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Off Topic :
Need all the mojo and prayers i can get please

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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 7:16 AM on Tuesday, March 12th, 2024

So sorry for your loss. There are no words to take away the emotions. Experience your feelings and be sure process through them.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3584   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8828465
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hemademesingle ( member #21281) posted at 11:14 AM on Tuesday, March 12th, 2024

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel, many years ago my 34 year old brother died of a sudden heart attack. I remember having a fear that I would also have sudden heart failure.
I think sharing your memories of your brother with your children will help bring you comfort and also give them the opportunity to hear all the great times you had with him. My children were 4 and 9 at the time, it was important to me that my children knew my brother even if it was only from the stories I told.
Take care of yourself, I know how difficult this experience is going to be for you. Somewhere deep inside you will find the strength to support your loved ones and honor your brother.

posts: 466   ·   registered: Oct. 16th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 8828476
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 12:30 PM on Tuesday, March 12th, 2024

Oh Dragn, what a shock! I'm very sorry to hear about your brother. 41 is way too young to go. Don't beat yourself up for not getting in touch with him before he passed. You called and texted him and I'll bet he knew just how much you loved and appreciated him. What you've shared about him helping with things when everything hit the fan, it sounds like you guys had a good, loving relationship.

And ditto what others said about not being afraid to cry in front of the kids. If you're not crying over the premature death of a loved sibling, when are you going to cry? It tells the kids it's safe to show their emotions to each other- that's only going to be good for them in the long run.

Praying for you guys. This is going to be a rough ride. It's good to know though that your family and friends are coming together in all of this.

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

posts: 1183   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8828479
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fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 12:34 PM on Tuesday, March 12th, 2024

I am very sorry for your loss.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3898   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8828480
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deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 2:53 AM on Wednesday, March 13th, 2024

Oh no. Big hugs to you. I’m so sorry.

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3326   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8828630
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:11 AM on Wednesday, March 13th, 2024

Again thank you all for the kind words.

I'm really struggling here. This is by far the hardest thing to deal with. It still seems unreal.

The thing is I have this image of my brother in his suit laying in a casket and it hasn't even happened yet. I can't get the image out of my head and I know when the day of the funeral arrives, solidifying he is really gone I'm going to be a mess.

The amount of outpouring love and support from all who know him has been both a blessing and a curse. They have been sharing stories and photos and I'm so happy to have that but at the same time it triggers an immediate breakdown, usually just when I've finally stopped crying. I've had to avoid Facebook just to get a break from it all.

One person who had a very bad falling out with my brother reached out and asked to attend the funeral. I'm sure he's upset that they never were able to repair the friendship.

My brothers best friend (my families adoptive brother) has been messaging me to check in to see how I'm doing. I appreciate it I do but at the same time I just want to be left alone.

The kids are doing better. Not crying as much. They have their moments. I'm so happy they have IC before and after thr funeral. It's going to be a first for them.

My mom is still blaming herself. My dad is just sad, but no real expression of emotion. I fear this will push him over the edge when it does finally hit him.

I am relieved that on Friday when my brother and I spoke on the phone the last thing I said was that I loved him.

Tell those you love that you love them and tell them often because you just never know when it wil be the last time. crying

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8828632
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 5:08 AM on Wednesday, March 13th, 2024

Oh God, I’m so very sorry to hear this. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this so early in his life and yours.

I don’t know what is the custom with you and your people regarding funerals. But keep in mind that if it is just too much for you to see your brother, physically as you have spoken about, is it possible that you ask for a closed casket, except for some special time allotted for family members who would prefer to actually see him? We did this for my parents.

You seem to be handling this perfectly with your kids. Bless their little hearts, and yours so much going on for you all. And I agree that you’re giving them a gift to see you in your sorrow. You are teaching them how to grieve.

Lots of prayers coming your way.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8218   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8828635
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devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 2:19 PM on Wednesday, March 13th, 2024

Oh DragnHeart I am so sorry to hear this.
I lost a sister 3 weeks ago and know how much this hurts.
Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve.
Thinking of you.

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

posts: 1944   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 8828654
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 3:39 PM on Wednesday, March 13th, 2024

I'm so sorry, Dragn. sad Sending you virtual hugs and love.

Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1340   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8828678
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AHSQU1RR3L ( new member #84571) posted at 9:04 PM on Wednesday, March 13th, 2024

Prayers and good feelings sent your way friend. I’m feeling the same today. You’ll get through this and it will be ok. Hang in there.

41 M
38 WW
Seeking R

posts: 12   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2024   ·   location: California
id 8828706
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:57 AM on Thursday, March 14th, 2024

Thank you for all your support.

We spent today with my parents and my other brother.

There will be no open casket. He has been cremated already. It was his wish that people remember him as they knew him, not an empty shell in a box, so my mom honored his wish.

His Urn is a pickup truck which suits him perfectly! He drove dump trucks most of his life for work.

It's been a day of tears and laughs. People stopped by. The neighbour works for a printing company and printed then framed an amazing picture of my brother for my parents, myself, his best friend and then smaller copies for a few of his closest friends.

We estimated at least 50 people to attend the service and wake. Just got told to prepare for 100-150 people minimum.

He may have lived a short life but my brother had a huge impact on so many people.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8828746
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 7:02 PM on Friday, March 15th, 2024

I'm sorry for your loss Dragn. I will be thinking of you and your family.

There never seems to be the right words to say but just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 696   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8829103
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:56 AM on Saturday, March 16th, 2024

Thank you again

I know there's no words that make it all better but the support and good thoughts help more than you know.

Today was ok. Got through without totally breaking down. Keeping busy helps.

I've cried so much. So have the kids. I think we are cried out right now. There will be much more at his service I'm sure.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8829203
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whatisloveanyway ( member #66450) posted at 3:29 PM on Saturday, March 16th, 2024

DH, so sorry for your untimely loss. I haven’t lost a sibling yet, and cannot imagine, knowing how hard the parents and cousin losses have been for me to accept. You have all been through so much. Lean into your kids and family and take all the hugs you can get. Don’t forget to drink more water than normal, those tears will dry you out and you will wilt like a flower. I hope celebrating and grieving together helps to soothe your souls. I hope life is done messing with you for a while and you find some peace.

I don’t know if you like poetry, but the collection The Art of Losing, about grief and loss, really helps me when I am struggling with acceptance or just looking for a meaningful expression of what I am feeling in my grief. Take care.

BW: 64 WH: 64 Both 57 on Dday, M 37 years, 2 grown kids. WH had 9 year A with MOW, 7 month false R, multiple DDays from 2017 - 2022, with five years of trickle truth and lies. I got rid of her with one email. Reconciling, or trying to.

posts: 570   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2018   ·   location: Southeastern USA
id 8829250
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:21 PM on Tuesday, March 19th, 2024

Oh no - I am so sorry about brother!

Love the truck urn though - I didn't even know there were options like that to show the true personality of the person. How cool.

posts: 6903   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8829512
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ChewedMeUp ( member #8008) posted at 3:22 PM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2024

I'm just seeing this and goodness, I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

BS - over 40
DivorcED, finally.
2 Kids

posts: 657   ·   registered: Aug. 26th, 2005   ·   location: Baltimore, MD
id 8829713
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:14 PM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2024

Thanks all.

The service was beautiful. Standing room only. 150 easy, most likely close to 200. My mom's house is big but yesterday it was shoulder to shoulder packed and that's with people on the enclosed deck and outside.

Was blown away to see extended family show up. My uncle's sisters. Never expected that. Many people we didn't know. My brother knew so many people. His friends said that was about a quarter of the people he knew. Some people dropped by but didn't stay. It was a revolving door of people in and out

I sat beside my dad during the service and he held my hand so tight. Later I asked him how he was so strong since I hadn't seen him cry and he said "not that you've seen". He's cried in private.

A few of bros closest friends have said if I need anything up at the farm to let thrm know and we've made some plans for the summer for a BBQ and camping.

The kids are doing ok. Mostly tired. I kept them home today so they can catch up. They have IC tonight.

I have to say I am beside myself with anger towards my mother. I get it. I understand she's been totally broken by this but...she's been particularly cruel saying she wishes my dad had died instead (in front of him) and now things will just be awful with no one to help. Then switch to thanking my other brother and I for all we did.

Brother who passed could never do anything wrong in the eyes of my mother. The big fight we had last time we saw him was over his excessive drinking (and hers) and it's partly because of alcohol that he's dead.

Many people told me they had been on him to quit drinking and get checked out. I wish he would have listened.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8829758
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 7:22 PM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2024

(((Dragn))) It sounds like a great tribute to your late brother and a time for you and your family to bond. Sorry that your mother had to say something mean like that, and that nobody could get through to your brother about his drinking. But his friends and your family honored him.

I lost one of my brothers November of 2022 due to lifetime alcohol abuse. He too had heart issues, arrhythmia we think was due to his life of stress, abuse of alcohol since a teenager and his high blood pressure which runs in my family. It was terrible to be at his bedside as he was dying in the ICU all hooked up to machines trying to keep him alive as his body was shutting down. So sad and sudden that we still cannot figure it all out. So I empathize a lot.

[This message edited by Superesse at 7:25 PM, Wednesday, March 20th]

posts: 2073   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8829780
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 7:35 PM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2024

Sounds like a lovely service and a wonderful outpouring of support from family and friends.

You have been through so much this year, please remember to take time for self care.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3605   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8829785
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 8:07 PM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2024

Superesse

We were spared the ICU thing and for that I am grateful. Having to make the decision to remove him would have been awful. A family friend just had to make that choice of his brother not long ago.

My other brother is still haunted by what he saw. The pooling of blood and the body being stiff when he rolled him over. He knew there was no chance for CPR.
He said the images from that will never leave his mind.

He went back to work today. His boss and Co workers came by yesterday after work. At least he's getting a ton of support. Called my mom today. She had a cry on the phone. I'm now going back and forth to take them to appointments. I don't mind. I just hope the car stays running. All of K (brother that passed) friends said they will take care of anything I need for the car.

As for self care. I'll get to it. I've got alot to get on top of the rest of this week but I'll take time for me. My brother M and I are getting memorial tattoos and a bunch of his friends said they want it too so I'm drawing that up. Got everyone's input and a design started.

Oh and one of M's friends does the ashes in resin pendants so if my mom allows it we are getting that done.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8829795
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