Newest Member: Throwaway22

straightup

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. Mother Teresa

Optimism (how I missed you)

I have been all comments and no posts on this site, and my story has been laid out in bits, sometimes in thread jacks.

Readers digest version, my wife is Bi. 25 year monogamous relationship, over half my life. Two teenage kids who love us both. She’s a good Mum. I’m a good Dad. Rough starts for us in different ways, but it has affected us in different ways. I am the more stable one and fairly successful. She has problems with commitment but has relied on mine being there most of her adult life. I have tolerated the disconnect between what she does (usually okay) and what she says (abstract, sometimes sketchy).

Anyway early 2021 she started to drift from the marriage, explored lesbian lifestyle. I was on my proverbial knees saying don’t do this, if this continues, it all goes. She was being bad with money, avoiding me, trying to reconfigure her life, resentful. She refused counseling, even when I booked it. I went alone.

I have usually liked to deal with problems with perseverance, dignity, and simmering but barely perceptible anger (sometimes with one eye firmly closed).

I am posting today for two reasons, both come from a place of gratitude.

I think my marriage and family will make it.

One piece of the problem was peri-menopause, and patches put us in a position where she wasn’t attributing those feelings to psychological or existential causes. Dealing with that at least gave us some calm to do some things together.

My wife seems to value me again. Something has changed.

I feel able to move from ‘hold your ground, do not falter’ mode, to something much more calm and fluid.

I feel proud of myself for having weathered the worst season of my life, or at least the worst season since I was about 12.

I am grateful for this site. I was pretty alone. Engaging with the folk here has helped me in a few ways. Mostly I value myself for being a damn good person, whether or not anyone else notices.

Thanks to all.

3 comments posted: Sunday, April 3rd, 2022

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