Feeling the joy of life again - It does get better
Hello everyone. I'm at a point in my life where I feel comfortable posting in this forum. So, here's my update:
I'm 9 months post DDay 2. XWS and I were together for over a decade, never married, no kids. To say I feel lighter and more free than I ever have now that I've left him is an understatement. No more worrying about his lies, no more navigating his immaturity or worrying over his bad coping habits. Nothing! I have my own place, I've put in the effort to make a couple of new friends who have been wonderful so far, and I've kept up taking care of myself through the whole process. The future is still murky and a little scary, but I'm determined to work through it.
The first few months were brutal, even the second time, I won't lie. Many times I felt like there really was no light at the end of the tunnel. Everything felt so terrible and hurt so much, how could I recover? How could I see myself with anyone else? But I did start to recover. With the rose coloured glasses knocked completely off I felt something shift inside me. My feelings for WS were now completely tainted and once I realized that I began to swiftly emotionally detach. Do I still care about him? Yes. Do I still get a tinge of sadness now and again? Certainly. That will take a little more time to heal, but the good feelings now outweigh the bad. I'm excited for life, excited for my future, and excited to actually date for the first time.
To those who are in limbo or have suffered through multiple DDays, I have to say from my own experience, staying with a partner after being betrayed so completely is a death sentence. The weight that falls from your shoulders when you actually let go of that person and the relationship you thought you had is so eye-opening. Despite all of the pain I feel stronger and more capable going forward. Life is my oyster.
All the best to you SI,
WG
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