My xww called me yesterday...

She used my 33 yr old daughter's phone to trick me into answering. My daughter didn't know she had grabbed her phone.

She begged me not to hang up. To please just have a polite conversation with her. I told her she had just a couple minutes to say her peace.

She asked if there was any way that I could start being okp with being around her. As it stands now I don't go anywhere I know she is going to be including grandkids' birthday parties. I was forced to spend time with her when our daughter was in the hospital dieing and honestly she acted stupid during that time.

I told her I will never purposely be around her. She asked if I'm still that pissed off that she cheated. I told her that she must really think a lot of herself if that's what she thinks. She raised her voice and said, "Well then WHAT?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?!".

I told her all of her actions during her affair and the aftermath. She said she had no idea what I was talking about. So I listed them to her:

- left our 9 yr old daughter at home by herself (older sister wasn't home that night) while I worked overnight so she could go have sex with her AP. Daughter woke up at 1145pm and freaked out. Called me crying her eyes out that she was scared so I left work early and came home.

- got ready for a night out with her AP in front of me, talking on the phone with him while I was right there, acting like he's a girlfriend, telling "her" I was acting pathetic as she dolled herself up right in front of me to look super hot.

- once I definitively busted her cheating and told her not to come home she took every bit of money from our bank (thousands) leaving me and the girls with literally the $5 minimum needed to keep the accounts open. I had to ask co-workers for money to cover the next 10 days until I got paid and we ate ramen and hot dogs for those 10 days. They also went to school with no lunch money for several of those days. She didn't care when I told her what she was doing to our girls.

- lied to her AP telling him I was calling her to get back together threatening to kick his aas. He came to my house looking for trouble. I tried so hard to get him to leave until he pushed past my daughter to get to me. I wound up breaking his arm. Police got involved. Had it not gone my way I could have had the kids taken away from me or I could have wound up in jail and they would have been forced to stay with her or someome else.

- she hit my oldest in the face with a landline phone making her lip blow up like a fish's and busting her nose open

She was crying at this point. I asked her if she wanted me to continue bc I could have talked all night. She told me she thinks she had blocked all that our of her mind bc she didn't remember any of it until I said it. She was crying and saying please can we just do birthdays together. She really wants this bc my daughter just takes her kids to her house for a couple hours when it's their birthday and then the parties are usually at my house. I told her no, that I didn't want to be around her.

She said that we got along in the hospital last year when Cayce was dieing. Told her I didn't want to talk about Cayce and her hospital stays bc it's a sore topic. She asked why and I reminded her how in 2017 when our daughter had heart surgery how she said she wanted to stay with her. Ever since my daughter was born (with heart disease) I was always the one to stay with her bc mom wouldn't. Said it was too hard on her. Add it all up and by 2017 with my daughter being 25, I had stayed over 500 nights in hospitals with her. After a lot of thinking about it my daughter decided to let her stay with her in the hospital for that stay. She didn't really want her there as she wanted me but she didn't want to hurt her mom's feelings and wanted to give her a chance.

So the surgery happens. We all stay one night bc that's the most critical. Next day she's doing ok so I go home (2 hrs away). Told her I'd be back in a couple days. After 1 night my XWW decides that she can't take it bc Cayce won't let her sleep bc she was having migraines causing her to throw up and rip her staples out of her chest and she was crying too much, so she just left her there alone. I had to work some magic at my workplace and got 2 weeks off and I went and took over. That first night my daughter tells me "Dad, if I wake you tonight bc of the pain or nausea I'm sorry. I'll try my hardest to not be a pain. Just please don't leave me here alone."

Broke. My. Heart.

So after I reminded her of that story she was really bawling. I told her no thank you, that I don't need her in my life at all ever again.

She was crying. Said she was sorry for everything and hung up.

My daughter called me this morning saying that mom tried to kill herself in the early morning hrs by taking a ton of pills (otc painkillers and depression medicine). And now she's asking me to please do birthday parties with mom. I said no that I wouldn't be manipulated like that. So now my daughter is upset with me.

So what do you guys think? Should I cave?

43 comments posted: Monday, June 5th, 2023

My daughter left me a video message the morning before she died

My daughter's former fiance (I guess that's how I should refer to him?) called me last week, Wednesday morning, shortly after 5am. He asked me if I could come to his place, said it was important.

I assumed it was about my grandson so I told him I'd be over there in a bit. When I got there, I saw he had tears in his eyes. I got scared, asked what was up. He said the night before he had been messaging my daughter's best friend. They were talking about her. He mentioned how he wished he could get her phone opened up to see all the selfies. She asked why he couldn't and he said he didn't remember her passcode. He had never used it before so he just forgot. She didn't reply. He went to sleep, woke up at 5am for work and she replied with, "Sorry I feel asleep. Her passcode was 0212". 0212...that's my bday. He opened her phone. Went to her general gallery and the 1st 3 items were videos of her. She recorded them all between 1am and 130am the morning that she died.

There was one for him, one for my grandson and one for me. He told me he only watched the first few seconds of mine until she said it was for me.

I walked outside and sat on the steps and watched it.

She knew she was dieing. Said she just knew. She then spent 12 minutes telling me how I was her best friend, her hero and also apologizing. She apologized for so much stuff that i had forgotten about, stuff from when she was 16/17...even stuff from elementary school times. She apologized for dieing. She thanked me for never giving up on her, never abandoning her when I should have (her words, not mine), for always being there for her and for staying with her so many nights in hospitals as she was a lifelong heart patient. She asked me to please stay in her son's life and to help them out bc they would need it. There was a lot more. She cried so much.

It was heartbreaking. She actually thought she had disappointed me so much. And that kills me.

I feel like my healing has been reset to day 1.

It's been a week and I'm still a mess.

21 comments posted: Thursday, March 16th, 2023

I think my daughter is going to die

My daughter Cayce (pronounced like "Casey") is hospitalized. Shes 30 and has been a lifelong heart patient. A couple weeks ago she was having pain from an ovarian cyst. She got sick from it, ran fever and threw up quite a bit. This is normal for her a couple times a year. However this time she kept getting worse until she went to the ER Wednesday evening and a blood test revealed the worst infection they had literally ever had in that hospital.

I went up there and she looked bad. Her mouth was purple and every breath looked like it was a struggle. I thought she was going to die. She was put in the ICU. The thinking was that her cyst had created an abcess that got infected. They were sure they needed needed to do surgery but they had to bring the infection down first. They ran all kinds of tests and did an echo since she's a heart patient.

Blood culture finally Friday afternoon revealed that she had strep. By the strangest of coincidences when she was having the cyst pain, she caught strep. She thought her throat hurt from all of the throwing up she was doing. So the strep was left untreated for so long that it got into her bloodstream.

So now the infection has spread to her heart. She was transferred via ambulance to St David's Hospital in Austin Friday night. Once they get her infection under control, she will require another open heart surgery (her 6th).

So the surgery will:

- replace her aluminum valve with a new one bc it is full of what they call "infected vegetation" which there is no getting rid of it in an artificial valve

- replace her pacemaker bc it is infected and has actually stopped working

I had no clue that metal could get an infection.

A lot of complications have arisen...

From having so many cardiac caths over the years, her right leg artery is blown. So they won't be able to use the heart lung machine on her which means they'll have to ice her down and operate on her while she is packed with ice (read: dead) for like 20 minutes at a time.

Also there is so much scar tissue where the pacemaker goes they'll have to actually remove some to put the new one in. They say it's not unheard of but they've never had to do it before and it's very risky for infections and bleeding.

To top it off she's on blood thinner which complicates everything to another level bc they'll have to take her off of it to do surgery and then hope to high heaven no blood clots form in the aluminum valve over the time that it takes for her to completely stop bleeding after the surgery. Only then will they restart her on blood thinner.

She told me that first night in the ER that she thought her luck had run out. She asked if we would help her man raise her 7 year old boy after she was gone. He himself is somewhat of a miracle child as my daughter was always told a pregnancy would kill her. Somehow she got pregnant while on bc. Was advised pregnancy offered an over 50% chance of death. She went through with it. Literally almost died 3 times during the pregnancy, and wound up with the sweetest little boy.

So surgery will happen once the infection is at a safe level.

Anyway, I'm losing my mind...

Thanks for listening.

106 comments posted: Thursday, July 28th, 2022

No forums available if logged out?

I noticed if I'm not logged in, I can't get into any forum. Is it supposed to be that way?

1 comment posted: Saturday, March 20th, 2021