Dorothy123 (original poster member #53116) posted at 12:48 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
The purpose of this thread is to help myself and others figure out what is normal.
I've been here over six years and I've noticed that any kind of physical violence towards anyone else is a taboo subject.
I've seen many threads where someone admitted to being physically violent to someone else descend into chaos and a big fight erupts in the thread.
I do know that many BS are suicidal because the WS's and AP's A hurt the BS that much.
I hope that just saying how much you want to hurt the AP without actually admitting to being violent to the AP will help BS's here open up more.
Here's the poll question.
On a scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being extreme desire, how badly did you want to attack the AP ?
For me personally, it was a 10.
I thank my lucky stars that I never fully lost control and attacked AP.
I have zero judgement on those who actually did lose control and attacked the AP.
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
78monte ( member #72572) posted at 12:54 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
My scale is the same as Spinal Tap.
Mine would be 11.
AspectNorth ( new member #82952) posted at 1:04 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
I have to admit to experiencing a burning hatred towards AP equivalent to the heat of 1000 Suns… put me down in the big green rage monster category. (No physicality other than some heated words and strong language has been between him and I tho).
DDay August 2020.
Bor9455 ( member #72628) posted at 2:30 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
I grew up on the Midwest around some of those who raise our pork and other meat. A phrase from my youth comes to mind regarding my wife’s AP, "gut him like a pig." I don’t know where that puts me on the 1 to 10 scale and frankly don’t care. I told her if he ever came to our home that there would be no civility and he wouldn’t be leaving our home voluntarily.
Myself - BH & WH - Born 1985
Her - BW & WW - Born 1986
D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020
Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 3:23 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
0/10. I have no desire to attack weaker beings. Also, I'm not comfortable with violence.
I do often imagine putting three bullets in her, but I have no desire (or gun) to do so. I think it's more about my brain trying to symbolically kill her.
No judgement here as well, it's just not my cup of tea.
Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."
Stolenpast ( new member #82225) posted at 3:51 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
10/10 I wanted to hunt down my WW's APs and get street justice. I never did it because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop myself at just beating them.
The things I've imagined doing to them would make Hannibal Lecter ask what's wrong with me.
hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 6:11 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
It’s funny you ask. I have had issues giving myself permission to be angry. When I found out he cheated most people kept telling me I was in shock because I didn’t seem angry.
Anger was and is my moms default so there was this whole piece of me who never wanted to be like her.
Also I think because I was a ws for the three years prior to his dday I think for a long time I felt like I deserved it.
And then about a year ago, about 18 months past his dday it all hit me at once. It was a lot to work through but during that time it was about an 11. It’s hard to explain but after what I had done to AP’s wife I felt like a hypocrite and I think it blocked a lot of it then had it delayed.
5 years of hard work
WS & BS
Dorothy123 (original poster member #53116) posted at 6:23 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
It’s funny you ask.
Im thankful you found this thread helpful.
Again, i understand that this is a hot button topic on many levels.
But i personally believe that it's still important to have open,frank and honest discussions on this sensitive subject.
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
ZetaCephei ( member #79378) posted at 8:39 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
11/10. To this day, more than year and a half after Dday, I still think if I could run her down without consequences for myself, I would do it.
And potential violence is the reason I have not yet informed the OBS of the affair. My WH managed to scare me with all sorts of disastrous scenarios early on, so I chickened out. I hate that I did, but it is what it is. I still hope I can find the courage to tell him though, even after all this time.
ETA: The anger is all for AP1. AP2 is too pathetic to be angry at, I just feel sorry for her. Also, she knew he was married, but didn't actively try to break us up. AP1 on the other hand did everything she could to turn me into his roommate, except telling me the truth.
[This message edited by ZetaCephei at 8:43 AM, Tuesday, March 14th]
Me: BW, 46 -- Him: WH, 47 -- 2 LTAs (2012-2021 and 2016-2021) + 4 ONS -- Dday1: July 2021 -- Dday2: September 2021 -- Just living from day to day, not capable for any major decision at the moment
straightup ( member #78778) posted at 9:33 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
I have done martial arts for about 35 years and for the more traditional amongst us, you have a very very good stop button.
I broke up a fight before an office Christmas party last year, led someone out, and a colleague compared me to Barry White.
Also, AP was female.
But you know what they say about drinking poison hoping someone else will die. That was me.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
Notagain6526 ( new member #82911) posted at 10:07 AM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
My anger feelings are much more directed toward WH.
The AP is a parasite to me - what woman gets with a married man with young children and heavily pregnant wife? She had children of her own. What an absolute sad case of a human being. I'm hoping karma sorts her out.
OBS did approach my husband to basically kick his head in - I spoke him out of this. I said it's not worth it. My WH is a pussy of a man. He speaks down to woman but scared of men. He would no doubt have reported it to the police it wasn't worth OBS getting into any trouble. His karma will.be he has lost his wife and family.
SadieMae ( member #42986) posted at 3:13 PM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
I'm a big wuss, so the thought of physically pummeling her passed pretty quickly. But I wanted to destroy her for a long time. She posted her "amateur porn pics" on a website, and I wanted to out her to her family so badly. Somedays I still struggle with those feelings. I wanted "her people" to know who and what she really was, a low-class pornographer who found wedding rings sexy.
Me: BW 40 on DDAY
Him: WH 40 on DDAY (FlawedBroken)
Together over half our lives.
TT until 6/2016
TT again Fall 2020
GoldenR ( member #54778) posted at 6:42 PM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
I honestly didn't want to. I had kicked her out. She was living with him. I was happy she was with him. What I didn't know was they would have crazy intense fights and she would threaten to go back to me bc I was begging her to. Lmao! In reality SHE was begging ME to take her back.
One time after she said...whatever...to him, this just pushed him over the edge. I was asleep bc i worked nights. My daughters had answered the door when he knocked on it.
I heard a commotion with them trying to keep him out and him pushing through them. He started calling me from my living room. Challenging me to make him leave my house.
I got up and I had on some boxers and a t-shirt, shoeless, and walked into my living room to see a tussle going on with my girls and him as they were trying to stop him from going further into the house.
I told them to stop and call the police. He came at me and I quickly had him in a hold with his arm behind his back. Walked him out of the house and waited for the police. He started struggling like crazy to get away from me which eventually resulted in him making his arm break.
So I did get to hurt him although I didn't want to.
Cops showed up. He tells them he's pressing charges on me for assault. Cops interview the 4 of us and they wind up arresting him.
He apologized soooo much for that later on. I accepted it. Told him I totally get her making someone act crazy.
whatisloveanyway ( member #66450) posted at 7:05 PM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
I’d rate my violent urge a solid 10/10.
I told her via email that if I ever saw her in person I’d slap her silly but I wasn’t in the mood for an assault charge. But if she ever suggested I move on as she has again that I would risk those charges just to see my handprint on her face. I also told her that if she ever inserted herself into my marriage by contacting my husband again that I would share all my evidence and out her in every on line and real life forum possible. Finally, I got my NC.
I know that if I ever ran into her in the world I would be up in her face in an instant, and I don’t care how much taller or heavier she is than me, because I know the fury of my unleashed anger and I can fight like a wildcat. I have had too many revenge fantasies, what iffing about all the chances I had over the years to run into them in our town, or catch then at work or in a parking lot, or if I had been remotely suspicious, to track him to her house. They all involve me dragging her by her blown out bleached blonde hair and tossing her out like garbage. I’m certain she does not want a piece of me.
I think more than the physical violence I really still wish to blow the lies of her life wide open, to expose her to all who think they know her as the lying selfish immoral sex addict she truly is. My vengeance fantasy is more personal and damaging than physical violence would be. I would much prefer to ruin her life than give her some bruises. My resentment stays on a low simmer in the background, next to the lingering resentment I feel for my WH, because I understand that my anger toward her is as much his as it is hers. But I also understand that while one of them lied and broke promises, the other trespassed in my marriage like a thief, stealing time and attention with incessant texts and demands for affirmation and get togethers. She was needy and greedy and I choose to resent her for that. She used my spouse to fill the holes in her marriage, and her empty life, at the expense of mine, for years and years. So yeah, I think I hate her a lot. And my handprint on her face would be a nice image to have in my head to offset all the ugly ones, and to tip the scales a little toward parity.
I think sometimes I should take up a sport like boxing or self defense to give those physical angry urges a safe place to vent, and to clear up some of my head space for just me. Maybe in time this will fade but it is nice to know that I am not alone in my thoughts.
BW: 63 WH: 63 Both 57 on Dday, M 35 years, 2 grown kids. WH had 9 year A with MOW, 7 month false R, multiple DDays, years of trickle truth and so many lies. I got rid of her with one email but she still haunts me. Reconciling, or trying to.
PlanNine ( member #46311) posted at 7:35 PM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
I had always fantasized that I would never do anything bad to the AP myself...I would have my henchmen do it. Two reasons:
One, it's cold, impersonal, and expresses my utter disregard and contempt for him in a way that kind of suits my personality. And two, it would mean I was rich and powerful enough to have henchmen, maybe even one with a robotic arm of some sort. How cool would that be?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to Zillow to see if there are any tropical islands with an extinct volcano for sale.
"I was also thinking, 'Maybe I'm not a bike racer.' I doubted myself for a while, but now I'm back on track. I may not be a bike racer, but I can beat plenty of them that reckon they are." - Guy Martin
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 7:45 PM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
I'm just really glad I never caught them in the act because I would have attacked both of them. I did throw my xWS's cell phone at him on D-Day it hit him in the head, claims I gave him PTSD lol. XMOW was afraid of me so she stayed clear anywhere I would be, but still didn't stop them from carrying on the A.
fBS/fWS(me):49 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Dontgetit4 ( new member #83048) posted at 8:25 PM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
I'd beat him if I saw him. He's fat and has receding hair at 28. Though I guess nothing could really compare to his inferior low testosterone genes.
InkHulk ( member #80400) posted at 10:34 PM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
Everything in my religious beliefs says I can’t take revenge, and I’ve never before in my life wanted to. I have daydreamed viable plans, I’m not positive they will never be used.
RealityBlows ( member #41108) posted at 10:34 PM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
Yeah, I wanted to drag the AP behind my chariot after a Quinton Tarintino-esque revenge scene, but…
I was much more angry with my WW who invited, INVITED the enemy through the gates.
My revenge fantasies ultimately failed to satisfy, logically.
One way to look at is, thanks to the AP for helping me flush out a spouse who’d gone to shit, so I could get on with my life with someone and something better.
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 11:26 PM on Tuesday, March 14th, 2023
On DDays - on a scale of 1-10? 11.
Now, years past all that, I'm leaving it up to Karma. And she's a bitch.
As for me? Nowadays I'm taking the high road. The climb is harsh, but the view is spectacular.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades - Children (1 still at home) Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBS 2018 Cease & Desist sent spring 2021"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"