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Newest Member: PowerWithin

New Beginnings :
Is Marriage stupid?

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PSTI ( member #53103) posted at 4:03 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

You know why I now believe it's stupid? Because it relies on the idea of both people being equally committed and in love. Um, I don't really buy into that as reasonable or likely, especially long term. It seems to me like one person always has one or more of the following, even early on. And this quality eventually tanks the balance and thus the R.

One person in a marriage always has at least one or more of these creating an imbalance:

Has a bigger ego

Has a larger need for validation

Has lower self-esteem

Has more romantic options

Has more outside connections

Has more complaints about the M

Has more unrealistic notions about M

Has more of a need to be M

Defines themselves more by the M

Has more avoidance issues

Is a better compartmentalizer

Has less to lose in a D

Cares less

Has more interpersonal issues

Is a poor communicator

Has piss poor boundaries

Is naive

Is controlling

Is SELFISH

OIN- so are you saying that people are just piss poor partner selectors? Because I look at your list and I don't want to marry that

Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014.

Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 4 years) & DBF (dating 3 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

posts: 812   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2016
id 8733317
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:46 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Yeah no I won't be walking the aisle again. I was hesitant about M to begin with now it's just a hard no. Too expensive and legalities that drag on and on. Wasn't an easy process to get S/D. No reason to ever do it again.

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8217   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8733423
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deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 5:16 AM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

I respect the opinion of those that love marriage and I respect the opinion of those that do not love marriage. I do not love it. I’m in my 40’s and hear all the time that I should not say that at this stage, but I am happier with that particular freedom. I love the guy I am with, but I am not feeling the need to sign a piece of paper. We have our own version of commitment. It works for us. It also gives me peace of mind that I am in control of my own destiny.

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3187   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8733486
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:08 PM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

Just a comment on Common Law— there are only a handful of states in the US that recognize common law. So if you are not married in the other states, you do not get the protections that marriage can provide (re finances and such).
Sad that we have to worry about that. sad

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4714   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8733595
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 11:28 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

I mostly believe in love. I know there are happy marriages out there.

Me personally, I don't see the point of marriage and I don't think I'll ever do it again. I might feel differently if I was younger and looking to have kids but today? Hard pass. I can commit without a piece of paper. And I've given myself WAY more stability than I ever had when I was married.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16538   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8734026
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 12:45 AM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Yes it is, I would never do it again. I’m doing well in R, but feel sorry for people getting married or seeing someone propose in public.
And don’t get me started on my opinion of "soulmates"

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH 55 WW 48 M 31 years, 4 kids 2 grown 2 grandkids

posts: 1382   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8734147
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:54 AM on Thursday, May 19th, 2022

What ? You don’t believe in soulmates?

Lol

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1947   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8735957
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Trapped74 ( member #49696) posted at 10:46 PM on Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

^ laugh
^^ laugh laugh

Many DDays. Me (BW) 46 Him (WH) 49
Happily detached and compartmentalized.

posts: 215   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Oregon
id 8736929
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 7:51 AM on Wednesday, May 25th, 2022

And don’t get me started on my opinion of "soulmates"

I thought I was the only one who felt this way.

I want to slap people who say this or believe this.

My H never was or will be my soulmate. He doesn’t complete me. I never felt this way - not about anyone!

Glad I’m not alone here.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11901   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8736990
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