Its so difficult - starting 180

WH and I have separated after multiple Ddays. He will take things to the grave with him. Ive done alot of rug sweeping previous ddays because ive been so blinkered in the past of what im suppose to know.

Despite me Pleading previously that I needed details. He gives me nothing. Since been on here I understand that for remorse and empathy there's a process. I doubt he will ever do the work and I feel sad for our young children. Should I look for remorse if we aren't going to be together?

I will attempt again tomorrow 180. I need to see him ever second weekend. Our babies are very young. However today I questioned him about one of his work colleagues he got super defensive and it resulted in him threatening to take the children and the name calling starts I.e I had affairs because you weren't good enough, you're fat and ugly etc. Now I have enough self esteem to know I'm not those things but I get so sad I allow this to continue.

I have a trauma bond with this man and days like today I don't see any way out. Why does he get to hurt me over and over and still the abuse continues. He's now .frantically trying to apologise. I hate him so much.

Starting tomorrow 180 and I need to think next steps because I'm struggling to heal when I need to be around him.

I can't believe this is my life.

14 comments posted: Wednesday, March 22nd, 2023

Struggling

Hi all,

Today's another bad day. I'm trying as much as possible with NC. We share small children, one being a baby so i am around WH every few weeks - it's a trigger before he comes and when he leaves. I keep chat to minimum during these times and mainly email only about children/finances.

Today I'm really struggling I want to contact him and scream and cry and tell him how much I miss him but equally how much I hate what he has done to our family. I am so angry.

There will be no R.

I've read lots on here about the need for WH to be remorceful and truthful and begin to work on themselves to fully understand the devastation they have caused. Is this only the case if there is chances of R?

It comes into my head I want this even though we will divorce, this is probably my expectations as WH has zero ability to show empathy and I've never been told any truths only lie after lie. He's emotionally abused me for year with his betrayals and lies.

If I have to have some relationship with this man should I be looking for truth nd remorse or do I accept this isn't going to happen and there's no point because our M has ended?

I also wanted your thoughts- remind me why I should be NC? The urge today to make contact is strong. Two months since DDay3 - remind me why I should say absolutely nothing to him and show no vulnerability.

Thanks in advance

14 comments posted: Tuesday, March 7th, 2023

How is it fair?

I'm having a bad day. Its been one where I've been around people who knew me before dday (few months ago) I'm.not ready to tell everyone yet so I pretended in a way by saying nothing.

I got so upset when I was on my own thinking about my children. I've always wanted children, I knew I would be a good mum and I get so much joy from them. I love being a mum, I knew I always would. For me it's what life is about. I don't need anything else.

My sadness comes that why is it that because of WH selfish ans disgusting actions do I get to have time away from my children. As they grown they will experience things without me. How the hell is it fair.

He choose to have affairs, he put his children and me at risk. He had an affair while I was pregnant and had small child.

How is it fair?? I wish he would vanish.

I just needed to vent. It's been a crap day

10 comments posted: Wednesday, March 1st, 2023

Is NC possible with children?

Has anyone managed it in-between times when the WH has contact with children?

I'm trying to have NC rest of the time but not sure if it's futile because I have to see him round my children and its like starting all over again with healing/trying to process what's happened and divorce when he leaves.

11 comments posted: Wednesday, February 22nd, 2023

Is NC possible with children? (moved to Just Found Out)

  This Topic has been moved to Just Found Out

0 comment posted: Tuesday, February 21st, 2023