Hi Goldenr (good to see you)
It’s not that you can’t post people have affairs for sex, it’s the disregard there are other reasons to cheat.
At this point, I have had an affair and so has my husband. It’s my opinion that
A) affairs always have factors that are in addition to sex. If my husband said his was just needing more sex partners, then I might have had to divorce him.
No amount of therapy would make him want to stop. Eventually that desire will get the better of him.
Therapy can, however, uncover aspects of his character that would make that desire outweigh the life he has already built.
B) it doesn’t matter why they had the affair, it’s what each party does with that why.
We could say the reason is because they wanted to. That would be true. And then get divorced. Completely valid response.
But not everyone wants to get a divorce, so there are bigger questions to ask and decisions to make.
If I stay will they do it again?
In this case he doesn’t seem to believe it would happen again.
Did she suddenly stop needing more and better sex? By the sounds of it, both of them could use more and better sex in their lives.
So if she was so motivated by the sex, what motivated her to stop?
Sex on its own is not a powerful enough reason, with the exemption of maybe one night stand. After that it only becomes more complicated.
A ws who wishes to stay married must then say okay, here are the other mitigating factors and eliminate as many of them as they can by working on them.
Sex is part of an affair, I don’t disagree- they are not going through the rigors just to play cards. Sex is also part of a marriage and it’s not the only reason people get married either.
Gamblers don’t place bets because they love to lose money. They do it because of magical thinking and to escape. They believe it will solve their problems. So they try to “fix” the problem and end up losing their car, house, etc.
You are putting logic on something that has none. Gambling, drugs, alcohol, affairs, eating tide pods for attention, these all have root causes and one of those is choosing unhealthy outlets to try and numb pain.
[This message edited by hikingout at 7:36 AM, Wednesday, March 15th]