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Newest Member: Beschaedigt

I Can Relate :
BS Questions for WS - Part 15

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Trilobite ( new member #82266) posted at 2:08 PM on Monday, November 14th, 2022

I recall during the affair there were times during sex where he wouldn’t ejaculate after I had an orgasm. This was kind of frustrating for me. I didn’t know he was having an affair at the time but now looking back I’m frustrated because I am making up stories in my head that he just preferred finishing with his AP.

Reading this looks like this happen to me too, I dont know it is/was a physical problem or a disorder regarding that he was not really horny about me , or even guiltiness...but this made me feel very bad and makes me now connect with the cheatings ... Now I am feeling the last person on earth, cause I just discover the cheating (12/10/2022). My situation is that he cheated me not just with one A, he was going out with several women..via ashley madison...and had 2 at least that last little longer. He say it was just distraction from his feeling of being a loser...and that the hunt was more than the catch....
I wanna ask some WS their opinion on that?

Trilobite
BS 53
WS 57
Dday 12/10/2022
20 years together, married 2018
Thinking about if it worths R

posts: 2   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2022   ·   location: BRAZIL
id 8765092
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denwickdroylsden ( new member #51744) posted at 12:43 PM on Tuesday, November 15th, 2022

Howcthappen - I did not notice any difference in this between sex with W or AP. On the occasions when I could not finish it was I think due to causes unrelated to the A.

Me: WH frequent flyer
Now on straight and narrow
"What's the secret of a long term marriage?" Amnesia.

posts: 38   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2016
id 8765227
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denwickdroylsden ( new member #51744) posted at 2:27 PM on Wednesday, November 16th, 2022

Trilobyte--

the hunt was more than the catch

For me it was all about the catch.

Me: WH frequent flyer
Now on straight and narrow
"What's the secret of a long term marriage?" Amnesia.

posts: 38   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2016
id 8765385
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Howcthappen ( new member #80775) posted at 8:20 PM on Thursday, November 17th, 2022

Do you realize how much you gave up and lost? In my case my Fwh AP was not attractive and not his normal type. This freaks me out.
He doesn’t know the answer when I ask him this:

Did you decide to cheat and go looking for an easy catch OR did you meet her and then decide to cheat?

I’m asking any wS here to try to answer this?

For me I wonder if was something about this unattractive plain Jane that triggered some sort of electricity? I’m so baffled.

Three years since DdayNever gonna be the sameReconcilingThe sting is still present

posts: 19   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2022   ·   location: DC
id 8765611
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 11:56 AM on Friday, November 18th, 2022

HowctHappen

In my case, my AP was an old gf. I had dated her in my 20’s and hadn’t spoken to her for over 20 years. She messaged me on FB one day and, well you can figure out what the eventual outcome of that was.

I didn’t get into things with the intent on having an A. But little by little I stepped closer and closer to that line before jumping over it. To this day, my decision still baffles me. You see, I always sneered at people who cheated. How weak someone had to be if they couldn’t keep it zipped up.

In the looks department, my AP was average. The only striking difference between my W and the AP is that my AP has big boobs where my wife is average. That didn’t play a part in my decision to cheat though. I think the familiarity with my AP made it easier. When we dated, it wasn’t a very good time in my life and I ended up ghosting her. I always had some guilt about that so maybe that played a part in things too.

Me -FWS

posts: 1983   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8765691
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denwickdroylsden ( new member #51744) posted at 12:50 PM on Friday, November 18th, 2022

Howcthappen

Did you decide to cheat and go looking for an easy catch OR did you meet her and then decide to cheat?

It was always the former. I was continuously looking, with the intent to cheat. None of the "catches" were easy. Looking back, I believe they were all damaged in one way or another, else they'd have never fallen for my bs. I took advantage of them and I will always feel deeply ashamed for that.

Me: WH frequent flyer
Now on straight and narrow
"What's the secret of a long term marriage?" Amnesia.

posts: 38   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2016
id 8765696
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MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 9:02 PM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

Do you realize how much you gave up and lost? In my case my Fwh AP was not attractive and not his normal type. This freaks me out.
He doesn’t know the answer when I ask him this:

Did you decide to cheat and go looking for an easy catch OR did you meet her and then decide to cheat?

I’m asking any wS here to try to answer this?

For me I wonder if was something about this unattractive plain Jane that triggered some sort of electricity? I’m so baffled.


Baffled?? You're assuming the wrong things. Look, my affair had nothing to do with my AP. It was about me filling a hole. That she played me as well to fill her own need is another matter.

You need to start asking the right questions.

My affair was never about the sex for me. It was about living a fantasy where I was clever, and smart, and had my shit together, and successful and give me all your attention to feed my need for that.

Don't focus on her or her looks. You need to understand what he was missing or going through.

I spent a lot of time trying to understand that. I am better for it today. Not everyone likes to turn over those rocks.

WH 53,my BW is 52
1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015
Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday
"To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day

posts: 675   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8766615
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