to bear. Keep care of yourself and hang in there. You’re strong, and your kids will help see you through.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8218   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8830550
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:51 PM on Sunday, March 24th, 2024

I’m wanting to ask about your dad. How is he doing? So often our dad‘s try to be so strong that they don’t look after their own feelings.

From what mom has said he's the same. No outward show of emotion.

I hope this doesn’t sound mean, but is your mother always so… Blunt… About things she is thinking/saying? I can’t imagine that in front of your dad she would say what she did. Or maybe that’s just her and he knows that and didn’t take any hard feelings from it.

No she's never been this way.

Her behavior and attitude changed when dad got sick. As dad has steadily declined moms drinking as increased. I was shocked the one day she and my kids went to the neighbors so the kids could swim and when I popped over to check she was totally hammered. She resents dad for getting sick. 30+ years of working in a nursing home I thought she would be caring and instead she's just hateful towards him.

The big fight we had when there before K died was about how her and K treated dad plus their drinking. Dad actually stepped in and said it was ok and to just stop fighting.

K and mom drank every day. He was her drinking buddy and she knows she won't have that with M or myself.

I know finding your child dead is beyond traumatic and mom needs IC badly if she agrees to go. But to say the thibgs she's said has been difficult not just for dad but things directed at me and M too.


I’m sorry to hear that you’re selling your house. I must’ve missed that post. I know that place means so much to you.

I may very well have to but I was talking about my parents house. It's a side split design so all stairs and dad has fallen almost every day. K had talked about selling and buying a bungalow. M had mentioned selling snd moving them into the retirement village in town. It's beside the nursing home and there's access to in house care if they needed it. That's what mom doesn't want to do.

I've offered to build them an inlaw suite here since it's all one level but again mom refuses.

So M and I have our hands full. I really just don't know what to do. I have to be the bigger person and bite my tongue and not snap at mom for the things she says. Then when I'm alone I break down.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8830552
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dontsaylovely ( member #43688) posted at 12:51 AM on Wednesday, March 27th, 2024

How are you holding up? My mom was horrible when we lost my brother, her first born and a son at that. She was normally fine but losing a son was too overwhelming. I think the feelings come out in anger/rage? at the survivors so maybe cut her some slack in that regard. Don't know if he had wife and/or kids, rally around them. If not then maybe just point out to your parents they have grands (your kids) and cherish them.

DDay: March 15, 2014

posts: 194   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8830893
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 11:18 PM on Wednesday, March 27th, 2024

I'm sorry all.

I'm a total mess. I have had to step up and help get my parents to their appointments now and I dreaded today but it was ok. Dad, as feeble and weak as he is insisted on opening the vehicle door for mom. She's better. Not great but better.

Still not sleeping well.

Lots going on besides all of that with court and crap that's not going well.

Big d is in IC now and he totally let it all out today. Omg the things he opened up about was so horrible. Weird how it's taken this long and to be in IC to finally be able to let it all out. But he's now on the path to healing.

I haven't been able to be online much since everything is a reminder. Stuff I'd see that I'd normally send my brother or message him about. I just can't handle it all. So I'm burying myself in a TV show and some art and just trying to get through each day.

Other kids are ok.

I'll touch base eith pm's when I can see the screen clearly and have had some rest. Right now everything is a blur.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8831044
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 11:39 PM on Wednesday, March 27th, 2024

Thinking of you and sending hugs.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3605   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8831051
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 2:28 PM on Thursday, March 28th, 2024

Hugs to you too Dragn.

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

posts: 1183   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8831133
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 1:51 AM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

My gentle kind dad was a jerk immediately after my mom died. He said some really stinging things to me that I still have to remind my brain were said in grief. It’s hard.

I hope things settle down for you all soon, but I am very glad Big D is opening up in IC. That’s a good sign.
Sending positive mojo to you all -

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6069   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8831252
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Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 5:34 AM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

Dragn, thinking of you.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 3731   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8831269
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 2:39 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

Been thinking about you and the children and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

So sorry for your loss, I know you will find the strength to get through your sorrow.

A huge virtual hug for you ((((((Dragn))))))

posts: 12181   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8831337
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:20 PM on Friday, March 29th, 2024

Thanks everyone.

After the service back at my parents so many of K's friends said that if we needed anything just let them know. Help with my parents, help up here at the farm. Anything. I was given peoples contact info most of the afternoon.

I admit I couldn't help but feel it was all talk. Once the dust had settled I'm sure everyone would just disappear.

But last night one of them called me to check in. This friend had been doing drills with the fire department here one day when K was visiting last summer and he saw K with my kids waving at the fire trucks. Once he was done he invited K and the kids to his place for a swim. Dd and I went grocery shopping because she was having a bad day and didnt want to go. So ds and the twins went with K. They all had a blast and get along well with their kids. So once the weather gets warm we will all go. They live close.

Yesterday was dad's trip to the cancer centre for his bloodwork and new meds. That was a long day.

Yesterday was another court day for stbxwh but I won't find out anything until maybe next week.

Two days in a row a truck has parked at the end of the driveway when the kids were going to the bus. First time dd was there and ran back to the gate while calling me. Once she pulled out her phone truck sped off. Next day I was pulling out of the garage to take the other three to school early and it was there. Nothing police can do so I've got a camera down there hidden so it can take a clear photo of the license plate.

Constant worry and fear mixed with grief, lack of sleep and constant pain is not doing me any good. Oh and yes I have an appointment with my doc for this pain.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8831351
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:01 PM on Monday, April 1st, 2024

I am so tired.

Need advice please

My dad has dementia now and asked my brother M where brother K was. Poor M has been trying to handle things but he totally broke down and blurted out K is dead. Dad responded with Oh ya. How unfair is it that he has to relive the death of his son over and over becauze he forgets.

Is it just better to tell him that K is out?

I just dont know how to handle that. Poor dad doesn't remember many things and it's really difficult for my mom and brother to remind him especially about K.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8831651
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