Newest Member: PeanutButterPixels


My daughter left me a video message the morning before she died

My daughter's former fiance (I guess that's how I should refer to him?) called me last week, Wednesday morning, shortly after 5am. He asked me if I could come to his place, said it was important.

I assumed it was about my grandson so I told him I'd be over there in a bit. When I got there, I saw he had tears in his eyes. I got scared, asked what was up. He said the night before he had been messaging my daughter's best friend. They were talking about her. He mentioned how he wished he could get her phone opened up to see all the selfies. She asked why he couldn't and he said he didn't remember her passcode. He had never used it before so he just forgot. She didn't reply. He went to sleep, woke up at 5am for work and she replied with, "Sorry I feel asleep. Her passcode was 0212". 0212...that's my bday. He opened her phone. Went to her general gallery and the 1st 3 items were videos of her. She recorded them all between 1am and 130am the morning that she died.

There was one for him, one for my grandson and one for me. He told me he only watched the first few seconds of mine until she said it was for me.

I walked outside and sat on the steps and watched it.

She knew she was dieing. Said she just knew. She then spent 12 minutes telling me how I was her best friend, her hero and also apologizing. She apologized for so much stuff that i had forgotten about, stuff from when she was 16/17...even stuff from elementary school times. She apologized for dieing. She thanked me for never giving up on her, never abandoning her when I should have (her words, not mine), for always being there for her and for staying with her so many nights in hospitals as she was a lifelong heart patient. She asked me to please stay in her son's life and to help them out bc they would need it. There was a lot more. She cried so much.

It was heartbreaking. She actually thought she had disappointed me so much. And that kills me.

I feel like my healing has been reset to day 1.

It's been a week and I'm still a mess.

21 comments posted: Thursday, March 16th, 2023

I think my daughter is going to die

My daughter Cayce (pronounced like "Casey") is hospitalized. Shes 30 and has been a lifelong heart patient. A couple weeks ago she was having pain from an ovarian cyst. She got sick from it, ran fever and threw up quite a bit. This is normal for her a couple times a year. However this time she kept getting worse until she went to the ER Wednesday evening and a blood test revealed the worst infection they had literally ever had in that hospital.

I went up there and she looked bad. Her mouth was purple and every breath looked like it was a struggle. I thought she was going to die. She was put in the ICU. The thinking was that her cyst had created an abcess that got infected. They were sure they needed needed to do surgery but they had to bring the infection down first. They ran all kinds of tests and did an echo since she's a heart patient.

Blood culture finally Friday afternoon revealed that she had strep. By the strangest of coincidences when she was having the cyst pain, she caught strep. She thought her throat hurt from all of the throwing up she was doing. So the strep was left untreated for so long that it got into her bloodstream.

So now the infection has spread to her heart. She was transferred via ambulance to St David's Hospital in Austin Friday night. Once they get her infection under control, she will require another open heart surgery (her 6th).

So the surgery will:

- replace her aluminum valve with a new one bc it is full of what they call "infected vegetation" which there is no getting rid of it in an artificial valve

- replace her pacemaker bc it is infected and has actually stopped working

I had no clue that metal could get an infection.

A lot of complications have arisen...

From having so many cardiac caths over the years, her right leg artery is blown. So they won't be able to use the heart lung machine on her which means they'll have to ice her down and operate on her while she is packed with ice (read: dead) for like 20 minutes at a time.

Also there is so much scar tissue where the pacemaker goes they'll have to actually remove some to put the new one in. They say it's not unheard of but they've never had to do it before and it's very risky for infections and bleeding.

To top it off she's on blood thinner which complicates everything to another level bc they'll have to take her off of it to do surgery and then hope to high heaven no blood clots form in the aluminum valve over the time that it takes for her to completely stop bleeding after the surgery. Only then will they restart her on blood thinner.

She told me that first night in the ER that she thought her luck had run out. She asked if we would help her man raise her 7 year old boy after she was gone. He himself is somewhat of a miracle child as my daughter was always told a pregnancy would kill her. Somehow she got pregnant while on bc. Was advised pregnancy offered an over 50% chance of death. She went through with it. Literally almost died 3 times during the pregnancy, and wound up with the sweetest little boy.

So surgery will happen once the infection is at a safe level.

Anyway, I'm losing my mind...

Thanks for listening.

106 comments posted: Thursday, July 28th, 2022

No forums available if logged out?

I noticed if I'm not logged in, I can't get into any forum. Is it supposed to be that way?

1 comment posted: Saturday, March 20th, 2021

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